jdog Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I was hunting through my drawer for something and found a piece of paper with info to help with my old walk with jebus. This is what it read. Focus - from sin to Jebus Bow - worship, submit Offer - submit as a slave to christ :wtf: Enjoy - relationship with Jebus alone and not other things I actally felt physically sick when I read it, fuck! I can't think of anything more vomit inducing than finding reminders like this lying around my home. I got rid of so much stuff, but I still find remnants tucked away in places in the home and car aswell. I cannot fathom how I believed and ate this shit up. I really don't. It seems so foreign and insanely bizaar to me now. I am so glad I am free from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 same here, only I have a file on my computer where I keep all my poetry and I have about a 110 poems and 60 are about god and Jesus, I have my own file for all of it, called xian poems, and I still have all my speech's about god and sharing mini sermons, one interesting tad bit, is that I remember when I was saved but I also have the date when I officially walked away and stopped all prayer and involvement in pursuing a religion, Wednesday, August 02,2000 repented and accepted xianity Wednesday, March 04, 2009 my last prayer, I am 21 now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I occasionally find similar stuff too, usually Bible study notes. Most recently I found my ex's notes from a home study we attended together. I don't remember what I did with it. I usually keep stuff like that though, as a record of the event, and as a reminder of what my thought process was at the time. It's sure different, not looking at the world through god-colored glasses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shion Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 I was reading through some old writing and journals of mine a couple of weeks ago, ugh, all the guilt and endless ramblings about what would line up with God's thinking... I am glad that part of my life is over. Ironically, in the middle of the struggle would be a rant usually about why the hell God made human beings so fucked up to begin with. So good to be away from the koolaid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathlene Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 I have 13 years worth of personal diaries. They are very intense and indepth with my daily struggle of living as a xtian. I feel physically ill when I see those diaries. I won't pick them up and re-read them either. They represent so much loneliness, struggle, confusion and striving. The main one was about what god's will was for my life. Aargh. That is such a huge thing xtians get caught up on. All I can feel is a sense of relief from being out of it now. I have to admit though the brainwashing and thoughts haven't just fled from my brain. I still get anxious and stressed over things concerning xtianity. I just want to be totally free from it all. When I am I will re-read those diaries and laugh. At the moment though, I would only vomit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 I think this posting I did a while back is why we shudder when we look back: Abuser/Victim relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdog Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 Fuego. Excellent post, and I see the comparison, definitely. You did a really good job on that. So heck, another remnant turned up today. I found an old tape case (yes a tape.LOL) of some music I use to relax to. Steven Halpern. I was "Yeh cool, I like this music" I was wanting to listen to it right away, and opened it up and inside was a damn tape from my old church with a sermon on it by the pastor!!!! So my reaction went from 'cool' to 'fuck' in 10 seconds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Thanks! I'm thinking of submitting it to the main blog for reaction. I need to check with Dave on how to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vendredie Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I occasionally run across things I wrote during my church-attending days. Or old Awana stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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