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The Shock Of Losing My Non-Existant God


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To be honest I am still quite terrified to write this down, to make it public; to actually acknowledge what I already know to be true. After fifteen years immersed deep in the Christian faith I no longer believe. Yet even now I look up and shrink back just in case I am struck by lightening; the sense of panic that I may be on my way to hell rarely leaves my side. To make matters more complicated my marriage of nine years ended only one month ago (thought not due to my loss of faith).

Losing my faith three months ago and now my marriage feels like too great a loss to bear at times. Even though I am now convinced by logic and reason that Bible-God doesn’t exist I still miss the community, comfort, assurance and stability my faith gave me. In early June, having again delved into the emotional/spiritual abuse I experienced by Christians years ago, my faith simply evaporated. It was not an intellectual decision or even an emotional reaction to my experiences. No, I simply was swiftly filled with confidence that a personal God does not exist to the same degree I had previously had it in the affirmative. I had been experiencing confusion and doubt for months and hadn’t been to church for two years but never expected to actually lose my faith, so confident was I in the ‘truth’ of Christianity.

Of course I then immediately became a research junkie trying to find and prove my God but all to no avail. The more I researched the cold hard facts surrounding the bible, Jesus and even Christian apologetics, the more my faith dwindled. What has hurt the most is that I have cried out to God, often weeping on my knees to save me from falling away from him, to reveal himself to me and to forgive me for whatever I have done to have him withdraw from me only to receive total silence; complete abandonment from the one who said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’. This truly broke my heart.

All but one of my few close friends are Christians yet even though they are still supportive I feel like I no longer fit in. I haven’t told the majority of family/friends/acquaintances as I know I will suddenly have a crowd of Christians on my tail trying to win me back into the fold and I am still frightened to give the Christian God a bad reputation (as if he needs any help!). The three Christians friends I have told give me the impression that they secretly believe I have turned away from God by going through a rebellious phase or perhaps I have entered a ‘dark night of the soul’ experience but either way he will bring me back. Most likely they can’t cope with reality as I was such a strong, genuine Christian with a deep confident faith in Christ. So basically my worldview, marriage, social support and ‘almighty comforter’ have been shattered within the space of a few months and that is after losing my physical health to Fibromyalgia, career then mental health. Even though my health is on the improve, I mean seriously WTF do you do with that much loss?! !

A little background of my faith; I have always considered myself a spiritual person, even as a child of a non-religious family but after years of depression and searching I had a ‘vision’ in a dream of Jesus and from that day on, age 22, I was 1000% all in for Jesus. My life fell apart the next year due to a very traumatic series of events. It was a dramatic spiral downhill after that and to make this brief, mostly due to the church and finances I never received the professional help I so desperately needed.

As a Christian I was very passionate, constantly evangelising (thus isolating myself from most of the planet), always reading the bible while reaching for the next spiritual high. I even preached at church a few times. Jesus was my life. To begin with I was in the Anglican Church then I moved to a very controlling non-denominational charismatic church/cult and finally to a Pentecostal church related to Hillsong Church Australia. For many years I also joyfully watched the disgraceful Word of Faith preachers on TV/internet and to my further shame became partners with four of them and pissed away thousands of dollarsL.

After high school I studied Biological Sciences at University (only completed half the degree due to depression) but within two years as a Christian I was a creationist! How an intelligent, educated woman can believe such an un-scientific, illogical myth is beyond me. But no, I believed EVERY word in the bible as if it were straight from the mouth of God and like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons said, ‘Even the parts that contradict the other parts’. To say losing my faith and having my eyes opened to ‘reality’ is a shock would be a massive understatement. I have been having panic attacks, bad dreams and have the general feeling I am losing my mind I get so confused about what is real. Now I am comforting myself with re-visiting the study of philosophy, Einstein’s theory of relativity, evolution and listening to and reading all the wonderful creative works that were silently banned by the church. In a way I feel like I am being re-born but it hurts like hell and is damn lonely with no-one in my life who can understand. Just looking at a church can cause me great anxiety and I am pretty sure I have been very damaged by the cultic elements; damage that will take a lot of time to process and gain some sort of recovery.

Sorry this has been long-winded. Obviously I am in a difficult place, hence joining this forum but I still have hope and some fight left in me. Thank you all so much for this forum, for your comments and discussions; I have been devouring this site for two months now. You all seem like genuinely excellent people and have been of great comfort and support along with providing valuable education to help me through this very confusing and painful time.

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Ummm, i seem to have the font way too small and my interests stray into my testemony. Sorry! Can someone please fix this for me? 'This is my first day', as new emplyees say when they need an excuse for a mistake yellow.gif

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Hi Wanderinstar,

 

It is painful not having someone to talk to who really can understand what you are going through. But I'm glad you finally let it out here. Physical support may not be there but there are many here whom you can talk to. Your wounds will heal, like any other, but it takes time. Expect some scars, of course, but they are a reminder that you are strong because not anyone can accept to themselves that they are in denial.

 

God is just a human concept. He exists because humans are capable of that. Truth is not like that. It's true to all, we don't even need to argue or discuss whether it exists or not because regardless of our existence truth stands. Just like the sun. The sun exists to all, even to animals. But God? No! Only to humans.

 

Anyway, welcome to exC!

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Welcome to the forum, I live in Australia too, there's a few of us on here. I spent a few years at Planetshakers in Melbourne, same sort of thing as Hillsong and similar churches. You'll find plenty of support here, don't worry :) also, reading this may help you feel better:

 

http://www.tentmaker.org/articles/ifhellisreal.htm

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Hi Wanderinstar and a warm welcome to the site that provides an incredible amount of information backed by the reality based thing I call 'truth'. What Sherlock just told you is a good and very sound piece of advice. It's all the human element creating the religious things all of us have experienced including myself.

 

While you're having a very difficult time right now, I think that years from now you'll look back on this 'dark night of the soul' as you put it as your starting journey to that thing we call 'truth'. Truth can be very painful at times but I would never trade it for anything from the cult I escaped from - the same one you're trying to leave.

 

It's interesting that you'd done exactly the same thing I and others have done after finding this place - just quietly reading for a couple of months before posting. I'm pretty sure that while you were reading dozens perhaps even hundreds of messages from these folks you realized that your problems aren't so different from what the rest of us have faced - those of us intellectually honest enough to finally realize that christianity is nothing more than another mind controlling cult.

 

Yes, you'll still experience some of those dark night's of the soul just like I and others have and will experience. But remember this - the truth will take over and settle all questions and doubts eventually.

 

(as a side note, while replying or posting you'll see at top of your message box a box titled 'font' and next to it another one titled 'size'. That's where you can make the words bigger or whatever. It looks like you cut and pasted your comment from someplace else which caused the print to be so small)

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Welcome, welcome, and know you're in a good safe place. Keep learning, keep moving forward, and I can just about guarantee that those fears will subside in time. Those fears were how you were controlled and how millions are controlled. They were put there very specifically to keep you enmeshed. The best revenge possible would be living well and free of fear.

 

Panic attacks are horrible--I know, I used to have them too even as a fundie, and even went to an ER with one once thinking it was a heart attack--but in time I realized they were my body's way of saying it loved me and wanted me to be safe. Your body notices your fear, doesn't see any lions around, and figures there must be something so it starts pumping flight-or-fight chemicals into your blood just in case you have to sprint away. I went to therapy to learn to manage them, which helped a lot. If you find that these panic attacks don't subside, or their interference is starting to hurt you in your personal and professional lives, don't hesitate to seek secular assistance. You are not alone in any part of this deconversion--not here, not RL, not anywhere. Resources abound if you need them. Many people have walked this road ahead of you, and the ground is safe.

 

Many many good wishes as you continue on the road with us.

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This will be brief as I am tired but THANKYOU so much everyone for your kind, compassionate replies. They are a great comfort to me. I will respond in detail when I have more time. This website is AWESOME :)

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Welcome, Wanderinstar! Wow--that's a lot to lose all at once! Thanks for sharing your story. The fear and disorientation will subside. Hopefully you will be able to make new friends quickly. If not, at least you have us! :)

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Hi, Wanderinstar! Welcome to Ex-C! You have come to the right place. When my faith evaporated (despite my superhuman efforts to hang onto it) I stumbled across Ex-Christian.net, and it has been an incredible source of sanity, sympathy and support for me. I would have felt very alone without it and probably needed even more therapy to get through this difficult transition!

 

Anyhow, I could really relate to your story and wanted to share a couple of things, in case it may help you. I hope that's OK. If I get too bossy, just stop reading. lol

Losing my faith three months ago and now my marriage feels like too great a loss to bear at times.

Psychological literature actually supports this. Losing ones faith is also like losing a major relationship, as one is effectively breaking up with Jesus. It represents a major shift in worldview. This, in combination with the loss of your marriage, is huge. I hope you are receiving some counseling for getting through this.

...my faith simply evaporated. It was not an intellectual decision or even an emotional reaction to my experiences. No, I simply was swiftly filled with confidence that a personal God does not exist to the same degree I had previously had it in the affirmative.

I too felt like I had actually lost the capacityi for faith. It simply atrophied and fell off. This made me question the nature of belief. I read two great books about this "feeling of knowing", which, incidentally, is not the same thing as "knowing" (who knew?). The first was "On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not" (http://www.rburton.c...e_not_63166.htm) and a Michael Shermer book called "Why People Believe Weird Things" (http://www.michaelsh...m/weird-things/). I recommend these books because they can help us unpack the nature of certainty.

 

I have also delved into neurotheology trying to understand the nature of religious/spiritual experience. You describe yourself as a spiritual person--neuroscience actually reveals that this tendency is hard-wired into who you are. Twin studies reveal that "spiritual" people are that way, regardless of their family environment. Some of us are just wired that way.

Of course I then immediately became a research junkie trying to find and prove my God but all to no avail. The more I researched the cold hard facts surrounding the bible, Jesus and even Christian apologetics, the more my faith dwindled. What has hurt the most is that I have cried out to God, often weeping on my knees to save me from falling away from him, to reveal himself to me and to forgive me for whatever I have done to have him withdraw from me only to receive total silence; complete abandonment from the one who said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’. This truly broke my heart.

I too was hurt by the fact that no one came looking for me. I was left to flounder and drown. It got easier to get past this when I realized God did not exist, and he was purely of my own making in my own head.

So basically my worldview, marriage, social support and ‘almighty comforter’ have been shattered within the space of a few months and that is after losing my physical health to Fibromyalgia, career then mental health. Even though my health is on the improve, I mean seriously WTF do you do with that much loss?! !

You are right--this is too much to bear alone. Can you see a (secular, credentialed) counselor/psychologist?

As a Christian I was very passionate, constantly evangelising (thus isolating myself from most of the planet), always reading the bible while reaching for the next spiritual high.

Our brand of Christianity (yours and mine) was very addictive. I believe that it truly is a neurochemical "high", a buzz we long for. Only we attributed it to God, when really, neuroscience can explain all of it.

 

Please keep us posted. I really feel for you. Please hear me when I say that it DOES get better; it just really sucks going through the proverbial eye of the needle. A good, content, peace-filled life awaits you on the other side.

 

Peace!

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I remember the depression and pain when I realized that perhaps just maybe god doesn't exist. Luckily it gets much, much easier as time goes on and personally for me, life is 10x better without god or worrying about it. I still live with the morals I think are important, but I can also freely make my own decisions on issues like gay marriage or evolution.

 

I still pray for god to show me the error of my ways, telling him I'm open to returning he just has to help my unbelief. Its been a year and nothing but silence, its pretty apparent that the voice of god that I once thought I heard was my own.

 

Good luck in your journey and just give it time, things WILL get better.

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My deepest thanks again to you all. For now, I won't respond individually but please know i have read and re-read every post and the encouragement I am experiencing is wonderful.

 

Many of you have shared concern I may need some counselling. You are right but thankfully I already have an excellent therapist who is well trained and experienced in general trauma and that inflicted by the church. My psychiatrist is new to me (one week) and although he is a Christian I have made it abundantly clear that if I feel he is pushing me at all in that direction then I will walk, not to mention it being un-ethical. He agreed he would only act in the capacity as a doctor and really does seem to be a good one. We will see.

 

It is still very hard for me to completely let go of the Christian/personal God even though I do agree it was and is only a concept and a creation of my mind. The information you gave about neurotheology and the 'feeling of knowing' sounds fascinating, I will have to look into that.

 

For now I still consider myself spiritual but reject the notion of a personal God who intervenes in human lives and the universe in general. When I looked into physics, history, archeology, theology and philosophy I found zero evidence of any force outside this universe (or parallel universes) interacting with the universe. This is what finished it for me, i searched for Jesus/God and found nothing, not a crumb of evidence. It was a shock and still is so I still often find myself drifting back towards my old beliefs out of habit and fear; i still pray everytime i hear of any event i would have normally prayed about only to catch myself mid-prayer realising there is no-one on the other side of this conversation who can do shit about the circumstance.

 

Finding myself alone in the universe (and my flat now without my husband) is overwhelming but I am catching glimpses of excitement at discovering and being my true self in this new freedom I have found. No one is there to dictate to me how to live, no husband to 'submit' to (although my was generally very liberal in that area) I can now rebuild myself out of the ashes. Not to say I dont have days where I am a total train wreck clinging on for dear life but shards of light are beginning to shine through.

 

You all have my gratitude and friendship. yellow.gif

 

WanderinStar

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Finding myself alone in the universe (and my flat now without my husband) is overwhelming but I am catching glimpses of excitement at discovering and being my true self in this new freedom I have found. No one is there to dictate to me how to live, no husband to 'submit' to (although my was generally very liberal in that area) I can now rebuild myself out of the ashes. Not to say I dont have days where I am a total train wreck clinging on for dear life but shards of light are beginning to shine through.

 

I'm so glad to hear you have a counselor and therapist who is helping you.

 

I love the attitude you demonstrate in the quote above. You are so right--your life awaits. You are free! Engage your self-efficacy, get behind the wheel, and drive, sista! smile.png

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It is when you go through very hard struggles you must face the reality of a no existing god. But before being strong in order to look squarely at the reality, you try to

find an explanation. It happened to me so many times like : God has probably another issue that I ignore, he is wise..

 

there is a verse that comes up to my mind actually when it says that God does not allow to bear more you can...how a caring God can let his children suffer like that when

he is the "God of universe" who can bring you relief ? how a normal person could act like that ? How can we pretend him to be a caring god when you suffer so much ?

does it help you to "grow" and be more spiritual ? I dont think so. I think in fact that bitterness is somewhere inside of you more and more until you must really admit

that the God in the bible is a liar and then one day you look like a volcano : you explose and all your anger and bitternes go out...that what happened to me : in my christian

life I was confronted to unanswered prayers or questions and everytime I tried to control my anger against God....but once I cant more and I faced to the reality. I was

then in the process of deconversion.

 

Your testimony is a little like mine in the way I really faced to difficult times with unanswering prayers : I fast, I read the bible, in the past I was an evangelist and I tried to spread

the "good new" around me the most I could....what was God's reward at least ?? Nothing !! I was just alone with my struggles....

 

What is so surprising for me actually, how could I think that the gospel was a good new ?? when I was already confronted to a silent God ?

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Yeh, i certainly raged with God about giving me MUCH more than i could bear, than i felt any loving father would allow but always ended up submitting to the 'it is Gods will' crap and thanks positivist, i will certainly try and keep a good attitude (i damn well HAVE too!) Oh, and xtech I have been to a planetshakers conference so i can imagine what you went through and i did look at that website. It helped me see the logic, even if i was a christian, that there is no hell. happydance.gif

 

Something else I am wondering if anyone has experienced specifically is 'deliverence ministry' (casting out of demons, using the 'word' to defeat bad thoughts, even severe clinical depression)? My experience, in brief, is that I suffered some very severe trauma growing up and when I developed PTSD (diagnosed) the church i went to said they could heal me and to ignore all secular help as it was of the devil. They then went on to convince me to allow them to subject me to years (yes, years) of deliverence ministry to get rid of all the demons that came in through my sins and the sins commited against me. I believed this rubbish 100% and submited to those who 'ministered' to me as if they were God himself. I must have had 1000's of demons cast out, well that would be if they existed at all, which they dont.

 

Of course the result was i was severely re-traumatised which made them think i had more demons or had sinned and let the others back in, hence it going on so long. This really screwed me up. i escaped this in 2009 but still feel very damaged. Anyone have any ideas of how to recover from this spiritual abuse?

 

Thanks again for all your support.

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Of course the result was i was severely re-traumatised which made them think i had more demons or had sinned and let the others back in, hence it going on so long. This really screwed me up. i escaped this in 2009 but still feel very damaged. Anyone have any ideas of how to recover from this spiritual abuse?

 

Thanks again for all your support.

I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination but I can simply share what I've done and will continue doing regarding that specific part of your de-conversion process. Once you've realized that of it it was based on fallacies and non-truths, even delusions as Dawkins calls them, then you have to use that as your anchor to survive. In other words, since it's all bull then all of that crap about you being attacked by demons or whatever can be classified as the same. Then, when bad things happen as they always do for all of us you can simply adjust to the situation, ask yourself 'what can I learn from this?' (which I do all of the time) and move on.

 

I think Nature is an excellent teacher regarding all of this. As you know, especially living where you do, Nature can be a harsh teacher. I recall watching a documentary about the Serengeti Plain in Africa and how cruel/harsh it is for animals. They showed a mother gazelle, I think if memory serves me correctly, giving birth. As soon as the calf was born and tried to stand up, a lioness who was lurking nearby pounced. The entire herd, including the mother who'd just birthed the baby took off running, leaving the calf to fend for itself. Naturally the lioness went after it since it was the weakest link so to speak. The poor thing had only lived about a minute before being killed.

 

How does that tie in to what you asked? Quite simply, the world can be a cold and cruel place at times and we, as humans, have to learn to adapt to it and try to learn from our experiences - just like that herd, especially the mother did. There was no weeping or gnashing of teeth with them - simply the act of surviving and moving on - the same as we have to do.

 

The blessings, if you want to call them that, is that the good always outweighs the bad and there are quite a few folks who've shared your pain here and elsewhere - people who can simply hold you up and maybe not say anything to you - just hold you and comfort you by their strength. When I was in the Cult I had an erroneous disregard for the human race because of all the teaching about how we should hate this world, how everyone's a sinner, blah blah blah. Now, coming out of that delusion I can see the nobility, courage, and uniqueness of the human race. No gods or demons guiding the process - just the reality of life to hold on to.

 

So the necessity of having to explain everything including demons eventually becomes a nonsensical fallacy concocted by people who are too fearful of this world and everything it holds. I hope this has helped a little bit.

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Well they tried to cast out demons of me but I never felt better....in fact then you are more anxious they come once again if you SIN....some of christians are

so obsessed by demons they see demons everywhere...if they have a bug with their computer they will say that Satan try to attack them....

I think that this ministry of delivrance is just mind control and nothing else. This is the only answer I can have...

They control you with fear of sinning and even they ask you to confess your sin if you scared when you was a child and then demons came unto you....

I just call that ABUSE....this is why for me now I see all the christianity with the bible and all around like casting out demons a cult. They try to control you,

and belittle you, they try to make you more dependant of God and they discourage you to criticize and let your brain working how it should be where you

are free to accept or refuse their teaching. There is absolutely no freedom, you must agree and believe and that's all....as soon as you are not encourage

to make your own choice it is a very bad situation. This is how cults work...- you do not have choice. You believe or you go away !...

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Something else I am wondering if anyone has experienced specifically is 'deliverence ministry' (casting out of demons, using the 'word' to defeat bad thoughts, even severe clinical depression)? My experience, in brief, is that I suffered some very severe trauma growing up and when I developed PTSD (diagnosed) the church i went to said they could heal me and to ignore all secular help as it was of the devil. They then went on to convince me to allow them to subject me to years (yes, years) of deliverence ministry to get rid of all the demons that came in through my sins and the sins commited against me. I believed this rubbish 100% and submited to those who 'ministered' to me as if they were God himself. I must have had 1000's of demons cast out, well that would be if they existed at all, which they dont.

 

Of course the result was i was severely re-traumatised which made them think i had more demons or had sinned and let the others back in, hence it going on so long. This really screwed me up. i escaped this in 2009 but still feel very damaged. Anyone have any ideas of how to recover from this spiritual abuse?

I read the words "deliverance ministry" and my heart sank. Oh Gawd. I am so sad that you, too, were subject to this. I hung out with a wide variety of fundies, including some nutters with "deliverance ministries". I rue the day.

 

My theory on these crazies is that they are impotent in worldy ways of truly helping people (psychology, medicine, nursing, etc.) so they capitalize on ministry. In reality, however, they are spiritually abusing the people to whom they "minister". Calling something a "ministry" is just a way of getting gullible people to swallow something without scrutinizing it first.

 

Something else to bring to therapy....

 

You're on the right track!!!!!! clap.gif

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My theory on these crazies is that they are impotent in worldy ways of truly helping people (psychology, medicine, nursing, etc.)

It's not a theory, it's a fact of reality. This is why they ridicule and condemn the world or worldly people or say the world is in the devil's hands, etc. They have NO concept of adapting to life and all of the joys and failures it brings.

 

An example of what I'm saying here - someone called one of them on his allegedly 'christian counseling' program. I could tell from the trembling voice that the guy was pretty scared - he was going to have to retire because his job was going away. He qualified for social security but was still worried about his future finances even though he hadn't cited any specific examples.

 

The xtian 'advisor' could have told him that many financial sources have shown that once you retire you only need about 40-50 percent of what you formerly needed since your driving expenses, clothing costs, et.al would almost disappear. He could have said that once you retire you can finally get to do the things you love doing instead of having to do things you don't necessarily like doing like having a lousy job. He could've shown from a psychological standpoint how you could probably live longer and healthier by escaping the rat race out there.

 

Yeah, he could've said alot of things but the only thing he said before going into his useless prayer was "well my brother - we know that god can increase anything we have so let's pray about it". What a load of bullshit is what I thought then and I think now. I used this one example but there are so many that I and probably you can cite. So, what you wrote wasn't theoretical - it's experiental and the truth!

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My theory on these crazies is that they are impotent in worldy ways of truly helping people (psychology, medicine, nursing, etc.)

It's not a theory, it's a fact of reality. This is why they ridicule and condemn the world or worldly people or say the world is in the devil's hands, etc. They have NO concept of adapting to life and all of the joys and failures it brings.

It's so much easier to have a sense of significance and meaning (Special PurposeTM) from Gawd than it is to get appropriately credentialled and skilled to really help people. I know. I've tried it both ways.

 

Gawd, I was a nutter. Great to be here with you raoul!! beer.gif

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It's so much easier to have a sense of significance and meaning (Special PurposeTM) from Gawd than it is to get appropriately credentialled and skilled to really help people. I know. I've tried it both ways.

Gawd, I was a nutter. Great to be here with you raoul!! beer.gif

No matter how nutty you think you may have acted, believe me - I probably surpassed you I'm embarrassed to say. And back at ya regarding it great being here. I need this site more than anything I've ever needed when it comes to dealing in a truth based reality. I'm over here MORE each day than I ever was anywhere else not because I'm a junkie of some kind. Okay, maybe I AM a junkie. LOL But seriously, it is an endless source for data, facts, information, and just a plain down to earth educational tool for me. I've gotten several books about the Cult we were all part of just from being over here. And those books have added to my going back into sanity once more. But thanks for the compliment anyway.
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Thanks Again!

 

I somehow erased all my work, then the quotes didnt work out so I apologise for the format,

"I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination but I can simply share what I've done and will continue doing regarding that specific part of your de-conversion process. Once you've realized that of it it was based on fallacies and non-truths, even delusions as Dawkins calls them, then you have to use that as your anchor to survive. In other words, since it's all bull then all of that crap about you being attacked by demons or whatever can be classified as the same. Then, when bad things happen as they always do for all of us you can simply adjust to the situation, ask yourself 'what can I learn from this?' (which I do all of the time) and move on".

Raoul, I totally agree with you. The realization that this 'ministry' was based on delusions as Dawkins aptly put it is a huge step towards recovery.

Positivist, I completely agree with you that some christians find their life purpose in abusing, i mean ministering to others in this way. One lady who inflicted a huge amount of damage on me had dropped out of an accreditted 3 year counselling course as she 'felt in the spirit' that God was about to move so powerfully that such professions would become redundant!! Well that was five years ago and she was certainly misguided to say the least. She thought she was a prophet, i sadly believed her for years but not one of her prophecies has come to pass. I RUE THE DAY TOO!!

"Well they tried to cast out demons of me but I never felt better....in fact then you are more anxious they come once again if you SIN....some of christians are so obsessed by demons they see demons everywhere... if they have a bug with their computer they will say that Satan try to attack them....I think that this ministry of delivrance is just mind control and nothing else. This is the only answer I can have...

They control you with fear of sinning and even they ask you to confess your sin if you scared when you was a child and then demons came unto you....

I just call that ABUSE....this is why for me now I see all the christianity with the bible and all around like casting out demons a cult. They try to control you, and belittle you, they try to make you more dependant of God and they discourage you to criticize and let your brain working how it should be where you are free to accept or refuse their teaching. There is absolutely no freedom, you must agree and believe and that's all....as soon as you are not encourage to make your own choice it is a very bad situation. This is how cults work...- you do not have choice. You believe or you go away !"

Sissi this was my experience too. I always felt worse after deliverence ministry and was told to expect the demons to be furiously pounding at my door to come back in. It was terrifying. The bastards also blamed me for not suddenly being over child abuse after a few demons were cast out as 'God doesnt lie' and it was implied they are infalible too so I must have sinned again somewhere, lied or not confessed all my sins at the session.

Due to feedom of religion there is no legal recourse as they are not practicing in a professional capacity, despite what they think, ao unlike registered therapists you have no formal avenue of complaint. On the plus side, loopholes were found to close down 'Mercy Ministries' in Australia (three branches) as they falsly advertised that professional support would be available and that is was free; both incorrect (they took social security payments of clients). That is a win for all the hurt people out there. Look it up on YouTube if you havent heard of it.

Gosh, sorry i keep writing so much. i havent had anyone to talk to about this for months outside my therapist so you guys are probably going to have to bear with me jibber jabbering alot for a while. woohoo.gif

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Wow, wanderinstar, that sounds truly harrowing. I don't mind reading your posts at all, no matter how long. We're here to listen and support, after all. It's a terrible way to treat anyone, blaming them for not "getting over" abuse just to confirm their own loony demon-posession stuff. They sound like real scum of the Earth. (But that would be an insult to all the

out there.)
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Positivist, I completely agree with you that some christians find their life purpose in abusing, i mean ministering to others in this way. One lady who inflicted a huge amount of damage on me had dropped out of an accreditted 3 year counselling course as she 'felt in the spirit' that God was about to move so powerfully that such professions would become redundant!! Well that was five years ago and she was certainly misguided to say the least. She thought she was a prophet, i sadly believed her for years but not one of her prophecies has come to pass. I RUE THE DAY TOO!!

Ugh. People who leave an educational program for the nuttiness of religion are beyond me. Actually, it almost was me.

 

People who think they are prophets are either (1) delusional and mistaking the neurospiritual god-buzz for actual heavenly guidance, or (2) narcissistic. I've seen both. In either case, it's best to just run the other way! Oh, if only I knew then what I know now!

 

I'm so glad you are seeing things as they really are now!!!

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