Coming Out As Athiest Woman While Married To A Christian Man

[florduh]

Welcome.

 

When you've done nothing wrong and still get in big trouble with someone, chances are that someone is a Christian. They just don't tolerate any difference of opinion.

[BlueBohemian]

BlueBohemian: I have children, but they are all adults. So I didn't have to deal with the education

issue. Are your children school age?

Yes. My husband works for a private Christian school, so our children get free education there. My children are all under the age of 8.

[RipVanWinkle]

BlueBohemian: That's unfortunate. I don't know the answer. So take my suggestion with a grain of salt.

Would your husband be willing to take a balanced approach in which they continue to attend the Xtian

school, but you will spend time with them letting them know there is another point of view which you

explain to them?

 

This approach makes sense because if they are only going to get the Xtian perspective it is clear that

their religious education will not be balanced but will amount to indoctrination. That's a softer word

than "brainwashing". Let me know what you think. bill

[Cousin Ricky]

Talk.origin’s Index of Creationist Claims. This site is thoroughly anti-creationist, but is not anti-Christian by any means. In fact, there are a few NOMA-type responses intended to ease theists’ concerns.

 

Berkeley’s Understanding Evolution. This site is a sort of “evolution for dummies,” with no religious references at all.

[BlueBohemian]

That will be a good subject to broach, and I have to figure out the best timing to broach it. Right now I know if I talked to him about it, the answer would likely be, "It's my responsibility as their father to bring them up in the truth and the love of the Lord. Doing anything less would be wrong." He will have to get to that point, when he gets to the point of being OK with me having no religion. Which means, it may be never or unless he deconverts as well. Of course, the only steps he's taken as far as bringing the kids up in the Lord has been an occassional mealtime prayer. Back when I was a Christian, I was the one who read the Children's Bible to them, prayed with them at night, and had deep discussions about death, heaven, sin, what it means to be a Christian, etc. I just stopped doing all that and he never took over. But now they are going to the school, and they will get that there. It makes me uncomfortable now, and a lot more than it did a few months ago.

We've been talking a lot, lots of debating. It hasn't turned nasty, but it's far from pleasant. He gets a lot more upset by it than me. I brought up the idea of not talking about the subject anymore and he said he would think about it. I brought up my uncomfortableness with God committing genocide with the flood and commanding the Israelites to do it, and slavery and other issues in the OT. He kept trying to explain it all away, but something tells me it does bother him too now that I bring it up.

[BlueBohemian]

Oh, and by the way, thanks for the links, everybody. I've been reading them and learning a great deal. Unfortunately, the public school I went to skimmed over evolution very briefly and I've forgotten or never learned most of it. This has been a delightful time of learning about life, the universe, and so much that I've never been exposed to!

[BlueBohemian]

Anybody know of any sources comparing other cultures and religions in the area before and around the time of the Israelites?

[hoosier]

Anybody know of any sources comparing other cultures and religions in the area before and around the time of the Israelites?

Interestingly there is a website, canaanitepath.com which is run by people who apparently practice Natib Qadish, the religion of ancient Canaan. They have a FAQ section where they answer some questions regarding certain parts of the bible, but I don't know what the sources are for their answers.

[mahjong]

Hi BlueBohemian!   Your post brings me back to my own deconvirsion.  My first husband was in school to become a minister, and I realized I was not cut out to be the minister's wife.  Thank God I realized that!  Then, a few years down the road, I was in the midst of leading the congregation in a story of one of the women in the Bible, and realized I didn't believe what I was saying.  In a flash it was all over. 

 

Now, many years later, I am still shedding the remnants of half-a-lifetime of Christianity and I find myself wondering what the half-life of this 'Christian radiocarbon'  is, and just glad I am no longer a nuclear reactor, ready for a meltdown!!!

 

I am a grandmother of one dear girl who just turned 9.  I told her, with her mom's permission, not to believe in the devil or hell.  (Thank God my daughter is not a Christian, but the father of my granddaughter is a born-again.)  I figure as long as these (devil and hell) don't exist in her little mind that she will not be afraid of thinking for herself. 

 

I know it helps because she told me that when she was in Sunday school the teacher mentioned the devil and hell.  My granddaughter started talking to one of her friends because she didn't want to listen to that.  Yay for me hitting at, what I see as, the heart of the worst of Christianity.

 

I am an atheist, myself, and recall vividly the same feeling as you mentioned in your blog that, "I had peaked behind Oz’s curtain, and there was nobody back there."  Me toooooooooooo!

 

You have a difficult row to hoe, hopefully this one idea about disspelling the darkness in the mind of a little innocent child will come in handy.  The kids grow up and do surprisingly well, all things considered. 

 

I am currently enjoying being on the outskirts of Buddhist and also Yoga philosophies.  I throw out what doesn't appeal and keep what I like.  These philosophies are older than Christianity by thousands of years.  I reject after-life and reincarnation and of course all the deities.  But many of the philosophies are attractive.  (Thought I'd mention two of my most recent finds: http://swamij.com/index.htm and Ajahn Brahm's YouTube talks, which I am editing out since putting in the URL brings the YouTube screen up.  Geeze)

 

These are not too deep, I get into meditation and attempt being 'clothed and in my right mind'.

 

So much more I could say, but have said enough already.  Make use of your education and if home is not your cup of tea, well, everyone will be in school soon enough.  I stayed home and loved it, I was a generation or two before you when many of us stayed home to raise kids.  My father encouraged me to find a good husband and he would take care of me... another fairytale!

 

Glad you found this site, I used it to get out all my anger, once upon a time... I have greatest respect for Webmaster Dave.

[RipVanWinkle]

Almost all Xtians with whom I have debated their religion get angry. I'm convinced that is fear rearing

its ugly head. The Xtians that get the most upset are the ones with the least certainty. bill

[RenaissanceWoman]

BB, I am reading a book that was recommended on a Living After Faith podcast: Parenting Beyond Belief. It is a collection of short essays by all kinds of diverse folks about parenting children without religion. Much of it is geared toward ex-Christians, and I think you would find it very helpful since your kids will be going to a Christian school. (My daughter is too, because it's the best private school for the education and social benefits.)

 

The essays are a few pages each, so you can pick up the book for a few minutes at a time, no big commitment required. I live in a conservative Christian community in the bible belt, but I found it on the shelf at my local library.

 

You can read the short description of the book on amazon, and see if it resonates with you. (Then get it free at the library.)

 

I just finished a short essay on the importance of teaching secular kids the bible and the Christian mindset. We are immersed in that culture, so it's good to know what they are up against, and why people think like they do on certain issues. It's also important to know the literature and the stories. It would be embarrassing, for example, to not understand an allusion such as, "wow, what a David and Goliath situation," or "it was a rain storm of biblical proportions." 

 

The essay also encourages non-believers that having a Christian spouse (and in your case and mine -- a Christian school) to teach the bible stuff is a good thing -- so then we don't have to do that part.     We can compare the stories to Zeus and his thunderbolts or whatever, and provide our balanced point of view. In this lady's opinion... it's all good.

 

Thankfully my husband is on board with my de-conversion (he was never a strong believer), so I don't have that hurdle. But maybe this book will help your husband too. He may be willing to read a page or two on the dangers of teaching about hell and such... this could be good for both of you.

 

I hope you find this helpful. The book also contains lots of references for further reading and sharing with children. You may want to check it out.

[BlueBohemian]

Thanks, RW. I will be checking that out (well, very likely buying it.) We live out of town so no free library for us!

[waitingongod]

I recently purchased that book for my Kindle.  Interesting read.  I also bought Raising Freethinkers.

[Thought2Much]

A late welcome to Ex-C to you, BlueBohemian, and also a warm welcome to the Unequally Yoked Club. There are quite a few of us here that completely understand what it's like to still be married to a Christian spouse after losing faith ourselves.

[BendyLine]

Just wanted to say welcome, and I relate to a lot of your story. I hope things get better between you and your husband. Reading between the lines, it sounds like there may be some hope of him coming around eventually. 

[LifeCycle]

Hey BlueBohemian, you both might enjoy listening to this.

 

[alpha centauri]

This situation is all too common. It's why I believe many just continue to go through the motions. I'm convinced the church is filled with unbelievers, but it's often the true believers who act most reprehensibly, because they believe God will forgive them or even justify their actions. After all, look at God's horrific actions from Genesis through Revelation. If people model their lives on that "supreme" being's behavior -- and the behavior of his followers as chronicled by the Bible -- no wonder. Yuck!

 

***

LifeCycle, I like those quotes in red at the bottom of your post. It's much more accurate than the Bible writers' spin.

[LifeCycle]

This situation is all too common. It's why I believe many just continue to go through the motions. I'm convinced the church is filled with unbelievers, but it's often the true believers who act most reprehensibly, because they believe God will forgive them or even justify their actions. After all, look at God's horrific actions from Genesis through Revelation. If people model their lives on that "supreme" being's behavior -- and the behavior of his followers as chronicled by the Bible -- no wonder. Yuck!

 

***

LifeCycle, I like those quotes in red at the bottom of your post. It's much more accurate than the Bible writers' spin.

Thanks!  A couple of different angles of looking at Christianity that I came up with during my last year of deconversion.

[JamesG]

yeah those quotes are great which is why I quoted you in my sig =D not to mention you helped inflate my ego =P

[Lerk]

I'll just add my welcome here, BB, as others have given you what I think is very good advice.

Well, I will say this: Once all of the kids are in school, get a job! If your internet gets cut off you'll be able to go buy a smartphone with money your husband doesn't control, and you'll be back in the real world again.

 

I would say get a job now, but there'll be a lot less conflict if you wait. On the other hand, you seem to have effectively dealt with conflict or potential conflict, so you may be able to navigate through it right away.