Monet Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 What happened to me still feels surreal but i have to share my story with you all. Hopefully it will help at least one person. I'm a 33 year old man and although i went to catholic school i've been an atheist since 2nd grade. I work as a counselor / advocate for people with disabilities and have one myself. I only have one arm and wear a prosthetic. I've been married for 5 years and been with my wife for 12 years total but we're currently going through a very expensive divorce. I have a beautiful little 4 year old girl who i love more than anything in the world. My 32 year old wife doesn't belive in god but wouldn't dare tell her extremely religious family, most notably her mom. Before we got engaged my wife and i talked very very specifically about the future. career paths, children, worst case scenereios etc. and we eventually agreed on everything including NOT raising our kids to believe in the silly idea of god and jesus. ======== Soon after my daughter was born, my wife and her mom became the best of friends. she started allowing her mom to take on MY role as a husband and father by allowing her mom to make decisions for our household, sneaking my daughter off to church and church activities while telling me they were out to eat or at the park. Last july, after an incident where my daughter cried and yelled at me for saying god isn't real because grandma says he is and she wouldn't lie to her, i put my foot down and told my wife thats enough. no more church anything period. My wife agreed and said she'd ask her mom to step back & allow us to raise our daughter how we want. After months of excuses, i found out in october that she still hadn't done so. she finally came clean and said she couldn't tell her mom because she didn't want to disappoint her. i asked her to go to counseling with me, take a trip to get away.. anything to work on our relationship. she wouldn't do it. nor would she tell her mother no more church for my little girl. so i told her myself. i very nicely and respectfully told her mom thank you but i'll take the reigns from here. her reply was 'why are you doing this to me?'. She made herself the victim. That night I told my wife that because of continually allowing her mom interfere with our life on many different levels with no end in sight, i wanted a divorce. I took my ring off and left it on the bathroom sink. The next morning i woke up and my wife was home from work. i went downstairs and sat on the couch & asked her why she wasnt at work she wouldnt answer me. she wouldn't even look at me. i asked her if she had talked any more to her mom since the argument the night before. she still wouldnt look at me but this time said 'nope look for yourself' and tossed me her phone. every single text, call historey etc. was gone. she deleted it all. i was mad so i said 'thats ok i'll just try to recover the deleted messages' and plugged her phone into my laptop. she then ran over to the couch and tried to grab it from me. i was sitting with my legs crossed and after the 3rd time she pulled so hard my body flew towards her. remember, i have one arm and couldn't sturdy myself so that i didnt lose my balance. after i sat upright again, my wife said 'thanks. that's all i needed' and smiled with an evil grin ive never seen before. i didnt understand. then i noticed my daughter was on the floor coloring and watching us. so i asked my wife to go upstairs and not argue in front of our 4 year old. as we walked upstairs she dialed 911 and when we got to upstairs in the bedroom she looked at me, smiled again and started screaming 'my husband just tried to shoot me, he's got a gun! and he hit me'. i was absolutely shocked and confused. i didnt understand what was going on. i had only been awake all of 10 minutes. My daughter ran upstairs, i picked her up and she clung onto me crying. while consoling my daughter my wife told her about 10 times 'come by mommy' but she wouldn't. she said NO. and she wouldnt let go of me. then my wife pushed me out of the way and walked outside. i told my baby girl everything was going to be ok and followed my wife outside still holding my daughter... only to find my house surrounded by a dozen police cars and 15 or so officers with their guns drawn shouting overlapping commands at me. The first order i heard was 'drop the girl' (sorry but no). then 'drop the gun' (i didnt have one) then 'show me your hands' (to which i said ok but please look, i only have one hand) yet another cop then said 'show me your left hand or i'll blow your head off' (i was wearing a sweatshirt so my sleve was dangling). At that moment it felt like time froze. in a split second i realized i was going to die but i had to save my little girl. so i turned around, my back facing the police and kind of balled my daughter up & shielded her away from them as best i could. i thought maybe if they shoot me i could absorb the bullets and at least save my girl. then out of the corner of my eye i saw an officer coming thru my living room towards the front door. i was SO RELIEVED! now she had a way out. i handed her off to the cop and realized my sleeve would flap when i turned around and would look like i had a weapon so i told my daughter i love you, got ready to turn around and get shot on my way to the ground as i was then being ordered to get on my knees but luckily i was tackled to the ground. The police naturally wanted me to give them my gun but i didn't have one. in fact, all 3 of my registered & legally obtained guns were on the 3rd floor of my house, in a lockbox behind a storage area with 4 screws securing it shut. i was detained on my front porch, the police searched my house, my wife led them to where i keep my guns and i was arrested. The police also asked me how did i unscrew the storage space, unlock my safe, put my gun back and screw everything back up in such a short amount of time. The answer was quite simple - I DIDN'T. my wife and her mother had come up with a plan for her to gain leverage in the divorce. And if i was killed in the meantime well, my $500,000 life insurance policy was rewritten to go to my wife and my signature forged. My wife's mother would rather see me out of the picture or dead than have her granddaughter not raised as a christian. It didnt end there. It started to become apparant i hadnt done anything so i was just held on an 8 hour mandatory hold. During which time my wife and her dad took my wallet, went shopping and drained what was left from my personal account at an ATM machine. Luckily my lawyer has obtained all of the security footage and my bank has reimbursed me. However, they noticed my wafe had been writing checks from my account and our joint account to HER personal account at a different bank and forging my name. ======== I'm sorry it took so long to tell that story but thats honestly just the basic part of it. I've learned many many lessons from what im going through but the most powerful of all is, as Hitchens said it 'Religion poisons everything'. my partner of 12 years, my best friend, my wife would rather see me dead than come out of the closet to her family as an atheist. at least i found out when i did and lived to talk about it. And a lot of people say they'd give their life for their kids but i can proudly say i would too... AND TRIED! my daughter means the world to me. and while im still dealing with serious PTSD i'd do it all over again to save my baby girl. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 What a story... I know that false allegations of abuse are common in divorce proceedings, and men have little recourse. I am glad you were found to be blameless. It will be a tough road, but don't ever give up on your little girl and let your ex's drama push you out of her life. It sounds like you have a good start. Welcome to the site! You are in good company and we'll will be here to support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HymenaeusAlexander Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 What a story... Indeed. Sorry Monet, but your story seems a bit fantastic. Like Lifetime movie fantastic. I'm sorry if this really happened to you, but there are some elements to it that are setting off my bullshit meter. Maybe I've just spent too much time on Snopes and seen too many people get on the net and fabricate stuff, so perhaps you can understand why I might be a bit skeptical. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monet Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 Thanks for the welcome, pandora. aside from 2 or 3 friends in real life theres not many people i can turn to just to vent. HymenaeusAlexander i really do see how absurd and over the top or fake my story sounds. this happened to me on october 23, 2012 and ive had to tell it over and over to lawyers, friends, family etc. there's even way more to the story than i typed and it sounds even MORE fantastic. i've got some documents from my lawyer i dont mind showing you. i can email you a 3 page pdf that one of my lawyers wrote to the other as kind of a summary. As a matter of fact, im not sure what the rules around here are but if its allowed i'll share my info publicly on these boards. i'm horribly embarassed by what happened to me but i'm in no way ashamed of what i did. im proud of myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galien Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Thanks for the welcome, pandora. aside from 2 or 3 friends in real life theres not many people i can turn to just to vent. HymenaeusAlexander i really do see how absurd and over the top or fake my story sounds. this happened to me on october 23, 2012 and ive had to tell it over and over to lawyers, friends, family etc. there's even way more to the story than i typed and it sounds even MORE fantastic. i've got some documents from my lawyer i dont mind showing you. i can email you a 3 page pdf that one of my lawyers wrote to the other as kind of a summary. As a matter of fact, im not sure what the rules around here are but if its allowed i'll share my info publicly on these boards. i'm horribly embarassed by what happened to me but i'm in no way ashamed of what i did. im proud of myself. Welcome mate. Shit has happened in my life that is so surreal that I couldn't have made it up. Like a bloody soap opera. Glad you survived. Your ex is a fucking bitch, but there are a LOT of those around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheStine Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Wow, That is one crazy story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monet Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Welcome mate. Shit has happened in my life that is so surreal that I couldn't have made it up. Like a bloody soap opera. Glad you survived. Your ex is a fucking bitch, but there are a LOT of those around. Thank you Galien. i hope to feel comfortable here on the boards. and you're right, this shit im going through is like an over the top soap opera! I'm going thru shit in family court and after almost $15,000 in lawyer fees i get to see my daughter 11 overnights a month. im going for full custody though.but get this, im living with my mom until the divorce is over and i picked my daughter up an hour ago and it's raining where i live and my bitch of a wife made my girl walk out to my car alone in the rain with no umbrella. i didnt notice until she got halfway to my car. so i jumped out and ran to get her into my car asap. i told my wife how stupid that was and her response was 'shes in a raincoat. its just as good as an umbrella. maybe better' Wow, That is one crazy story. yea i wish it wasn't true. and get this, in my wife's statement to the police aside from changing her story 3 times, it was almost identical to what her mom said about HER ex husband 30 something years ago. she obviously coached her as to what to say. thankfully it didnt work. and i got a copy of the 911 tape. my wife didnt realize she didnt hang up so its all on tape. and she says to my daughter 'youre safe now honey' and VERY loud and clear you hear my girl say 'NO i want my daddy' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebatman Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Looking back, did you ignore any warning signs about your wife? I can't believe she just went crazy out of nowhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MultifariousBirdLady Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Looking back, did you ignore any warning signs about your wife? I can't believe she just went crazy out of nowhere. That's what I'm thinking, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Warning signs or not, it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking! I despise women who do things like that. I am surprised to hear she isn't denying him parenting time and other such bullshit like my poor fiance is going through. There are really nutty women out there, and many of them don't show the nutty side until the big D happens and they get possessive of the children. Some women are very good at hiding those crazy tendencies until they feel their motherhood is at stake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monet Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Looking back, did you ignore any warning signs about your wife? I can't believe she just went crazy out of nowhere. That's what I'm thinking, too. Admittedly, yes there were a ton of warning signs. i didnt see them until a few years into our relationship. the real crazyness came after her mom started butting into our marriage. the stupidity & the manipulation worried me but i was 2-3 years invested into the relationship and she has a HUGE family that accepted me with open arms. I never had that growing up so i think the idea of having a family was partly why i was in denial and willing to look past her immaturity & shadyness. I take a large amount of the responsibility because i allowed it to go on for years. i also left home at 16 so i had to grow up fast. she, on the other hand was into her 20's and her parents paid her car payment, cell phone bill, etc. never had to do a single chore in her childhood. i had high hopes that maybe she'd grow up & come into her own discovering who she was as a young woman. also,(again my fault) i didnt like being alone. ive got a million stories but this one just came to mind. i was stuck in chicago one night after an after party with no ride. i called my then girlfriend and told her where i was, address & directions. i live 25 min outside of chicago. she had to get off on something like 31st street buy the white sox stadium. my cell phone battery died waiting for her. 4 hours later she showed up. Her excuse? there was constuction closing off 31st. she saw the exit for 29th and 33rd. i fucking asked her why she didnt get off on 29th and go 2 streets up to 31st?! she said she didnt know thats how 'the streets of chicago worked'. there were so many signs. i was in such such denial Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monet Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Warning signs or not, it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking! I despise women who do things like that. I am surprised to hear she isn't denying him parenting time and other such bullshit like my poor fiance is going through. There are really nutty women out there, and many of them don't show the nutty side until the big D happens and they get possessive of the children. Some women are very good at hiding those crazy tendencies until they feel their motherhood is at stake. exactly right. i had the means to leave her and take my daughter and she knew it. she had to gain leverage. she TRIED to deny me visitation and coincidentally had the name and all the info of a supervised parent / child visitation place the day she called the police. it didnt work. her lies starting to become more obvious PLUS the fact that my lawyer JUST finished an 8 year run of being the county sheriff. he's an old family friend & is back in private practive as a lawyer. i've got a great legal team im very grateful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Monet: i'm not going to judge one way or another as to what happened because I don't know. Crazier things have happened. On the other hand it is bizarre. I am no defender of Xtianity because it has caused a lot of hurt.. But your story is not really about Xtianity. It's about a wife and a mother in law who lost all control of their common sense. The kind of behavior you describe cannot be laid on Xtianity. As crazy as Xtiians can be, I've never heard any Xtian say anything that would justify that behavior. Indeed, your wife, an atheist, was as much, if not more, a part of the crazy behavior as her mother was. There is plenty of real crazy behavior by Xtians without our trying to blame them for causing or condoning criminal fraud and other crimes involved in your story. In any event, your lawyer will be able to handle the matter for you, I'm sure. No need to present us with any evidence. This site is about supporting exchristians who are having trouble with deconverting and related matters. Your problem is one involving legal issues as to your little girl. Parental authority between mother and father is the real issue in your matter. God luck in any event. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedStar Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Nasty stuff! I relate about it feeling like a soap opera, I've had a lot of shitty things happen in my short lifetime (23). It probably sounds too far fetched for people to believe since there was so much that happened in such a short amount of time. I'd be happy if it was fictional, then I wouldn't be on anxiety medication and seeing a psychologist. I'm glad your wife's evil plan didn't work... What a horrible crazy bitch!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
new2me Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Monet, Welcome to the site. I'm sorry about everything you've gone through and hope you find some comfort here. Many of us blind ourselves to ugliness in others in search of love or friendship. I hope you get custody of your daughter... your wife sounds like one nasty nut job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted January 30, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted January 30, 2013 Welcome to Ex-C. You've really been through some shit! To make a long, nasty, painful story short, I know someone who upon telling his wife he could no longer believe in biblegod, ended up spending a couple of years in jail. His wife and their pastor colluded in getting child abuse charges against him. So sadly, what your wife did really doesn't surprise me anymore. It's unspeakable what (some) xtians will do to protect their delusion............. I hope you find some peace and comfort here. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 wow I believe you... and because of a situation I went through with my daughters father - i can see the connection with religion though there is a lot more going on. I won't derail your thread by sharing my experience here. Just suffice to say that sometimes we have NO idea what's going on inside someone, even the person we think we know the best. As a mom, a parent... my (unsolicited I know) advice would be - fight for custody, get counselling for your daughter (and yourself) and make sure that whatever you do is in her best interests. Kids get caught up in the craziness... and that's not good for them. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpha centauri Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Holy shit, what a wild crazy thing to happen. Weird stuff happens in family disputes, and religion definitely sounds like a complicating factor. It also seems your wife presented herself as one thing to you, and as something completely different to her mom. Glad your daughter is safe, and hope all turns out well (as well as possible in a fucked up situation like this). All the best and welcome to this website. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianime Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Monet: i'm not going to judge one way or another as to what happened because I don't know. Crazier things have happened. On the other hand it is bizarre. I am no defender of Xtianity because it has caused a lot of hurt.. But your story is not really about Xtianity. It's about a wife and a mother in law who lost all control of their common sense. The kind of behavior you describe cannot be laid on Xtianity. As crazy as Xtiians can be, I've never heard any Xtian say anything that would justify that behavior. Indeed, your wife, an atheist, was as much, if not more, a part of the crazy behavior as her mother was. There is plenty of real crazy behavior by Xtians without our trying to blame them for causing or condoning criminal fraud and other crimes involved in your story. I disagree that religion had no part of this. Especially for the parties involved, it was a driving force behind much of the conflict. Even if his wife is an atheist, the weight of religion placed on her by her family had a hand in this. Monet, I read this last night, and I read it again to my GF. It's a vivid story. Thank you for telling it. I am sorry things turned out this way, but I must say that if your accounts are accurate, at least something positive has come out of it. Your wife has created a solid case of her being unstable and dishonest. This will help if she ever tries to get full custody of your daughter, or if you push for more or total custody. I'm not trying to be "mean", but I will say that while I believe you, I think that everybody has a tendency to spin stories to their favor, whether they meant to or not. I'm guessing there are bits you are leaving out that may make you not "entirely" the victim. My main reason for guessing this is that you did nothing wrong, whatsoever according to your story. Which maybe that's true, I don't know, wasn't there. But I feel for the most part your account is honest. And I am sorry for your circumstances. I wish you great luck in getting through this! Also, you mentioned that your lawyer is an ex sheriff and family friend. He still charged you $15K? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Monet: Thanks for your comment. What I'm trying to say (and I didn't express myself very well) is that people in any religion, or with no religion, can do stupid, crazy things. They do them because they are not balanced people mentally or emotionally. They twist what they have heard in church and anywhere else to justify doing cruel things that they wanted to do irrespective on their religion. The initiating cause was their own malicious mind, not the religion. I really don't think that christians, otherwise mentally healthy, would approve of such behavior, despite the fact that they have done many things that are even worse. Of course, I have been wrong before and I'm afraid i have not used up my supply. In any event, it would be a horrible thing to have to endure, without a doubt. My best wishes to you. I hope it all works out well. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelSkates Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianime Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 It isn't the actual behaviours of the religious that affected this case. That I admit. It was the actual presence of religion. Like poison in the air, it seeped into this situation and turned it into what it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monet Posted January 31, 2013 Author Share Posted January 31, 2013 Thank you everyone for welcoming me. Its nice to have found like-minded people and it means a lot to me. I guess i threw a lot of extra stuff in when i told that story and its confusing. im sorry. i do have a lot of legal problems but i still blame the fucking church, my mother in law, the pastor and christianity in general. my wife and i had a great 12 year run. we had our ups and downs but obviously needed a lot of work. i think counseling, therapy or something couldve helped us. as much dirty shit she did to me i know she felt bad and i honestly think with some help it would have worked out. we always ended up coming to an agreement on stuff until i wanted to stop her mom from taking my daughter to church. in the last year and a half my wife was conflicted. Either tell her mother she and I were atheists and face horrible disappointment by her family OR face getting a divorce with me and i was taking my daughter with me. i knew it was risky but i have a lot going for me. i make more money than her, she started drinking, i've won awards for my work in the community.. i was willing to give it my all and leave her with custody of my daughter. the night before the incident happened, i heard my wife on the phone with her mom. i picked up one of the other house phones and decided it was time to tell her mother myself. so i did. i told her. my wife was in tears, denied it to her mother and was very upset. the last thing i said before i hung up was that i wanted a divorce and her not stopping her mother from brainwashing my little girl & shoving religion down her throat was the main reason. we had been sleeping in seperate rooms by this time so i dont know what all those 2 talked about all night. i barely slept and same for my wife. the next thing i know, i woke up the next day and the beginning of the story in my original post started. cops, guns, allegations etc. Adrianime, so far my lawyer bills have hit 15k. i'm paying for 3 lawyers. my criminal defense lawyer (family friend, ex-sheriff), my divorce lawyer & a lawyer for my mom to be able to spend time with my daughter under the 'grandpartents rights' section of the Indiana state code. my wife had refused to let my mom see my daughter for the first month so i hired a 3rd attorney. the legal fees (even with the family friend lawyer) are 90% for fees that have to do with court. a 'guardian ad lidem' had to be paid to do interviews and make sure my daughter was in a safe environment etc. and depositions are costing money. so i'm getting a hell of a discount, but i never have thought it'd be so expensive! anyway thanks again for all the support and kind words, guys. this is all really hard for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianime Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Monet. I'm glad you told her mother about you two's atheism! It sucks that she denied it. But hey, I think once you get passed all of this, your life will be better for it. My girlfriend actually has pretty religious parents. Before I met her parents the first time she said she told them that I was christian. One of the first questions they asked me was "what church do you go to?" I said, "Oh, I don't usually go to church." That was 2 years ago. They still think I'm Christian. My girlfriend herself is almost in the middle ON THE LINE between theism and atheism. i think she is leaning towards atheism. Of course her parents don't know that. Pisses me off! Haha. I actually read your story to her the night you posted it. All I know is regardless of who I end up with, I will not have a religious marriage ceremony. If I can't find a woman who will marry me without me having to lie and say I believe in a god. Then so be it. And I will not lie for the benefit somebody elses parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Monet: you just might want to ask your lawyer about a malicious prosecution claim for damages against your former wife(by then), assuming your wife's criminal charges against you fail. Good luck. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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