mcdaddy Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 yeah. even though my wife has more or less accepted it, its just one more strain on the relationship. I feel horrible that I'm not the guy she thought she was marrying, in a way. I have changed alot over the last 10 years. I've put her through alot, some of it my fault, alot of it not so much "my fault", but just circumstances that happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 yeah. even though my wife has more or less accepted it, its just one more strain on the relationship. I feel horrible that I'm not the guy she thought she was marrying, in a way. I have changed alot over the last 10 years. I've put her through alot, some of it my fault, alot of it not so much "my fault", but just circumstances that happened. I think the biggest mistake anyone makes going into a relationship is thinking the person will never change. Everyone is always changing as we grow and mature. It doesn't stop. True, people may change in ways you never expected they would (like a religious person becoming an atheist). In my opinion we have to learn and grow. We have to accept what our friends and lovers become, it's wrong to stifle their growth for our comfort. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted September 7, 2012 Moderator Share Posted September 7, 2012 yeah. even though my wife has more or less accepted it, its just one more strain on the relationship. I feel horrible that I'm not the guy she thought she was marrying, in a way. I have changed alot over the last 10 years. I've put her through alot, some of it my fault, alot of it not so much "my fault", but just circumstances that happened. I think the biggest mistake anyone makes going into a relationship is thinking the person will never change. Everyone is always changing as we grow and mature. It doesn't stop. True, people may change in ways you never expected they would (like a religious person becoming an atheist). In my opinion we have to learn and grow. We have to accept what our friends and lovers become, it's wrong to stifle their growth for our comfort. Agreed. But what many of us do in youthful ignorance is obsess over all of the things that are most important to us in a partner before committing to a marriage. When some of the things that we thought were true turn out to be false or change to false, especially the top one for most people, it can be devastating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Yeah, I understand that. I freely call myself a rational idealist. I know most people think that the way I think just isn't realistic, but it's natural to me. I love my wife, and I can't think of any personal change she could go through, short of killing people or shacking up with other people that would change that, or ruin my life. I simplify things as a natural way of thinking. I don't care about tiny details that some people get hung up on, such as religion. I dunno, I'm just an easy going guy for the most part, and I wish other people could be too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 I need to get my hands on some fukitol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 McD, this is great news. Detoxing from Christianity is painful but inevitable--as in, none of us decided to do it--and the peace on The Other Side is definitely worth it. I too am now without the fear (although I still have flashbacks). I am just loving my insignificance on this moldy planet! I have also read all the comments in this thread, about how your wife is still full throttle in Christianity and that you aren't the person she married. In my own marriage, both my husband and I have changed. My husband, 15 years ago, could never have foreseen that his fundagelical, free-thinking-in-a-cage, fasting, worship-leading, all-for-Jesus wifelet would become an atheist. Hell, I didn't see it coming either. But then things started to fall apart about 5 years ago, and here I am. I think marriage has to be about more than "you are the person I married". No one stays the same over the course of a lifetime, and no one should. My husband became suddenly ill this summer (he's a granola and an athlete with a high performance body--so this was a shock, to say the least). But through this experience I see that marriage is a way of going through life with someone to help you, and you help them. Life is hard to navigate alone (although, I was more than game to stay single, believe you me ) so when we approach life in pairs, I think it advantageous from numerous perspectives. Unfortunately, Christians (and I was one of these) tend to exaggerate the importance of sharing a particular delusion, deeming it around 90% important, while personal factors are around 10% important to a relationship, in their eyes. I'd say the opposite is true. I'm rambling, It's how I procrastinate the work I have to do today. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelHappy Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I'm praying for your soul, don't you know you're playing with fire, this is eternity we're talking about. I'm hoping that god does whatever it takes to get your attention.... Just kidding, I'm glad for you, its nice being free from that hellish environment and the mental games it plays, I'm super close to being completely free myself and its a wonderful experience. I can't wait to get through every single issue it caused me. Life will be so much better when more and more people wake up and face reality not their deluded version. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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