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Did They Ever Push You To Do Something Really Bad? What Makes You Angry?


Guest mrmatt
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Guest mrmatt

When I look back at my time as a pentecostal christian i think of some of the worst and most terrible brainwashing techinques that the church leaders tried to use to get me to 'change my life for god'

 

They spent weeks attempting to convince me to leave my current girlfriend, whom I had lived with for about 2 years at that point. As they claimed it would 'harm my walk with the lord' to be 'unequally yoked' with her, an unbeliever, in the same household.

AND i swear to god, they had me so drawn and hooked with this bullshit that i was literally days or hours away from doing what they said, packing my stuff, leaving and going and finding some place to stay.

 

But whne I look back now I realise it was evil and crazy! this was a woman who had supported me through loads of stuff to do with my work and career etc long before I even went to their church, and they spoke about her like she was a piece of trash, yesterday's newspaper that was ready to be just thrown to the side.

 

What kinds of situations have you all been through which make you feel sooo angry and bitter against them now?

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Like Phanta, it's the church's treatment of gays that sends me into fits of rage.

 

When Prop 8 was passed I found myself searching for expletives not yet invented.

"A family needs a mother and a father!" I have a single mother, are you going to take me away from her because a child needs a mother and a father? RAAAAAAAGE.

 

And all that fakey love stuff... ugh. Here I was, truly trying to be the most loving and caring person I could be, and then I realized I was one of very few who were actually honest about it. It's like if you were on a rowboat, and you thought everyone else was rowing with you, but when you looked up, they were all just sitting there staring off into space and picking their noses. It seemed like everyone used God's name to defend their prejudices. Sometimes you couldn't tell if they were well-meaning or not-- they were just these psychotic Ministry Of Love freaks (Orwell, anyone?) using ass-backwards methods to justify their hateful behavior against the nonreligious or gay or pagan or whatever as "loving" and "caring." You know, the kind of people that want to "help" gay people "recover" from their homosexuality and so on and so forth. That kind of dishonest shit really burns my biscuits.

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When I look back at my time as a pentecostal christian i think of some of the worst and most terrible brainwashing techinques that the church leaders tried to use to get me to 'change my life for god'

 

They spent weeks attempting to convince me to leave my current girlfriend, whom I had lived with for about 2 years at that point. As they claimed it would 'harm my walk with the lord' to be 'unequally yoked' with her, an unbeliever, in the same household.

AND i swear to god, they had me so drawn and hooked with this bullshit that i was literally days or hours away from doing what they said, packing my stuff, leaving and going and finding some place to stay.

 

But whne I look back now I realise it was evil and crazy! this was a woman who had supported me through loads of stuff to do with my work and career etc long before I even went to their church, and they spoke about her like she was a piece of trash, yesterday's newspaper that was ready to be just thrown to the side.

 

What kinds of situations have you all been through which make you feel sooo angry and bitter against them now?

 

Remember the phrase "All our righteousness is as filthy rags in his sight"? Preachers would expound on how all the good we could do was no better than a dirty diaper or a menstrual cloth. It is a twisted view of self, others, and reality. My wife and I considered going to the mission field, but were dissuaded. It would have killed us being under a such an oppressive system.

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The hours and hours and hours and hours of wasted time sitting in the pews.

 

Witnessing: I what an ass I was

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I did many shameful things as a Christian.

 

I made homosexuals feel bad for being themselves. I exposed people's "sin." I witnessed to innocent bystanders. I travelled to other countries and convinced people to become Christians. I made non-Christians feel bad for just about everything.

 

But most of all, I'm ashamed of all the fun I deprived myself of. Sigh.

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I'm with you, Matt. The "unequally yoked" thing really makes me angry. I had a wonderful guy and ended up losing him because of my stupid church and my stupid religion. Luckily, I have a different wonderful guy now and am fully in love, but I will always be ticked off about losing someone I really loved.

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When I was in a Wiccan coven I had a robe a friend handmade,runes i made in a class, with a handmade bag ,a pentagram a friendgave me and had tons of stuff.

 

My landlord kicked me out cause my altar with a star on it scared him.

 

My mom said she'd help me get another place if I threw all my witchcraft stuff away.

 

I have left my old group many times cause friends and family bugged me to death.

 

Now the coven is gone and so are stuff I got from them.

 

It angers me I let my mom and landlord scare me into tossing all my stuff in the garbage.

 

On homosexuals I have a story there too...I had a manager at work who was a lesbian I talked to her everyday till she made the comment she liked the girl on the paintline's butt.

 

I said you like women? She said yes and I said Why? She said I don't know.

 

I told my mom about this she said stay away from her or they will think your gay too.

 

I avoided her for awhile but I don't think she noticed...I decided to start talking to her again.

 

I get so sick of Christians trying to bug me to do things I don't want to do.

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Getting me so warped and rapped in it that I went out and preached it on stages up to 300 people, and twisting my own story of great survival despite poverty, emotional, and abusive suffering to serve there church and convert people, and help reassure them of there fanatical beliefs.

 

 

Since I just walked away am still kinda angry about it.

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I was still a teenager when I was still going to church and worst thing they tried to get me to do was to witness to my parents and siblings. The church members had no idea that the only reason I joined was because I was gay and was looking for the most whacked out fundy church I could find to “cure me.” I tried to bring up my faith several times to my parents but it was not going to work. They were two very happy people who knew to how to live a life to the fullest and I was obviously miserable and in pain; what could I possible offer them as proof that my new life was superior to theirs? Every week the members at church would coach me on what to say and every week I would chicken out. Of course I lied through my teeth about how the conversation went. I lied more in the two years I was a Christian than have in the thirty years since.

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The near-constant witnessing. The making friends for the sole purpose of witnessing to them. When I was little, I thought I was doing something great. Looking back now, I might have looked like a jackass. And if anyone had said that I was being a jackass, they would've been perfectly justified.

 

As for the parts that filled me with rage? The part where anything other than a brainwashed-seeming bliss was a sign of DEMONS! No one was ever allowed to be angry or sad or confused. One always had to give the standard "Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! God is Good and the Devil's a liar!" answer to the question of "How are you today?". It's the fact that it's all so dishonest, that one has to lie to themselves and others. That's what makes me angry more than anything.

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Mine are basically the same as Rubyfruit's.

 

I hate that I was turned into a juvenile fear-spreader. I told anyone who would listen that they were so evil they deserved to burn in hell and they had to ask a invisible god to help them escape that fate. It's a wonder people didn't get violent with me!

 

The self-loathing, which was a result of this message of inborn evil was just as bad.

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Witnessing. My fucking god, the witnessing. I have an uncle that I wrote long, fucked up letters to. Trying to convince him to give his heart to Jesus. I've since apologized for my craziness.

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When I look back at my time as a pentecostal christian i think of some of the worst and most terrible brainwashing techinques that the church leaders tried to use to get me to 'change my life for god'

 

They spent weeks attempting to convince me to leave my current girlfriend, whom I had lived with for about 2 years at that point. As they claimed it would 'harm my walk with the lord' to be 'unequally yoked' with her, an unbeliever, in the same household.

AND i swear to god, they had me so drawn and hooked with this bullshit that i was literally days or hours away from doing what they said, packing my stuff, leaving and going and finding some place to stay.

 

But whne I look back now I realise it was evil and crazy! this was a woman who had supported me through loads of stuff to do with my work and career etc long before I even went to their church, and they spoke about her like she was a piece of trash, yesterday's newspaper that was ready to be just thrown to the side.

 

What kinds of situations have you all been through which make you feel sooo angry and bitter against them now?

Unfortunately there is nothing that I let them do to me that I did not do to myself. Own up to the weakness that caused this pain, be baptized in the honesty of it all and move past it. Yeah, these people are bastards with a desire for control, but when we admit our desires to be contolled for whatever reason, we can move on.

 

Selah

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  • 2 months later...

I got caught up in the praying in tongues and being 'slain in the spirit'. Deep down I knew I was faking it. I just didn't want to be an outsider. Those of you who have experienced this know it's like a competition with this bunch, to display how 'holy' they are. I started feverishly trying to catch up to everyone else by reading everything I could get my hands on. Kenneth Hagen, Creflo Dollar, John Hagee, Oral Roberts, Kenneth Copeland, and all the rest of the "NAME IT, CLAIM IT" crowd. Buuuuuuuut....none of that stuff worked, why? When I finally started reading the bible....you know the rest.

 

I feel like a complete ass. I can't believe how stupid I was. I'm embarrassed that I believed in fairy tales and went around desperately trying to get 'lost' people to believe in them too. THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME ANGRY! These people are rich because of idiots like me who bought their books, tapes, and holy water.

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I think the embarrasment has fueled my anger toward their faith. My wife doesn't understand my anger. I tell her that she was not robbed of thousands of hours of her life. That pretty much sums it up

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They told everyone to raise there hands, I didn't as I didnt feel like it and wanted to pray with hands down. I was roughly tapped and ordered to raise them. They knew I had no assertiveness and couldnt stick up for myself. I even felt proud for being so humble VOMIT!!!

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In college, a suitemate asked me if I believed her father who just passed away went to hell because he didn't believe in Jesus. I said yes, and she called me a horrible person. I would never do that again. Later, I told another Christian about that and they said "Good, maybe she will think about it and decide she doesn't want to go to hell"

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Baptism. I was pushed into baptism, not that that is actually crazy. That and I was pushed into a bad marriage. Other than that, I watched them, my relatives that is, do crazy things.

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I think the embarrasment has fueled my anger toward their faith. My wife doesn't understand my anger. I tell her that she was not robbed of thousands of hours of her life. That pretty much sums it up

 

The time really makes me angry too.

 

My husband doesn't understand either. He was forced to go to church 3 times a week, but it wasn't consistent and both parents weren't into it. The one who was into it certainly wasn't in a leadership position, so didn't study to teach Sunday school or lead the music all week. Mr. Gypsy simply cannot understand what it was like to have TWO fundy parents with leadership positions, consistently from infancy through to adulthood. Ack! He tries to compare our churchgoing childhoods, but it is apples and oranges. He is not angry because his entire childhood did not revolve around it.

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It was the overall denial, shaming, and sublimation of my humanity (and the humanity of others) that angers me the most.

 

Especially the sexual shame. That was probably the worst.

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It was the overall denial, shaming, and sublimation of my humanity (and the humanity of others) that angers me the most.

 

Especially the sexual shame. That was probably the worst.

 

I totally agree. With me it was the same. The overall diminishing of my humanity to some crazy ideal. It made me have super high and unrealistic expectations about life too.

 

I am still angry that I was raised in this fantasy view with parents who wanted to control my thinking and conform it to this crap. Pity is that I am sure they thought they were well meaning.

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Guest PhucWadGawd

At my church, I was constantly advised to find a good man so that I could submit to him. Also, I'm gay-friendly, so when I spoke up for gays, all I had to do was say "homosexual" and someone would blurt out "dysfunctional" as if the two were interchangeable. When I asked about women in leadership, I was laughed at. I wasn't talking about a specific woman, I meant in general terms.

 

There was also a group within the church, one of the Bible studies, that heavily recruited for Quixtar (formerly known as Amway). One of the Bible study sessions turned into a recruiting session. I was encouraged to sell for Quixtar so I could make a little extra money, but most importantly, I could go to their meetings and find a nice Christian man (whom I could submit to).

 

One of my friends was convinced by the Navigators to leave her fiance because he wasn't Christian enough. She did, and spent the next 10 years going back and forth between trying to get over him and trying to win him back. He eventually married someone else and had a kid, and she had to get over that, too. Ironically, she's now married to a non-Christian. She's still a believer, though.

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When one is pushed, forced, coerced, or manipulated that makes it not a choice.

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Guest ephymeris

I let my youth minister and pastor get away with stealing a large sum of money from me because I was embarrassed at how stupid I had been to trust them and I was trying to "do the right thing." I did the spineless thing.

 

I also let a charismatic preacher who was "praying over me" push me hard in the forehead and tell me to "shut up and fall" in front of my whole church. I didn't fall but I stumbled and had to hold my hands to avoid slapping him back. It's probably a good thing I didn't slap him but I'm still enraged when I think of our interchange.

 

I fasted and prayed with a group of friends to spare the life of Adam, a close friend who was suddenly ill with meningits. Adam's little brother, Mark, was present for the prayer circle and also fasted and prayed zealously. After our intense prayer session we all agreed we "felt god move." We found out later that Adam had died while we were praying. Mark, the little brother, had what I would describe as a psychotic breakdown including religious delusions. He was euphoric and unnatural at the funeral, he dropped out of school, left home, and wandered homeless for several months afterwards convinced he was wandering "like Moses" and trying desperately to "hear god." I don't really know what became of him after a while. I felt a great deal of helplessness and guilt for all these events. It was a turning point for me and "god."

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Like Phanta, it's the church's treatment of gays that sends me into fits of rage.

 

When Prop 8 was passed I found myself searching for expletives not yet invented.

"A family needs a mother and a father!" I have a single mother, are you going to take me away from her because a child needs a mother and a father? RAAAAAAAGE.

I agree absolutely. I'm completely bemused by the fundy obsession with gays, which has steadily grown worse over the last couple of decades. There's no other word for it; they have an obsession.

 

I remember a conversation I had with my father a couple of years ago when I was back home in the States for a visit (this was when we were still speaking to each other). It was early autumn 2007, in the run-up to the start of the primary season before the 2008 elections. My father and stepmother are as right-wing about religion and politics as it's possible to be without falling off the spectrum. My father at the time was voicing his disgust at the current crop of Republican presidential candidates because none of them talked enough about "the gay issue." I asked him why it bothered him so much and his response was that "it's disgusting." I told him that maybe he should stop thinking about it so much and it wouldn't disgust him then.

 

Here's the thing: I don't spend much of my time thinking about other people having sex, be they gay or straight. It's not that I'm a prude; quite the contrary. I just don't like thinking about other people having sex. Other consenting adults doing the wild thing has nothing to do with me. I don't care if it's man/woman, man/man or woman/woman, other people's consensual sexual activities are none of my business as long as it doesn't involve children or animals and I see no reason to spend my time pondering them. Frankly, I don't give a fuck (as it were). I like having sex, rather a lot, but I don't need to think about other people doing it. Why do the fundies obsess about it so much? Their obsession with gays says more about them than it does about the folks they're obsessed with.

 

I take your point about single parents too. I was a single mother and no one ever suggested that my daughter should be taken away from me because of it. On the other hand, though, my family would've happily preferred that I stay with my daughter's abusive father, the guy who stole from me and beat me up from time to time, because we would've been a "proper family" then.

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