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I Should Have Known Better.


Thought2Much
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I should have known better than to go to this. Well, at least it's over.

 

Today, I went to a picnic being held by my wife's friend's church. I was hoping to not have to deal with a ridiculous amount of Christianity and just be able talk with some other human beings for a bit, but with this bunch, that just isn't possible.

 

When we arrived at the picnic, within two minutes one of the guys that I know was asking me "How are things at your church?" My reply was, "Okay, I guess," and then I tried to change the topic to my kids. Then, he started talking about his "vacation" that is coming up, and how excited he is about it.

 

So, where is he planning on going with his wife for a wonderful vacation? The beach? Nah, too conventional. Florida? No way. A hiking trip in Maine or New Hampshire? Not this adventurous couple. Nope, these two exciting kids are going to the Blue Mountain Center for Continuing Indoctrination... er... Blue Mountain Christian Retreat. This is a place that I've heard a lot about over the last fifteen years or so, but I have never been to. It is a favorite among the most fundamental evangelical churchgoers here in the New Jersey, and is something I have heard recommended to married couples in order to "strengthen their marriages in the Lord." Among the highlights are guest speakers that hold seminars to tell people how to be better Christian spouses, and let people know that in order to have better relationships with each other, they just need to read their Bibles and pray their problems away. It's almost a guarantee that any speaker holding a seminar there has written a book that, by coincidence, happens to also be available at the retreat's book store. They'll even watch your kids for you and indoctrinate them while you attend your own indoctrination sessions with your spouse, just so you can focus entirely on Jesus, and how he can make you and your wife have a better marriage and better sex, because nothing turns on a couple like having more Jesus in the bedroom.

 

Even when I was a Christian, this kind of stuff just turned me right the hell off both emotionally and sexually. The funny part about my relationship with my wife is that we have had fewer fights and fewer problems of any kind than almost any couple, Christian or otherwise, that I personally know of, and yet, neither one of us has been to the indoctrination seminars or the marriage workshops at Blue Mountain. As this person at the barbeque was telling me about his and his wife's upcoming "vacation" there, the only thing I could think was how amazingly horrible that sounded to me. I mean, who the fuck takes a week off to go listen to Christians jabber about putting more Jesus in their marriage? That's such a turnoff to me, I don't know if I'd ever be able to perform sexually again after attending such nonsense.

 

Later on, the same person started babbling about how he attended a Seder that was presided over by a Christian who explained every part of the ritual in great detail, particularly how every step and every part of the meal revealed Jesus. I just tried very hard to continue eating my corn and not roll my eyes.

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I just tried very hard to continue eating my corn and not roll my eyes.

 

Maybe this guy went against your grain, but there may be a kernel of truth in what he said. Or maybe he was just a stalker.

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I just tried very hard to continue eating my corn and not roll my eyes.

 

Maybe this guy went against your grain, but there may be a kernel of truth in what he said. Or maybe he was just a stalker.

 

Nah. It was just a maize of words.

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Damn it! Hoisted by my own petard! GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

Ha-ha.

 

I eventually was only keeping one ear on the conversation.

 

I missed the opportunity to say I had been pwned, but that is no great loss. Most people wouldn't get it.

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Hominy times are you gonna subject us to this corny act?

 

You just grits your teeth and bears it.

 

Apologies to Thought2Much, for taking this thread so far...wait for it...afield. GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

I'm sorry, these puns just keep cropping up.

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Hominy times are you gonna subject us to this corny act?

 

You can just grit your teeth and sit through it.

 

EDIT: Ack! Simulpost with Ro-bear!

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thank you, T2M, you inadvertently took me to this slice of nostalgia that i had totally forgotten about. I am SO growing a rat-tail now.

 

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The funny part about my relationship with my wife is that we have had fewer fights and fewer problems of any kind than almost any couple, Christian or otherwise, that I personally know of, and yet, neither one of us has been to the indoctrination seminars or the marriage workshops at Blue Mountain.

 

 

My husband and I don't fight very much at all (we can go years between fights). One of the things I realised a long time ago is that if you are in some sort of professional job (we are both public servants in Australia), you receive training at work about raising contententious issues in a respectful way, and in a way that is most likely to have positive results. Think about all that training in giving and receiving performance feedback, courses in negotiation skills, Equal opportunity / diversity / affirmative action type training.

 

If you use the stuff you learn in those workplace courses to resolve contentious issues with your spouse, things often get resolved without being acrimonious.

 

As far as I remember, you have some sort of professional position. Have these training course perhaps worked for you on the home front?

 

Sorry if this is a derailing of the thread, but I think there is a kernal of truth there!

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When I was in highschool my step father tried to drag me down to some Texas men's retreat for Christian men to learn about God. In the middle of the night before I climbed out my window and tried to hide at the public library until he left by himself. They called my friend's mother and she found me there. When I told her what kind of place he wanted to take me she laughed and told me she would let me stay at their place tor the week. Even argued with my step father about it for me.

 

I cant imagine how horrible it would have been at the retreat.

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Oh gawd. Even as a believer I wouldn't go to "conferences" like that. The last thing I need in my marriage is that kind of crap.

 

In fact, I'm not even sure what's worse: a family indoctrination conference, or a women's "retreat". I feel icky just thinking about both!

 

My husband's siblings always go to those types of places for "vacation"... These places make me want to kill myself! Ack!

 

OMG, T2M, you are a fantastic storyteller. I miss your church stories! Thank you for this treat. :-D

 

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My husband and I don't fight very much at all (we can go years between fights). One of the things I realised a long time ago is that if you are in some sort of professional job (we are both public servants in Australia), you receive training at work about raising contententious issues in a respectful way, and in a way that is most likely to have positive results. Think about all that training in giving and receiving performance feedback, courses in negotiation skills, Equal opportunity / diversity / affirmative action type training.

 

If you use the stuff you learn in those workplace courses to resolve contentious issues with your spouse, things often get resolved without being acrimonious.

 

As far as I remember, you have some sort of professional position. Have these training course perhaps worked for you on the home front?

 

Sorry if this is a derailing of the thread, but I think there is a kernal of truth there!

 

After all of the corn puns, and then me posting a Richard Marx video from 1987, you're concerned about derailing the thread? GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

I've actually had very, very little training regarding conflict management. I've only worked for corporations large enough to care about such things for a limited time of my life. Since then, I've worked as a freelancer or a contractor, or for smaller companies that don't do that sort of training. I guess I'm just not that confrontational to begin with. I guess I just learned from my parents; even though my dad had quite a temper, I never once saw my parents actually really argue about anything.

 

Positivist, most of my in-laws never actually go ANYWHERE for vacation. The only time some of them went on a real trip out of state, it was when they all piled into one van and drove from New Jersey to Ohio to see... Rod Parsley. Oh, and I'm kind of glad to have fewer reasons to be writing now, but I'm happy that you enjoy what I have to say. :)

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My husband and I don't fight very much at all (we can go years between fights). One of the things I realised a long time ago is that if you are in some sort of professional job (we are both public servants in Australia), you receive training at work about raising contententious issues in a respectful way, and in a way that is most likely to have positive results. Think about all that training in giving and receiving performance feedback, courses in negotiation skills, Equal opportunity / diversity / affirmative action type training.

 

If you use the stuff you learn in those workplace courses to resolve contentious issues with your spouse, things often get resolved without being acrimonious.

 

As far as I remember, you have some sort of professional position. Have these training course perhaps worked for you on the home front?

 

Sorry if this is a derailing of the thread, but I think there is a kernal of truth there!

 

After all of the corn puns, and then me posting a Richard Marx video from 1987, you're concerned about derailing the thread? GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

 

GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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I'm just glad they didn't decide to have a "popcorn prayer" session at the picnic.*

 

 

 

If you don't know what this is, let me know and I'll explain it.

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