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Breaking The "bad" News

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How did I break the bad news? By accident. Some of you may have read about the fundy eye doctor who evangelized me and then discharged me because I didn't like it (See Formal Rejection by Fundy Professional).


I was talking with my sister who has supported me all the way out of the church. But I had gone to a "worldly" church. It was a church, none the less. And the community felt kindlier so long as they believed I "still believed." My sister had told me years ago not to tell her when or if I stop going to church. I kept that promise. After I got through telling the story she addressed me in her most somber guilt-producing voice and reminded me that she had told me not to tell her if I stop going to church. She wanted me to confirm that I still believed in God.


What to tell her? I don't believe that Jesus died for my sins. I am spiritual but she would probably not accept it as good enough. After we had hung up it occured to me to explain that God can be viewed from many different angles just like a house. I tried calling her the next day and couldn't get a hold of her. Someone told me she was at our parent's place for the night. I figured she's gone for the weekend and I fully trusted that she would understand when she got back. I can never talk with her on the phone when she's there because she is so focused on her responsibilities that she can't focus on me. So I waited till after the weekend.


Seems she talked with the rest of the family and she grilled me with all the standard test questions re God's existence. I had answers for every one of them. Mom never answered those questions when I begged her for answers so I found my own. I guess they don't like it. I don't know if God exists and I don't think it's important. Nor do I know how the universe came into existence and neither do I think it's important. I'm here on this planet and I like it. Let's just enjoy it.


Couldn't even get to that point with her. It feels like a major betrayal. I had always been allowed to share with her all the things people did against me because I was no longer in their church. This felt exactly the same to me. It never occurred to me that I was compromising the last family tie by sharing another issue. This was the first time in about twenty years that she sided with the rest of the family against me.


The unpardonable sin. Jesus said we can do what we like so long as we don't blaspheme the holy spirit. Apparently, not believing in a black and white father son and holy ghost automatically blasphemes the holy spirit. Which automatically translates into family ties.

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