needing support from exchristians

[Taphophilia]

I found this site while looking for other people like me who have deconverted from Christianity. It was a long and painful process and maybe someday I will give my anti-testamony when I am ready.

 

A year ago I moved from Illinois to Florida to be near my retired parents who have been having medical problems and since I am a divorced single mom, they could help me with the kids.

 

I feel very isolated in my unbelief. My parents wanted me to attend church with them, and I tried for a while to go. I even got involved with AWANA's just to make them happy, but I was so uncomfortable and depressed by going to church that I just couldn't take it anymore. My kids, who know the basics of Christianity, just found what they were told insanely stupid.

 

My 13 y/o daughter was kicked out of Sunday School for being disruptive. She asked questions that the teacher could not answer. They also asked that I not let her go to the Youth Group until I could get her under control. She tends to be outspoken in her opinoins.

 

I found a job here working for a doctor and the whole office including the doctor was all "Born Again". Again, I was uncomfortable and depressed. I had to endure all these people, including the patients talking freely about their "walk with the lord". What could I say?, except to blankly stare. I hated it and I quit.

 

The people here tend to think that I am a good Chrstian woman. Why?, becasue I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don' t sleep around, and I try to be good mother. They think that people who don't really believe in god can't have morals or would want to set a good example for their kids.

 

It seems like everywhere I go here restaurants, businesses, advertisements have a cross or that stupid fish sign. I was thinking about going to the Unitarian chuch here, but they are a little too new age for me. Also, I looked up this particular church's website and they have bible study and support groups for Christianity as a valid path. Ugh!

[Caretaker]

Perhaps it is time to take a stand for yourself.... I wouldn't want Christians walking over me like that.

[bob]

It can be a lonely life, this non believing life. My girlfriend is a Christian, and I attend church with her every Sunday, just because I want to be with her. I guess I can put up with a couple hours of non-sense once a week, for her. She knows I am an atheist.

I do not personally know any other atheists here in my town. Five years since my deconversion and I haven't found one, not a single one. But, I am not really looking. I tend to keep it a secret. Being self employed, the last thing I need is for my business to suffer because Christians found out they had been paying an evil atheist.

Taphophilia, I feel your pain.

[Celsus]

I found this site while looking for other people like me who have deconverted from Christianity.  It was a long and painful process and maybe someday I will give my anti-testamony when I am ready.

 

A year ago I moved from Illinois to Florida to be near my retired parents who have been having medical problems and since I am a divorced single mom, they could help me with the kids.

 

I feel very isolated in my unbelief.  My parents wanted me to attend church with them, and I tried for a while to go.  I even got involved with AWANA's just to make them happy, but I was so uncomfortable and depressed by going to church that I just couldn't take it anymore.  My kids, who know the basics of Christianity, just found what they were told insanely stupid. 

 

My 13 y/o daughter was kicked out of Sunday School for being disruptive.  She asked questions that the teacher could not answer.  They also asked that I not let her go to the Youth Group until I could get her under control.  She tends to be outspoken in her opinoins.

 

I found a job here working for a doctor and the whole office including the doctor was all "Born Again".  Again, I was uncomfortable and depressed.  I had to endure all these people, including the patients talking freely about their "walk with the lord".  What could I say?, except to blankly stare.  I hated it and I quit.

 

The people here tend to think that I am a good Chrstian woman.  Why?, becasue I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don' t sleep around, and I try to be good mother.  They think that people who don't really believe in god can't have morals or would want to set a good example for their kids.

 

It seems like everywhere I go here restaurants, businesses, advertisements have a cross or that stupid fish sign.  I was thinking about going to the Unitarian chuch here, but they are a little too new age for me.  Also, I looked up this particular church's website and they have bible study and support groups for Christianity as a valid path.  Ugh!

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Living in the Bible Belt is difficult for those of us who not only do not share the Christian faith, but have actively renounced it. Just Saturday, Dave (webmaster) and I were talking and he asked me how I stand living in the Bible Belt. Frankly, in my real life, I have to keep my religioous views to myself, with the exception of close friends and even then they simply respect that I am not a believer. I understand what Khan is saying and I really wish reality was like that. However, when you have a responsibility to feed children, pay a mortgage, etc. you sometimes have to keep your mouth shut to stay employed and not be ostracized by society. The tactic that I use to avoid these issues in any group setting (work, my son's scouting, etc.) is to say I do not discuss politics or religion in polite company. Personally, I found that I was able te replace the community aspect that was lost with church with pouring myself into non-secterian volunteerism. In my case, I have worked in volunteer emergency services for the last 6 years and am now the chief of a Search & Rescue Team (like a Volunteer Fire Dept.). Regardless, there are literally hundreds or thousands of different secular types of volunteer organzations to join. The American Red Cross, adult literacy programs, etc. are good venues. You might also find one that you and your children cann participate in together. As I tell folks frequently, "Two hands working, does more than a thousand hands praying".

 

Bruce

[Thurisaz]

It seems like everywhere I go here restaurants, businesses, advertisements have a cross or that stupid fish sign. 

 

I know that feeling.

 

Here's how I countered (bumper stickers on my car):

 

(Explanation: To the left, Mjolnir - Thor's hammer, the most prominent symbol of my heathen faith. To the right: Odin's ravens Hugin and Munin having fun with the jebus fish)

[All Gods Fail]

Well, that's tough, Taphophilia. Sorry to hear you've landed in such a den of believers.

 

I wish I could sympathize with you more, but I have almost no friends who are xtians. All of my current friends I made after leaving the faith. I couldn't stand to be around fundies/believers after I recovered from xtianity.

 

There's a lot of non-believers out there - much more than the church is comfortable talking about.

[Taphophilia]

Well, that's tough, Taphophilia. Sorry to hear you've landed in such a den of believers.

 

I wish I could sympathize with you more, but I have almost no friends who are xtians. All of my current friends I made after leaving the faith. I couldn't stand to be around fundies/believers after I recovered from xtianity.

 

There's a lot of non-believers out there - much more than the church is comfortable talking about.

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I don't hang with Christians. I don't hang with anyone. I live in the world capital of NASCAR! Jesus, Dale Earnhart Sr., and Bush are considered national heroes, in that order.

[All Gods Fail]

Well, I live in the bosom of the CRC - the Calvinist Reformed Church. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a damn xtian around here. Every other car has either a fish, '8', or 'God Bless Our Troops' sticker on the back of it. Oy...

 

But my point is, there must be some people who aren't fundie shitheads. I even have a couple of cool xtian friends, too - they aren't exactly bible-thumpers (one of them smokes pot and dabbles in philosophy).

 

Look around - get involved in secular groups or activities and you may be surprised to find others like you!

 

Or, you could always move someplace cooler.

[☆ TexasFreethinker ☆]

Welcome Taphophilia.

 

It can seem overwhelming at times, especially in the South where it seems that everyone is a fundamentalist christian.

 

However, there are non-believers everywhere and I'd encourage you to search them out. This site is an excellent place to begin and great resource for information and friendship.

 

I also find it helpful to subscribe to freethought periodicals such as Freethought Today from www.ffrf.org and Free Inquiry. Freethought Today, in particular, has articles about non-believer activities around the nation. It's great to read about all the non-believer activities.

 

Good luck and welcome to this site.

 

TF

[greasemonkey]

Hi Taph!

 

I live in the Dallas area, and feel your pain. I stayed quiet with my beliefs for a few years, but eventually I broke out of the mold. When I started my present job, I stayed quiet about it until somebody actually ASKED. Everyone seemed to think I was a christian too ...I don't tend to cuss much (rare in a mechanic), and tend to be ethical to a fault in my work & people tend to just ...assume. I can't say it worked out as negative in any sense of the word, if anything it opened thier eyes a little bit. My best buds at work are all christian, and we have never had any conflicts about it. In fact, we often have some really great discussions, and we always drop the subject if things start to get heated. I'm lucky in that a good number of the guys I work with are college educated, and have been in contact with other worldviews. I wasn't really that shocking to any of them.

 

At first it can be pretty difficult. My dad is a (retired) southern-baptist minister & family gatherings really used to be hard. They still invite me to church around the holidays, but refusing has become a lot easier in my later years. Both my brothers are also athiest/agnostic, and that makes things a lot easier. We don't get offended by a little prayer, but we won't say the prayer either (and they HAVE tried...).

 

I can make one suggestion that might help you out quite a bit. I'm not a HUGE social animal myself, but a really good happy medium would be to find your local Unitarian Universalist church. Most of them tolerate all faiths (and lack-of's), and here in Dallas, we even have one that caters primarily to earth religions. They can be a good stepping-stone for coming out, and they generally have an utter acceptance policy for athiests (I obviously can't speak for all of them though). You can be with people who accept and maybe even share your views, and since you are going to "church" it might satisfy your parents peace of mind without sacrificing your own. My oldest brother is an athiest, a homosexual, and he LOVES his (Unitatian) church! It's just a suggestion, but might be worth looking into.

 

All the religious crap (especially since dubya took office) has been pretty nauseating to me as well. It really sticks in my craw that so many of these folks actually think that THEY are the ones being persecuted!!! If there was really a hell, I think it would consist of having to be with those jerks for eternity.

 

chin up! It DOES get easier...

[Ro-bear]

I feel very isolated in my unbelief. 

 

Yes, the Bible Belt can be a real bummer. I pass a dozen churches every day during my fifteen mile drive to work. The sad part is that if I were to go up or down a block from any of them, I'd find another. Little Jesus fish everywhere. People coming up to you complaining about the persecution suffered by Christians at the hands of "liberal activist judges" and "the left-wing media" and assuming that you agree with them. It's hard to take. Once I "come out" with people, though, I find that most are tolerant. I don't have to conceal my nonbelief, but I don't throw it in people's faces.

 

I hope you adjust soon to your surroundings if you can't change them.

[Taphophilia]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I didn't mean to be an attention whore.

I came to this forum feeling depressed and isolated. Just knowing that I am not alone has helped me so much in just the very short time I have been on the forum.

Your words and advice have been very helpful and insightful. I cannot express my gratitude enough for being kind, considerate, and understanding of me.

[JeffXL]

I didn't mean to be an attention whore.

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Not even close.

 

"Encouraging Ex-Christians" is the motto here. Love having you here, love your input!

 

That much bullshit constantly floating around would be hard for me to deal with. Where I work, I kept getting these religious e-mails that were sent out by a couple of people in our department. I usually just deleted them, not really caring if they wanted to send them. But the last straw were the idiotic threats of hell, so I just sent a link from "The Straight Dope" about when Hell was invented. I also came out as an atheist, and the e-mails nearly stopped.

 

Then there was the local reverend who is married to one of our board members. He's not praying before any public library events anymore, since I bitched about it (we also have Wiccans, other atheists, and Jehovah's Witnesses working there).

 

What is AWANA? I was born into Lutheranism. I've seen it on Baptist churches 'round here.

 

Welcome, Taphophilia!

[Ouroboros]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words.  I didn't mean to be an attention whore.

No, you're not an attention whore. This is an attention whore:

 

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

I can only imagine how hard it must be to live down there in

the Bible Belt as a non-christian. Hopefully, over time, you

can find people down there who don't belong to the christian

death cult. In the meantime, you've got a lot of friends here!

 

{{{Taphophila}}}

[Asimov]

[quote name=Taphophilia' date='Nov 15 2005, 03:58

No, you're not an attention whore. This is an attention whore:

 

mmmmm....those nubile attention whores.

[Taphophilia]

AWANA is an acronym that stands for "All Workmen Are Needfully Approved"

It's taken from a verse in the Bible. The acronym is supposed be indian sounding to entice the kids.

It's a fun and games while being bribed into assimilation specifically for children program.

 

The worst part of the program, for me, was having to hear the other moms talk.

 

They went on and on about how evil Harry Potter was. They were afraid if their kids read Harry Potter they would start practicing witchcraft and become Satanists.

 

They went on and on how they had to leave their house for halloween, because they were afraid their children may be tramatized by seeing the non-christian kids dressed up like monsters (like their kids didn't know the difference between a little kid dressed up like a monster and a real monster)

 

They talked about how terrible public schools were (All their kids were homeschooled)

 

I honestly don't know how they expect their kids to become functioning adults.

[Taphophilia]

HanSolo

That was too funny!

[Ouroboros]

AWANA is an acronym that stands for "All Workmen Are Needfully Approved"

It's taken from a verse in the Bible.  The acronym is supposed be indian sounding to entice the kids.

It's a fun and games while being bribed into assimilation specifically for children program.   

 

The worst part of the program, for me, was having to hear the other moms talk.

 

They went on and on about how evil Harry Potter was.  They were afraid if their kids read Harry Potter they would start practicing witchcraft and become Satanists.

 

They went on and on how they had to leave their house for halloween, because they were afraid their children may be tramatized by seeing the non-christian kids dressed up like monsters (like their kids didn't know the difference between a little kid dressed up like a monster and a real monster)

 

They talked about how terrible public schools were (All their kids were homeschooled) 

 

I honestly don't know how they expect their kids to become functioning adults.

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When I grew up it was the Lord of the Rings that would make you go crazy and loony-magical and supernaturally satanic etc etc...

 

But that has been approved through time as an innocent story, and now it even has become a "Christian" allegory story... (It's true, I've heard it. )

 

So today we will have burning of Harry Potter books, but 30-40 years from now, Harry Potter will be Christinized and approved, and a must-read in Churches to show "God's love" and "the miracles of friendship" or whatever dravel.

 

But some other magical, scary book, will be then new fuel to the fires... *sigh* idiocy at it's best.

 

Even violins were the "instrument of the devil" when they first came out hundreds of years ago, and now it's considered old fashioned church to have violins. Electric guitar was not approved in the Church I grew up in, because it was the "rock instrument, and rock is from the devil", but now days, it's okay!?

[Curtdude]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words.  I didn't mean to be an attention whore.

No, you're not an attention whore. This is an attention whore:

 

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Han, you made me totally crack up! Thanks man!

 

Welcome, Taphophilia! You are most certainly not alone. But I'll bet working, paying the bills and trying to raise kids can make feelings of being alone more intense.

 

Take it easy, and again, welcome.

[Taphophilia]

Yes, that IS true. They LOVE Lord of the Rings.

 

Didn't know about the violin, thanks for the info.

 

I had a friend who was in law school who said that the law was 20 years behind the times Upon further discussion, we decided that churches are 40 years behind the times. I would say you are right about that. What is considered evil now in forty years churches will just be catching up to it.

[Taphophilia]

Thank you Curtdude

[Taphophilia]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words.  I didn't mean to be an attention whore.

I came to this forum feeling depressed and isolated.  Just knowing that I am not alone has helped me so much in just the very short time I have been on the forum. 

Your words and advice have been very helpful and insightful.  I cannot express my gratitude enough for being kind, considerate, and understanding of me.

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oh no no, DANIEL 1021. Is the Attention whore. well there's also me. ha ha ha. You just feel suffocated and toxicified by Christian cuddly love bombing (insincere outbursts of fake happy emtions.) What really works for me, is just turning brian off when you are in church.... or sleeping . Many Mormons I found were sleeping (well the sabbath meetings are 4 HOURS long as opposed to the 45-1hour quicky the regular churchs give).

 

But if you really want some funnnn. I'd suggust you learn how to activate your Chakras, and drain their Za energy (what ever these Christians are feeling when they give out to the lord on Sundays). Because God is merely a energy being, who vacumns our souls, so vaculm back.

 

I'm serious btw. That's what I did when I was a Mormon, I just pretened to drain them like a Darth Malak, does on the last level of Knights of the Old Republic, and that is to drain their souls. Well they tried to drain mine.

 

If not, you can let the bordom of church, knock you out, and you take a slight nap. And if they get mad at you.... just say you're RESTING aka Sabbath.

 

You have a fiesty 13 year old daughter. She has a spirit and brain of her own. When I was 13 I was stupid and did drugs to be comformed and "cool". good for her that she's an individual. you should be proud.

 

I did what she did, when I was Mormoned. I kept on asking questions in Sunday school (even called that for us adults in my case). It was fun, very fun. It was ALMOST worth the mind numbing soup ga of Sabbath.

 

Infact do what you are doing to me right now at this instance. Tuneing me out. LOL. I dont' mind. I love it when people tune me out. I'm crazy. man crazy, nothing I say makes sense.

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ganjacat,

 

No tuning out, though that was funny. I really respect what you say about the chakra thing.

 

This summer Morman Missionaries were at my door, and at my door, and at my door, etc. etc. I made the mistake of not being rude to them right away.

 

Don't you HAVE to do missionary work in the morman church if you are not married by a certain age?

[spamandham]

I live in the Dallas area, and feel your pain.

 

GM, welcome from a fellow dallasite! There seem to be several of us here.

 

I didn't mean to be an attention whore.

 

It's ok, all whores are welcome here! By the way, welcome!

 

It's tough to be an odd duck. I guess I didn't realize Florida was in such a state of faith. I've always thought Dallas was the buckle of the buybull belt. If you look around, you will find others like yourself, or at least who don't care. It took some keen observation at the place I work to find those who are not fundamentalist nutjobs. Out of forty people, I've found 2 I can talk to openly about religion and do not feel the need to hide that I'm an atheist.

 

How do you do it? You bring up subjects in the news that will set fundies off and see how people react without taking a position yourself. "Did you see Prop 2 that just passed? What do you think of that?" "I just saw Bush talking about faith based initiatives."

 

(if you see it isn't going well, interject with 'wow, I guess I hadn't thought of that before' to head off the natural questions they might have about your perspective. It makes them think you are just wanting the opinions of a sage and they will like you more for it instead of holding your dissenting opinion against you).

 

If they pass the first hurdle, you can be a bit more direct next time "kansas is debating ID. That seems pretty lame."

 

By the third conversation you know where they stand and can just outright say "I don't even believe in god anymore".

 

If you gain the trust of one individual, you can start asking them about others. Odds are they've done something similar already with a couple of others.

[Thurisaz]

GF ME. 11G

 

Translation. Girl Friend. Me 11 Thousand dollars.

jk man. You have a nice car.

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Nice idea... sadly, that's a "0" at the end.

 

You know, when I re-registered my car after moving home, after the administration clerk asked me whether I had any preferences within the obligatory pattern of German license plates, the thought crossed my mind that the day before I had enjoyed piloting this one in a computer game...

...and thus, I thought "Why not - let's check whether the short form of "Messerschmitt 110" is available. And lo and behold, it was...