Guest Confuzzled Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 hey, my name is em and im so confused about what i believe in. my whole family are christians and firmly believe in god, jesus, the works, and i did up until about 4 months ago. My boyf is not a christian and has opened my eyes up as to how stupid the bible is and how much it contradicts itself. i recently told my parents and afew christian friends about my loss of faith and made my mum and one of my male friends break down into tears, this has made me feel even mor horrible and guilty. i really want my faith back as it was such a big part of me but i just dont feel that it can be real. please can someone help to convince me that i dont want to go back to being a christian? thanx x oh and what are u guys' views on sex - b4 or after marriage? thats yet another thing im confused about! my user name sums me up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Welcome here, Confuzzled. We are a lot of different people here, who have in common that we have left Christianity. We cannot give you quick answers for right and wrong, but we can give you inspiration, that may help you find your own answers. And as you find your own answers, I think your confusion will fade away. The Christian view on sex is basically about obeying some eternal (divine) law. Personally I think, that questions about sex (and about right and wrong) instead should be judged on basis on the actual concequences for the people involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MQTA Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 hey, my name is em and im so confused about what i believe in. my whole family are christians and firmly believe in god, jesus, the works, and i did up until about 4 months ago. My boyf is not a christian and has opened my eyes up as to how stupid the bible is and how much it contradicts itself. i recently told my parents and afew christian friends about my loss of faith and made my mum and one of my male friends break down into tears, this has made me feel even mor horrible and guilty. i really want my faith back as it was such a big part of me but i just dont feel that it can be real. please can someone help to convince me that i dont want to go back to being a christian? thanx x I was never a Christian, but I'm not sure any of us can convince you of anything... we can point you to websites that will help you make your own decisions, and can answer specific questions, but you'll have to make your own choices. oh and what are u guys' views on sex - b4 or after marriage? thats yet another thing im confused about! my user name sums me up <{POST_SNAPBACK}> As far as sex, I only have 2 major concerns and 1 global. Disease and Pregnancy, gotta do all you can do to avoid those two negative life-changers, the later until you're ready, of course. And, globally, it should always be of your own choosing, never anyone else's coercion. MyStory link in my sig has a lot of links to the pages that helped me sort out the Bible and people's erroneous beliefs. Check 'em out. Happy reading. Welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Welcome. If you want to be convinced, you should really do some research into the religion. I recommend "The book your church doesn't want you to read" (yes, that's the actual title) and the Jesus Mysteries. There are other good ones, too. What convinced me was finding the links between Christianity and Paganism and realizing it was just another cult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Confuzzled Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Thanx yeah ill definately check those books out and do more research into it, thanku, sorry i dont really mean convince, im just so confused, i used to always be sure of christianity and now i just feel almost numb. its very odd. but thanx. and yeah i completely agree with the whole sex thing that it depends on the situation. im scared of pregnancy and diseases too. theyr the only things putting me off it oh and the fact that iv believed that its wrong the majority of my life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MQTA Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Thanx yeah ill definately check those books out and do more research into it, thanku, sorry i dont really mean convince, im just so confused, i used to always be sure of christianity and now i just feel almost numb. its very odd. but thanx. and yeah i completely agree with the whole sex thing that it depends on the situation. im scared of pregnancy and diseases too. theyr the only things putting me off it oh and the fact that iv believed that its wrong the majority of my life! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> It's hard to get out from under, the ones still in it don't want you to be free of their control. If you don't believe as they do, they lose power over you. You need to be brave to leave the tribe, and sometimes slick enough to not let them know about it. You've come to the right place to seek Reality, or at least exposure of the man behind the curtain. Thank Toto! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hi Confuzzled, (that's a great user name by the way) As you may pick up from my user name ~ I didn't deconvert in a hurry and somedays I still feel sad that I know my old beliefs were based on something that isn't true. Deconverting can have big consequences for a family ~ I was still a christian when my eldest two children stopped coming to church with us and made it pretty clear they didn't share my belief in christianity. As a christian parent (at the time) it was all pretty scary so I can understand your Mum's tears. My advice is not to rush or force anything. All the other advice given so far is good, this is a decision you need to make as a result of your own study and your own conclusions. Same advice could well apply to the question about sex as well! Its important to look out for your physical health and well being and to make sure you are protected in this way ~ and it's important to think about your emotional well being as well. Has to be your well informed decision ~ nobody else's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Confuzzled - Don't be discouraged by lack of faith. Sometimes, people who deconvert have a difficult time because the still come out of Christianity with a Christian view of life. While you should make your own reasons for believing or not believing, feel free to pull up a chair and discover our reasons. I think you should base your reason on what you, and only you, believe, and not do it to appease any person, however close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Oh, and I tend to have one of the more conservative views on sex....But not like the church. I don't think sex should be the centerpiece of relationships. If you are going to have sex with someone, you really should know and love that person for who he/she is, and also be consious of the possible outcomes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePureOne Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hi Confuzzled, Unless I'm not reading carefully, which does happen, I don't see where you mentioned how old you are. On the assumption that you are relatively young and living with your parents, that does present some difficulties in terms of emotional pressure. But, it is part of growing up. I believe the term is called "individuation", that process by which a growing person comes to their own sense of identity without apology to those around them. That is your basic right. Your confusion may be less about whether brand-x of religion is right or wrong (I'll save you some time - it's a complete fairy tale ) and more about how to deal with that realization in light of your past experience and family expectations. The best advice I could give is to talk to others here who went through that situation. It's probably not a great idea to be overly confrontational about it and/or try to deconvert anyone else in your family. Things may come to a sort of truce where they don't badger you about coming back to Jebus if you don't rub their noses in your non-belief. In general it's best to try to be respectful of their beliefs, and only go nuclear when they're begging for it. As far as sex, that's a serious topic. I generally abhor religion, and disagree with the religious reasons given for avoiding sex (it's evil, bad, filthy, etc.) and the resultant guilt trip placed on believers, which can be rather damaging. A sex therapist friend opines that without religion, he wouldn't have 90% of his clients. Being taught all sorts of nonsense about a perfectly healthy drive and function can cause some issues. That said however, there are sound "secular" reasons to avoid sex at too young an age. According to my therapist friend, 17 or so is about the age where one is emotionally developed enough to better handle the intimacy and emotional issues surrounding sex. Incidentally he has a VERY blunt web site where he dispenses free advice at www.sexdoc.com. Not for the faint of heart as no punches are pulled there, the full gamut of human sexuality and sex issues is explored unflinchingly. Any questions you have, and a million you would never think of, are probably covered in the archives. In short: no, you won't go to hell if you have sex before marriage, whatever sexual drive you feel is perfectly normal. But do be aware that sex is not like going on a date to the movies, it has potentially serious consequences and should not be approached frivilously. You need to educate yourself, choose any partner carefully, and be prepared with two forms of birth control. Ultimately in terms of relationships, you would do best to find someone who is physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually COMPATIBLE with you. Remember that word forever. There will be much confusion in your life about love and relationships, particularly when you become intimate with someone. Periodically step back from the emotion and evaluate those categories of compatibility. Are you an atheist and your lover a Jesus freak? You'll likely have problems. Do you want sex three times a week and he or she once a month? Or do they want to do things in bed that you won't do, or won't do things that you want to do? If so then you are not physically compatible. If there are glaring incompatibilities in any of these categories, you would do best to find someone better suited to you, and you should do so without guilt, although you should be respectful to anyone with whom you are involved. Never settle for being mistreated or mentally jerked around in any way. As soon as anyone messes with you, kick them to the curb. There are always nicer fish in the sea. That's a lot of advice, much of which won't make sense now or doesn't apply yet, but it will. Refer to it later. Good luck. And stick around, there are plenty of people here who can relate to what you are going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 i really want my faith back as it was such a big part of me but i just dont feel that it can be real. please can someone help to convince me that i dont want to go back to being a christian? Welcome Confuzzled. Great name! As others have mentioned, the best thing you can do for yourself is to hit the books and study. By your own erudition, you will come to clarify, understand and decide for yourself what you believe, what you disbelieve and what you are as yet unsure about. You don't need to rely on the opinions of others and besides, those opinions are never fully reliable as they are very likely, given enough time, to change. Arm yourself. Produce your own thoughts. Buy into you. You are the greatest investment of your time. Your questions about sex would be better covered in the Sex & Christianity forum where you will find threads on the topic you mentioned and you are free to ask anything you like. Make yourself at home. Regarding your loss of the faith that was important to you, I can only say that many of us truly understand that grief and we didn't necessarily see the pain subside overnight, but life has a way of moving on and moving us forward. We cannot go backwards to live by what we know to be lies. We may kick our feet in resistance but life must be embraced in the now, this very moment, with hopefilled eyes to a future that is free from the enslavement of Christianity. Freedom isn't perfect but it sure beats slavery. Time helps, -Reach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hi Confuzzled, Unless I'm not reading carefully, which does happen, I don't see where you mentioned how old you are. On the assumption that you are relatively young and living with your parents, that does present some difficulties in terms of emotional pressure. But, it is part of growing up. I believe the term is called "individuation", that process by which a growing person comes to their own sense of identity without apology to those around them. That is your basic right. Your confusion may be less about whether brand-x of religion is right or wrong (I'll save you some time - it's a complete fairy tale ) and more about how to deal with that realization in light of your past experience and family expectations. The best advice I could give is to talk to others here who went through that situation. It's probably not a great idea to be overly confrontational about it and/or try to deconvert anyone else in your family. Things may come to a sort of truce where they don't badger you about coming back to Jebus if you don't rub their noses in your non-belief. In general it's best to try to be respectful of their beliefs, and only go nuclear when they're begging for it. As far as sex, that's a serious topic. I generally abhor religion, and disagree with the religious reasons given for avoiding sex (it's evil, bad, filthy, etc.) and the resultant guilt trip placed on believers, which can be rather damaging. A sex therapist friend opines that without religion, he wouldn't have 90% of his clients. Being taught all sorts of nonsense about a perfectly healthy drive and function can cause some issues. That said however, there are sound "secular" reasons to avoid sex at too young an age. According to my therapist friend, 17 or so is about the age where one is emotionally developed enough to better handle the intimacy and emotional issues surrounding sex. Incidentally he has a VERY blunt web site where he dispenses free advice at www.sexdoc.com. Not for the faint of heart as no punches are pulled there, the full gamut of human sexuality and sex issues is explored unflinchingly. Any questions you have, and a million you would never think of, are probably covered in the archives. In short: no, you won't go to hell if you have sex before marriage, whatever sexual drive you feel is perfectly normal. But do be aware that sex is not like going on a date to the movies, it has potentially serious consequences and should not be approached frivilously. You need to educate yourself, choose any partner carefully, and be prepared with two forms of birth control. Ultimately in terms of relationships, you would do best to find someone who is physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually COMPATIBLE with you. Remember that word forever. There will be much confusion in your life about love and relationships, particularly when you become intimate with someone. Periodically step back from the emotion and evaluate those categories of compatibility. Are you an atheist and your lover a Jesus freak? You'll likely have problems. Do you want sex three times a week and he or she once a month? Or do they want to do things in bed that you won't do, or won't do things that you want to do? If so then you are not physically compatible. If there are glaring incompatibilities in any of these categories, you would do best to find someone better suited to you, and you should do so without guilt, although you should be respectful to anyone with whom you are involved. Never settle for being mistreated or mentally jerked around in any way. As soon as anyone messes with you, kick them to the curb. There are always nicer fish in the sea. That's a lot of advice, much of which won't make sense now or doesn't apply yet, but it will. Refer to it later. Good luck. And stick around, there are plenty of people here who can relate to what you are going through. Welcome to you too, and what a great first post as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 That's a lot of advice, much of which won't make sense now or doesn't apply yet, but it will. Refer to it later. Good luck. And stick around, there are plenty of people here who can relate to what you are going through. TPO!!! Welcome back, my dear friend. You have been missed. -Reach P.S. I never thought you'd be away for over a year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 TPO!!! Welcome back, my dear friend. You have been missed. -Reach You mean he is not new here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePureOne Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 TPO!!! Welcome back, my dear friend. You have been missed. -Reach P.S. I never thought you'd be away for over a year! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Has it really been that long? Wow, I guess so. Well never say never. Truth be told my main motivation for signing on again was the belief that you were still here, so I'm happy to see that's the case! While I'll probably never have the time to be a regular like in the old days, I wanted to be sure to stop by and say hello, wish everyone well, and encourage everyone to keep up the good work! And do a few strafing runs on some unsuspecting Jebus-worshippers as long as I'm here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePureOne Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 You mean he is not new here? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hi Khan, Actually I thought I was still on when your name was active on the board, but I might be mistaken. In any case don't let my system-assigned "Curious" label fool you, I've assaulted the board with tens of thousands of words. I would have resurrected my original account, but couldn't find it for the life of me. It has been a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hi Khan, Actually I thought I was still on when your name was active on the board, but I might be mistaken. In any case don't let my system-assigned "Curious" label fool you, I've assaulted the board with tens of thousands of words. I would have resurrected my original account, but couldn't find it for the life of me. It has been a while. I first registered May 1 2004, but wasn't regular until probably July or August. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Confuzzled Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 hey yeah im 16, so i guess i should prob wait. my boyfriend and i have been together for about 6 months and we're both not christians but havent had sex, i decided i would explore peoples views on the matter but as long as i am unsure of whether i want to or not im not goin to. i was a christian when my boyfriend and i first dated and so he didnt mind then that i wasn't going to have sex till i was married, he still is values my descision and is not going to force me into anything. and altho that was a lot of advice it was all great and i did actually find it all relevant! thanku very much and lol i will definately check out your friend's website it sounds great lol thanx again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Confuzzled Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Thanku everyone for ur replies, theyv all been so helpful. You all are such amazing people! Ur all my role models now! and from here on out im gonna concentrate on me and what i feel if that makes sense - thanx reach. yeah i shoulda prob atleast sugar coated my views especially infront of my mum, but atleast she understands exactly how i feel now, and is helping me too (ignoring the whole 'let me pray for you' at the end of every discussion). it's really reassuring to no that there are other people out there who are going thru or have gone thru the same confusion and pain - that sounds almost sadomasacistic about the whole pain bit! whoops! yes, its good to no that u are in pain!!! ehem, i hope u no what i mean thanx again u incredible people! (i will have to leech off your strength for a while) em x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MQTA Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 It's fightening to break free, it like has a gravitational pull you have to try to accelerate from, and people keep trying to turn off your engines so you fall back into their control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Could you leach off our spelling and grammar too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dianka Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Could you leach off our spelling and grammar too? very nice, very nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 very nice, very nice It was a joke, SM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dianka Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 It was a joke, SM I know, silly. Confuzzled, why don't you channel some humor as well. You are going to need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MQTA Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 or change the channel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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