Galien Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 I'll never "get" this about some people. If you need help, look for it or ask for it. Don't rely on the pity of others to add drama to your situation. It only makes it worse and you end up feeling even more sorry for yourself. Well arent you an asshole. Don't assume you know what goes on inside other people's heads and hearts, you don't. Fuck me I don't know how people get to maturity and still have such idiot ideas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Oh dear. Is this what I think it is? Don't do anything crazy. Whatever you're going through, there are places where you can get help. Remember that nothing lasts forever, and circumstances may change. A week after you check out, something great could happen and you'll miss out. Once you're gone, that's the end. You can't go back. The people who care about you will always be there to support you. And so will we. Chin up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onyx Posted September 16, 2012 Author Share Posted September 16, 2012 Thanks for all the good wishes, friends. I hope there's no third suicide attempt. I'm going to draw up a plan soon. This sucked. Anyway, hopefully I can be fine again and move into the day. If that happens, I will never say one bad word about the mere fact of existence again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted September 17, 2012 Moderator Share Posted September 17, 2012 We love you {{{Onyx}}}! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Glad that you are still with us, Onyx. Get help, both chemical and counseling. There are lots of us folks on these boards that need to take the chemical anti depressants (myself included). If you are doing the full load to get a UNI degree in just three years, the workload is just too much. It creates incredible stress, just getting all the frigging assignments in. And ... You don't get time to think about the concepts that are being presented and follow up your own personal research that comes out out of the course content. You may be much happier doing just one subject at a time. And you will get excellent grades that way. And your mind will become richer for the experience. My daughter is 19 and she has now learned that doing one subject at a time provides her with intellectual exhilaration as well as excellent grades. She just picks up part-time work in bars and pizza joints to finance her lifestyle while she lives at home with us. You most likely have a dose of feeling "not good enough" when in fact you are kind and thoughtful and have a conscience about the problems of the world. Your puddins surely do love you, but in their own cat-like selfish way. You are very important to them. Hang in there! Depression does get better over time,but the fact that you have had a few rounds means it is time to get the best help available. Don't withdraw from treatment as soon as you feel just a bit better either. Stick with the treatment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Jesus, dude, freaked me the hell out. What triggered the brain snap? You don't strike me as the sort who'd leave your puddins behind, not knowing if they'd be looked after properly. September is usually my bad month with the bipolar. Combination of the seasons changing and some bad memories. University's placing too much upon me, I alway had a long vague feeling of nothing good that will happen, I would lie there disconsolate and I got so tired of getting up to go to university or whatever else is going on that I would halfheartedly attend classes, looking at the actual grey clouds, I can't help but to feel sad and angry. Last night I had one of these "I'm evil" moods and got mad at both mum and the kittens (thinking that they didn't love me) then snapped my glasses in anger, sick of it all and went to the bed. Next day, I was still in that mood but with an healthy dollop of guilt and decided just up and commit suicide but you know the rest of the story. The thing is, I've had this sort of moods for years and years, possibly since I was a child. I've alway felt eiither angry or helpless, when I'm in a good mood, all is forgotten. But the reason I don't talk about my mental states all that often is because I find it extremely embarrassing and it would have been an unnecessary amount of fuss to do so. But this is just the last straw. Anyway, tomorrow after a good rest, I will up and see a counsellor and try to obtain time off university to see if this is what I want to continue with. You know what's weird? I had my own meltdown in the early hours of this morning. I rang dad, and he'd been having trouble with his depression all day yesterday and last night, too. Dad couldn't get interested in anything, and I felt like the worst person on the planet. I know what set me off- I've been studying too hard this past week myself, on top of all the other shit that I've been dealing with lately. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Onyx. There's no point worrying that you are a burden to others, because those who love you choose to share that burden with you. Our friends and family choose to walk this path with us because they love us and they only have one desire- to see us healthy and content within ourselves again. If nothing else, all our loved ones want to know is that we'll be there tomorrow. It is okay to take time out from life when you need to. To do so is self-nurturing and a way to regain control when circumstances overwhelm you. A set-back does not mean failure. It simply means that you need to be kind to yourself. When you wake up each day, try. And if you don't succeed, when you go to bed simply hope for a better day tomorrow. That is pretty much the sum total of my life philosophy. Life has its ups and downs. It happens. It's normal. No-one has ever got it together all of the time, so why should you be any different? I'm glad you're going to see the doctor and get some therapy. It's not anything to be embarrassed about. All it means is that you've joined the rest of us in the Life Sucks Sometimes Club and you're on your way to progressing to the Life Rocks Sometimes Club 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Onyx, you may not check out yet. And the reason is real simple. We require you. Your unique creativity cannot be replaced. Get it together please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Sorry that your going through such a hard time, Onyx. I'm sure things will get better. I'm hoping for the best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MultifariousBirdLady Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Well, I might go to the doctor and I will consider time off from university. Damn, it's just tiring, having to feel that I'm evil, having to carry that cloud around and so tired of having it go nowhere. That was the rationale for this recent attempt. You aren't evil, Onyx. You're going through a rough patch with school right now but you can make it. I'm glad you're getting help. Be kind to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabula Rasa Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Glad you're ok Onyx! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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