Chocolate On Shit.

[nightflight]

I once asked a friend if he’d like to go bowling with my family. He said, “No thanks. I hate bowling”.

 

I tried again. “It’s not just bowling - it’s neon bowling“.

 

My friend: “Mark, do you like eating shit?”.

 

“Uh, no”.

 

“If I put chocolate on some shit, do you think you’d eat it”?

 

I laughed and dropped the subject.

 

I’m weary of the chocolate-on-top-of-shit argument for god.

 

Even people with a belief in god see the ridiculousness of fundamentalist Christianity. A 6000 year old earth, hatred of homosexuals and the jealous, vengeful god of the Old Testament do not ring true in 21st century society.

 

Common sense leads moderate, liberal Christians to focus on the kinder, gentler aspects of the New Testament. Only problem is, in doing so, they conveniently leave out two important parts:

 

1. If you reject the god of the New Testament, not only are you denied entry to heaven, but you are also condemned to eternal hell. Note: Eternity is a helluva long time.

2. Jesus Christ endorsed the Old Testament. How do you resolve this little problem? If it was good enough for him, why isn’t it good enough for you?

 

So much for the kinder, gentler version of Christianity the moderates and liberals want us to believe their religion is about.

 

But, hold on - there’s more. The cherry-picking of moderates doesn’t end there. As each year passes, we get even kinder and gentler versions of Christianity where believers try to convince us that we are to pay attention to even less of the Bible (e.g. let’s try not to talk about eternal damnation part). Does Rick Warren ring a bell for anyone?

 

This, is what I will henceforth call the Chocolate on Top of Shit Argument for God - the idea that, if we ignore enough of the Bible, and put a coat of chocolate on top of the crap underneath, it will magically become palatable.

 

Attention new-age Christians: No matter how much chocolate you put on your religion, it’s still based on some pretty mean, awful torturous ideas. Ideas based on virtually no evidence. Ideas that don’t jive with hundreds of other religions (they don’t like the taste of your chocolate shit any more than you like the taste of theirs).

 

All this to say that I don’t care how much you tell me “Jesus loves you” - I just can’t buy it. I can’t buy a sales-pitch that has all these shortcomings and that ultimately ends with the threat of eternal damnation.

 

 

 

 

http://40yearoldatheist.com/the-chocolate-...or-god/2008/10/

[florduh]

Milk chocolate or dark chocolate? Because if it's dark chocolate . . .

[MathGeek]

Here's another name...Chocolate-Covered Cherry Argument...

 

Cherries grow on trees. Let Cherry Tree = Entire Bible and Let Cherry = Good Verses.

 

Normally, you pick these verses, but their contextual ambiguity (and some of these verses are damn ambiguous when taken out of the entire passage) leaves much to be wanted. Therefore, the verses is kind of sour, much like a cherry picked fresh off the tree. So, coat the sucker in chocolate and it tastes all the sweeter. Nobody ever thinks about the ugly tree when the colorful fruit is shown.

 

This may explain why certain verses like the sacrifice of Jephtath's daughter are conveniently left out of many sermons.

[upstarter]

I've been pondering this lately too. Perhaps because there seems to be quite a few people lately telling us that we just need to love Jesus and forget about the church stuff.

 

My question is... why? What do you get out of the loving Jesus part? If you have rejected church and church teachings and most of the bible... why do you bother with Jesus at all?

 

I live an abundant life, filled with joy and love. I have lived this life, free of Jesus, for more than 2 decades. I simply do not know how my life would be better if I believed in Jesus, chocolate or no chocolate. Can someone explain that to me?

 

Heather

[florduh]

I've been pondering this lately too. Perhaps because there seems to be quite a few people lately telling us that we just need to love Jesus and forget about the church stuff.

 

My question is... why? What do you get out of the loving Jesus part? If you have rejected church and church teachings and most of the bible... why do you bother with Jesus at all?

 

I live an abundant life, filled with joy and love. I have lived this life, free of Jesus, for more than 2 decades. I simply do not know how my life would be better if I believed in Jesus, chocolate or no chocolate. Can someone explain that to me?

 

Heather

 

What? You don't have a "Jesus-shaped hole?" (see your avatar!)

 

But seriously, I see the same move away from the church and Bible to a "Jesus religion", as opposed to Christianity. I think as we evolve and become smarter, with information and alternatives at our fingertips, many people see the inconsistencies of Christianity. Rather than coming to the logical conclusion, many will desperately seek some way, any way, to somehow salvage the old religion - even if they have to throw it out.

 

All christian churches and all their various doctrines arise from one single source - the Bible. If you see the Bible as no longer trustworthy but you still have an emotional need to fill - then just make something up and call it Jesus!

[Vomit Comet]

Loving Jesus?

 

Maybe if he was a she. And sexy.

 

And still alive.

 

And willing to come to my house.

 

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

Loving Jesus?

 

Maybe if he was a she. And sexy.

 

And still alive.

 

And willing to come to my house.

 

 

lol

[willybilly30]

yea you can put all the chocalate on it and it's still bullshit

 

This kind of Christianity annoys me as much as the original one.

 

I think it's a trick to get you in the church door then they slam you in church with the hellfire original bullshit

[Deva]

I think it's a trick to get you in the church door then they slam you in church with the hellfire original bullshit

 

LOL Willy

 

That's right, the "original" bullshit as opposed to the made-up, chocolate covered bullshit.

[Ouroboros]

The Chocolate Covered Bullshit has risen! It was dead, but now it's alive.

 

The monkeys will be happy to throw it around.

[willybilly30]

I think it's a trick to get you in the church door then they slam you in church with the hellfire original bullshit

 

LOL Willy

 

That's right, the "original" bullshit as opposed to the made-up, chocolate covered bullshit.

 

 

I just thought of a joke.

 

Whether original or chocolate it's full of nuts lol

[Deva]

I think it's a trick to get you in the church door then they slam you in church with the hellfire original bullshit

 

LOL Willy

 

That's right, the "original" bullshit as opposed to the made-up, chocolate covered bullshit.

 

 

I just thought of a joke.

 

Whether original or chocolate it's full of nuts lol

 

Willy, you are killing me over here!!

[Big.blue.nation]

I actually had a mini-debate about this same subject last night with my wife. I even pointed out these particular verses to provoke some objective thought on what isn't taught in sunday school about the judeo-christian god:

 

Luk 19:27 But those who are my enemies, who did not desire that I should reign over them, bring them here and slay them before me.

 

Num 31:18 But all the female children that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

 

Rev 2:23 And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.

 

She just said, exactly as you eluded too..."well, there's a lot of good about god that i choose to focus on instead". She's still rationalizing away things, but I think the undeniable truth will convince her eventually. She certainly didn't argue against what those verses said and that's a start.

 

Anyway, I just can't ignore that stuff, even if I try. I can't get out of my mind images of genocide, trashing women, slavery and everlasting torment towards his own creation.

 

HOW CAN ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WORSHIP THE GOD PORTRAYED IN THE BIBLE WITH A SINCERE HEART AFTER THEY REALIZE THAT SAME GOD WILL NOT HESITATE TO BLOT YOUR NAME OUT OF THE BOOK OF LIFE, SAY DEPART FROM ME AND CAST YOU INTO EVERLASTING FIRE AND TORMENT AND THROW YOU AWAY LIKE A BAD HABIT.

 

Ok, I feel better now...thanks for the rant.

[ShackledNoMore]

Another wise person once said: "You can't polish a turd."

[Crazycatlady]

I really, really like the Chocolate-Covered Cherry Argument.

 

This kind of Christianity annoys me much more than the original because it is even more pretentious.

[Vigile]

I think there is a good argument that liberal xianity is a necessary evolutionary process for a religious society to go through. As society evolves then so must their religion. That said, I see no reason to sell the concept here on this website. Most of us here don't want religion, especially any form of the xian religion. Personally Jesus is a symbol I have nothing but loathing for. If others see him differently that's fine but I'm never going to accept a kinder and gentler Jesus. The symbol caused me nothing but misery in my life and if I have to be inspired by an icon it will be someone much more thoughtful and profound than that asshole.

[Big.blue.nation]

...but what if someone gets reincarnated as a DUNG BEETLE.

[SWIM]

...but what if someone gets reincarnated as a DUNG BEETLE.

 

If you enjoyed eating shit in this life, that would sorta be like going to heaven eh?

 

hehe

[Guest QuidEstCaritas?]

I think Martin Luther had it pat covering the dung with powder and then drawing the appropriate analogy within the confines of the dogma of his day.

 

Moral of the story:

 

If your shit stinks, cover it up for "Jesus".

 

Phrased differently (theologically):

 

He's already covered it up for you.

[Vomit Comet]

I think there is a good argument that liberal xianity is a necessary evolutionary process for a religious society to go through. As society evolves then so must their religion.

 

Liberal Christianity has been on the ropes since the 1970s; since then, their numbers declined (and still are), while the fundies numbers skyrocketed now (and have now flattened though, and may start to decline). They tried to accommodate cultural change and it backfired. The fundies have much more sway than they do, I'm afraid.

 

Very good book on this: "The Churching of America" by Stark & Finke.

[Vigile]

I think there is a good argument that liberal xianity is a necessary evolutionary process for a religious society to go through. As society evolves then so must their religion.

 

Liberal Christianity has been on the ropes since the 1970s; since then, their numbers declined (and still are), while the fundies numbers skyrocketed now (and have now flattened though, and may start to decline). They tried to accommodate cultural change and it backfired. The fundies have much more sway than they do, I'm afraid.

 

Very good book on this: "The Churching of America" by Stark & Finke.

 

Do you think that's a backfire of the liberal version or just a reflection on American culture though? In Europe there is very little fundamentalism left. What religion does exist is of the more liberal brand.

[florduh]

Do you think that's a backfire of the liberal version or just a reflection on American culture though?

 

In my opinion it's the American culture. After all, we are ruled by Divine Right. I think when seriously religious people here see their society suffering from high crime rates, teen suicide, promiscuous behavior, and the attempts to remove God from government, they have an extreme reaction. We advertise ourselves as a Christian nation and need to show the world we're serious.

 

Liberal Christianity may offer some feeling of comfort and security, but fundamentalism offers the perception of power. Most Americans feel powerless.

[Robbobrob]

On the radio the other day there was a Christian caller who said she had taken the time to read the Koran a few times through and found it completely Un-American because of all the stoning and martial law requirements in it.

 

Much to the hosts credit he pointed out to her that the Bible prescribes stoning homosexuals.

 

That shut her right up and the phone call ended.

[Guest kcdad]

I once asked a friend if he’d like to go bowling with my family. He said, “No thanks. I hate bowling”.

 

I tried again. “It’s not just bowling - it’s neon bowling“.

 

My friend: “Mark, do you like eating shit?”.

 

“Uh, no”.

 

“If I put chocolate on some shit, do you think you’d eat it”?

 

I laughed and dropped the subject.

 

I’m weary of the chocolate-on-top-of-shit argument for god.

 

Even people with a belief in god see the ridiculousness of fundamentalist Christianity. A 6000 year old earth, hatred of homosexuals and the jealous, vengeful god of the Old Testament do not ring true in 21st century society.

 

Common sense leads moderate, liberal Christians to focus on the kinder, gentler aspects of the New Testament. Only problem is, in doing so, they conveniently leave out two important parts:

 

1. If you reject the god of the New Testament, not only are you denied entry to heaven, but you are also condemned to eternal hell. Note: Eternity is a helluva long time.

2. Jesus Christ endorsed the Old Testament. How do you resolve this little problem? If it was good enough for him, why isn’t it good enough for you?

 

So much for the kinder, gentler version of Christianity the moderates and liberals want us to believe their religion is about.

 

But, hold on - there’s more. The cherry-picking of moderates doesn’t end there. As each year passes, we get even kinder and gentler versions of Christianity where believers try to convince us that we are to pay attention to even less of the Bible (e.g. let’s try not to talk about eternal damnation part). Does Rick Warren ring a bell for anyone?

 

This, is what I will henceforth call the Chocolate on Top of Shit Argument for God - the idea that, if we ignore enough of the Bible, and put a coat of chocolate on top of the crap underneath, it will magically become palatable.

 

Attention new-age Christians: No matter how much chocolate you put on your religion, it’s still based on some pretty mean, awful torturous ideas. Ideas based on virtually no evidence. Ideas that don’t jive with hundreds of other religions (they don’t like the taste of your chocolate shit any more than you like the taste of theirs).

 

All this to say that I don’t care how much you tell me “Jesus loves you” - I just can’t buy it. I can’t buy a sales-pitch that has all these shortcomings and that ultimately ends with the threat of eternal damnation.

 

 

 

 

http://40yearoldatheist.com/the-chocolate-...or-god/2008/10/

 

Maybe the real problem isn't that Christianity is chocolate on the shit, but that it is the shit on the chocolate.

[white_raven23]

Another wise person once said: "You can't polish a turd."

 

But you can!

 

The guys on Mythbusters did it!

 

http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/mythbuster...ing-a-turd.html