thanksgiving prayer?

[Guest DaoJones]

I see you are from Texas, do you live in Houston? Is that the Whole Foods on West Alabama and Kirby you're talking about? I love that place. I used to go there to buy fresh ground buffalo. Buffalo burgers are so good!!! Sorry for the off topic remarks.

[pandora]

I see you are from Texas, do you live in Houston? Is that the Whole Foods on West Alabama and Kirby you're talking about? I love that place. I used to go there to buy fresh ground buffalo. Buffalo burgers are so good!!! Sorry for the off topic remarks.

 

 

Mmmm... buffalo burgers are yummy. Much more flavorful than beef!

 

Anyway, I think the best thing to do is not bow your head but stand quietly, as you guys have said. I just hope my husband or I don't get asked to pray... that would be disastrous.

[I Broke Free]

When provided with a lovely Thanksgiving meal at the home of a friend or family I will typically respect whatever the house tradition is, within reason. If they pray, I will even go so far as to hold hands with those next to me. I do not however close my eyes or bow my head. I typically just sit there staring at the food and wonder how long this going to take, or if it becomes necessary, I try and maintain my composure so as not to laugh.

 

If I am hosting Thanksgiving then we just dig in and have a nice afternoon. So far no one has ever suggested that we pray. If someone did, I think I would tell them to please pray before sitting themselves at the table.

 

IBF

[Pariah]

Thank you to ***school district for providing the job that gave me the paycheck and also to ***moving and storage and ****relocation services for the other paychecks that allow us to buy our own food. And thank you to the government for providing the school district that provides the job. And the parents of the kids who send their kids to the school...also helping to create a need for me to have a job.

 

That's smart, Lizard. I wish people would thank each other instead of thanking their stupid god for every little thing.

Just yesterday my dad was praying and he was thanking God for something good I did. That just infuriates me.

[Dianka]

Just sit in tolerant, respectful silence as those around you pray.

 

 

How fantastic for you that you have a family that allows respectful silence while the rest of the family prays. I, on the other hand would probably end up having to walk out of the house for the evening to avoid the screaming from all directions that I am sure would be the result of my respectful silence.

 

My family is crazy, but it is the only family I have. I would rather avoid the fallout; who cares if I am mirroring negative behavior.

 

If Willy's family is as tolerant as mine is, I would say lie.

 

I believe that respectful silence is the best...don't join in the group amen at the ending either. I believe that individuals that attempt to hide who they are or alter it for certain people create dissonance between their beliefs and their actions. It is psychologically healthy to express who you are and not compromise your beliefs, and you can do this without being disrespectful. In the case of parents that would scream at a their child for not joining in a prayer, I would really question the quality of any visits with this family. People, family or not, should respect you and your boundaries- I am sure screaming is not something anyone wants to experience. If your family screams at you about your beliefs and practices, maybe you should consider whether you should spend time with them. Even family should earn the privelege to spend time with you by respecting who you are and what you believe. If they don't do that, you should maybe consider witholding visiting.

 

And, please don't shoot me, these are just my thoughts on the matter- just hoping to be able to help someone be able to be who they are

 

Best wishes for the holidays.

 

Tell me something, how do I avoid visiting the family I live with? Sure I can say I won't participate because I don't believe in God, take the yelling and the screaming walk out of the house, come back home, and take more yelling and screaming for the next few weeks every time I come across intolerant members of the family I live with, but it is not worth it. I won't change them, and I don't care to. 2 things : A.) We are a family that has gone through many bad times together. Yes I belong to a screwed up family that is intolerant, but besides being bigots and hypocrites they are not bad people. I know they all love me too. B.) My disbelief in God is not as important to me as keeping close with my family. If I was a Christian, and felt like I had something to fight for, I would be compelled to keep away from my family. If they never accepted me, no sweat, I am going home to God, and I can go to church and feel like I belong there.

 

I think people fail to realize that there are some families that are not even remotely functional, but still remain close. That would be my family. Yeah, I have to give up the luxury of expressing my disbelief, but it is not like I have to prove myself to some diety. Screw it. Nothing less than a familial lobotomy will change my crazy gene pool. I will be pretending, and I see no problem with it.

[Brutal Brian]

I'm still waiting for the opportunity to say,

"God damn I'm hungry. Let's eat!"

 

Nice one Fwee.

 

I place my hands behind my back and mumble.

 

Solves the problem. Do the same thing at Christmas dinner also.

[Guest The Walking Fox]

I'll hold hands and bow my head, but I don't pray. My stepfamily is aware that I'm not Christian, and I'm aware that they are. I don't interrupt their pre-meal ceremony, and the hand-holding contributes to the "family" feel of it, so it's not a huge deal.

 

Besides, they can't really expect me to engage in the sing-along... Holiday prayers are conducted in Norweigan

[Karissa]

Sorry- I should not have assumed (we all know what that does) that you didn't live with your family. That does present more of a problem. However, you might be suprised if you did try to talk to them about your changing beliefs, they might actually listen. Sometimes people can really suprise you with their reactions. And maybe not. Just a thought. I do hope things go well with you and your family. And I want you to know that I in NO WAY was trying to tell you what to do, just suggesting something- doesn't work for everyone, and that is just fine. You will find your own way

[Lizard]

I see you are from Texas, do you live in Houston? Is that the Whole Foods on West Alabama and Kirby you're talking about? I love that place. I used to go there to buy fresh ground buffalo. Buffalo burgers are so good!!! Sorry for the off topic remarks.

I almost missed this. Nope, I'm in San Antonio. I never tried the buffalo burgers. I saw those there. I did get the ham..at $7.99 a pound! A very small one, lol..wasn't overly impressed though, I prefer turkey. But, hey, I didn't get sick! So, that's a plus.

[MQTA]

Just sit in tolerant, respectful silence as those around you pray.

 

I respect the decisions of others regarding these prickly situations, but I would never pretend to pray. Why mirror the hypocrisy we see in others?

 

My son and daughter just sit there and then we comment to each other afterwards.

 

I wrote out my Thanks and had my wife and kids read it the night before. They knew I'd not be able to say anything at dinner, but they knew what I had written. Everyone who mumbled their normal routine thanks god for this, god for that, and gave a whole bunch of demands watch over this watch over that.

 

My thanks was to people. They never heard it and don't even know, but my thanks was to them, for feeding my family at all these holiday dinners and parties they throw. Also thanking my MIL, FIL and mother (2nd T-giving without her for me).

 

They're just too wrapped up in ritual to care about what really would matter. We use these events as openers to talk with our kids about things. They provide plenty of fodder.

[willybilly30]

I wonder why people bless the food on thanksgiving but do not really care to do it any other time. If god did not care the other times, why would god care on thanksgiving?

I just looked at the table of food thinking I wish he would hurry the fuck up im getting hungry.

[FirstInTheDance]

I said pretend to pray. My hubby and I had Thanksgiving at my parents' house, and it wouldn't work just to sit "respectfully" at my family's dinner table. Someone would notice and comment if I didn't "pray" so personally, I'd rather mirror the hypocrisy, avoid World War 3, and enjoy the holiday.

[Guest marcion]

Good question! Great discussion.

 

Apparently, though, I have a much different approach than many of you who say: pretend, try to be respectful, don't cause waves, don't cause dissonance, etc. Three points:

 

{A} It is Fundamentalist Christianity that claimes to be pro-family but in fact drives wedges between family members. That's hypocrisy. I'm not sure about the rest of you, but my family judges me harshly every time I visit. I've ready plenty of similar experiences on this discussion board. We are *not* the ones causing the problem - don't blame the victims. Let's be honest: Intolerance, as preached by fundamentalists, is the problem.

 

{B} We (as progressive thinkers, as progressive spiritualists, as secular humanists, etc), have a responsibility to "come out of the closet"! If we sit & pretend (to pray, to listen, to go to their churches, etc), we are enabling this ugly, intolerant behavior.

 

They are addicts. They are addicted to their religion, and they are not sober. Families of alcoholics often cover up the abuse of the drunken father, and refuse to call him what he is -- a drunk! I believe we should be honest and truthful about their behavior: it is offensive, it is abusive, it is disprespectful, etc. If we don't have the power to do this, then we haven't done our healing work around these issues.

 

{C} What I do at family prayer time? Here's what I've tried in the past:

 

1. Once, when asked to pray, I said a prayer to Vishnu, Buddha, and Mother Earth. But later I learned it was interpreted as sarcasm, & just doesn't work.

 

2. When asked to read the bible story for the family Christmas celebration, I hid a copy of The Infancy Gospel of Thomas, and read that instead of the traditional nativity story. (The Infancy Gospel is very funnd - a young mischevious Jesus misuses his super powers & does things like snap his fingers causing a neighbor to fall off his roof, etc.). Also I learned this didn't work.

 

3. I use the bible against them - I say: "I'm sorry, Jesus rebuked people who pray outloud as pharisees and hypocrites. I follow what Jesus says".

 

4. But most of the time, I dig deep, and recognize that they refuse to find a respectful way to practive their beliefs without offending me. They can pray the other 364 days of the year - why insist on doing it so loudly around me? Why not allow for a silent prayer, or moment of silence? The answer is as painful as it is obvious: because they are being offensive intentionally!

 

So I tell them they are being offensive, and refuse to celebrate with them. This year, my girlfriend & other friends had a wonderful non-Thanksgiving celebration. Had a non-traditional meal, went to a movie, relaxed around the living room, and were thankful that none of us were fighting or judging each other.