Super Moderator florduh Posted February 23, 2009 Super Moderator Share Posted February 23, 2009 "Jesus, Mary and Joseph hanging off the cross!" Oh wait, that was Kathy Griffin. Glory! Praise the Lord!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I "rejoiced" to hear "He is risen" so I could reply, "He is risen indeed!" I totally forgot about that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lenbitme Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Substituting the word "coincidence" with the phrase "God thing". Example: It was such a God thing that I saw my old childhood friend at the post office yesterday. Bwahahahahhaaaa!! I hear that all the time! ANNOYS THE FUCK OUT OF ME!! I get so sick of people going, "I dropped my fork and it miraculously didn't hit my foot and cause severe injury!" Puh-leeze. There are no words for my disgust at people who say things like that, and say them ALOUD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Along the lines of "it's a God thing" is "Pot faith" cuz see, you can't have luck (as in pot luck), no that would be teh ebil. I also, to this day LOVE "I'll pray for you" because they can say it like a Californian says "Have a nice day". It can actaully mena they will pray for you, it can mean nice things, like "I'm concerned, but don't know what to do" but it can also be this HUGE dis. Oh, you think you're gay :gasp, shudder: I'll pray for you. They can say it and really mean, I think you suck and I hate you. It can denote both pity. "I'll pray for you" is probably the biggest double speak ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 "It's not a religion, it's a relationship!", usually spouted out when the xtian doesn't know what they're talking about and thinks their religion should be given special treatment over everybody else, not to mention I don't get where they get this idea from in the bible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ramos28 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 wow what a piece of crap! can't believe i used some of them!!! SHIT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willybilly30 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 "It's just one of the mysteries of god"- This is what my mom says if you ask her a question about the bible or god she don't know the answer too. "I didn't come here just to visit god sent me here to give you a message" and "Jesus loves you and so do I"- If you hear these lines your fixing to be raped with christianity. "The bible says so"- another thing Christians use to answer questions they don't know the answer too. "gods gotta plan for you"- This what your told when the healing prayers don't work. "no one can do you like Jesus!" or " He touched me"- Does this make anyone think of sex or is it just that i'm a pervert who thinks this way? "god is watching you" - I once heard this on a topic on masturbation...Yea, he's probally watching and wacking off too and since no one can do me like jesus maybe he should join in it might be fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PandaPirate Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I hated the saying, "We are fearfully and wonderfully made." Which I did not understand because at the time I thought God was supposed to be all loving. I assumed he made us out of love, not fear. Fear shouldn't even be part of the language god used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 "no one can do you like Jesus!" or " He touched me"- Does this make anyone think of sex or is it just that i'm a pervert who thinks this way?I thought the same thing when you posted that, especially the one about doing you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L2K Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 "Thank You, God, for sending your son to die for our Sins" Yes, thank you, God, for sending a human to die in a terrible way and help promote violence in younger kids nowadays. Thank you so much, you are such a wonderful contribution to this world and the senseless violence it provides us with. "Thank you, Lord, for allowing [person's name] pass away and join you so we could join together to honor her death" Thank you so much for killing off someone, so people can come to a funeral, listen to a preacher rant about you alot more than the person whom died, and let everyone cry for you taking their friend away from them "God loves you" Yeah, a couple prostitutes also said they love me, but am I going to automatically believe them? Not a chance "God, thank you for providing us with food tonight" Yes, thank you for giving us food, despite the fact that if my family didn't have jobs and money, it wouldn't be anywhere near us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouchimoo Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 For my Confirmation, *YAY, how fun it was being confirmed when you didn't believe in the crap. The people in charge kept saying things like "You know, I was rebellious like you once, so I stopped believing in god. But I got older and I came back to him and so will you." So yeah, the most annoying/ funny is "You'll come back to him." Actually, it made me paranoid because I started to think that once people got older, thinking started to become too much work so they stopped thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeradikle Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Moar? "There's only twelve inches between Heaven and Hell" My pastor was fond of this one. It's in reference to the distance between the brain and the heart, because any intellectual arguments for or against Christianity are of no importance--all that matters is that j00 HAZ TEH JEEBUS IN UR HART!!1! "God speaks in a still, small voice" Well, get the fucker a megaphone! "Unbelievers are dead in sin" A true gem from the Calvinists. You see, we heathens only appear to be human. In reality, we are soulless flesh-and-blood robots controlled by sin until Jeebus regenerates us. This is also why it was OK for heretics and unbelievers to be burnt at the stake back in Ye Olden Days. "It's one of those difficult mysteries of God" This is what one of the clergy answered me when I asked him if he thought I would go to hell for unbelief. Uh, sir, the church creeds that you swore allegiance to unambiguously say that someone who falls away from the faith, i.e. myself, is going to hell beyond a shadow of a doubt. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you only get all gung-ho with the hellfire as long as it's against people you don't personally know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathlene Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 "God speaks in a still, small voice"Well, get the fucker a megaphone! Oh my goodness this is just hilarious! I nearly spilt my drink over the keyboard. What a true statement though if ever there was one. Why doesnt God just say the obvious in plain daylight so we can all hear and see it?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaggieMae Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Substituting the word "coincidence" with the phrase "God thing". Example: It was such a God thing that I saw my old childhood friend at the post office yesterday. I hate this one! My family uses that all the time. When they were talking about how my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, they called it a "god thing" that the doctors noticed it. Actually guys, the doctors are TRAINED to look for that sort of thing. It's kind of their JOB! Another one I hate: the overuse of "my heart." ie. "God laid this on my heart," "that sermon really touched my heart," etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddinhead Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 My absolute most hated is "out of context!" every time god appears to be an immoral tyrant. The best response is to say "ok, please put that IN context for me then. I'd love to see how a bear tearing up 42 young lads is moral in a certain context." A big pet peeve when I was a Christian too, was prayer speak. For some reason, they can't stop using the word "just" when the pray. Not during talking. no. Just prayer, as in "Dear lord, we'd JUST like to thank you today Lord. JUST for blessing us and JUST for being an awesome god. And we JUST ask you lord to JUST..." Stop with the just already! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmaRose Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I hate when people pray and they say Lord every two words. When I'm talking to a friend I don't say "Thank you, Sarah, for that present, and Sarah, that was just so kind of you, so Sarah, I'm really glad we're friends, Sarah." It also draggggggggggggggsssssssssssss the prayers on and on. I hate when people say "I really feel the Lord is leading me to......" because no one is fucking leading you-- its jsut yourself. Ugg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsy79 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 "J.C. is in the house today -- can't you feel him?" The youth leader at my old church used to say this all the time. How annoying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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