Defining Yourself

[Deva]

While reading the newspaper this morning I came across a curious statement made by a woman who was describing how it was for her turning 50 years of age. She said " As a single woman without children, work pretty much defines me, so I have always worked hard to develop good relationships at the office."

 

I guess it was interesting to me because I am also a single woman without children and almost 50 but my work has NEVER defined me. It is as if she believes she is speaking for all us single, childless women. Personally, I think defining yourself by your job is a dangerous thing. What if you are fired or laid off and can't find similar work? The more I thought about it, the more peculiar it seemed to me. I am all for developing good relationships at the office. I am all for trying to do the best job I can. I have struggled to do so for the last five years I have had my current job. In my case it was no easy task and continues to be a challenge with my two self-absorbed co-workers. Basically though, I have always been in rebellion against the 40 hour workweek and the crass and materialistic, puritan American society and work ethic.

 

Some people define themselves by how much stuff they have. A few years ago in the area where I live there was a murder-suicide where a man had a suicide pact with his wife. He was wealthy but had lost his position. He couldn't handle losing everything so he shot his teenage son, his wife, and then himself. Before doing this, he took the trouble to put yellow post- its with names written on them on various items in his home so he made sure deserving people got THE STUFF. This guy was a Catholic, church-going man.

 

Then in the same paper we have an article by millionaire Suze Orman (another rant in and of itself) on "Five signs its time to find a new job". If you happen not to like your job, she says under the topic "Your Bored "Rather than growing in your career, you will stagnate. You won't get the promotions and raises you want, and you won't acquire the skills to keep professionally growing. That will make you incredibly vulnerable. An unmotivated and lazy worker is the easiest to let go. Andif you're forced out of a job where you have underacheived, it's going to be that much harder to impress future employers"

 

Undeniably true -- given the immoral society the US is today. But I still say -- fuck you Suze Q!

 

So how do you all define yourselves?

[Kelli]

I have visited this very topic personally as of late. The way I define myself is changing. I now define myself by a lot of things -- a lot of areas of my life, not one single thing. I'm a woman, I'm a parent, I'm an ex-Christian theist pagan, I'm a paranormal investigator, I'm a broadcast engineer. I love my children, I love most people, I love my job, I love all things Celtic, Scottish and Irish. All those things together make up who I am.

[Amethyst]

I define myself by my hobbies and interests. I am a creative geek who loves science fiction and fantasy, as well as doing computer art and occasionally writing. I'm also semi-vegetarian now, I eat meat maybe once a week, if that. I am a contractor and I change jobs frequently due to the temporary nature of contract jobs. Whenever I try to define myself by my job, it backfires. I have learned that my job is not me, although I try to take jobs that appeal to me. Sometimes that is easier said than done. I currently have a data analyst job where I use Excel a lot. I like doing that, though. Computers are a big part of who I am.

[Kelli]

I'll add: I do tend to define myself in large part by my job. I think that's probably because I work in an industry that's different and can be a lot of fun, and I actually love it. And though I've changed employers a few times, what I do really hasn't changed at all in 16 years. At this point I am probably defining myself less and less by it though.

[R. S. Martin]

I'd need to know exactly what is meant by "How do you define yourself." There are a lot of things that play into my identity. I think self-image is part of it but not all of it.

 

Where I live, the people I am in contact with on a regular basis, the things I do--including work and hobbies, my strengths and limitations, my likes and dislikes--those are some of the things that make up my identity. All the people, places, and things of my past are also part of my identity because they went into making me who I am today.

[Deva]

Defining yourself- I would say is a combination of how you view yourself (self-esteem) and what you value. If you are starting to converse with a stranger -- how would you describe yourself? By your interests, occupation, and things that you like to do or value. I hold it to be rather dangerous if you only have one thing you identify with. Your whole life is your career, for example.

[GraphicsGuy]

Great subject, Deva. It's something I am really struggling with myself. I actually posted a blog on Facebook a while back basically asking the same thing. Unfortunately, most of my friends don't care about discussing such questions it seems...*sigh*

 

I honestly have a really difficult time defining myself right now. To say that I am "complex" is the most apt description that I can think of. I've gone through a LOT of shit in the last 10 months, plus I am finally "normalized" to the point where my real personality wasn't shoved down under the layers of depression and guilt and emotional turmoil.

 

I am still trying to discover what I want to do with my life, what I like to do, and what I'd like to be doing down the road.

 

I find my job kind of boring now. While I go by the username of "graphicsguy" I actually don't feel I relate to that anymore...on a small scale, yes, but overall, no.

 

As a sidenote, identifying with your job is something that I would say most Xian men do...maybe most people do in general, but it was especially noted in churches that men really identified with their jobs. That's why the fucking, "who am I in Jesus" crap started.

 

So, yeah, as for myself I say that I am complex and there's a lot more to me than anyone would ever imagine. I'm still trying to figure it all out.

[bellsybop]

This is an interesting topic. It's harder than it seems to describe oneself.

 

I guess I'd start by saying that I am no longer a dependent housewife and mother.

I'm proud of this.

I am now a woman who has independent thought who is a loving wife and mother.

 

I am devoted to the things I love. My family is first on that list.

My friends are next. Even people I don't know, I try to be good to.

 

I learn things the hard way. I don't go by advice because I think that it's best to

live and learn.

 

My interests are raising my children to be able to stand on their own two feet without

feeling like they need a man to help them or to do it for them.

 

And that's pretty much it.

[upstarter]

I could rant for hours on this subject... in fact I think I have. I have always been fascinated by this need people have to define themselves. I think I define myself in differently depending where I am, who I'm with and what aspect of my life is most pertinent at the time. I find it so narrowing to say, "I am XXX". I am a mother, an atheist, a wife. I'm non-monogamous, I'm a liberal social-democrat. I'm a humanist, an environmentalist. I'm a public speaker, a singer and an expert in the field of patient/family centered healthcare.

 

I can't even think of all the ways I could define myself depending on where I find myself. I cannot begin to limit myself by anyone of these definitions.

 

Heather

[Astreja]

Good topic! And something that occasionally prompts to stop and have a good, long think.

 

I don't tend to define myself in terms of things controlled by other people, so work isn't one of the things I consider to be "me".

 

However, an awful lot of what I am is defined by things that I like to do. Right now I'm sitting here with my bass guitar Spiny Norman in my lap... Music has been a major part of my life since I was six years old. So is writing. In more general terms, I'm an all-round Doer of Creative Stuff.

 

Another major factor is the way I look at Life, the Universe and Everything. Over the years, my sense of humour has grown in direct proportion to how absurd everything happens to look through my eyes.

 

And two things that seem fairly straightforward but which often lead to interesting complications:

 

- Fascinated by the concept of truth, and become absolutely livid if falsely accused of anything whatsoever.

 

- Unable to respect and follow authority for its own sake... Bureaucracy and I simply do not get along.

[godlessgrrl]

I am the one who is living me now. I am the space between my thoughts. I am the one who observes myself living.

 

Everything else is just a label.

[BlueGiant]

Well, I used to define myself by religion, or at least based a lot of my self identity on it. Suffice it to say, that there was a large amount of suckage when that changed (however, that is food for a much different topic).

 

Self-definition is more of a personal thing for me, how you see yourself, and how you separate you from not-you (even when you are the one doing something). I guess it is defining one's own identity. Personally, I can't define myself other that "I am me" at a very fundamental level. As a working definition, however, that leaves a lot to be desired. In a way, my definition changes depending upon my situation and who I am with. I guess these would be the labels, or how you define yourself to others or how you yourself are defined by others. In that case, I can be a lot of things at a lot of times, a geek, a lover, a programmer, a skiier, a chaote, a bisexual, etc. Sometimes I am defined as something I'm not by others. In a way, there are a lot of yous. The you you know, and the you as others see you.

 

My more flip answer to this question is that I don't.

[mwc]

I'm an amorphous blob.

 

mwc

[Grandpa Harley]

I'm trying to break away from being defined as 'Saving the world one fuck up at a time' I'm 43 soon... I'm burned out and I feel 103 a lot of the time... Saving the world is a young man's game... I don't see much worth saving a lot of the time any more...

[Max]

I'd say I do largely define myself in terms of my job. It's not so much my job, per se - I think of myself as mostly what I do and what I know, and a really large part of that is my job. It's a bad thing to have your job wholly define you, but not bad to have it be a part of the picture.

 

I few years back, I went through a weird career transition without actually changing employment. As a scientist, my field (hydrogeology) had become so constrained by short-sighted regulations that I felt there was no room for a true professional to practice in it. It was at about this time that the comany had a real need to more effectively use information technology, and I managed to slide over into that without having a huge career meltdown. It was emotionally tough though, because I had always been really fascinated by hydrogeology, and had worked hard to be really great at it. I felt like I'd been betrayed, but I wasn't sure by who.

 

I also look around me, and I so see people who don't have much to them other than work. (This condition seems to be particularly pervasive among engineers.) These are the guys who can't retire because they have nothing else to live for. I knew one fellow who worked into his 90's. His health was failing, he couldn't focus on anything, but his company kept him on because he'd been there so long they didn't have the heart to terminate him (thought they eventually did). Other guys I know have actually tried to retire, and failed - they just won't stop showing up for work. On the one hand this is sad, as these people appear to be missing so much of outside life. On the other hand, many of them truly value what they do and feel good about - and that is something to hang onto.

 

You spend half of your waking hours for a the biggest chunk of your life at work, so you may as well be doing something you can really throw yourself into. How sad it would be to lose all of that time because you didn't consider it to be a part of you.

 

So anyhow, I think is that it is good to take pride in what you do and make it a part of you. It just should not be all of you. Probably not even most of you.

[MathGeek]

I am a chronic fence-sitter trapped in the body of a believer.

 

I am a home owner, a pet owner, a husband, a writer, a thinker, a poet, a teacher, a mathematician, a reader, a movie fanatic...

 

Above all, I am human.

 

Need more be said.

[Mike D]

I honestly have a really difficult time defining myself right now.

You sound very similar to me right now GG.

 

I always defined myself by my job/career, so up until a couple years ago I would have called myself an IT professional (I was a consultant for a large tech co). But for the last 2 years of that I really started to hate my job. I felt I was no longer getting anywhere in my career and I was bored but stressed out at the same time, which is a very bad combination. So I quit my job to try something new.

 

I am going through sort of an identity crisis right now. I set out to be a stock trader for a living, since that's one of the few things I am really passionate about and I love doing. But I don't feel like I can call myself a trader until I have at least one year of making enough profit to support myself, to prove I can do it. Unfortunately I am not there yet, so right now I still consider this an experiment.

 

My biggest fear right now is failure. I have no Plan B if the trading doesn't work out, and I absolutely dread the thought of going back to a job that I was unhappy in. So even though I am doing something I like right now, I still get depressed easily and have quite a bit of stress because this my be very short lived. It's not a very good feeling when you look in your future and see a big fat blank sheet of nothing

 

Anyway I guess all I can say is I understand what you are going through... I am there too!

[woodsmoke]

Basically though, I have always been in rebellion against the 40 hour workweek and the crass and materialistic, puritan American society and work ethic.

 

It always makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know I'm not the only one.

 

As for the question, I suppose I usually identify myself by my hobbies and interests. Geek, gamer, intellectual, information junkie, history buff, all things Irish/Scottish/Celtic, naturalist, biker (more literal than conventional in this case), world travel, humanist, willfully stubborn independence, etc.

 

To be honest, I don't usually give much thought to how I identify myself. I'm me, I know who I am, and that's enough.

[GraphicsGuy]

It's not a very good feeling when you look in your future and see a big fat blank sheet of nothing

 

But that's all the future really is, man...a blank sheet with nothing written on it yet...don't let the "success" or the "failure" be what defines you. The fact that you went for it and continue to go for it is what matters I think.

[Deva]

I think that most people would identify themselves, beyond just their physical description, with their occupation and/or their interests. The answers so far have been very interesting. It is a most revealing question.

 

When asked who he was, the guru Nisargadatta Maharaj said "nothing perceivable or conceivable." I like his answer and have thought about it a lot.

[woodsmoke]

Well of course it's different when it's someone else asking who I am. Then the stock answer is "No one of consequence."

[hereticzero]

White

Anglo

Saxon

Pedestrian

Homeowner

Tax payer

Humanist

Satirist

[R. S. Martin]

Defining yourself- I would say is a combination of how you view yourself (self-esteem) and what you value. If you are starting to converse with a stranger -- how would you describe yourself? By your interests, occupation, and things that you like to do or value. I hold it to be rather dangerous if you only have one thing you identify with. Your whole life is your career, for example.

 

I read this thread now. Very interesting thread indeed. Figuring out who I am, and solidifying that person, has been my foremost self-appointed task most of my adult life. I conclude that I am a private person, that I am all of the things I mentioned above, and that it would take at least one book to say it all. When I introduce myself to a stranger I just mention the part that I think interests the stranger most--or that I want the stranger to know, depending on the situation.

 

Today I introduced myself to a person I had never seen before who was interested in some very unusual things about me--namely all my relatives, living and dead, who had any eye problems for which glasses did not correct the problem. You guessed it--an eye specialist.

[white_raven23]

I am not defineable.

 

The only label that will ever fit and will always fit is this:

 

Joy-Lyn

 

I will change, grow, develop, and evolve...but that label is the one that will never ever change. No matter what.

[Grandpa Harley]

This is all very Babylon 5 - Who are you?