Your new perception of sex

[saxyroze]

How has your perception of sex changed now that you don't see it through 'bible' glasses?

Are you freer now? No more guilt about it?

 

This isn't a story about me but about a friend...but it helped change my view on sex.

 

A friend of mine was raised Christian and was a huge follower of the whole “save sex for marriage” movement. She got married to someone who she thought she loved but never really thought of sexually because it wasn’t “pure and Godly” to think of someone sexually until you’re married. Well, once she got married she realized that she wasn’t sexually attracted her husband at all which ruined sex for her. She hated having sex because it hurt her, physically. It hurt because she wasn’t turned on, in fact, she said she was repulsed by him sometimes. A few years later they divorced.

 

Through her experience I’ve got to say that it’s better to understand sex, experiment a little and look at your partner sexually before actually committing.

 

By the way, now my friend is a lesbian x-Christian and actually admitted to me that she hates herself for being so “prude” in high school and wishes that she had sex before marriage.

[knowmad]

The emotional problems that people have. As in broken people. I didn't break it, I can't fix it.

 

It isn't that I am looking for that perfect person, but someone who understands that you cannot find yourself outside yourself.

 

It seems to be a collective neurosis that people are looking for their other half, like they are half a person and need someone to make them whole. People tend to believe that if they could just find that special someone then miraculously their life will instantly be wonderful. Life doesn't happen that way.

Ah yer, I learnt a little about that crazy psychological dysfunction.

Turns out the relationship with my X was basically her taking on the role of my mother,filling the void of the love I never recieved when I was a wee kiddie.

 

A very distorted foundation for marriage and it was an initial shock to have that one revealed but it did make sense and I was able to process the pain, be free from the dysfunction and truly forgive my mum after all those years.

 

Oh yeah, I know all too well the pain you speak of when you lose someone.

I read the process we go through is denial, anger, bargaining then acceptance.

 

The first 2 years of my separation was me being in denial, that's when your brain takes on the form of jelly.

Then I had one year of absolute anger at her. Intermingled with that anger was insipid bargaining.

And then came the acceptance that the relationship was over and that was 4 years of establishing that in me till I had complete peace about the decision to divorce her and never have anything to do with her.

 

Oh those were the good ol' days.

LOL slightly off topic here.

[MQTA]

I have no idea what it's like to go without sex/making love/whatever you want to call it. Even if it's alone. I've only been 10 weeks without it, 3 times in the last 23 years, surround pregnancy times. I don't know what the future holds.. will cross that bridge then

 

As long as you're happy and at peace with where you are, great.

 

Namaste

[Dhampir]

You're still gonna die.

 

Or maybe you meant to use a word other than temporal.

Who is ?

You keep using the word temporal, to describe your ex's experiences to try to keep herself superficially happy. By definition, all experiences are temporal, so you probably meant to use the word temporary. See, I am a stickler (read: an ass) for language, and proper word usage, so I'd suggest making use of a dictionary before attempting to use words with which you aren't all that familiar.

 

Oh, and also, I take slight umbrage at the self-righteousness I percieve in your posts.

[knowmad]

You keep using the word temporal, to describe your ex's experiences to try to keep herself superficially happy. By definition, all experiences are temporal, so you probably meant to use the word temporary. See, I am a stickler (read: an ass) for language, and proper word usage, so I'd suggest making use of a dictionary before attempting to use words with which you aren't all that familiar.

 

Oh, and also, I take slight umbrage at the self-righteousness I percieve in your posts.

 

Hmm, let's see shall we:

Temporal:

1. Lasting only for a time; transitory; temporary, not eternal

2. of this world; worldly, not spiritual

3. of or limited by time

 

Temporary: for a time only; not permanent

 

I guess it could be a possibility to use the word you suggest but Temporal covers that which I chose to express far better than temporary.

 

You're a stickler ey ! You should get that looked at !

And you're offended by my percieved self righteousness.

Before I comment on this matter it would be wise of me to ask you to quote me where you percieved this and explain this self righteousness you see.

That way there is no misinterpretation on my part and clarity is heightened.

 

YAY an edit button ! I'm in heaven.

Dhampir, a PM would be more appropriate than discussing this in this thread.

If admin doesn't mind going off topic then neither do I.

[Dhampir]

I was using the more scientific definition, wherein Temporal describes time itself, not the philosophy thereof. Actually, I was unaware that there was another such definition.

 

Here's to being willing to admit mistakes.

[Dhampir]

Before I comment on this matter it would be wise of me to ask you to quote me where you percieved this and explain this self righteousness you see.

Oh...

That was 12ish years ago and I still enjoy my celibacy.

Sex is one the most expressive forms of intimacy and is not meant to be a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of pleasure IE the shallow one night stand situations.

Stuff like this.

 

I just have a thing with people positing positions like this with no objective evidence for it.

 

I mean, I have been celibate for quite a while myself, but not because I want to save it for anyone, I'm not looking for Ms. Right, I'm just not looking for Ms. Right Now, right now. Sex, is sex, period. It has whatever meaning one attatches to it, therefore exists in myriad forms depending upon the individual. It is one of the most expressive forms of blah blah blah, it is a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of blah ie. the shallow blah-die-fuckin'-dah, what-the-fuck-ever.

 

I'm taking this up on the thread because I'm not horribly interested in discussing it further, and really, it's not all that off-topic.

[knowmad]

I was using the more scientific definition, wherein Temporal describes time itself, not the philosophy thereof. Actually, I was unaware that there was another such definition.

 

Here's to being willing to admit mistakes.

Well snaps to you Dhampir for admit...wait...have you admitted that you made a mistake or are you only saying you are stating how nice it is to be willing to admit mistakes ?

Argh confusion !

 

Okay enough of this silly nonsense and is there such a thing as serious nonsense ?

I believe there is and no I'm not obsessing, just curious.

[knowmad]

I just have a thing with people positing positions like this with no objective evidence for it.

Oh...

 

Sex, is sex, period. It has whatever meaning one attatches to it, therefore exists in myriad forms depending upon the individual.

So if you can say this I take it that it's okay for me to say something like this then,

Sex is one the most expressive forms of intimacy and is not meant to be a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of pleasure IE the shallow one night stand situations.

 

It is one of the most expressive forms of blah blah blah, it is a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of blah ie. the shallow blah-die-fuckin'-dah, what-the-fuck-ever.

What are you trying to express here Dhampir. What are you actually annoyed about ?

I am at a loss to figure it out, especially since I can't find "blah-die-fuckin'-dah" in the dictionary.

LOL couldn't let that one go.

 

I'm not horribly interested in discussing it further

Soo, if you're not horribly interested does that mean you are really interested ?

 

Oh wait, do you percieve my usage of the word "shallow" to be demeaning ?

[MQTA]

well, basically, all is choice. if you want to go around not having sex, that's your prerogative; and if you're a male, and it doesn't bother you, fine. gays do it all the time.. they go around every day not having sex with the opposite sex.

 

if you forego masturbation and self-pleasure, too, that's also your choice and problem. I Hope your prostate works fine into your 60s and 70s and wish you the best.

 

I sure couldn't/wouldn't go without ejaculation 3-4 days tops. Next year makes 30 Fucking years and I couldn't imagine things any other way.

[Dhampir]

So if you can say this I take it that it's okay for me to say something like this then,

 

QUOTE('knowmad')

Sex is one the most expressive forms of intimacy and is not meant to be a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of pleasure IE the shallow one night stand situations.

No...

 

What are you trying to express here Dhampir?

 

Sex, is sex, period. It has whatever meaning one attatches to it, therefore exists in myriad forms depending upon the individual. It is one of the most expressive forms of blah blah blah, it is a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of blah ie. the shallow blah-die-fuckin'-dah, what-the-fuck-ever.

That's the basic jist there, boss. Don't see how that's not clear, though if you replace the 'blah's' with what you wrote, it might be easier.

 

On the other hand I don't believe you're honestly missing the point. However, if you are, I'll try again: The basic sexual act involves phallic insertion into a vagina, followed by repeititive thrusting on the part of one or both participants to result in climax, generally a pleasing sensation accompanied by ejaculation. Some surmise that there are physical, emotional, and psychological changes the body undergoes during and preceeding. But this is not absolute.

 

Therefore, to say that Sex is one the most expressive forms of intimacy and is not meant to be a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of pleasure IE the shallow one night stand situations, as though there is some objective standard for the act, and to violate it is somehow in violation of how things are 'meant to be' is insulting. There is nothing to sex at all but what I just described; it is up to the participants to add any meaning they choose, or are compelled to put on it.

 

Oh wait, do you percieve my usage of the word "shallow" to be demeaning ? What? No, wait, don't worry about it, I don't care.

[knowmad]

Well why didn't you just say so in the first place.

How's this version,

 

For me, sex is one the most expressive forms of intimacy and for me it's unfulfilling as a device to obtain pleasure for the sake of pleasure IE the shallow one night stand situations.

 

How's that suit you, now I'm not coming across as demanding compliance to my beliefs and experiences or whatever strange perceptions you have concerning omg I'm so tired.

 

And your description of the act of sex sounds so hmmm, emotionally detached.

Might as well call it extroverted masterbating or masterbating with a friend.

LOL oh now I'm being all self righteous again I suppose.

 

You don't care? NOOO ! Okay I'll leave you alone with your dictionary.

Fuck I'm in a foul mood today, first one this year.

Why do I bother ?

What's the point of anything?

What is life really all about?

[Dhampir]

I suppose my assholiness needed a workout. Gettin' a little rusty. Good to see I still got that bite.

 

And your description of the act of sex sounds so hmmm, emotionally detached.

Exactly. Of course, there's also this:

it is up to the participants to add any meaning they choose, or are compelled to put on it.

I didn't say I have no emotional attatchment to the idea or the act itself. Obviously I do if I am willing to be so much more of a dick than usual to get my point across, parts of which you still seem to be missing somehow.

 

Oh wait, do you percieve my usage of the word "shallow" to be demeaning ?

And that just didn't make any sense.

 

Fuck I'm in a foul mood today, first one this year.

Why do I bother ?

What's the point of anything?

What is life really all about?

Wow. Hope I didn't do all that.

 

 

Well, maybe this

Fuck I'm in a foul mood today, first one this year.

Misery does love company, but not all this

Why do I bother ?

What's the point of anything?

What is life really all about?

[Dhampir]

And, just so you know:

Here's to being willing to admit mistakes.

Yes. this is a not so tacit admission of a mistake. Of my flaws, that is not one. Unwillingness to admit error, that is.

[Sofia]

 

Once I could see that I was internally whole .........

Now that I am whole.......

 

It's just not a giant void that needs filling like it used to be.

 

How does one become internally whole?

[narcissist]

Never had sex before I was a Xian (Acne faced wussy nerd)

 

Never had sex as a Xian (obedience as a cover up excuse for nerdiness)

 

Never had sex after Xian (childish, self-esteemless personality unattractive, I suppose)

 

Evolution at work.

[knowmad]

How does one become internally whole?

 

Restoration.

 

 

Never had sex before I was a Xian (Acne faced wussy nerd)

 

Never had sex as a Xian (obedience as a cover up excuse for nerdiness)

 

Never had sex after Xian (childish, self-esteemless personality unattractive, I suppose)

 

Evolution at work.

 

I was like that, then I had sex, biggest mistake in my whole life, would love to still be a virgin.

LOL these morons at church years ago, at a "men's" night, spiritually restoring their virginity.

Oh that was a surreal night. Yeah ! go xtianity go !