asdf99 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Hello ALL! This is my first post. It took several years to deconvert from christian to ex-christian. I just recently came out of the closet and my family does not approve of my decision. I live about a thousand miles from my folks and we normally talk on the phone at least once a week. My mom no longer calls me. They are very distant now with me. They are very hurt with my decision. I have tried to explain everything to them but they just don't understand. Why are christians so judgmental? How do I deal with the pain of the separation? Anyone else go through this? I don't want to become bitter but in some ways I feel if I'm the only one making calls what is the point? They will talk to me when I call. But they are not eager to make phone calls to me like they did before. It just really hurts when I think about it. Any comments are appreciated! Thanks! Derek P.S. Take a look at my religion web site for more info on my deconversion. Its also posted on this site too! http://www.cayla.us/DCweb/religion.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Oh, joy... I just hope that whatever your family is feeling, that it is just temporary. Perhaps you should just make sure that your parents realize that you are still a good person. Stealing a line from someone else on this forum, perhaps you should tell them that it hurts you more to be Christian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 On another hand, I feel the need to confront them, asking if all that love they had for you before was conditional on you being Christian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megistias Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I don't want to become bitter but in some ways I feel if I'm the only one making calls what is the point? They will talk to me when I call. But they are not eager to make phone calls to me like they did before. Stop calling them. Honestly, what is the "cost" to you of not calling them ? You need to focus on you and your daughter anyway. That's the important parent-child relationship in your life now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdf99 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 Well thats kind of what I have been doing. I don't call them because I'm waiting to see if they call me. The answer is they usually don't. I sent them some pictures the other week and my mom did call to thank me. But I felt that was out of obligation. She noramlly calls at least once a week but that has stoped unless there is a specific reason. I guess family has always been important to me so it hurts when you feel like the outsider now. My family has always been the one thing in life that I could turn to. The world can be against you but as long as your family is there everyting isn't so bad. But when your family is aginst you, it can certainly feel even worse. I'm not saying my life is bad. I've just never been in this kind of a position before. I was just curious if others went through this too and what you did to cope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megistias Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I was just curious if others went through this too and what you did to cope. 101698[/snapback] Yes, I did. I studied the "wrong" things, moved far away, married a woman they'd never met and started a family. Our careers/education/interests are antithetical to their worldview. That's not why we chose it, it's what we find interesting. "In spite of" instead of "out of spite". I am bound to my wife and my children. I din't seek anything from my parents. I didn't hate them or even dislike them, I just didn't/don't put any energy into having a "relationship" with them. Same with the in-laws. It wasn't long before they started calling, asking questions, and then visiting. If religion comes up (rarely now), wife and I look at each other and then back, and say "Huh" or "Oh", if it comes up a second time, we just explain that we're not feeling very superstitious. They're welcome to grab a Bible - there are several in the bookshelf next to the Quran, BOM, Dead Sea Scrolls, Watchtower society, astrology, and tarot books. So, take the mantle as head of family - you have a daughter, right ? And find another wife - life is too precious and fun to go it alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 cincyunixguy, You deconverted so recent that I think they are still in shock. I believe (or at least wish for your sake) that it's only temporary, and they will eventually grow used to it. Most likely, they don't know how to handle it emotionally yet. They need to find a new "platform" or common ground to be able to talk to you in a casual way. What's happening to them right now is probably that they think of your deconversion and that you're "going to Hell", and they don't know how to handle it. Give them time, and show them that you're even a better person now than before. Make them feel that you are not worse off, but better off, and they'll turn around (eventually... hopefully...). Welcome to the board Cxcscnnxjsyygnxs, how did you spell it again? I know what "guy" is, and "unix", but what is "cincy"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I think Cincy is short for Cinncinnati, if I spelled it correctly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megistias Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I think Cincy is short for Cinncinnati, if I spelled it correctly. 101729[/snapback] I think you're right. From his website: Biking "... in the cincy area.." Oh, I see he has a collection of kids and not just the one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdf99 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 Correct! People from Cincinnati will say they are from the "cincy" area which is where I'm from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 So, which incarnation of Unix are you on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdf99 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 HP-UX cshell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Fascinating... We do have an inordinate amount of Linux users here....and at least one BSD user. SuSE 10 here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Aaaaaah....techie nerd talk....eating my braaaaain!!! Welcome cincyunixguy, I'm a jackass till you get to know me, then I'm an asshole Your plight is very familiar to a number of people here, so this place is great for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Aaaaaah....techie nerd talk....eating my braaaaain!!! Oooooooh! Asimov is getting emotional! One of those rare occasions... Welcome cincyunixguy, I'm a jackass till you get to know me, then I'm an asshole ... 101751[/snapback] Almost true! But you're alway, always, straight on forward and honest. Which is a very good thing. Just wanted our new member to now that little fact... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 *pssst...you forgot sexy and smart....* Anyways, back to cincyunixguy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 *pssst...you forgot sexy and smart....* Anyways, back to cincyunixguy! 101760[/snapback] And has an ego bigger than Kirk's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdf99 Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 This site is definatly refreshing. Its nice to know we're not alone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 This site is definatly refreshing. Its nice to know we're not alone! 101766[/snapback] I'm glad you enjoy it, it has certainly helped me through doubtful periods and supported me during some bad times. I love everyone (except Khan ) here because they support and challenge me in one way or another. What kind of things do you enjoy studying, cincy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 *pssst...you forgot sexy and smart....* Anyways, back to cincyunixguy! 101760[/snapback] You didn't pay me enough to say that too. It'll cost ya'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 (except Khan )101770[/snapback] Blasphemy!!! I oughta smite you where you stand! I must warn you this forum has the tendancy to draw a person in and gives one a feeling of family, even to the point of playfully bashing each other..... Yes Fweethawt, I am talking about you too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Yes Fweethawt, I am talking about you too.... 101774[/snapback] I'm Psychic! (no! Not pside-kick) Somehow I knew Fwee would be mentioned... how can that be? I must have powers! Cheeeeese! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Welcome cincyunixguy, I'm a jackass till you get to know me, then I'm an asshole 101751[/snapback] Fuck! Now you tell me. And all this time I liked you. I just can't get with the program. Cincy, that sucks. I can't believe your mom can be so cold. I guess/hope Hans is right. I hope that it is just shock. My parents, while the don't accept my deconversion, fortunately have not distanced themselves from me. It would be tougher than hell if they did I can tell you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Welcome cincyunixguy, I'm a jackass till you get to know me, then I'm an asshole 101751[/snapback] Fuck! Now you tell me. And all this time I liked you. I just can't get with the program. It's righteous assholish love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 Hi, welcome. You are not the only one who has gone through this. IMHO, many Christians are judgemental because they are brainwashed to be. Many of them don't know how to be anything else, especially the fundies. When you have a religion that teaches you that god will judge people in the very end and some of them will burn for all of eternity, you don't want to be one of the people who will go to hell. So you don't associate with them and you do look down on them because you "know" they will be burning in hell, but you won't be. The problem with that is that I don't think anyone actually deserves to burn in hell for all of eternity. Maybe like a million years for a serial killer or child abuser or something. But eternity? Come on. Why torture people for all of eternity for a finite crime? Nobody deserves that. And why torture people for all of eternity just because they were born in other countries, or families that weren't religious? That's unjust. IMHO, the hell doctrine is only what human beings want as vengeance, so that's why they put it in there. And it serves as a mind control device, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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