NaturalMary63 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Congrats on being true to yourself and honest with her. Be strong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I also feel this morning that my confession to her was also a final confession to the bible god and that's got me all bummed out. My emotions are all over the place this morn.....It's like I don't know who I really am anymore........... I know it takes time. To me, my deconversion is like being married to 'god the father' for 35 years and now he's gone and I don't quite know what to do with myself or how I should choose to be with this new freedom........It's a lonely feeling..... When you write this, Margee, you are expressing what many of us have and are going through. For some of us, learning intellectually that Christianity is a false religion does not address the emotional side of things. And if we as human beings are anything, we are emotional creatures. Don't ever think that you should suppress the emotions. Acknowledge them and that is the first step to helping yourself come to emotional terms with the truth. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted August 17, 2011 Author Moderator Share Posted August 17, 2011 I also feel this morning that my confession to her was also a final confession to the bible god and that's got me all bummed out. My emotions are all over the place this morn.....It's like I don't know who I really am anymore........... I know it takes time. To me, my deconversion is like being married to 'god the father' for 35 years and now he's gone and I don't quite know what to do with myself or how I should choose to be with this new freedom........It's a lonely feeling..... When you write this, Margee, you are expressing what many of us have and are going through. For some of us, learning intellectually that Christianity is a false religion does not address the emotional side of things. And if we as human beings are anything, we are emotional creatures. Don't ever think that you should suppress the emotions. Acknowledge them and that is the first step to helping yourself come to emotional terms with the truth. Thank you for that Overcame - I really appreciate your opinions. When you say it - I know there's truth to it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freespirit Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Congratulations, Margee. I'm sure you will kind of drift apart, but still love each other as I have done with some of my old friends. I really don't want to get together with them as we have nothing in common anymore and they feel like they need to convert me. It's nice you have things out in the open for yourself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agnosticator Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Margee, I would be ecstatic to have a friend like you! I am an accepting person when it comes to friends. They can be bible-thumpers and I'll accept them as they are, and I think you are like this too. But if they don't do likewise, there is no friendship. By the way, if you were a man, I would tell you that you have BIG BRASS BALLS! So, I'll tell you that you have GUTS, OK? What you did is emotionally draining, so you need some recovery time. Don't judge yourself. You had to let your friend know who you are at some point in time. Go do something fun or calming just for yourself. Free your mind from self-criticism and may you find your peace. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Margee, There's nothing I can add to what's already been said here. I was talking with someone the other day about a friendship of mine that blew up when I started airing my doubts. I thought we had more in common than that. But obviously not. Yeah, it hurts. Part of yin yang, I guess. Hopefully, you can remain on some sort of speaking terms. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitchu Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Margee, add my congratulations to all the others you've received. It was a brave, brave thing to do. As for the "letting her down" aspect, consider how "let down" she would be if she were to discover that you maintained falsity with her for years beyond this point. The word "true" is an integral part of the term, "true friend." My oldest woman friend and I became friends when we were fifteen (fifty-four years ago), and recently it's become clear that our philosophical/political views are diametrically opposed. I'm not equating this divergence with the religious one which now confronts you and your friend, but there are parallels: our convictions are strong and each of us could choose to see the other as now being in the enemy camp. There was a period of floundering between us, for many months. Gradually, though, we've arrived at a territory that has salvaged our friendship, though it will likely never be as deep and synchronous as it was. We now focus on reminiscences -- memories of raising our babies together and of other treasured moments and adventures. It's not the rich and sometimes riotous closeness we had, but it's full of recognition of our past mutual importance to each other's growth, and I think we're both grateful for the feeling of kindness towards what once was. If you and your friend can come to a similar place it may be the most you can both achieve, but it's not nothing... I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trashy Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Margee, First off, congratulations for taking a difficult step. There are many old friends we have not yet specifically informed of our atheism, and it's probably something I should do. A mass coming-out to all my old xtian acquaintances. OTOH, I enjoy interacting w/ them on Facebook now and then. But I'm sure they see my 'Atheist' selection under 'Religion' which probably explains how so few of them talk to me very much... Any way, to answer your original question, I think that whether or not you claim atheism or agnosticism, simply stating that you no longer believe pretty much puts you outside the camp. It is one thing to pray for someone who has simply 'backslid' (stopped attending services) but most xtians know that people who stop believing rarely if ever come back to the fold. To continue a relationship with you would mean facing almost certain defeat. I wouldn't be surprised if she misses your next meeting. Of course there could also be an 'intervention' attempt, possibly. Who knows really? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ThereIsNoGod Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 It's painful reading such testimonies..........what can I say? I hate traditions. I hate that we are handed the gods, messiahs, bibles, heavens, hells, angels, fairies, boogie men and whatever else, of our forefathers. All these things just make complete idiots out of us.......how can adults teach such things to their children? At least we learn the truth about Father Christmas/Santa Claus fairly early on in our lives. There is a place for fiction in all of our realities. It's true. Adults lie to children all the time as a way of "managing them"...believing that the end justifies the means. Same goes with teachers and students.....bosses and employees.....governers and governees. Love is a cruel thing. It causes us to long to be with people who we might never be with, or people whose presence also causes us pain. I am in love with a woman whose presence in my life continually does me pain. It's like, I can't give up hope that she'll suddenly decide to let go of some of her religious beliefs and make us more compatible. Religion, Bibles and traditions don't overrule our feelings for one another. Thats what makes it so cruel. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wannabewise Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Well done, Margee!! What a load off your mind and also being relieved of the burden of feeling like you are not being true to yourself in this relationship! [Clapping, cheering...] :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity Rose Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Hugs to you Margee. You got lots of great advice here. You're in a difficult spot right now but that same uncomfortable feeling comes for many kinds of change. It might feel like you are closing one chapter but you don't know what the next chapter will bring. Accept the pain and cry a bit and then go on. Sometimes the old characters return later on in the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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