Crossing Over

[MrsRobinson]

Hi all, I know I had to bite my tongue many many times to my parents as a Christian because we were to honour our parents, but now Im thinking, theres no judge and my parents are asking for it. Now I know even people who were never Christian wouldnt tell off thier parents but mine are different. My dad calls my 8 yr old daughter a bitch!! My mom always verbally abuses me and my kids until theyre crying, she tells them theyre useless and when tears start filling in thier eyes she starts laughing hysterically. Now that I dont give a damn about Christianity, I just wanna say to my mom - Look b*tch, you talk to my kids like that once more and Ill pull your fu**#ng hair out b*tch just try me. Wow that would feel great, and what will I do with all the money I save from tithing...hmm. Theres so many things, do I care about sex before marriage...what do you tell people or do you tell them at all, how do you tell your kids to stop praying before they eat and that the bible is as phony as a 3 dollar bill...I still wouldnt go to bars or do drugs though I mean common sense is priceless.

[Guest Valk0010]

I would find a less profane way to say above, if your parents are as bad as you claim. Or I have one better, don't be around them. What your parents are doing is abuse, plain and simple. There is no excuse for that.

[stryper]

while I don't know about in CN but in the US there are social programs that can help for your situation.

 

abused women shelters come to mind though there may be something that is a better fit.

 

Here I would say call the county or city and ask for help.

[SirPhoenix]

There is no shame whatsoever in telling your parents that their behavior is unnacceptable. My suggestion is that no matter how you do it, that it be done with you in total control of your emotions. Be angry, outratged, etc, but be in control of that. This is for your benefit, not theirs. If you let them know you won't stand for their behavior and you don't loose your cool, you will feel a billion times better when it is all said and done, and they will have gotten the message just the same.

 

If you curse, you curse, no big deal, just stay in control.

 

 

 

[MrsRobinson]

Your right, I should find a better way to explain and being away from them would be lovely but thats not an option until we find a place. I just had a lot pent up because Ive been hearing them abuse my kids everyday for months and Ive held it back.

[CelticWhisper]

If you do go off on them, as Phoenix said, make sure it's a cold fury with which you do it. No flaring emotions, just bitter, detached contempt.

 

And I would wait until they're at your house to do it, that way if they protest or try to retaliate, you can order them to leave. If they refuse, you can call the police and have them arrested for trespassing. And if you're as intolerant as I am of authoritarian parents, you can press criminal charges and if they wind up in prison, visit them to laugh in their faces through the glass and taunt them about how you don't let filthy, worthless, subhuman criminals near your children, and so they'll never see their grandkids (or you, if you want to go that route) again. From your depiction of their treatment in your initial post, they definitely deserve it (along with being left to rot all alone in a retirement home when they're old and dependent, their last words before they kick off being "why does nobody love me?" and the answer being sweet, poetically-just silence).

 

Even if you don't go to that extreme (and it's definitely extreme, but parents who pull that shit are begging for it), I would definitely take some steps to stop what they're doing to you and your children. Don't let it escalate to physical violence unless they initiate it and you're protecting yourself or your children (I'd even consider deliberately not defending myself, just in hopes of an easier court victory - wounds heal, criminal records don't), but stand firm and let them know in no uncertain terms that "This shit stops. Now."

 

As for drugs/bars, I don't do illegal drugs myself but bars aren't necessarily bad, as long as you don't get carried away. Go with friends so you've got someone to look out for you if you hit the sauce too heavily and you should be good.

[MrsRobinson]

Wounds heal and criminal records dont lol. I love that.

 

 

[BrotherJosh]

There's absolutely no excuse for abuse. Your first priority should be you and your kids, not what your parents think. If they are abusive as you describe they clearly do not have your or your children's interests at heart. Like previously described I would refrain from visiting their home and if they are doing this in your home you can respectfully ask them to leave and if they refuse you can call the cops and have them arrested. You shouldn't feel trapped or obligated to people like that, even if they are your parents. Being a "parent" means more than they conceived you but fulfilling a duty to your children to make them safe, feel loved and encourage them to be true to themselves, which abuse does not foster. There's really nothing more I can add to what everyone else suggested.

 

Good luck.

[R. S. Martin]

There's something people in this thread seem to be missing about the situation. I understand Mrs. Robinson and kids are living in her parents' home due to her own financial constraints. All the same, can't she call the police for help if her parents abuse her kids?

 

I'm not clear on the law about this. Can anybody clarify?

[Blue elephant]

One thought I had was that you could point their behaviour out to your children as examples of what Christians are like.

 

If you do this in the presence of your parents, they will then have a powerful motivation to provide a pleasant example of behaviour.

 

However, this may be a bit difficult if you are currently in a position of being dependent on your parents.

[stryper]

There's something people in this thread seem to be missing about the situation. I understand Mrs. Robinson and kids are living in her parents' home due to her own financial constraints. All the same, can't she call the police for help if her parents abuse her kids?

 

I'm not clear on the law about this. Can anybody clarify?

 

 

That's why i mentioned social programs. It might not be quick, but it could provide some relief. And if child services knew the situation, they would find a way to get her and the kids out.

[R. S. Martin]

There's something people in this thread seem to be missing about the situation. I understand Mrs. Robinson and kids are living in her parents' home due to her own financial constraints. All the same, can't she call the police for help if her parents abuse her kids?

 

I'm not clear on the law about this. Can anybody clarify?

 

 

That's why i mentioned social programs. It might not be quick, but it could provide some relief. And if child services knew the situation, they would find a way to get her and the kids out.

 

Thanks. I didn't remember your other post. I went back to read it. For everyone's convenience, here it is:

 

while I don't know about in CN but in the US there are social programs that can help for your situation.

 

abused women shelters come to mind though there may be something that is a better fit.

 

Here I would say call the county or city and ask for help.

 

Sorry I'm so ignorant but how would that work? Would she call the township or city hall and say, "I need help! I and my children are living with my parents because we don't have any money but they are abusing my children. We need to get out of here! Help me!"?

 

Or is there some formal procedure of paperwork she should do that would get them out of there before an emergency occurs? And what would that be?

 

Maybe I'm the only person on here who doesn't know this stuff and I don't have any kids. If so, I suppose it doesn't matter.

[dB-Paradox]

I can't even imagine my kids getting subjected to that! What you're describing, Robinson, is abuse. Neither you nor your children should have to take it. I'd call the police. I'd also be careful as your parents may try and turn the situation around...but it sounds like your children are old enough to testify for themselves. You really have nothing to lose, only a life of freedom from this mistreatment to gain! Good luck!

 

By the way, I see you are from Edmonton...my family go out there to the FantasyLand Hotel almost every summer! I don't care how bad it sounds, but I LOVE the mall!

[florduh]

Even good Christians don't allow people to abuse their children. Get off your ass and stop it. Now.

 

It' appalling that you have allowed the behavior thus far.

[mwc]

Don't know anything about you and yours but if it's like you describe I'd tell them to knock it the fuck off. Draw the line. I'd tell them they don't talk that way to the kids if they think she's a bitch or even if she is a bitch. They're the adults so step up and act like it (and if your kids are out of line then do something about that too). But it's their house so if they don't stop you'll need a plan B which might mean getting the hell outta Dodge.

 

mwc

[chosendarkness]

There's something people in this thread seem to be missing about the situation. I understand Mrs. Robinson and kids are living in her parents' home due to her own financial constraints. All the same, can't she call the police for help if her parents abuse her kids?

 

I'm not clear on the law about this. Can anybody clarify?

 

If a child is being abused you should definitely call the police. People sometimes think it's not a crime to emotionally and verbally abuse but it is now. This is not the 20th century anymore, the world has changed since then. Abuse of children is any form against the law.

 

DO NOT CONFRONT THE ABUSER! That doesn't change their behavior. RECORD him doing it and take it to the police so there will be evidence for a judge.

[stryper]

^THIS^

 

if you have a camera phone or a video recorder that would be best.

 

 

You could call city hall and say that. It might be better to say you are in an abusive sitution and you need help but don't know where to go and they would probably be able to direct you.

 

 

This might help too.

 

http://www.acws.ca/links.php

 

 

 

EDIT: seplilng

[Phanta]

Abuse of children is any form against the law.

 

In the U.S. there is very little that can be done by authorities about emotional abuse only. If there is physical abuse, yes. Emotional abuse? Nada on the legal front.

 

Protective services only stepped in with legal standing when there was physical abuse and neglect. The years of emotional abuse was not enough, so we (me, social workers, DCF) had to wait and wait to get Sister out. Things really had to escalate.

 

It's terrible, because emotional abuse shreds little ones just as fast as neglect and physical violence.

 

Phanta

[chosendarkness]

Here's something I found..

 

Almost all States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands include emotional maltreatment as part of their definitions of abuse or neglect.9 Approximately 32 States, the District of Columbia, the Northern Mariana Islands, and Puerto Rico provide specific definitions of emotional abuse or mental injury to a child.10 Typical language used in these definitions is "injury to the psychological capacity or emotional stability of the child as evidenced by an observable or substantial change in behavior, emotional response, or cognition," or as evidenced by "anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or aggressive behavior."

 

9. http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/define.cfm#fn9

 

10. http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/define.cfm#fn10

[Galien]

Abuse of children is any form against the law.

 

In the U.S. there is very little that can be done by authorities about emotional abuse only. If there is physical abuse, yes. Emotional abuse? Nada on the legal front.

 

Protective services only stepped in with legal standing when there was physical abuse and neglect. The years of emotional abuse was not enough, so we (me, social workers, DCF) had to wait and wait to get Sister out. Things really had to escalate.

 

It's terrible, because emotional abuse shreds little ones just as fast as neglect and physical violence.

 

Phanta

 

You know this is something I have thought about a lot over the past few months. In my mind even as a child the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I went through were pretty awful, but they meant that the other person was an asshole. It was the neglect that made me feel like I was nothing.

 

And Mrs Robinson, I would tell my mother in no uncertain terms to back the fuck off. Or else.

[Phanta]

Here's something I found..

 

Almost all States, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands include emotional maltreatment as part of their definitions of abuse or neglect.9 Approximately 32 States, the District of Columbia, the Northern Mariana Islands, and Puerto Rico provide specific definitions of emotional abuse or mental injury to a child.10 Typical language used in these definitions is "injury to the psychological capacity or emotional stability of the child as evidenced by an observable or substantial change in behavior, emotional response, or cognition," or as evidenced by "anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or aggressive behavior."

 

9. http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/define.cfm#fn9

 

10. http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/define.cfm#fn10

 

It's great that is in there, but my understanding is that it is hard to define, pin down and prove...i.e. act on. My counselor couldn't act on what I told her. My aunt (a psychologist) said that she wouldn't be taken seriously by authorities based on the emotional abuse report. My Sister's own counselor was only able to move forward at the point there was physical violence with medical neglect, and even then, DCF struggled to sort out what was going on.

 

What a mess.

 

Abuse of children is any form against the law.

 

In the U.S. there is very little that can be done by authorities about emotional abuse only. If there is physical abuse, yes. Emotional abuse? Nada on the legal front.

 

Protective services only stepped in with legal standing when there was physical abuse and neglect. The years of emotional abuse was not enough, so we (me, social workers, DCF) had to wait and wait to get Sister out. Things really had to escalate.

 

It's terrible, because emotional abuse shreds little ones just as fast as neglect and physical violence.

 

Phanta

 

You know this is something I have thought about a lot over the past few months. In my mind even as a child the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I went through were pretty awful, but they meant that the other person was an asshole. It was the neglect that made me feel like I was nothing.

 

I wish I had had your insight as a child.

 

P

[chosendarkness]

 

It's great that is in there, but my understanding is that it is hard to define, pin down and prove...i.e. act on. My counselor couldn't act on what I told her. My aunt (a psychologist) said that she wouldn't be taken seriously by authorities based on the emotional abuse report. My Sister's own counselor was only able to move forward at the point there was physical violence with medical neglect, and even then, DCF struggled to sort out what was going on.

 

We have to at least try. The more people stand up against emotional abuse the more it will change. I used to think this world was just waiting to burn and be judged by god, so I never saw the need to expect it to be different or to try to help change anything.

[MrsRobinson]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I will record it. At least the kids have another example of how not to act in your retirement stage. And my 8yr old girl is not a bitch at all, she is just an 8yr old girl. But theres so many things Im free from. All that guilt from when you sin or swear or in this case tell my parents where to go. I really made a crappy christian anyhow. Maybe had I been met half way it would have been different.

 

 

[MrsRobinson]

Even good Christians don't allow people to abuse their children. Get off your ass and stop it. Now.

 

It' appalling that you have allowed the behavior thus far.

 

Florduh Shut Your Fucking Mouth!! Judging from your pic and the fact that you even post something so judgemental when you dont know all the facts of how a turn of events led to us winding up here tells me your a middle aged dumb fuck who speaks before he thinks because hes uneducated with no class and little respect for women and NONE for yourself or you wouldnt portray yourself as a mindless douchebag without a brain. Suck a dick bitch. And if you werent so fucking stupid youd know that even most GOOD CHRISTIANS beat the shit outta thier kids and use the -spare the rod spoil the child- and then sit them down politely and brainwash them into believeing it was for thier own good and theyll understand it when theyre older. In your ass bitch.

[R. S. Martin]

Mrs. Robinson, I am concerned about your children. You come here and tell us they are being abused by your parents. You express appreciation for the advice we are giving you, but all you do with it is "record it."

 

Florduh is right. You need to go and actually do something. If the situation is as bad as you claim, you need to do more than "record" our advice. If you don't, then you are complicit with your abusive parents and liable under the law.

 

Or possibly things are not as bad as you claim. We don't know the situation. All we have is what you tell us. We do know and highly respect Florduh. How you got into your present situation hardly seems relevant to what needs to be done to get out. Providing things are as bad as you say.

 

Maybe you're just a thirteen-year-old seeking attention. If so, you're on the wrong forums. Sorry if that seems hard-hearted but the outburst at Florduh seemed uncalled for to me.