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Guest kiwi888

Would You Want Your Experiences In A Book?

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Guest kiwi888

I contacted Ex-Christian (I think Dave) before posting this. I'm looking for people interested in answering a short questionnaire about experiences/feelings of the nonbeliever. Anonymous participants are welcome.

 

I stumbled upon this site a few months ago (and posted a few comments) while feeling desperate about being a nonbeliever. I honestly didn't realize I was atheist because I thought I had to be able to prove the nonexistence of god or something! I started to realize that if I didn't believe in one god, I wasn't gonna believe in any of the others! Also, I grew up being exposed only to the stereotypical atheist in the news....the angry atheist trying to sue god or remove the word god from human speech! :D I realize I have plenty reasons to be angry...like the loss of years of natural mental evolution due to religious 'retarding' (don't take that phrase negatively, as I have a son with many special needs). I was programmed to believe in the literal interpretation of the bible by a non-denominational church/family. I had questions that couldn't be answered. Eventually, they say don't question god ...or our pea pebble-sized brains can't understand it all or something lame. A few years ago, my son brought me back a coloring page from Sunday school (my mom had taken him). Since I tend to see things through child eyes, I was horrified to see a man on a horse with the captioning "Herod's soldiers kill the babies in Bethlehem". It was like I took the Red pill in the Matrix. I was like What the fuck! This is NOT harmless. I was raised in a home with no choices. I was raised to believe that if you DON'T believe, don't stop others from doing so. Funny that freedom from slavery and freedom for women were fought for in the US, but parents still don't allow personal religious choice in their homes. As a kid I'd hear verses like "as for me and my house, we will serve the lord" when protesting church attendance. I wanted to raise my kids to arrive at their own conclusions without my input. My son began to ask me (at this time, he was almost 5) if I believed in god. I would dodge the question by saying I can't prove he exists and can't prove he doesn't, and you have to make up your own mind about it. I also told him it's not something you have to decide as a little kid. After a few weeks of him asking me, I said, "I don't want you to believe something just because your mommy does, so that's why I don't say. Why do you keep asking me this?" He put his hand up to his mouth, though no one was around and whispered, "Because I don't believe in god....I believe people made him up". It was stunning to hear his simple reasoning, but it was also a relief. I felt we could just talk and be ourselves about it at home. He's now almost 8 and I have to remind him that people aren't always so nice once they find out about your beliefs, or lack thereof. He has had a few talks about it with teachers at school, mostly a teacher talking about god and the little guy asking, "what if we don't believe in god". And he's had some ultra-conservative teachers. I don't want him singled out or ostracized, but so far it's been okay.

 

I gather information for this book in secret. My story is long and complex like everyone else's, I guess. Long story short, I ended up back home with mum (religious) due to my ex-partner deciding it was easier to pick up a new gf in AA/NA than to kick the habits. Almost a year ago, his habits caused him to lose almost 2 limbs....honest, it wasn't me I didn't do it (due to privacy concerns, I'm willing to answer that one privately!). My son's medical issues have made it near impossible to work as a single mom (gotta love seeing those bumper stickers that say "I pay taxes so that those on welfare don't have to"). I haven't given up though. I have taken classes whenever possible. I can almost build a computer blindfolded. I've got a brain and want desperately to use it. But it's hard to get or keep employment when your son has had more surgeries and hospitalizations than years he's been alive. But I see my goals (I have many), and the path there is getting clearer. With the internet age, more work/business can be done at home. I consider being dumped and homeless (we had a nice home) the best thing that ever happened to me. It's just too bad that it took this long to contact my real self! That is just a little bit of my story. If I'm asking people to share, I want to do the same. It's not my goal or expectation to make a profit. It's just that I've seen so many books lately that debate the existence of god, show a person's deconversion, and the like. I really haven't seen the book I wanted to read, so I want to write it. I have seen that in some country's admitting you're a nonbeliever in your society's chosen god can get you killed. I never thought of the issue outside of America, so this work feels more urgent to me than before. It's an international topic. Some days I wish I could take the Blue Pill! I don't have a title, just a picture in my head that I need to draw for the cover. I know it Won't be a debate book, it won't be a collection of deconversion stories (though I find them fascinating-when you're first coming to terms with your nonbelief, you absorb these stories like a sponge). It won't be a boring read, that's for sure. I want it to show the many faces of nonbelievers, not just cultural, but if a believer picks it up, it will show that these people are all around them - teachers, neighbors, co-workers, family, friends - and many feel they must be in the closet still (like me, I can't handle being homeless twice in 18 months!). It won't be written with anger or the us vs. them mentality. I'm sure if I took every participant and included it in the book, it would be millions of pages long.

 

By the way, does anyone else get those odd feelings of being trapped in a movie like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" when looking around at people praising god (the guy in the tornado on CNN said god was holding his leg...saving his life. So what about those other 50 people's broken bodies? God always gets his 'out' here....it's in his Plan..we just don't understand his wondrous ways. mmmmkay). I've had a few witchhunt nightmares where the people have torch flames looking for nonbelievers (like in many Simpsons episodes). Or did the movie Frailty or Carrie scare you deeply, not for the horror aspects, but the religious ones?

 

I also wonder what Dr. Valerie Tarico (or any psych) would say about the effects of programming small children to believe in something they have no concept of. It's obviously damaging to the reasoning processes of the brain.

 

Oh, you can request a questionnaire by emailing me. It's a Word document. If you're not interested in it, just delete it. At this time, there is no deadline for submitting it. I think the harder part will be getting participants from other countries who feel threatened physically by not believing. I want to write so much more, but your eyes are probably already tired, and I'm limited on time. Thank you.

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Guest kiwi888

I should also add that I can convert the Questionnaire to Plain Text or .rtf format if needed. Thanks again.

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Guest librehombre
I contacted Ex-Christian (I think

 

 

ted on time. Thank you.

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Guest librehombre
"I also wonder what Dr. Valerie Tarico (or any psych) would say about the effects of programming small children to believe in something they have no concept of. It's obviously damaging to the reasoning processes of the brain."

 

I too am searching for psychiatric studies of children indoctrinated in religious at an early age. I am an independent freelance writer. My new blog is here:

 

End Hereditary Religions

 

Please share any information you find on this topic and I will do likewise.

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kiwi,

 

I'll be willing to look over your paperwork.

 

Have no problem answering questions, but may remain guarded in specifics.

 

sgtsnorxx@REMOVETHIShotmail.com

 

kevinL

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Guest kiwi888

Thank you. I studied the brain as a teen, reading anything interesting I could find. Mental programming is fascinating. I have to wonder how clever the scientologists must be to hook so many celebrities, especially if the alien stuff taught on "upper levels" is true.

 

 

"I also wonder what Dr. Valerie Tarico (or any psych) would say about the effects of programming small children to believe in something they have no concept of. It's obviously damaging to the reasoning processes of the brain."

 

I too am searching for psychiatric studies of children indoctrinated in religious at an early age. I am an independent freelance writer. My new blog is here:

 

End Hereditary Religions

 

Please share any information you find on this topic and I will do likewise.

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Guest kiwi888

I should also add that many people don't have WORD. I want to know what format you would like me to send. I have .rtf (rich text format) for WordPad, and I also have .txt (plain text) for Notepad. I'm not aware of what works in MAC computers as I haven't had the chance to play with one! Let me know what I can do for you Mac users.

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Well, I like to write personally. And I journal regularly. So if I wanted to write about my experiences, I'd write the book myself -- but thanks for offering. :)

 

I do think the world needs more books on deconversion experiences to help other people leave restrictive cults.

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kiwi, I'll pm you my email addy. It sounds like maybe your survey will try to help believers understand that we are not evil, baby eating scum, correct? I think a book like this really needs to be written. I wrote a long post in a forum a few months ago, as a response to countless christians saying I and others are atheists because we want to make our own rules, and we're too proud, and we just want to sin, etc, etc. After reading it, the person in particular that I responded to totally looked at me in a different light. I posted it to another person who was saying we are choosing to be deceived, and he simply ignored it, because he didn't like the truth of why we don't believe, and the fact that I wasn't the demonic character it was so easy to excuse me as.

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Guest kiwi888

Though I've thanked everyone, personally who've responded, I want to say it again. Thank you. If you've stumbled upon this months, even a year later, feel free to ask about it. I'm not going to rush this. I'm finding things I didn't expect, and I've only just begun. I found a comment section somewhere, and there were many people in Africa who consider themselves atheist/nonbeliever. I knew there were people all over the planet that didn't believe, but I didn't think they'd feel they could speak freely (post publicly on the net). Every single person's experience is interesting and unique to me.

 

Also, I've stated that I know I want this book to be written differently. It's not a debate book, de-conversion story collection, or like anything I've read. But my hope is to help human minds to take a step forward on all sides of this (by showing the human face living next door to believers). I want people to feel their numbers, feel they're not alone. But I also want there one day to be NO need for an atheist closet. I don't care if it happens long after I'm dead, but I want to die knowing I contributed to people standing up and just being themselves. This book isn't for the cuckoo-cuckoo folks that stop by dead set on condemning or rescuing us. Which always has me a ponderin'..... how do they get here? It seems you'd have to Google 'atheist' or 'ex christian' to get to this site. You would think they'd google 'jesus' if that's who they're devoted to so deeply. I mean I know how I got here!

 

I'm dedicating this book to the first atheist I reached out to. It was a Sunday where I just couldn't handle going through the motions and I just wanted my old house and my life and my Sundays to myself again. I saw a forum that Saturday night where people posted why they joined (churches), and I saw a post describing how I felt. It was years old, but I wrote the email address listed, and she responded by the morning. She's a beautiful expatriate living in New Zealand. We became fast friends (love writing and sci-fi). She had the balls to say something I've only said in my head......Even if a god did come down here, I would never bow down to it. I read the words over and over........I felt the same way. If a being came down and showed me all kinds of magic tricks (healing) that I couldn't figure out, I'm supposed to be so impressed that I give my life, my individuality, my reasoning up for IT? Really it's slavery of almost an entire planet! Why would ANY omnipotent, all-loving being feel the need to be worshipped?!! That kind of ego suggests extreme mental instability. I demand you serve me because I made you and I love you, but I'll kill you forever. If that doesn't set off your BS detector, I don't know what can! Oh, and why would any omnipotent god need a supernatural PENIS? I mean, why would it have ANY gender? Some Xtians get so mad if you suggest he's a she! What's he gonna do with that thang? :wicked:

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Send me one in .rtf or .doc format and I'll answer and send it back to you. Send a message to me through this site for my e-mail address.

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Guest kiwi888

Still giving out Questionnaires. I should be moving by the mid to late Summer. Finally! yay. Then I will be able to leave my pc on whenever I like, having the privacy needed. I will also be able to check into this site and my hotmail account daily (as opposed to when it's safe!). Feel free to pass on the Q or send people to my email address. Thanks again.

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Kiwi, you really like colorful and funny fonts, don't you? I think you should stick with Kiwi green. It somehow fits you... :grin:

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I would definitely be interested in doing something like that. I, myself, have thought about writing a book about my experiences, though it would be in the form of a fictional story where I can make all the analogies I want.

 

Whether I write the book or not, contributing to something like this would give some meaning to what I've gone through. My e-mail is in my profile.

 

Thanks for doing this!

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Guest kiwi888

Howdy folks! Just wanted to check in and let anyone interested know I'm going to be away from the pc for a few weeks. I'm taking my pet human in for the much dreaded scoliosis/spinal surgery in the morning. Actually he'll be having a 2 part surgery.........two surgeries 7 days apart. So it will take us a while to get back home and to normal. Though the bad things and side effects not common (very low percentage), paralysis, blindness, and constant nerve pain are things waaaayyyy in the back of my head most of the time. I don't tend to lash out at well wishers who say I'll be in their prayers. I appreciate their kind intentions and just leave it alone. But sometimes I do wanna say why would I even think of praying to a god who could have a 50/50 chance of saying NO, maybe just because whimsy is his motive for the day!?? He's not real wake up! But I just don't go there right now. Little energy and less sleep the last three days.

 

I'll be getting back to Questionnaires in due time. I know I owe one to misterspock1 (I'd much rather have people say "Live Long and Prosper" than offer prayers :)

 

And here's a little kiwi font for ya, HanSolo!

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Howdy folks! Just wanted to check in and let anyone interested know I'm going to be away from the pc for a few weeks. I'm taking my pet human in for the much dreaded scoliosis/spinal surgery in the morning. Actually he'll be having a 2 part surgery.........two surgeries 7 days apart. So it will take us a while to get back home and to normal. Though the bad things and side effects not common (very low percentage), paralysis, blindness, and constant nerve pain are things waaaayyyy in the back of my head most of the time. I don't tend to lash out at well wishers who say I'll be in their prayers. I appreciate their kind intentions and just leave it alone. But sometimes I do wanna say why would I even think of praying to a god who could have a 50/50 chance of saying NO, maybe just because whimsy is his motive for the day!?? He's not real wake up! But I just don't go there right now. Little energy and less sleep the last three days.

 

I'll be getting back to Questionnaires in due time. I know I owe one to misterspock1 (I'd much rather have people say "Live Long and Prosper" than offer prayers :)

 

And here's a little kiwi font for ya, HanSolo!

 

.... from the land of the Kiwi .... I hope all goes real well and BEST WISHES!

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I'm happy to do a questionaire. I did do one a couple of months ago though, which may have been yours. Realist here referred me to it.

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I'll do a questionnaire. . .I'm interested to see what you're asking. I agree with you that there seem to be more and more books arguing this topic, but they seem to either ignore reason completely and argue for faith, or they focus heavily on science and neglect much of the humanity involved in a "deconversion."

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Sure I'm intreasted. I'd thought about writing my own book about my experences in Xianity. Maybe one day

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Guest kiwi888

It's January 18, 2009. Yes, I'm still taking requests for surveys.

 

I'd like to first say thanks for keeping this topic Pinned. I've been away for a few months now. My son had the spinal surgeries and did well. But we were living at the hospital for a month. He developed a staph infection (not out of the ordinary with surgeries). I had to learn how to give him IV antibiotics after we were discharged. I had to do this for 6 weeks! I managed not to kill him with air bubbles or germs! :grin: Then I finally got a place of my own by October. So there was moving madness (I still have stuff here and there) and Christmas to get ready for and a new school for my other son. I'm just NOW establishing a routine........that still needs tweaking. Sometimes being a single mom feels like clapping with one hand! But one good parent is better than two nutjobs any day!

 

Add to this the fact that I built this PC back in 04 and the parts may start to bow out soon. So I need to back things up.....and hopefully, I'll have my parts from NewEgg by March so I can build. For you geeks, it won't have $600 video card for sure. I play 3rd person adventure when I can...which means the environments may be nicely detailed, but power won't be needed for quick movements. But if I want to, I'm sure it will be fine. I can't play fps due to severe motion sickness after only minutes of play. I read it has to do with how most male and female brains react to motion. Hence, the 3rd person choices.......plus I like a well woven tale (scarce in gaming).

 

I will be responding to requests that I got while gone over the next few days.

 

Can I say how nice it is to have the god/atheist conversations with my son and online without looking over my shoulder????????????? Almost as nice is streaming Netflix movies/documentaries/tvshows on my pc and watching in bed!!! I was so out of the loop that I didn't know LOST was still on air! lol.

 

Thank you again to all the participants and requests and well wishes. I've been plotting out my approach to this book as it won't be a typical book. As a sci fi, drama, psycho horror fan, it can't be anything typical. So by April, I hope to be able to hunker down and get this boat moving!

 

Tonia

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Guest kiwi888

Also, I'm afraid of missing requests. Some requests have been in this thread, some through the site, and some by email. The best way is to email me directly (since I can't do attachments at the site). Request surveys at infidel888[AT]hotmail[DOT]com I write it that way so the spambots don't find me. You know how to really type it!

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Guest kiwi888

Just an update.......... After a power supply failure, my pc suffered corrupted files. I managed to get to fix that (as well as battle it out with the Blue Screen of Death for once). So I will be back at it, sending out surveys. Feel free to tell me if I've missed you. Thank you.

 

Tonia

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