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I Told My Parents....bad Idea


Anna
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My parents sat me down and forced me to read the bible as they had been doing for a while and they started talking to me about how I shouldnt be having non-christians as close freinds or freinds at all. After a while I couldnt take it so I asked them if they wanted me to be honest with them. they said yes so I just said it. I dont belive in god. My dad went into shock for the next few days and I had to tell him I would make an effort to go the things at my church more which made him less depressed.

 

ok so now they dont trust me and they think the only reason for my ahem 'lack of faith' is because I want to bad things and I have justified them by seeking out things outside of god.

For some reason now my father talks to me like im an adult now. Perhaps theres a way I can show him im not a fool for not beliving in god now that I can talk to him.

any advice?

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Morontheists in that mode, I'm afraid, are unpredictable :(

 

I think as long as it's just severe disagreement you will just have to sit through it... if on the other hand they start to... ahem... take measures (like locking you in for long timespans or such) it may well be time to contact the authorities - because then, religious or not, they start to become abusive.

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I'm sorry...my husband said that same stupid line on me, that I just wanted an excuse to sin. I wanted to punch him in the head. That was brave of you though. I'm sure they'll try to "bring you back" but just respectfully hold your ground. You've gotta be true to yourself. You always have the folks on this site for support. Hang in there!

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If you can talk to them about why you don't believe it may help them realize that it's not just an excuse to do bad things. Also make it clear that you're just the same person you were before, that you're not falling into a life of depravity just because you've stopped believing in god. Good luck and remember this is not a mistake. You can still make the best of this situation and it's always better to have things out in the open.

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The sorry part is that these parents actually believe that Anna will have something bad befall her simply because she doesn't believe something. :Doh:

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Please don't take this as condescension- but how old are you? Reason I ask is that if you're still dependent on the parents and still living under their roof, then this really complicates the situation. It's neither here nor there at this point, but I rarely recommend that dependent minors 'come out' to their parents- it's an individual choice of course, but it can cause real problems (depending largely on the parents' temperament).

 

Some parents WILL control to the extent that they CAN... and it's funny how much more accepting people can be when they realize that they CAN'T force you to go to church/play the part, etc. Coming out as an adult is so much easier.

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My parents sat me down and forced me to read the bible as they had been doing for a while and they started talking to me about how I shouldnt be having non-christians as close freinds or freinds at all. After a while I couldnt take it so I asked them if they wanted me to be honest with them. they said yes so I just said it. I dont belive in god. My dad went into shock for the next few days and I had to tell him I would make an effort to go the things at my church more which made him less depressed.

 

ok so now they dont trust me and they think the only reason for my ahem 'lack of faith' is because I want to bad things and I have justified them by seeking out things outside of god.

For some reason now my father talks to me like im an adult now. Perhaps theres a way I can show him im not a fool for not beliving in god now that I can talk to him.

any advice?

 

 

Typical bullshit answer. Ask your parents why people in stricter religions don't believe in their god. Ask them why Atheist who live stricter lives than Christians don't believe in their god. There's plenty of Christians who do all sorts of sin and it doesn't stop them from being Christian. Ask them why someone who believed they would be tortured for eternity and miss out on heaven would do that to themselves for a temporary pleasure. This copout reasoning makes no sense. They are desperate to find a reason other than their religion's idiocy and lack of proof, so they will resort to any dumb excuse they can find. If you kill this excuse, they will then tell you that you don't want to humble yourself and don't want to be told want to do. When you tell them that you accept human authority figures and don't pretend they exist because you don't want to obey them, they will grasp at another excuse and another. They will say that you haven't searched hard enough to understand their religion and find the answers, even though they don't spend their lives searching to find the truth in other religions. I can give you all sorts of counter-arguments to crush theirs; I've heard them all, but in the end, they will never accept that you just can't find the sense in their religion and you genuinely can't believe in it.

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I'm sorry...my husband said that same stupid line on me, that I just wanted an excuse to sin. I wanted to punch him in the head.

 

Ironic.

 

***

 

Anna, it sounds like you're still a minor. This is always my advice to people in your situation, and although I wasn't as brave as you to come out to my parents while I was still living with them, this did get me out of having to go to youth group. Especially if you go to Sunday night and/or Wednesday night church, ask to replace church and Christian activities with a non-religious charitable volunteer weekly or bi-weekly activity.

 

This accomplishes several things at once. You show your parents that you are still a moral, trustworthy person capable of making moral, trustworthy friends (and your actions really can speak louder than words). You become part of a new group, and while those people may not "replace" your old Christian friends, you're out actively doing something with others instead of withdrawing. And you get to replace something that probably makes you uncomfortable with something where you're starting fresh and where your parents can't pressure you, with the added bonus that your parents probably can't really complain that you're doing volunteer work.

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Morontheists in that mode, I'm afraid, are unpredictable :(

 

I think as long as it's just severe disagreement you will just have to sit through it... if on the other hand they start to... ahem... take measures (like locking you in for long timespans or such) it may well be time to contact the authorities - because then, religious or not, they start to become abusive.

I think I can sit though it I can take it. I think I dont think they would actually do that. they only just forbid me to go places and stop me talking with certain people.

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I'm sorry...my husband said that same stupid line on me, that I just wanted an excuse to sin. I wanted to punch him in the head. That was brave of you though. I'm sure they'll try to "bring you back" but just respectfully hold your ground. You've gotta be true to yourself. You always have the folks on this site for support. Hang in there!

yeah they definitly want me to go back to christianity but id have to ignore so many things. lol my parents think that without god there is no eternal consequence to our actions so bad things could be justified because there would be not reason not to do them or somthing. Somthing like it wouldnt matter if you murderd lotsa people to an athiest because theres no reason for morals. It pisses me off.

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If you can talk to them about why you don't believe it may help them realize that it's not just an excuse to do bad things. Also make it clear that you're just the same person you were before, that you're not falling into a life of depravity just because you've stopped believing in god. Good luck and remember this is not a mistake. You can still make the best of this situation and it's always better to have things out in the open.

thanks that sounds like a good idea :). It does feel better now that ive told them.

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Please don't take this as condescension- but how old are you? Reason I ask is that if you're still dependent on the parents and still living under their roof, then this really complicates the situation. It's neither here nor there at this point, but I rarely recommend that dependent minors 'come out' to their parents- it's an individual choice of course, but it can cause real problems (depending largely on the parents' temperament).

 

Some parents WILL control to the extent that they CAN... and it's funny how much more accepting people can be when they realize that they CAN'T force you to go to church/play the part, etc. Coming out as an adult is so much easier.

im 16. I dont think I could have held onto this for the time it would take for them to recognise me as an adult anyway. well its done now anyway I guess im going to have to live with it although everything seems normal as before besides the constant convos with my dad about how im going to hell XD.

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My parents sat me down and forced me to read the bible as they had been doing for a while and they started talking to me about how I shouldnt be having non-christians as close freinds or freinds at all. After a while I couldnt take it so I asked them if they wanted me to be honest with them. they said yes so I just said it. I dont belive in god. My dad went into shock for the next few days and I had to tell him I would make an effort to go the things at my church more which made him less depressed.

 

ok so now they dont trust me and they think the only reason for my ahem 'lack of faith' is because I want to bad things and I have justified them by seeking out things outside of god.

For some reason now my father talks to me like im an adult now. Perhaps theres a way I can show him im not a fool for not beliving in god now that I can talk to him.

any advice?

 

 

Typical bullshit answer. Ask your parents why people in stricter religions don't believe in their god. Ask them why Atheist who live stricter lives than Christians don't believe in their god. There's plenty of Christians who do all sorts of sin and it doesn't stop them from being Christian. Ask them why someone who believed they would be tortured for eternity and miss out on heaven would do that to themselves for a temporary pleasure. This copout reasoning makes no sense. They are desperate to find a reason other than their religion's idiocy and lack of proof, so they will resort to any dumb excuse they can find. If you kill this excuse, they will then tell you that you don't want to humble yourself and don't want to be told want to do. When you tell them that you accept human authority figures and don't pretend they exist because you don't want to obey them, they will grasp at another excuse and another. They will say that you haven't searched hard enough to understand their religion and find the answers, even though they don't spend their lives searching to find the truth in other religions. I can give you all sorts of counter-arguments to crush theirs; I've heard them all, but in the end, they will never accept that you just can't find the sense in their religion and you genuinely can't believe in it.

you sound like you would be very good at debating christians. I wish I knew what to say at the right time like that although its hard not to find holes in what they belive.

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I'm sorry...my husband said that same stupid line on me, that I just wanted an excuse to sin. I wanted to punch him in the head.

 

Ironic.

 

***

 

Anna, it sounds like you're still a minor. This is always my advice to people in your situation, and although I wasn't as brave as you to come out to my parents while I was still living with them, this did get me out of having to go to youth group. Especially if you go to Sunday night and/or Wednesday night church, ask to replace church and Christian activities with a non-religious charitable volunteer weekly or bi-weekly activity.

 

This accomplishes several things at once. You show your parents that you are still a moral, trustworthy person capable of making moral, trustworthy friends (and your actions really can speak louder than words). You become part of a new group, and while those people may not "replace" your old Christian friends, you're out actively doing something with others instead of withdrawing. And you get to replace something that probably makes you uncomfortable with something where you're starting fresh and where your parents can't pressure you, with the added bonus that your parents probably can't really complain that you're doing volunteer work.

wow that sounds good :D might try that although I doubt it will get me out of church altogether as they are really pushing me to go now they know.

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Read the Bible then. It was instrumental into me leaving the faith. Lots of resources out there to show you the contradictions, evils, ect in the Bible. You can use these parts of the Bible to grill your parents. They want you to read it, show them what reading it really means. They will likely be shocked by what is actually in there.

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This is why I don't advocate for minors coming out to their parents until they move out of the house, or are at least old enough to live on their own and get a job.

 

I agree with the volunteering - it will help you make new friends, and it will show your parents that you are still a good person. Also, when you're a bit older, the people you meet volunteering might help you get paying jobs.

 

I think reading the Bible is a good idea - this way, you can come up with your own logical arguments. Many people here left the religion because they actually read the Bible in great detail. Also knowing more about it than your parents may prove useful down the road.

 

Also - be careful of the internet sites you visit while at home, since you are still under your parents' roof and they can cut off your access if they wish. This has happened to many a teenager.

 

I would also advise besides volunteering, finding some sort of creative hobby if you don't have one already. Creativity is good for stress relief. So is exercise.

 

Generally play it safe, and follow their rules until you can move out.

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Guest Marty
I'm sorry...my husband said that same stupid line on me, that I just wanted an excuse to sin. I wanted to punch him in the head. That was brave of you though. I'm sure they'll try to "bring you back" but just respectfully hold your ground. You've gotta be true to yourself. You always have the folks on this site for support. Hang in there!

yeah they definitly want me to go back to christianity but id have to ignore so many things. lol my parents think that without god there is no eternal consequence to our actions so bad things could be justified because there would be not reason not to do them or somthing. Somthing like it wouldnt matter if you murderd lotsa people to an athiest because theres no reason for morals. It pisses me off.

 

So ask your parents if they really think being moral means being good to save yourself from eternal torment. Not a very good reason at all, incredibly selfish. Why can't people be good just because it is the right thing to do, regardless of eternal reward?

 

Ask them how many Atheists rape little boys. How many Atheists are tried and convicted for tax evasion in the millions of dollars (Hovind). How many Atheists are on TV swindling millions of dollars from little old widows. Ask them why Hitler used xtian language in his speeches, praised Martin Luther and befriended the catholick church in order to carry out his "final solution". Ask them if they've read Martin Luther's 1543 book, On the Jews and Their Lies (Praised and quoted by Hitler in Mein Kampf). Ask them how many Atheists drive their car into a lake with their 2 boys strapped in the back seat because god told her to kill them?

 

Ask them to show you where in the bible it says that rape is wrong. Where it says that slavery is wrong. Where it says women are equal to men in rights and privileges. Where it says to live responsibly within the environment and alongside other species we share the planet with. Where it says to learn all you can abut the world and remove ignorance from your life.

 

I could go on, but I think I made my point that xtians have done very little good in the name of their god.

 

P.S. I would resist going to church with everything you have. If you cave in now, they will think it is the holy spook working within you. Show them you can stop going to church and at the same time, NOT start robbing, raping, and killing while their at church!

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I personally took it as a challenge: To live a moral live without the fear of God.

 

It's been years and I still haven't harmed a single human being.

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I don't know if it will help your situation but when I was about your age I stopped going to church. I still very much believed but I no longer wanted to go to church. I explained to my parents that it was because I found the people there to be hypocrites and it the experience was very bothersome to me. I could show in the bible the stuff about hypocrites and I could give the names of the folks in the church whose behavior fell into that category. It did me no good to go to church angry as it just put a wedge between me and it. So I stayed home (I did go on "special" occasions but that was it).

 

Perhaps you can "explain" your new situation in a similar way and it will take some of the pressure off?

 

mwc

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You're a brave girl to just come out and talk honestly to them. They should be proud of your strength! I like the idea of volunteering, finding creative outlets for your energy and kind of "toe the line" while you are still financially dependent on them. Even if they require church attendance of you, they cannot take away your beliefs or thoughts. Those are yours alone!

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You're a brave girl to just come out and talk honestly to them. They should be proud of your strength! I like the idea of volunteering, finding creative outlets for your energy and kind of "toe the line" while you are still financially dependent on them. Even if they require church attendance of you, they cannot take away your beliefs or thoughts. Those are yours alone!

 

I have to ask just what the point is of forcing a teenager to go to church when the parents have been told she doesn't believe in that stuff anymore? That, to me, is nothing but forced, manufactured hypocrisy. It's also an open and blatant lie. But then again, I suppose they think that they can put the genie back in the bottle once it's been out.

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Hi Anna,

 

You're very brave telling your parents about your real beleifs and situation. I'm 17 and until I left home I was in a similar situation, except a bit different.

 

I didnt tell my parents, rather they found out. I think its really good that YOU took the initiative and told them. I have one piece of advice: and that is, don't let them manipulate you into beleiving what they beleive.

 

If you can sit through church they would appreciate that, and if they will allow you to go to other things as well do that. You could ask if you can just go to youth group and nothing else, or strike up a deal with them like that. I was never able to do that with my parents for different reasons, but it could work with you.

 

I DON"T recommend leaving home until you're an adult. Its a really hard life... I can assure you its not easy, and if I'd have known what I was in for I would NEVER have left. I would have waited it out another year. (I do live in New Zealand so it may be a different story depending on where you live).

 

I hope I can be of some help and please feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat.

 

One more thing,

 

I just hope your parents don't ban you from this website like mine did. I lost ALL my rights because I was on this website, so don't let your parents find you here.

 

Good luck,

 

GM

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I'm sorry...my husband said that same stupid line on me, that I just wanted an excuse to sin. I wanted to punch him in the head. That was brave of you though. I'm sure they'll try to "bring you back" but just respectfully hold your ground. You've gotta be true to yourself. You always have the folks on this site for support. Hang in there!

yeah they definitly want me to go back to christianity but id have to ignore so many things. lol my parents think that without god there is no eternal consequence to our actions so bad things could be justified because there would be not reason not to do them or somthing. Somthing like it wouldnt matter if you murderd lotsa people to an athiest because theres no reason for morals. It pisses me off.

 

So ask your parents if they really think being moral means being good to save yourself from eternal torment. Not a very good reason at all, incredibly selfish. Why can't people be good just because it is the right thing to do, regardless of eternal reward?

 

Ask them how many Atheists rape little boys. How many Atheists are tried and convicted for tax evasion in the millions of dollars (Hovind). How many Atheists are on TV swindling millions of dollars from little old widows. Ask them why Hitler used xtian language in his speeches, praised Martin Luther and befriended the catholick church in order to carry out his "final solution". Ask them if they've read Martin Luther's 1543 book, On the Jews and Their Lies (Praised and quoted by Hitler in Mein Kampf). Ask them how many Atheists drive their car into a lake with their 2 boys strapped in the back seat because god told her to kill them?

 

Ask them to show you where in the bible it says that rape is wrong. Where it says that slavery is wrong. Where it says women are equal to men in rights and privileges. Where it says to live responsibly within the environment and alongside other species we share the planet with. Where it says to learn all you can abut the world and remove ignorance from your life.

 

I could go on, but I think I made my point that xtians have done very little good in the name of their god.

 

P.S. I would resist going to church with everything you have. If you cave in now, they will think it is the holy spook working within you. Show them you can stop going to church and at the same time, NOT start robbing, raping, and killing while their at church!

 

Ive really wanna ask my parents this: if god told you to kill me would it then become moral to do so?

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Ive really wanna ask my parents this: if god told you to kill me would it then become moral to do so?

I think,that's too offensive. Maybe,a question like "What's the reason to believe that all the others religions are false,but this one is true" would do better?

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Ive really wanna ask my parents this: if god told you to kill me would it then become moral to do so?

I think,that's too offensive. Maybe,a question like "What's the reason to believe that all the others religions are false,but this one is true" would do better?

lol I know I wouldnt actually say that to them. ive asked my freind who used to be a bhudist and is now a christian that question and he said because christianity feels right. I think my parent would say that more or less

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