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Xtian Funny And Stupid Phrases / Cliches...


Guest mrmatt
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When you were christian, what phrases and cliches which the fundies uttered constantly do you find most funny and annoying now when you hear them?

 

My most aggrivating ones were things like: "God says it, I believe it, that settles it" or ''let go and let god'' or ''can i get an amen!'' or '"by his stripes.."'

 

Add your quotes here so we can laugh at the stupid ways in which we used to talk, and sadly, we may know some people that still do - I know a few who still talk like this to me now.

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If I ever was rebellious, my mother had this phrase: "We are going to have a 'Come to Jesus''. That is not a very pleasant thing to say since Jeebus ordered all his enemies brought to him to be slaughtered, but then again, my mother was never very bible literate.

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God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

 

 

*barf*

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Guest pineapple

Substituting the word "coincidence" with the phrase "God thing".

 

Example: It was such a God thing that I saw my old childhood friend at the post office yesterday.

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When everything in your life is turning to crap...don't worry about it, praise the lord anyway in all circumstances!

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There but for the grace of god go I.

 

My mom always says this in such a serious way, as though it were divinely inspired and completely original each time.

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"Jesus wants to love on you!"

This phrase got used in every church I ever attended and it still makes no damn sense.

 

"Unbelievers have a heart condition."

o rly? Let's get a cardiologist in here, then.

 

"You need to stop questioning and let god be god!"

How exactly am I preventing an all-powerful being from existing?

 

etc, etc...

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"Let's have a word of prayer" inevitably many words of prayer

 

"traveling mercies" as in "Oh Lord, grant Joe traveling mercies on his trip to Houston"

 

"just" this is inserted between lines of prayer. As in "Oh Lord, just fill us with your presence, and just draw us to your feet where we can just worship your majesty"

 

"a peace" as in, "The Lord gave me a peace about it", not sure why "a" is added

 

"bless" a generic word meaning "do good stuff to ____"

 

"come to know" as in "Oh Lord let Fred come to know you" or "Let us come to know the wonder of your love"

 

"blessed" as in "I was so blessed to hear Mildred teach this morning"

 

"spoke" or "speaks" as in "that verse really speaks to my heart"

 

"bear witness" as in "That prophecy really bore witness to my spirit" (meaning I believed that what you said really came from God)

 

"Touch not the Lord's anointed!" ripped from its context in the psalms, it is used by hack preachers to set themselves above being questioned about their stupid rules and exhortations. My reply as a believer was always "Ill do more than touch you you lying twit! You think you're the anointed one of God? That's Jesus' job."

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"Though shalt not tempt" end all beat all verse to lean on to avoid having to provide any sort of verifiable claim.

 

"The lord spoke to me and *insert personal opinion here*" MY OPINION IS TRUE BECAUSE IT CAME FROM GAWD AND IF YOU DISAGREE YOU BE EVIL !

 

"The Lord works in mysterious ways" end all beat all cop out to avoid any kind of rational thinking whatsoever.

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"If we keep our minds too open, our brains will fall out." What a lovely rationalization for not paying attention!

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"I can see the light"

 

"Have you heard the word of gawd?"

 

"Have you been saved?"

 

These are just vague memories of things I heard from my childhood.

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"God has laid this on my heart..."

 

"I just want to share this with you". - not specifically xian, but I still hate it. If you hate my guts, just say so plainly.

 

"God loves you and I love you too" -- barf, get ready--

 

 

In all cases, just step back and brace yourself because somebody is getting ready to unload both barrels on you. Christians can store up hostility like nothing I have ever seen. Hell, it could have been something you did last week. They've taken all that time to stew in it and now they are going to "share it with you".

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  • Super Moderator

I had the "spirit of rebelliousness" among other things.

 

I "rejoiced" to hear "He is risen" so I could reply, "He is risen indeed!"

 

Some folks suffered the "demon of alcoholism" while others got "delivered."

 

"Witnessing" with our "testimonies" and spouting the "sinner's prayer" was important.

 

We did it all for a "lost and dying world."

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Lol, some of these are funny as hell (no pun intended)

 

How about ..." Matt, just let go and let God" - stop thinking basically and shut down the brain

 

or, in open prayer " more of you God" - I wonder if I was the only one secretly saying "Less of you"....

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One that I heard as a Catholic kid quite a bit was ---------"The Lord will never give anyone a bigger burden than they can shoulder".

 

Which of course is complete drivel. <_< In reality it translates into "Shit happens dude" No matter what the outcome of any situation, it's always "God's will". Or "God has a plan for you, and your being sick with alzheimers is part of it".

 

 

I love the one where they let God off the hook by saying someone with Down's Syndrome or a mental disorder was put here to "develop compassion in others".

 

Isn't Christo-babble fun? You could lay out a boss game of charades playing with this stuff.

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