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Farewell


Onyx
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IK'm goping to go away, to get off this fucking mortal coil. I'm not good enough for it.

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IK'm goping to go away, to get off this fucking mortal coil. I'm not good enough for it.

 

Correction....''I'm hoping to go away...to get off this fucking mortail coil....I'm not good enough for it''

 

This dosen't sound good....

 

come back and tell us more Onyx..............Please darlin'..........

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I'll never "get" this about some people. If you need help, look for it or ask for it. Don't rely on the pity of others to add drama to your situation. It only makes it worse and you end up feeling even more sorry for yourself.

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Onyx, we're here for you to talk to, whenever you need us.

(And please do talk: I've really enjoyed our conversations! That sign languages thread was the best thing I've read/watched in ages.)

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Damn Onyx what's up? Don't jump into anything (or off anything...) head over heels!

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Went to the waterfront and texted some people some messages and then got stopped from committing suicide. Now I am free but now I might be looking at a few counsellors and perhaps then getting diagonsed for possible depression.

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It's not really nice looking I know but one thing that prevented my attempt was finding out mum knew about this. This is my second suicide attempt. But this was the first I did sober. It was rather nasty and lonely until that point.

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Yes Onyx, please get help. Don't give up, ever.

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Well, I might go to the doctor and I will consider time off from university. Damn, it's just tiring, having to feel that I'm evil, having to carry that cloud around and so tired of having it go nowhere. That was the rationale for this recent attempt.

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You are not evil. You are good person. Take some time to get out of this environment and gain a different perspective. You will find your place.

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Went to the waterfront and texted some people some messages and then got stopped from committing suicide. Now I am free but now I might be looking at a few counsellors and perhaps then getting diagonsed for possible depression.

 

Yes man do get some help! We'd seriously miss you!

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I am so glad to hear from you this morning. I am very happy that you are reaching out for help. Go do something really nice for yourself today.

 

hug.

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Jesus, dude, freaked me the hell out.

 

What triggered the brain snap? You don't strike me as the sort who'd leave your puddins behind, not knowing if they'd be looked after properly.

 

September is usually my bad month with the bipolar. Combination of the seasons changing and some bad memories.

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I'm glad you made it through. Please pursue therapy--a better life awaits. Between medication to correct a chemical imbalnce (which is NOT your fault) and good psychotherapy, you can break through from this and find peace.

 

I wish you peace, friend.

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It's a sad truth - a bit of messed up chemicals in your brain can tell you all kinds of lies. See the doctor, counseling or meds, give it some time. Don't give up. The meds can really help you to feel normal, make you yourself again.

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Jesus, dude, freaked me the hell out.

 

What triggered the brain snap? You don't strike me as the sort who'd leave your puddins behind, not knowing if they'd be looked after properly.

 

September is usually my bad month with the bipolar. Combination of the seasons changing and some bad memories.

 

University's placing too much upon me, I alway had a long vague feeling of nothing good that will happen, I would lie there disconsolate and I got so tired of getting up to go to university or whatever else is going on that I would halfheartedly attend classes, looking at the actual grey clouds, I can't help but to feel sad and angry. Last night I had one of these "I'm evil" moods and got mad at both mum and the kittens (thinking that they didn't love me) then snapped my glasses in anger, sick of it all and went to the bed. Next day, I was still in that mood but with an healthy dollop of guilt and decided just up and commit suicide but you know the rest of the story.

 

The thing is, I've had this sort of moods for years and years, possibly since I was a child. I've alway felt eiither angry or helpless, when I'm in a good mood, all is forgotten. But the reason I don't talk about my mental states all that often is because I find it extremely embarrassing and it would have been an unnecessary amount of fuss to do so. But this is just the last straw. Anyway, tomorrow after a good rest, I will up and see a counsellor and try to obtain time off university to see if this is what I want to continue with.

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