How To Respond To Unsolicited Bible Verse Emails From My Family...?

[Prometheus]

Just be happy Grandma is still around to send you emails. I wish my grandparents were still alive so they could send me annoying bible verses.

 

That's one reason I made my response so non-confrontational.  The last thing I want is to be arguing with my only remaining grandparent and her to pass away (she's 83).

 

Excellent reply Prometheus. Keep it up.

 

Thanks.

 

Prometheus, is this something your grandma does on a regular basis or did it just suddenly start happening?  Is it something she does with other members of the family or just with you?  Does she know you are not a believer?  Perhaps you have not told her about your disbelief, but is it possible another family member has?  At first, I had the impression that she just sent a random email to you with scriptures, but since then it seems she has sent a few more.  Maybe if we know more about her motivations, we could set up a better defense/response for you.  

 

It recently started happening, and here's why.  I saw hardly any of her growing up, because she has around 40 grandchildren so she never really had the opportunity to bond strongly with each of them individually.  Plus, she lived in another state.  But this past summer, I ran into work difficulty so I moved in with my family for a month and a half (a time of GREAT regression in my personal mental health... more on that another time).  My grandmother and her (second) husband—first husband passed away—live downstairs, so I got a chance to hang out with them a couple times a week.  The subject of Christianity never came up though.

 

But a couple weeks ago, I flew (practically ran away) to Thailand to teach English, because I disliked my previous job in the states and couldn't bear to be around my family any longer due to the very controlled Christian-y fundamentalist environment.  Just was really horrible.  I mean it was nice for them, but not for me.  So the emails from her started coming daily 3 days ago, because I'm struggling to find work over here and she must think that sending me Proverbs is going to comfort me and help me find a job.

 

I'm almost certain I am the only relative to whom she sends unsolicited Bible verses, because I know for a fact that I am the only member of my very large extended family that has "escaped the faith" and has clearly stated that I am not a Christian.  I have always assumed that everyone know it via the grapevine.  I'm almost 100% sure my grandmother has known about it for years.

[Pantophobia]

She thinks she's comforting you. I'm sure those verses comfort her, after all. 

 

I wouldn't try to counteract it with other verses, or logic, or anything. It won't work. She's in her eighties, after all. But I think a couple of the previous suggestions might be effective. Explain to her that you would prefer not to receive bible verses from her (and don't go into too much explanation) because they do not help you. However, if she would like to send you cookies/pray for you/take pictures of the flowers in her garden/listen to Vivaldi and send you happy thoughts, you would appreciate it, because you know she's doing this because she loves you.

 

You could also try to not see them as "bible verses" or religion, but just, without reading it, go, "Aw, Grandma is telling me she loves me." That's what I did with my beloved grandma's "God's blessings!" and it worked for me.

 

However! Don't let that make you feel like you have to accept whatever out of guilt. When people say "I wish my grandparents were around to send me annoying bible verses," it's a counterproductive response. You aren't talking about everyone's grandparents. You're talking about dealing with a specific situation in a healthy way. 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

 

 

Prometheus, is this something your grandma does on a regular basis or did it just suddenly start happening?  Is it something she does with other members of the family or just with you?  Does she know you are not a believer?  Perhaps you have not told her about your disbelief, but is it possible another family member has?  At first, I had the impression that she just sent a random email to you with scriptures, but since then it seems she has sent a few more.  Maybe if we know more about her motivations, we could set up a better defense/response for you.  

 

It recently started happening, and here's why.  I saw hardly any of her growing up, because she has around 40 grandchildren so she never really had the opportunity to bond strongly with each of them individually.  Plus, she lived in another state.  But this past summer, I ran into work difficulty so I moved in with my family for a month and a half (a time of GREAT regression in my personal mental health... more on that another time).  My grandmother and her (second) husband—first husband passed away—live downstairs, so I got a chance to hang out with them a couple times a week.  The subject of Christianity never came up though.

 

But a couple weeks ago, I flew (practically ran away) to Thailand to teach English, because I disliked my previous job in the states and couldn't bear to be around my family any longer due to the very controlled Christian-y fundamentalist environment.  Just was really horrible.  I mean it was nice for them, but not for me.  So the emails from her started coming daily 3 days ago, because I'm struggling to find work over here and she must think that sending me Proverbs is going to comfort me and help me find a job.

 

I'm almost certain I am the only relative to whom she sends unsolicited Bible verses, because I know for a fact that I am the only member of my very large extended family that has "escaped the faith" and has clearly stated that I am not a Christian.  I have always assumed that everyone know it via the grapevine.  I'm almost 100% sure my grandmother has known about it for years.

 

 

Based on this information, I would agree with what Pantophobia recommended above.  Be polite, but firm, in telling her that you'd rather not receive scripture.  If she asks for an explanation, all you are obligated to tell her is that it is personal.  You could and probably should encourage her to continue emailing you, especially if you've never been close to her, as a means of staying connected while you are abroad, and building whatever kind of relationship her time left will allow.  Let her know that you are fine and that things are going to work out for you.  Above all, remember that her attempts at offering you comfort probably reveal more about her own state of mind and need for comfort than anything else.  And definitely ask for cookies; grandma's need to feel needed.

[Jedah]

I usually ignore emails like this. The vast majority of Christians are completely incapable of even trying to defend their faith in a way that won't make a philosophically mature person facepalm. This is why you see non believers banned on christian forums, and atheists instantly dismissed as teenagers/fedora/euphoric/LOL SO EDGY on networking sites ...because most believers are simply not able to come up with anything better. The few Christians that actually are smart enough to defend their faith in a way that isn't intellectually embarrassing end up either deconverting or going insane anyways.

[Prometheus]

I usually ignore emails like this. The vast majority of Christians are completely incapable of even trying to defend their faith in a way that won't make a philosophically mature person facepalm. This is why you see non believers banned on christian forums, and atheists instantly dismissed as teenagers/fedora/euphoric/LOL SO EDGY on networking sites ...because most believers are simply not able to come up with anything better. The few Christians that actually are smart enough to defend their faith in a way that isn't intellectually embarrassing end up either deconverting or going insane anyways.

 

Got #5 today!  This is definitely becoming an ongoing thing.

 

Speaking of t3h facepalm, that's what happens whenever I engage my parents about Christianity.  I usually end up trying not to burst out laughing at some of the things they say, and then I feel horribly guilty for laughing at my own parents and seeing them flustered and hopeless.  Sucks.

[chrisstavrous]

Just be yourself, because the worst thing you can do is to respond the way they want you too.

[Prometheus]

Ok, for a while it was bearable, but this is getting WORSE.

 

Yesterday, she emailed me a Proverb and asked me how I was doing.

I'm in an Asian country by myself looking for a job, came here for the adventure.  I responded with a very polite, somewhat lengthy (maybe 12 lines), friendly email about the job hunt that I'm on, my living conditions, and some of the stuff I've been up to.  Then I asked her how the weather and everything was in her home town.

 

The next day, I get a basic, filler response, about her being glad there were work prospects, and telling me that it was rainy and grey there.  Just two sentences.

 

And an accompanying Proverb, this time with her own added commentary!

 

This is what I love about Christianity.  It gets in the way of real, loving, personalized relationships and replaces them with cookie-cutter conversations that validate the Christian by telling them that they don't need to actually show interest in someone's life—as long as they are "spreading the Good News" that's all they need to worry about.

Fucking annoying.

[midniterider]

Ok, for a while it was bearable, but this is getting WORSE.

 

Yesterday, she emailed me a Proverb and asked me how I was doing.

 

I'm in an Asian country by myself looking for a job, came here for the adventure.  I responded with a very polite, somewhat lengthy (maybe 12 lines), friendly email about the job hunt that I'm on, my living conditions, and some of the stuff I've been up to.  Then I asked her how the weather and everything was in her home town.

 

The next day, I get a basic, filler response, about her being glad there were work prospects, and telling me that it was rainy and grey there.  Just two sentences.

 

And an accompanying Proverb, this time with her own added commentary!

 

This is what I love about Christianity.  It gets in the way of real, loving, personalized relationships and replaces them with cookie-cutter conversations that validate the Christian by telling them that they don't need to actually show interest in someone's life—as long as they are "spreading the Good News" that's all they need to worry about.

 

Fucking annoying.

 

She must have found out you don't believe anymore. Why don't you ask her why she keeps sending you all the bible verses.

[Sybaris]

Sooo you're in Thailand and left the church. Well it's obvious................ you're under the influence of those eeeebil Buddhists!!

[pratt]

since grandma loves to quote,,,,,

 

if i were you, i would quote the nice stuff from "worldy wisdom" like Gandhi, Buddhism, Lenin or some chicken soup for the souls,,,,