Did They Ever Push You To Do Something Really Bad? What Makes You Angry?

[Neon Genesis]

Their obsession with gays says more about them than it does about the folks they're obsessed with.

Maybe they're the type of people who get turned on watching other people having sex if they don't know they're there?

[Vomit Comet]

Two things:

 

1. Being forced to break my first real girlfriend's heart in the worst way possible for both of us. She begged me to make love to her, but I freaked out and wouldn't do it, and then I dumped her a few days later. It wasn't faith in Jesus alone; if it was just that I would've boned her right then and there and kissed my virginity good-bye. I was scared that demons would get her because she didn't have Jesus. Needless to say, that's the one thing I wish I could hit the rewind button and get a do-over. I think it will haunt me for many years to come.

 

2. I was a frequent guest preacher, often in front of an audience of mostly unsaved kids but also in front of bored church kids. I was very effective, and totally over the top. Y'all have seen some of the cracked out shit I've written on this forum alone: 1. It's the tip of the fucking iceberg, as I am on my best behavior here; 2. imagine me employing that "gift" for Jesus. I wanted to be a scourge of God, just like one of those Old Testament prophets I admired so much, who comes in, dethrones the ungodly hypocrite king, has his vile pagan whore of a queen raped and murdered, and then calls for the masscare of thousands in order to clean house in Israel (or Judea or whatever the fuck).

 

I could make kids cry and shudder and freak out. I regret all the fucked-up shit I hammered those kids with. (I was just wincing about all that while lying awake in bed last night, in fact.) They just wanted to be normal kids, but I came along and turned the screws on them deeper than they were already turned. I'm glad I didn't make a career out of it. I totally could have. I could have done Pentecostal/Ass of God youth conventions in front of thousands of teenagers and had at least half of them crying their eyes out and breaking down, that's how shit-their-pants effective I was at the peak of things.

[Mriana]

Two things:

 

1. Being forced to break my first real girlfriend's heart in the worst way possible for both of us. She begged me to make love to her, but I freaked out and wouldn't do it, and then I dumped her a few days later. It wasn't faith in Jesus alone; if it was just that I would've boned her right then and there and kissed my virginity good-bye. I was scared that demons would get her because she didn't have Jesus. Needless to say, that's the one thing I wish I could hit the rewind button and get a do-over. I think it will haunt me for many years to come.

 

I don't know whether to laugh about the demon bit or cry about it. Seems people did a number on you.

[bird28]

Two things:

 

1. Being forced to break my first real girlfriend's heart in the worst way possible for both of us. She begged me to make love to her, but I freaked out and wouldn't do it, and then I dumped her a few days later. It wasn't faith in Jesus alone; if it was just that I would've boned her right then and there and kissed my virginity good-bye. I was scared that demons would get her because she didn't have Jesus. Needless to say, that's the one thing I wish I could hit the rewind button and get a do-over. I think it will haunt me for many years to come.

 

I don't know whether to laugh about the demon bit or cry about it. Seems people did a number on you.

 

Wow, the girl wanting it and the guy saying know weirds me out. There was this one guy I knew in college that I was told liked me. He was Christian, and well seemed to not want to get really close to me. Something he said later made me think he was staying away from me to supress sexual urges, or I am hoping so lol. Anyway, yeah, he told me he had severe problems controlling his sexual urges and it was causing him a lot of anxiety (masturbation?) Kind of sad. Funny, but once I had to stay at his and his mom's house for a night, and his mom thought he brought me there to have sex, and said that we could turn the fan on and have the hottub to ourselves, lol, but that freaked me out because I thought maybe he was a secret creep and would do that.

[Guest ephymeris]

Wow, the girl wanting it and the guy saying know weirds me out. There was this one guy I knew in college that I was told liked me. He was Christian, and well seemed to not want to get really close to me. Something he said later made me think he was staying away from me to supress sexual urges, or I am hoping so lol. Anyway, yeah, he told me he had severe problems controlling his sexual urges and it was causing him a lot of anxiety (masturbation?) Kind of sad. Funny, but once I had to stay at his and his mom's house for a night, and his mom thought he brought me there to have sex, and said that we could turn the fan on and have the hottub to ourselves, lol, but that freaked me out because I thought maybe he was a secret creep and would do that.

 

I once dumped a guy because his religious beliefs wouldn't "let" him have sex with me. I was so frustrated and insulted. I was also really young so don't judge me too harshly.

[★ Citsonga ★]

One of my biggest gripes is how much money churches and religious groups got from me over the years. I gave a minimum of 10% of my paycheck (calculated from gross income, not net) every week, often more. I wish I could tally it all up, because it had to have been thousands and thousands. Granted, one church did help us out with a $2,000 toward a vehicle once, but that pales in comparison to how much I had forked out over the years. Gawd, I'd love to have all that money back in one lump sum!

 

To be fair, I wasn't technically "pushed" or forced to give, but the indoctrination that it's the right thing to do was so strong that I may as well have been forced to do it.

[Midnight-mindwanderings]

Mine is a bit more personal to me and may not exactly follow what the question is asking.

 

I grew up in CoC so it wasn't charismatic at all. It was very bleak and full of dire consequences for sin but not nearly so much was said about any sort of angels, good works or heaven. I felt safe as a child that I wouldn't go to hell because I hadn't reached 'the age of accountability' yet. But when I was 8 I was sexually assaulted [not by someone in any way related to the church] and that changed everything. The beliefs instilled in me by my church made me 1. not understand what really happened (i did not really know what sex was at all until 2 years later) 2. I believed that it was me who sinned so grievously in 'tempting' the man who did it 3. I was unable to speak about it because of the guilt and shame and was afraid of the punishment I would receive if I admitted it (looking back, there probably wouldn't have been punishment, it would not have been at all supportive either). I learned in church about the punishments for a woman raped in the city who didn't yell loudly enough. I read about how righteous men in the bible gave their daughters up to be raped rather than themselves. I knew how god felt about the subject. He only cared that they weren't virgins anymore and therefore weren't fit to marry anyone (i.e. were worthless). This event caused me to be baptized within a few days because I was terrified of going to hell. Later, during adolescence the shame continued and built because virginity was pounded into our heads as the most precious thing we could give our future spouses. Any time a boy thought I was attractive or a someone made a gesture/ comment (normal innocuous things) I felt like a whore and a slut and would do my best to make myself ugly. I thought there must be something very wrong with me that I cause men to sin even though I wasn't trying to. I was filed with self loathing.

 

I am glad that I didn't really witness. It wasn't pressed upon me because I was a girl and unmarried women can't convert people. I did think homosexuality was wrong but didn't think it was any more wrong than any other sexual immorality so didn't really care. I felt like my own sexual 'sin' was far greater and so could not bring myself to judge other people. I had the good fortune of going to churches so small that I never had any friends there and all my friends from school were damned for their beliefs. I fit in nicely. By the time I got to highschool I was mostly over Christianity but was still obsessing over my salvation because of the assault. All anyone at church seemed to value in a young girl spiritually was her virginity and I did not have it and felt forever inferior to everyone that did.

 

So that is what makes me the most angry. Valuing virginity like its the purest thing you could be, making women feel so completely submissive to men (and girls feel so completely submissive to adult men) that they cannot even come forward and accuse them of severe wrongdoing. The way women are always demonized as the cause of the fall of man and sexual sins men make are so often attributed to immodest women. I am angry that the teachings of the Bible made me hate myself for so long. I am angry because I know I am not the only one who went through this, and some even suffered at the hands of supposed 'holy' men, and the religion makes the victims feel most if not all of the guilt and shame. It just takes the worst experience you have ever had and makes it a million times worse. And what really makes me rage is that I know in every congregation where they preach their horrible book there is at least one child who hates themselves for something that either isn't wrong or isn't' their fault.

 

*whew* end rant

[Loren]

So that is what makes me the most angry. Valuing virginity like its the purest thing you could be, making women feel so completely submissive to men (and girls feel so completely submissive to adult men) that they cannot even come forward and accuse them of severe wrongdoing.

 

And here you put your finger squarely on the true primary purpose of that whole control structure.

[Googledotman]

A lot of you all have some truly amazing stories, ever think about making a book compliation? I don't mean to joke, I am trying to say that you have survived some great ordeals.

Being forced into a religious ceremony or the way the church has dealt with chronic illness and homosexuality is sickening.

 

My two biggest gripes with the church are the fact that I would give up my whole allowance so God would "bless my life". Sometimes this would be upwards of $20 bucks! I was only in middle/high school at the time, and looking back on it, the amount of money I gave was simply egregious. Granted, the church did help me during my transition to college, even though I did not believe, so I don't feel as bad. But still, if you can preach and make a young kid give up that much money to a church, that's saying something.

 

My other big gripe is that I was circumsised because of the church. I want my damn foreskin back. Screw the health and religious reasons! Even though I gave up on Christianity, I will always feel bound to the church, because I didn't get my foreskin back. This might seem a bit odd to you guys, but you have an indelible genital mark on you for the sake of God, you feel very bitter.

 

Whoo! I know things could be much worse, but it is still bad.

[Googledotman]

Mine is a bit more personal to me and may not exactly follow what the question is asking.

 

I grew up in CoC so it wasn't charismatic at all. It was very bleak and full of dire consequences for sin but not nearly so much was said about any sort of angels, good works or heaven. I felt safe as a child that I wouldn't go to hell because I hadn't reached 'the age of accountability' yet. But when I was 8 I was sexually assaulted [not by someone in any way related to the church] and that changed everything. The beliefs instilled in me by my church made me 1. not understand what really happened (i did not really know what sex was at all until 2 years later) 2. I believed that it was me who sinned so grievously in 'tempting' the man who did it 3. I was unable to speak about it because of the guilt and shame and was afraid of the punishment I would receive if I admitted it (looking back, there probably wouldn't have been punishment, it would not have been at all supportive either). I learned in church about the punishments for a woman raped in the city who didn't yell loudly enough. I read about how righteous men in the bible gave their daughters up to be raped rather than themselves. I knew how god felt about the subject. He only cared that they weren't virgins anymore and therefore weren't fit to marry anyone (i.e. were worthless). This event caused me to be baptized within a few days because I was terrified of going to hell. Later, during adolescence the shame continued and built because virginity was pounded into our heads as the most precious thing we could give our future spouses. Any time a boy thought I was attractive or a someone made a gesture/ comment (normal innocuous things) I felt like a whore and a slut and would do my best to make myself ugly. I thought there must be something very wrong with me that I cause men to sin even though I wasn't trying to. I was filed with self loathing.

 

I am glad that I didn't really witness. It wasn't pressed upon me because I was a girl and unmarried women can't convert people. I did think homosexuality was wrong but didn't think it was any more wrong than any other sexual immorality so didn't really care. I felt like my own sexual 'sin' was far greater and so could not bring myself to judge other people. I had the good fortune of going to churches so small that I never had any friends there and all my friends from school were damned for their beliefs. I fit in nicely. By the time I got to highschool I was mostly over Christianity but was still obsessing over my salvation because of the assault. All anyone at church seemed to value in a young girl spiritually was her virginity and I did not have it and felt forever inferior to everyone that did.

 

So that is what makes me the most angry. Valuing virginity like its the purest thing you could be, making women feel so completely submissive to men (and girls feel so completely submissive to adult men) that they cannot even come forward and accuse them of severe wrongdoing. The way women are always demonized as the cause of the fall of man and sexual sins men make are so often attributed to immodest women. I am angry that the teachings of the Bible made me hate myself for so long. I am angry because I know I am not the only one who went through this, and some even suffered at the hands of supposed 'holy' men, and the religion makes the victims feel most if not all of the guilt and shame. It just takes the worst experience you have ever had and makes it a million times worse. And what really makes me rage is that I know in every congregation where they preach their horrible book there is at least one child who hates themselves for something that either isn't wrong or isn't' their fault.

 

*whew* end rant

 

Yeah I agree with you on that too. Christianity has a nice way of dealing with sexual crimes. I should know myself. At least you are upstanding after all of this and they aren't. Be happy for that.

[VacuumFlux]

Trouble accepting the "bad" sciences and being ashamed of my sexuality.

 

I went to Christian schools until college. In one of my college chem classes, the (Christian) prof gave us a homework assignment, basic data analysis stuff, about how the ice cores show global warming. The results were obvious, but my lab writeup had some BS about "but... but... this doesn't mean it's human-caused!" I knew what the science was supposed to say, but I also knew what I was supposed to believe and went through a lot of stress over it. A few years later, still upset, I wrote about ice cores for scientific writing class. I ended up with an A-, and the prof gave me the option to work on it more over break and get it up to an A. I turned him down because I was too emotionally drained from the fight I'd gone through that quarter just to get that one paper done.

 

Towards the end of college, about to get a physics degree, I discovered I was short a science GEC: I hadn't taken any biology. So I took anthropology, the easy GEC that was all about human evolution. At that point I was fairly sure evolution was true but wanted to be able to believe in creationism. I was amazed at how much sense evolution makes, at the fossil record that creationist deny. I was angry at how long I'd spent try to answer my question of what it means to be human using faulty assumptions.

 

Then there's the whole female sexuality thing. I've known for a long time that I have a fairly attractive body (don't like my face shape much, but my body's nice) but I'd always try to hide it. I realized today that, maybe for the first time in my life, I thought about wearing something sexy (not trashy) in public and didn't feel embarased that I'd enjoy the attention.