Your last visit to Church as a Christian

[white_raven23]

I went with other.

 

After all I didn't know at the time that it was "for the last time".

 

The last time I saw the folks in my old singles group was when one who was NOT a total bitch got married and I went to the wedding.

 

"Awkward" is the word to best describe how I felt. I was getting some serious hatin' vibes from them.

But I went to the reception anyway and had fun on the dance floor.

 

Those bitches may never know what it feels like to be alive and free......but I promise you, they know what it looks like.

 

[☆ TexasFreethinker ☆]

I chose "sad" for two reasons.

 

The last few times I've been in a church have been for funerals of my grandparents. I was no longer a believer at those times, but the situations were sad.

 

The last time I attended church immediately after deconverting (a few years ago), I was sad because I was leaving a community that I had enjoyed, and I felt like the people I cared for who were still part of that community were being misled.

[spamandham]

I picked "sad" as well. I went last Saturday (see the 'I thought we were beyond this crap' thread).

 

Being surrounded by so much self delusion made me pitty them all, and gave me a heavy heart thinking about how so many people devote their lives to such lies. I never want to go again.

[Kalidasa]

I felt unbelievably out of place. I knew I didn't belong there, and yet I'd forced myself to go anyway - it was for school, and I don't even want to think about the ramifications of not turning up at nine on the dot.

[Megara]

I felt awkward. It just felt all wrong. Especially during worship. During prayer, I would just zone out and start thinking about irrelevant things. During the sermon/Bible study/whatever, I would raise an eyebrow. ... but during the worships, it just felt so awkward.

[Mythra]

I'll go with other. As in extremely pissed off. It was about 15 months ago. Southern Baptist. The pastor went on and on (for about the sixth straight week) about how some sitting there in the church would not make it to heaven. About how Jesus roamed between the pews examining hearts. Examining minds. Saying "I never knew you" to those who didn't measure up. Followed by the token cry-a-thon up front for those who had been holding out on GOD.

 

I watched the teenagers in that church just getting more and more confused. More and more conflicted. More and more feeling like they were trapped in something they couldn't get out of.

 

 

I just decided - I AM DONE WITH THIS.

 

After the service, I rolled up my cords, digital piano, guitar effects, and mics.

 

The pastor knew something was wrong. He came up to me and I gave him a "DON'T FUCK WITH ME" look.

 

I said "I'm leaving this church" he said "when?" I said "NOW".

 

I'll never set foot in a church again, except maybe for a funeral for someone close.

[Ouroboros]

Other.

 

My only visit to Church after apostacy was to a Religious Science church. They have a compilation of faiths merged into some deistic/theistic religion with some semi-scientific ideas behind it too. Kind of "feel good theistic" church. It was good. Didn't do anything to me, since I'm a nontheist. But I wish them luck and think I'd rather see that kind of churches more to counterbalance all the other ones.

[Lycorth]

I pop into my old one once a week to grab a bulletin for my folks. Sometimes I stand there and regard everyone, feeling bad for those who really haven't broken free yet, or sometimes I linger enough to txt my fiancee.

 

I usually don't feel much of anything. Some nostalgia for the old life I had, now that I am free and clear of it. Sometimes it gives me pause to reexamine my beliefs and why I left the cult, which always ends up reinforcing my opinions and overall making me feel nice.

 

Churches never bothered me when I was a Xian, and they don't bother me now, though I wish every single one was shut down and turned into something useful.

[nirrti]

The last time I stepped foot in church was for the Christmas concert. I used to sing in the choir and seeing them perform made me kind of wish I was back in it. That didn't mean I wanted to be back in Christianity as I just couldn't bring myself to believe anymore. Fortunately, it's one of those mega-churches where many members don't know each other so it wasn't like everyone was staring at me wondering where I'd been. Plus many people attending were visitors so I blended right in.

 

It felt strange listening to the lyrics knowing they weren't true though the concert itself was great. The repretoir was such as you'd here being performed in a concert hall and was part of the final grade for the minister of music earning his Ph.D. in sacred music. Overall, I treated it as one of those traditions you take part in for the holiday season instead of an overtly religious event.

[pseudovillain]

Unfortunately, I still have to go because I can't have my parents knowing about my deconverstion yet.

 

Every time I go, I feel tremendously uncomfortable because I have to pretend that I'm like those people with the plastic smiles who think that their idea of God is perfect. I sing automatically, even though the music is shitty in content, plus it just sucks as music. I don't listen to sermons and just read the Bible to see what kind of crazy shit Paul says.

[Guest spaceman_spiff]

It was either 1987 or 1988. I went to a Lutheran church I'd never been to (though I'd been to a few other Lutheran churches), and, basically, I was "looking for answers." So, with all the problems in the world, all the hunger, suffering, wars, etc., what was the sermon about? The evils of fornication. I was pissed. First of all, I couldn't see why anyone would worry about fornication when there are so many other major problems to worry about. Second, it had been a few months since my last "date," when I'd driven 60 miles to see a girl I thought I was involved with who then told me she was engaged. So, a sermon about fornication was kind of like rubbing my face in my datelessness.

 

Incidentally, I went back to a Lutheran church a couple of years ago for the funeral of a friend's young child. The minister spent a helluva lot of time talking about sin, which pissed me off, as the child turned three while in a coma, and had never done a damned thing wrong to anyone ever. But I digress.

[queenie]

I, too, chose 'other'. I was numb and angry and...mostly numb. However, my deconversion came after my last worship service. Long, long after, much like bob said in his post. But, I vividly remember the final worship service and I remember the moment where I said, "I've got to get out of here," and I left, sat in the large greeting area and just stared at a wall for awhile, numb as numb could be. I had no intention of leaving the church forever at that point, but I knew I had to step away.

 

I've been in churches here and there since for funerals and weddings and that experience goes from uncomfortable to out of place, to totally fine. As time goes and I heal, I am more comfortable in the setting as a fellow mourner or celebrant of a wedding, etc. For weekly worship, etc? I don't think you'll find me in a church again.

[garrisonjj]

Going to church occasionally will always be necessary in my life. I have a new attitude that it is all just irrelevant and I won't allow myself to believe it. Formerly as a catholic this is blasphmey. So what the fuck! I go,get over it and put it out of fuckin mind. Religion is bullshit.

[Aqua Kitty]

I chose "other." I had a good time, and even had a good laugh at my own private joke. It was a first communion mass and they did a "renewal of baptismal promises," or something like that. The priest read questions and you're supposed to answer "I Do." Questions like "Do you believe in God the Father Almighty?" and "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, his only son, our Lord?" and "Do you reject Satan?" So I said "I Don't" instead of "I Do" and it really felt good.

[Guest singlecoil]

I voted for numb. I did not know it was my last time at the time, but I was just killing time until I could get home and watch football. I know feel great everytime the family trudges off to church and I stay home and get some alone time.

[The Sage Nabooru]

It was a Catholic church with a very beautiful service. I actually felt really at peace, not for being surrounded by Christians but for being surrounded by people that believe in the Great Something, the Great Hope and longing for the same kind of peace I was looking for. The priest's sermon and eucharistic ceremony were a nice relief from the "Think of and Fear God every second of your life or go to hell" experiences of my Lutheran childhood.

 

I guess the atmosphere was one of calm serenity and sincerity instead of the cold austerity and firmness I was brought up in.

[Minstrel]

My last visit...was numb. I hadn't entirely crossed the bridge (was a week or two away), and it was like - the veil had been rent...and I could see they were all "playing the game". The music sucked... The dancing singers with their microphones and "I'm so blessed, and humble and holy and better-than-you" smiles. And then, all the poor suckers...coming from miles away to attend this haven...hoping to step into the pool when the waters were troubled...where God would bless them to be rich--like those asking for their money...

[AStandAloneComplex]

The last time I went to church was last Sunday. I was down in Texas visiting relatives and they were having revival at there church. This is a black southern baptist church that they've been going too since they were kids(they being my older relatives.) I put down "other" in the poll because I had mixed feelings while being there. It was nice to see my relatives and my mom enjoying being with her family and her old church and all that. But it was also sad because I probably won't be as close to my family because of the religious thing. And also infuriating when the preacher was spouting his bullshit all over the congregation and them agreeing with it. Ugh.

[LadyFeline]

For me? It was awful. Mainly because it was supposed to be a Christmas service (which I actually enjoyed when they were given by Pastor Benny), and it turned into a long "Humanity is FILTHY! AND IT'S ALL WOMANKIND'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!!" rant about how women are vile, women are ignorant, women are easily misled, women are unclean, mankind deserves to burn in Hell forever because of women, Mary was the only woman ever deserving of salvation, blah blah blah...

 

I left that church feeling like I wanted to burn it down.