The Bible Says What?

[Joyous1]

Many of the posters here were serious Christians and read the bible cover to cover. That's a dangerous business, because there is quite a bit in that book that preachers don't want to discuss. What stories shocked you? Here's one I could never reconcile

 

from Judges 11

29 Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah. He crossed Gilead and Manasseh, passed through Mizpah of Gilead, and from there he advanced against the Ammonites. 30 And Jephthah made a vow to the LORD : "If you give the Ammonites into my hands, 31 whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the LORD's, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering."

 

32 Then Jephthah went over to fight the Ammonites, and the LORD gave them into his hands. 33 He devastated twenty towns from Aroer to the vicinity of Minnith, as far as Abel Keramim. Thus Israel subdued Ammon.

 

34 When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of tambourines! She was an only child. Except for her he had neither son nor daughter. 35 When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, "Oh! My daughter! You have made me miserable and wretched, because I have made a vow to the LORD that I cannot break."

 

36 "My father," she replied, "you have given your word to the LORD. Do to me just as you promised, now that the LORD has avenged you of your enemies, the Ammonites. 37 But grant me this one request," she said. "Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry."

 

38 "You may go," he said. And he let her go for two months. She and the girls went into the hills and wept because she would never marry. 39 After the two months, she returned to her father and he did to her as he had vowed. And she was a virgin.

From this comes the Israelite custom 40 that each year the young women of Israel go out for four days to commemorate the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite.

 

[Joyous1]

And this is one of my favorite bible quotes to throw at the tithe-and-grow-rich preachers:

 

Dueterotomy 11

22"You (K)shall surely tithe all the produce from what you sow, which comes out of the field every year.

 

23"You shall eat in the presence of the LORD your God, (L)at the place where He chooses to establish His name, the tithe of your grain, your new wine, your oil, and the firstborn of your herd and your flock, so that you may (M)learn to fear the LORD your God always.

 

24"If the distance is so great for you that you are not able to bring the tithe, since the place where the LORD your God chooses (N)to set His name is too far away from you when the LORD your God blesses you,

 

25then you shall exchange it for money, and bind the money in your hand and go to the place which the LORD your God chooses.

26"You may spend the money for whatever your heart desires: for oxen, or sheep, or wine, or strong drink, or whatever your heart desires; and (O)there you shall eat in the presence of the LORD your God and rejoice, you and your household.

[Artur]

*

[Joyous1]

That’s right; everybody dies. Men, women, teens, babes in arms slaughtered. Their crime, you ask? They had a different culture, different religious views, and the OT god sent armed men with sharpened swords to kill them.

 

All the animals too, anything that breathes. Horses, dogs, cats, camels. The fruit trees were safe, that's about it though.

[Thurisaz]

What currently occurs to me isn't that much obnoxious as it is ludicrous

 

Gee, don't we all know the fundy mantra about their gawd's omnipotence? Makes me wonder...

 

"And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron." (Judges 1:19)

 

Yup, really omnipotent. Some shitty bronze-age chariots make the oh-so-mighty gawd shit its pants

[Joyous1]

It must be like the Superman/Kryptonite thing. Iron chariots just zap all God's energy

[Light_of_Reason]

I would just like to say that as I was reading the first one, the similarities kept drawing my memory back to some of what happened in Homer's Illiad and Odyssey, where an only child was sacrificed for favorable wind to reach the enemies of Troy.

 

Is that just a coincidence?

[Taphophilia]

Here's one:

(Bold mine)

2 Kings 22:4-20

4 Go up to Hilkiah the high priest, that he may sum the silver which is brought into the house of the LORD, which the keepers of the door have gathered of the people:

 

5 And let them deliver it into the hand of the doers of the work, that have the oversight of the house of the LORD: and let them give it to the doers of the work which is in the house of the LORD, to repair the breaches of the house,

 

6 Unto carpenters, and builders, and masons, and to buy timber and hewn stone to repair the house.

 

7 Howbeit there was no reckoning made with them of the money that was delivered into their hand, because they dealt faithfully.

 

8 And Hilkiah the high priest said unto Shaphan the scribe, I have found the book of the law in the house of the LORD. And Hilkiah gave the book to Shaphan, and he read it.

 

9 And Shaphan the scribe came to the king, and brought the king word again, and said, Thy servants have gathered the money that was found in the house, and have delivered it into the hand of them that do the work, that have the oversight of the house of the LORD.

 

10 And Shaphan the scribe showed the king, saying, Hilkiah the priest hath delivered me a book. And Shaphan read it before the king.

 

11 And it came to pass, when the king had heard the words of the book of the law, that he rent his clothes.

 

12 And the king commanded Hilkiah the priest, and Ahikam the son of Shaphan, and Achbor the son of Michaiah, and Shaphan the scribe, and Asahiah a servant of the king's, saying,

 

13 Go ye, enquire of the LORD for me, and for the people, and for all Judah, concerning the words of this book that is found: for great is the wrath of the LORD that is kindled against us, because our fathers have not hearkened unto the words of this book, to do according unto all that which is written concerning us.

 

14 So Hilkiah the priest, and Ahikam, and Achbor, and Shaphan, and Asahiah, went unto Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum the son of Tikvah, the son of Harhas, keeper of the wardrobe; (now she dwelt in Jerusalem in the college;) and they communed with her.

 

15 And she said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Tell the man that sent you to me,

 

16 Thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring evil upon this place, and upon the inhabitants thereof, even all the words of the book which the king of Judah hath read:

 

17 Because they have forsaken me, and have burned incense unto other gods, that they might provoke me to anger with all the works of their hands; therefore my wrath shall be kindled against this place, and shall not be quenched.

 

18 But to the king of Judah which sent you to enquire of the LORD, thus shall ye say to him, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, As touching the words which thou hast heard;

 

19 Because thine heart was tender, and thou hast humbled thyself before the LORD, when thou heardest what I spake against this place, and against the inhabitants thereof, that they should become a desolation and a curse, and hast rent thy clothes, and wept before me; I also have heard thee, saith the LORD.

 

20 Behold therefore, I will gather thee unto thy fathers, and thou shalt be gathered into thy grave in peace; and thine eyes shall not see all the evil which I will bring upon this place. And they brought the king word again.

 

They were repairing the temple and found a book of the law. Low and behold Isreal had been worshipping the WRONG god for generations.

[Mythra]

Joshua Chapter 7. God is appeased by the stoning and burning of ACHAN'S LITTLE KIDS.

 

 

19 Then Joshua said to Achan, "My son, give glory to the LORD, [d] the God of Israel, and give him the praise. [e] Tell me what you have done; do not hide it from me."

 

20 Achan replied, "It is true! I have sinned against the LORD, the God of Israel. This is what I have done: 21 When I saw in the plunder a beautiful robe from Babylonia, [f] two hundred shekels [g] of silver and a wedge of gold weighing fifty shekels, [h] I coveted them and took them. They are hidden in the ground inside my tent, with the silver underneath."

 

22 So Joshua sent messengers, and they ran to the tent, and there it was, hidden in his tent, with the silver underneath. 23 They took the things from the tent, brought them to Joshua and all the Israelites and spread them out before the LORD.

 

24 Then Joshua, together with all Israel, took Achan son of Zerah, the silver, the robe, the gold wedge, his sons and daughters, his cattle, donkeys and sheep, his tent and all that he had, to the Valley of Achor. 25 Joshua said, "Why have you brought this trouble on us? The LORD will bring trouble on you today."

Then all Israel stoned him, and after they had stoned the rest, they burned them. 26 Over Achan they heaped up a large pile of rocks, which remains to this day. Then the LORD turned from his fierce anger.

[SkepticOfBible]

When I first started my research into my christianity, I was shocked to learn that slavery is justified by christianity.

 

I got most upset when I read Psalm 137, 2 Kings 8:12, Amos 1:13 and Isaiah 13:16?

 

That was the last straw for me.

 

Whoever wrote those verses must have got a sick mind, if I ever meet him in my afterlife, I am gonna spit on his face.

[Artur]

*

[SkepticOfBible]

And from Numbers 31-

 

NU 31:7

 

...

The great spiritual leader and god mouthpiece Moses counsels returning soldiers to murder (that’s all it is, pure and simple) little boys and married women. They are to keep the unmarried women, however; to compound their victim’s loss of family members with the prospect of rape.

 

Oh yeah that one made upset too.

 

The first site that I visited was www.noreligion.ca. That's where he list all these attrocities there. It's a pretty fun read, and I recommend to all. He has a good sense of humor

 

I heard Jason Gastrich justifying this by saying "these ladies didn't have anywhere to go, so the Hebrew warrior took them in the shelterm otherwise they would have died a horrible death"

 

PS:Has anyone heard him debate with the word faith leader. It's so hilarious.

[The Sage Nabooru]

Gen. 38:6-

 

6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Ta-mar.

7 And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD, and the LORD slew him.

8 And Judah said unto O-nan, Go in unto they brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.

9 and O-nan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled his semen unto the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

11 Then said Judah to Ta-mar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at they father's house, till She-lah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Ta-mar went and dwelt in her father's house.

12 And in process of time the daughter of Shu-ah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Tim-nath, he and his friend Hi-rah the Adullamite.

13 And it was told Ta-mar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Tim-nath to shear his sheep.

14 And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her face with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Tim-nath; for she saw that She-lah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife.

15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be a harlot; because she had covered her face.

16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come into thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, what wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?

17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?

18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.

19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.

20 And Judah send the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not.

21 Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place.

22 And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.

23 and Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent her this kid, and thou hast not found her.

24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Ta-mar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, bring her forth, and let her be burnt.

25 When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child, and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.

26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to She-lah my son. And he knew her again no more.

 

She had twins, Pharez and Zarah. Just an interesting little tale of God smoting men, men pulling out, old men having sex with street whores who are actually their daughters-in-law, old men ordering said daughters-in-law to be burnt and a couple kids born by inbreeding.

[Joyous1]

Judges 19

A Levite and His Concubine

 

16 That evening an old man from the hill country of Ephraim, who was living in Gibeah (the men of the place were Benjamites), came in from his work in the fields. 17 When he looked and saw the traveler in the city square, the old man asked, "Where are you going? Where did you come from?"

 

18 He answered, "We are on our way from Bethlehem in Judah to a remote area in the hill country of Ephraim where I live. I have been to Bethlehem in Judah and now I am going to the house of the LORD. No one has taken me into his house. 19 We have both straw and fodder for our donkeys and bread and wine for ourselves your servants—me, your maidservant, and the young man with us. We don't need anything."

 

20 "You are welcome at my house," the old man said. "Let me supply whatever you need. Only don't spend the night in the square." 21 So he took him into his house and fed his donkeys. After they had washed their feet, they had something to eat and drink.

 

22 While they were enjoying themselves, some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, "Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him."

 

23 The owner of the house went outside and said to them, "No, my friends, don't be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don't do this disgraceful thing. 24 Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But to this man, don't do such a disgraceful thing."

 

25 But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go.

 

26 At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight.

 

27 When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 28 He said to her, "Get up; let's go." But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home.

 

29 When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel. 30 Everyone who saw it said, "Such a thing has never been seen or done, not since the day the Israelites came up out of Egypt. Think about it! Consider it! Tell us what to do!"

 

I'm thinking about it, I'm considering it.....

[LloydDobler]

I heard Jason Gastrich justifying this by saying "these ladies didn't have anywhere to go, so the Hebrew warrior took them in the shelterm otherwise they would have died a horrible death"

We used to have a Jewish apologist here on this site who would argue old testament against christians with us. But once he claimed that Jews believe they adopted the girls as their daughters and raised them lovingly as their own... after slaughtering their mothers fathers brothers and non virgin sisters....

 

We didn't buy it coming from that side of the fence either.

[Joyous1]

I heard Jason Gastrich justifying this by saying "these ladies didn't have anywhere to go, so the Hebrew warrior took them in the shelterm otherwise they would have died a horrible death"

We used to have a Jewish apologist here on this site who would argue old testament against christians with us. But once he claimed that Jews believe they adopted the girls as their daughters and raised them lovingly as their own... after slaughtering their mothers fathers brothers and non virgin sisters....

 

We didn't buy it coming from that side of the fence either.

 

Wait a minute Lloyd, lets look at the evidence. I've posted two stories here, one of a man who was inspired by the spirit of Yahwe to offer his daughter as a burnt sacrifice and the other of a man who offered his virgin daughter as a sex toy for wandering rapists. I think it is quite possible they treated their captives with as much love and tenderness as they gave their own daughters.

[thunderbolt]

PS:Has anyone heard him debate with the word faith leader. It's so hilarious.

No, where can we listen to this treasure?

[SkepticOfBible]

PS:Has anyone heard him debate with the word faith leader. It's so hilarious.

No, where can we listen to this treasure?

 

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?...nID=32503211015

 

And here is the debate where he made that stupid comment.

 

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?...onID=1050415464

 

Make sure you check out the other debates with atheist and see his ass being whooped by them

[thunderbolt]

PS:Has anyone heard him debate with the word faith leader. It's so hilarious.

No, where can we listen to this treasure?

 

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?...nID=32503211015

 

And here is the debate where he made that stupid comment.

 

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?...onID=1050415464

 

Make sure you check out the other debates with atheist and see his ass being whooped by them

 

Wow, the one with the WOF preacher is jaw dropping!

[SkepticOfBible]

 

Wow, the one with the WOF preacher is jaw dropping!

 

Yeah, Jesus went to hell, and Jason spoke in tongues

 

I loved the creationist debate, not only do YEC's like Gastrich want to bash evolution, but they can't stand any competing creationist stance.

[Guest AgnosticMike]

OK here's one that you will never hear read in church.

 

Actually it's amusing to see how many version deliberately try and tone down the explicit language.

 

Ezekiel 23:16-21. When's the movie comming out on this one.

 

23:16 When she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea. 23:17 The Babylonians crawled into bed with her. They defiled her with their lust; after she was defiled by them, she became disgusted with them. 23:18 When she lustfully exposed her nakedness, I was disgusted with her, just as I had been disgusted with her sister. 23:19 Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. 23:20 She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions. 23:21 This is how you assessed the obscene conduct of your youth, when the Egyptians fondled your nipples and squeezed your young breasts.

[Joyous1]

you win Mike, that is priceless!

[Vixentrox]

A lot of the bible, if made into movies would be R, NC-17, or X. Nothing like family values!

[Guest AgnosticMike]

A lot of the bible, if made into movies would be R, NC-17, or X. Nothing like family values!

 

The thing that is really amusing is how so many Christians forbid their children to read Harry Potter or the like. They would much rather have their children read the Bible. I'm no prude but there seems to be a bit of disparity there.

[Onyx]

Or banned, Vix.