Needing People To Relate To.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Rach, thank you so much, this is exactly the kind of things I think about. I read Andrea's story and felt so emotional reading it. I wonder if that's true about Christians not really believing it. It seems like they do. I'm kind of confused what to do next. I've always been a spiritual person, and I would swap no life after death if I could, if it meant the people who "fall short" don't have to suffer, but I don't feel like a Christian would. They would rather have eternal bliss. Another person I know put on his fb a video, why you may not be getting a response from the holy spirit. I get very annoyed by Christians often, I shouldn't. I was at a church fair last year, and was looking at the homemade candle holders, and a woman I've met before started talking to me, and asked me which one I liked and bought me one, I do the same thing for people, but when she gave it to me, she said "everytime you light the candle, think of Gods love and joy". Or something like that. Why couldn't she have just bought me the candle? I felt like she was selling it. I did feel hurt because when I buy people things its not a waste of my money, I don't have to get anything out of it. Maybe I'm looking into it too deeply.

It's normal to get annoyed by xians.  Their behaviour is annoying.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  I have a habit of doing that, and I know exactly where it comes from . Xianity.  My parents can be very judgmental without knowing it, because of their xianity.  They didn't intentionally raise me and my sister that way, but we both grew up being very judgmental of ourselves.  It is something I try to remind myself of, often, that I don't need to hold myself to some impossible standard.  I try to notice whenever I am using the word "should", and change it to "could".  I also try not to berate myself when I use the word "should" ;-)  It's hard to get the balance right, but I just wanted to say, you have enough crap to deal with at the moment without telling yourself you shouldn't get annoyed by xians.  Feeling annoyed with them and their beliefs is part of the process of deconverting.  Go with it.

[Ranger26]

Bambi, in 2009 i have been where you are. Mentally, i have been EXACTLY where you are. I was so depressed over this issue I didn't want to wake up, i couldn't study, i wanted to die, and i dropped out of University. I remember being on the floor of my room without any strength to go on, hating this concept of hell and this who divine system, while still fully believing it.

Remember one thing...spiritual experience happen for other spiritual and religious people, of other faiths. I know that, i talked to them, i read enough. It is not exclusive to Christianity. Miracles and answered prayers, and visions, if you are to believe in them, happen to people all over the world who have no connection to Christianity.

Read what everyone else have said above (i haven't, so if i am repeating someone's words bare with me). If God (the way you and I see him) is real, he is better than this. He won't torture people like that and he would not create this messes up system. Rear near-death.com site, it have many wonderful stories of non-religious people seeing God and experiencing bliss, all without them being Christian at a point of their near-death experience.

Talk to us more. I wanna see you get better and get out of it because I was there 4 years ago. Life is wonderful, and whether you choose to be Christian or not, there is an amazingly better way to live and have your idea of what kind of God, that God is.

Sending you love and hugs!

[Guest Bambi]

Thanks Ranger. In 2009 I was worse, I had deluded thinking and they diagnosed me with fleeting psychosis. I was paranoid to the extreme and couldn't eat, shower or be left alone. I went on meds and got better, I came off them and was still better until I started going to church. It took a while to get sick again.

 

I feel terrible because I feel like I'm blaming the church for something I can't handle and I feel weak because all of them can except it, why can't I? I get freaked out when they talk about the Holy Spirits entering them, and then I think if I have ever felt it or not, what would change? I would suddenly accept my friends and family being tortured endlessly, I would just magically understand. I just feel so powerless. A person could travel the world, cure a disease, be an amazing positive person, bring hope to others, but if they fall short of believing, all that counts for nothing. My depression is too much, yet I don't blame God for feeling detached. The world isn't about me. Even if all our goodness comes from God only, I can still deal with that, because it must count for something. Rather than not being a particularly nice person but being "right" with God. Sorry for rambling I feel like I'm hardly hanging on.

[Ranger26]

Bambi,

when i left Christianity i didn't abandon my faith in God. Whatever or Whomever God is (and I say it with respect) i believe him to be better than a Christian god. I have my atheistic views and doubts about his involvement in the world and will have many complaints and questions if I ever get to see him, but I tend to hold on to a view that everything good, noble, pure and awesome is divine. You can try to lean on that view of God, and try to live that kind of live, a live full of love towards others, towards nature, and towards a divine power that's all good and all knowing, but isn't judgmental, vengeful , and unfair.

Life can be awesome again for you as it became for me. I still struggle with my mental issues as well. I get depressed, manic, OCD and slightly bipolar too, but i learned to manage it all drug free. I have been on medication before and it did help me.

I wish I could implant my ways of coping with it, as i believe i taught myself to deal with those issues, having been in very very dark places. I definitely don't have all the answers, but i just found something that works for me. Being on these forums definitely brought my level of anxiety down by a mile.

Hang in there, talk to us, and get help if you can.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Bambi, hang in there, you will get better, just stay on your meds for now and keep in touch with your psychiatrist/mental health worker if you have one.  Stress makes mental health issues worse. The brain can recover, but it takes time.  Part of getting through a crisis like this is to keep each day as simple as possible, look after yourself, get up and dressed, do some exercise, eat properly, take your meds, talk to someone and above all be gentle with yourself.  Your brain is out of balance and it needs time to get better.  Keep talking here, it is good to hear how you are doing.  Thinking of you.

[rach]

 I wonder if that's true about Christians not really believing it. It seems like they do.

 

The only test for what someone really, truly believes is in their behavior.  Words can say anything.  Behavior is the deciding factor.  When I believed the threat of hellfire was knocking on my door and all my loved ones and I were walking a thin spider thread above the lake of fire "which can never be quenched", my behavior was out of control.  Paranoia, psychosis, bizarre speech, all around bizarre behavior.  A threat such as hell completely overwhelms our abilities to function.  When I see any Christian functioning like a normal human being, I don't believe that they really feel threatened by hell at all.  They proclaim to believe it but the behavior doesn't match up. 

 

It's like this, When someone tells me they're afraid of heights, and then goes mountain climbing with no ropes on, I'm going to get suspicious.  I know that a person who is truly afraid of heights doesn't behave that way. 

 

Another suspicious point is that when I was a Christian I took it damned serious.  Everything that the bible listed as a sin, like lying, stealing, even "taking god's name in vain", I absolutely would not do for fear of hell.  But all the other Christians in my community weren't living like this.  They'd casually sin.  They'd even do the big ones like "adultery" and "fornication".  If they really were afraid of being burnt alive they would not be casually sinning.  Contrast this nonchalance with the people who have injured themselves in response to Matthew 18:9 (yes....it happens.   http://www.philstar.com/cebu-news/2013/10/15/1245495/man-cuts-penis-avoid-sinning )  These self-injuring people are your real "true believers". 

 

The Christians who believe in hell but aren't overwhelmed by it, are like surfers who know there's a shark out there in the water somewhere but believe the ocean is so big the shark will never find them.  The people who really believe in hell are like those who will not get into the water at all because they believe the shark will get them.   

[Ranger26]

 

 I wonder if that's true about Christians not really believing it. It seems like they do.

 

The only test for what someone really, truly believes is in their behavior.  Words can say anything.  Behavior is the deciding factor.  When I believed the threat of hellfire was knocking on my door and all my loved ones and I were walking a thin spider thread above the lake of fire "which can never be quenched", my behavior was out of control.  Paranoia, psychosis, bizarre speech, all around bizarre behavior.  A threat such as hell completely overwhelms our abilities to function.  When I see any Christian functioning like a normal human being, I don't believe that they really feel threatened by hell at all.  They proclaim to believe it but the behavior doesn't match up. 

 

It's like this, When someone tells me they're afraid of heights, and then goes mountain climbing with no ropes on, I'm going to get suspicious.  I know that a person who is truly afraid of heights doesn't behave that way. 

 

Another suspicious point is that when I was a Christian I took it damned serious.  Everything that the bible listed as a sin, like lying, stealing, even "taking god's name in vain", I absolutely would not do for fear of hell.  But all the other Christians in my community weren't living like this.  They'd casually sin.  They'd even do the big ones like "adultery" and "fornication".  If they really were afraid of being burnt alive they would not be casually sinning.  Contrast this nonchalance with the people who have injured themselves in response to Matthew 18:9 (yes....it happens.   http://www.philstar.com/cebu-news/2013/10/15/1245495/man-cuts-penis-avoid-sinning )  These self-injuring people are your real "true believers". 

 

The Christians who believe in hell but aren't overwhelmed by it, are like surfers who know there's a shark out there in the water somewhere but believe the ocean is so big the shark will never find them.  The people who really believe in hell are like those who will not get into the water at all because they believe the shark will get them.   

 

amen to that. could not have said this better. I too was a nervous wrack, anxious, depressed because of hell. It took time to get back to functioning normaly. If someone believes in hell, in my opinion, everything else looses its meaning. having fun, marrying, having kids, working, making money, etc. because you should be saving as many people as possible. Think of a Shindler's list. Sell everything so you can buy more Jewish people from the Nazi's and save their lives.

 

I even remember one pastor who was the most intense version of a Christian i have ever seen, using it as his sermon. He wanted us to be like Shindler, so think like him, trying to save everyone, all the time, at all cost. Quite a fun way to live (sarcasm).

[Guest Bambi]

Thanks guys you are making me feel a bit better. I've just got so much stuff in my head. Loads of things I've seen are just getting to me. Like, in worship the people around me would pray in tongues, and I don't understand. I can speak in some weird language and sound coherent, I thought anyone could. Sometimes I would recognise familiarity in their words between one another and that got me thinking. My pastor told a story of when he saw a demon in the back of the church, and he asked those who could pray in tongues to do so, and it went away.

 

I've heard so many stories of people who weren't Christian and have now seen the truth. This is a real trigger for me, especially when it is ex gays or ex atheists. I'm sorry to keep posting, but how do you all deal with this? and what do you think is real and what isn't?

[DoubtingNate]

I have a childhood friend who is schizophrenic, has been in and out of several institutions and has survived multiple suicide attempts.  She believes she has some kind of gift from God that she can detect evil in people's eyes, and that people everywhere are trying to kill her.  She also believes in predestination, of the Calvinist variety, but that she herself is reprobate, not chosen, and can't be saved.  Let that sink in for a minute.  She believes in the Gospel - all of it - but that she's lost and there's nothing she can do about it.  

 

When we lived in the same town we were good buddies.  Back then she was wicked smart, an awesome writer and one of the funniest people I know.  Everyone used to think we would get married, but she was much more like a sister.  Now she lives in another state (where her family is from), doesn't have a phone number or any social media accounts, and I have mostly lost touch with her, outside of a few email updates from concerned family members.  I'm scared that one day we are going to get a phone call and learn that she didn't make it.  She must be a shell of her former self because of all the crazy.  It's my opinion - I'm sure there is other stuff, but I'm really convinced that this is a core issue - that this belief has made her literally batshit crazy, and it breaks my heart.  So basically, fuck John Calvin for propagating one of the most horrific doctrines that Christianity has ever come up with - and that's really saying something.  

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Thanks guys you are making me feel a bit better. I've just got so much stuff in my head. Loads of things I've seen are just getting to me. Like, in worship the people around me would pray in tongues, and I don't understand. I can speak in some weird language and sound coherent, I thought anyone could. Sometimes I would recognise familiarity in their words between one another and that got me thinking. My pastor told a story of when he saw a demon in the back of the church, and he asked those who could pray in tongues to do so, and it went away.

 

I've heard so many stories of people who weren't Christian and have now seen the truth. This is a real trigger for me, especially when it is ex gays or ex atheists. I'm sorry to keep posting, but how do you all deal with this? and what do you think is real and what isn't?

Please do keep posting, we want to help.

 

Praying in tongues - it's just gibberish really.  There's a name for it - Glossolalia.  I can still do it if I want to, it's just a series of random sounds like baby talk.  It makes people feel like they are part of something.  Some people I've read on here say they couldn't do it and they felt bad for that.

 

Demon in the back of the church - the pastor was probably making it up or he was so caught up in the moment he thought he saw something so he ran with it.  It's not unusual for pastors to make stuff up, it fills seats, keeps them coming back, and ultimately means money in the collection plate.

 

Conversion stories - I converted to xianity 3 times, at 13, 25, and 44.  This time I am deconverting properly, lol.  The latter two times I was very depressed and desperate for something to hang on to.  People convert to xianity, it happens for various reasons, it get celebrated and talked about far and wide, but it doesn't mean xianity is true, it just means that those people thought it was, at that time.   People's view of xianity can change, as you are seeing in yourself, and us.

 

As time goes on, you will get more comfortable deciding what you think is true and what isn't.  You will pick up skills as you read and listen (there's a lot of good video clips available, if interested start a thread and you'll get recommendations).   Try to think about whether there is evidence to support the claim that something is true, and how good is that evidence, and is there perhaps a simpler explanation for it.  Usually the simpler explanations are more often right.

 

There's a saying "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence".  Most claims related to xianity are extraordinary.  Eg the claim that a supernatural force called the Holy Spirit gives people a special secret language to pray in... where is the evidence that such a spirit exists, that the talking is a language, and that there is a god to hear our prayers?  There is none, no one in the last 2000 years has ever produced a shred of evidence of this.  They tell us to take it on faith.  Why should we?

 

Keep asking questions, it is nice to be able to offer help.  You're worth it.

[directionless]

Adding to what others have said, your psychological state can cause the irrational worries. And of course the irrational worries can feed back into an even worse psychological state.

 

Sometimes I find it helps to thoroughly investigate things. For example, I was on a Christian website and somebody mentioned having prayed for a child whose finger was severed and then the finger started growing back. That made me start worrying about reality, so I googled the topic and discovered that toddlers have the capability to regenerate severed fingers naturally (no prayer required). That made me feel better.

 

Also anything you can do to relax might be good like sleeping, exercising, eating right, watching funny movies.

[decafaholic]

Hi Bambi! 

I'm so glad you posted here. Reaching out for help means that you still have hope and I'm glad you still have that little spark of hope.

What you're describing reminds me of a mixture of myself in high school and myself at various points in my adulthood (I'm only 27 though so there hasn't been much adulthood!)

 

When I was in high school, I took it very seriously that a lot of people round me were going to hell and I thought about it a lot. I prayed for an hour a day. I read the Bible every day. I thought it was MY JOB to save the world.

 

I think part of the reason I felt that way is that my pastors told me that it was my job to save the world and The Lost were counting on me to bug them to accept Christ before it was too late. I think another reason I felt that way is I am prone to depression and I wasn't medicated back then.

 

One day, my Mom sat me down and told me how concerned she was about me. "You don't laugh anymore. You're not having fun You're just serious all the time." I hadn't realized it was that bad until she pointed it out.

 

In college while I was deconverting, it was very hard emotionally. I felt so much guilt that I didn't want to get out of bed. I was already thin but I lost some weight because I kept sleeping through meals . I wasn't anorexic, I was just depressed. 

 

The internet helped me a lot during that time because I used it to communicate with my friends about how I was feeling. And I found the ExC forums which helped. 

 

I'm sorry your Psychiatrist pushed back your appt date. I hate it when my counselor cancels on me. I'm like "How do you cancel on someone who is mentally unstable???"

 

I don't know you, so these suggestions may not resonate with you, but maybe something will help?

 

1. If you're really in a bad way, call the national suicide hotline. 1-800-suicide .They have helped me before. I have also called other hotlines and they have helped me through really panicky moments when I was spiraling.

 

2. When you talk with your counselor, don't downplay your feelings (like I have a tendency to do). Tell her/him: "I am looking forward to death. Please help me feel better." If they know how bad it is, they can help you better.

 

3. (Im' about to quote something from "What About Bob". Bear with me, It works.) If it's hard for you to get out of the house, don't think about the whole process of getting up, showering, getting dressed, brushing your teeth. That's too much. Just focus on the next small step.

 

When it's hard for me to get up, I think "Okay, first I am going to wiggle my toes. Now I'm going to turn my head. Now I'm bending my knees. Now I'm turning over. Now I'm sitting up. YAY! I'm sitting up!!! Go ME!! Now, one foot on the floor. Now the other. YES!! I'm officially UP!! Go ME!!" 

 

4. I don't know if this next part will work for you or not but it sounds like you're very, very concerned about taking care of other people. In small doses, that's a GREAT quality to have. It makes the world a better place. It keeps us from hurting each other. But in LARGE doses, it makes you feel like a failure because it's impossible to take care of everyone. It's impossible. Your first and foremost responsibility is to take care of yourself. That's not selfish. That's NOT selfish. It's healthy. If there is a god, then we honor his/her creation by taking care of ourselves. Feeding ourselves, exercising ourselves, making ourselves happy. 

 

I could type all day but I have to get ready for work. You're going to be okay. Pretty much everyone on this forum was once in a desperate place and we made it out. You will too.

 

 

[directionless]

Also, you mentioned taking Seroquel but that the dosage was being reduced. Some of the problems you have sound like the negative symptoms of psychosis. I've never needed antipsychotics, but I have read that reducing the dosage is tricky.

 

Here is a link that someone gave me with lots of useful psychosis information. (http://www.psychosis-bipolar.com/understanding-psychoses-01.html)

 

I probably had a brief psychotic episode a few years ago even though I thought it was spiritual at the time. Ever since that time, I've had delusional worries that never go away. If I am psychologically healthy then I can easily dismiss the worries, but if something I can't explain happens then the delusonal worries start rising to the surface again. For example, I misplaced a book I was reading about Hinduism a few months ago and I began to worry (in the back of my mind) that somebody had magically teleported it to highlight the fact that I shouldn't be reading about Hinduism. I kept telling myself it was just misplaced and not to worry, but I kept thinking it must have been magically teleported. Then my insurance agent sent me an email with a bible quote and I started thinking it was a coded message from God telling me I shouldn't be reading about Hinduism. I actually pissed-off my insurance agent, by refusing to take his phone calls for a week, because I thought he was a prophet. ... Finally I decided to find the damn book. It was in my sofa. Gradually all the delusions went away and I felt a lot better.

 

Maybe after you have psychosis it is always a problem? I hope maybe this helps with your worries.

[Ranger26]

Thanks guys you are making me feel a bit better. I've just got so much stuff in my head. Loads of things I've seen are just getting to me. Like, in worship the people around me would pray in tongues, and I don't understand. I can speak in some weird language and sound coherent, I thought anyone could. Sometimes I would recognise familiarity in their words between one another and that got me thinking. My pastor told a story of when he saw a demon in the back of the church, and he asked those who could pray in tongues to do so, and it went away.

 

I've heard so many stories of people who weren't Christian and have now seen the truth. This is a real trigger for me, especially when it is ex gays or ex atheists. I'm sorry to keep posting, but how do you all deal with this? and what do you think is real and what isn't?

my sister is a new age yogi instructor, and people at her yoga classes also reported seeing being of light, angels, etc. in the class above them. Again, those things are being recorded by people of many faiths. Even if they are real, doesn't mean the whole of Christianity is true.

[Guest Bambi]

I have spend a lot of time reading online which I shouldn't. I can't even get out of bed I'm just in silent tears constantly. The ex gay testimonies are probably the biggest trigger for me. Everybody says the same thing, and they are okay with it. Innocent people going to hell and nobody gives a damn, I can't deal with it.

 

I feel too severe, for even this site. I've heard too many things from Christians.The ones online are the worst. They quote some scriptures and then say something like "Well believe what you want, but I wouldn't want to be you on judgement day buddy".

 

What about the day after that? Or the year after that? Hell is forever right? I can't think about anything else. How can they do it? You never hear of anyone having the Holy spirit who doesn't have the whole package.

 

People make it seem like I'm going against God. I just don't agree with the whole thing. The fact that they can love God despite what he's going to do, almost proves to me they are right. I don't want to live anymore but I fear dying note than anything, what do you guys think the truth is? How can I worship a God if I'm just eliminating parts of the bible I don't like?

[TrueFreedom]

The bible is a book of myths and false cult teachings.  Hell does not exist.  Your identity is tied to your body.  There's not even any good evidence of consciousness surviving the death of the body.  How could it?  It's tied to a living brain and can be completely altered by changes in the brain.  Have you read any Bart Ehrman or John Loftus?  That might help you with your perspective on the Bible.

[rach]

 She also believes in predestination, of the Calvinist variety, but that she herself is reprobate, not chosen, and can't be saved.  Let that sink in for a minute.  She believes in the Gospel - all of it - but that she's lost and there's nothing she can do about it.  

 She must be a shell of her former self because of all the crazy.  It's my opinion - I'm sure there is other stuff, but I'm really convinced that this is a core issue - that this belief has made her literally batshit crazy, and it breaks my heart.  So basically, fuck John Calvin for propagating one of the most horrific doctrines that Christianity has ever come up with - and that's really saying something.  

 

I believe it.  I did the same thing and went as crazy as your friend.  Our church didn't teach too much on predestination but when I went into the Bible, as they highly recommended I should do, it is there that I found predestination (Romans ninth chapter was one place, but there were all kinds of scriptures pointing to predestination).  This will drive anyone who really believes it insane.  I believed I had been born reprobate and could not be saved.  Even though I was trying so hard not to sin and praying the sinner prayer and all of that.  I believed that God had predestined me to be a vessel of destruction so that I must burn in hell, so that the people God loves could see God's wrath poured out on me.  I remember being unable to do such simple things as wash the dishes because of the horror I was living in.  At this point you are suffering out of control and can't even kill yourself because you'll end up in flames that much quicker.  Imagine spending your life believing that inevitably, one day, you will be set on fire no matter what you do good or bad, and that fire will NEVER go out.  I hated my parents for making me. 

 

Every Christian would be losing their fucking mind in complete hysteria if they were really "true believers." 

[Guest Bambi]

It is really difficult for me right now. I just keep thinking when I die, God doesn't care how much I've done in my life, if I'm a good person or not. Christians come across so cold to me. They put God above their own family and everybody agrees with that, but that's fine I can deal with that. Their psychology towards the afterlife is messing me up. What they call the presence of the Holy Spirit is messing me up. When they say God spoke to them, I can't really deal with either.

 

 

The people we love, our talents, our own thoughts, count for nothing, and if they go against God he will punish us eternally. The problem is, I can't be an atheist, because of my own experiences, but I can't possibly love this God, but then they say "don't mould God into your own images, his words stand against time" etc.

 

Have any of you been disturbed by just the whole psychology of Christians? Or am I going more insane? xx

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Bambi xianity likes to make everything black and white.  There are more than two choices in most situations.  For example, you don't have to be either a xian or an atheist.  You can be a deist, agnostic or pantheist and lots of others, for example.  People who can neatly fit into a category without too much trouble are lucky.  You are just one of those people who need a bit more time to figure out what you believe and don't believe.  Please be gentle with yourself.  I know that's hard to do when you have so many serious and scary thoughts going through your mind.

 

I hope you are able to get an appointment to see your psychiatrist as soon as possible.  Do they work as part of a mental health service with therapists or are they just on their own? Can you see your primary care doctor and tell them you can't get an appointment quickly but you are really struggling.  There might be a problem with your meds dosage.  I am worried about you.  I don't like to see you suffering like this.  Do you have anyone in your life who isn't a xian that you could talk to?

 

Please keep in touch with us, we will do our best to help.

[directionless]

Bambi, it might be helpful to know approximate dates and durations.

 

Like:

- When did you have your psychotic episode?

- How long did that last?

- When did you become interested in Christianity?

- How long did that last?

- What's are you doing right now (i.e. going to school, working, ...)?

 

Also, the fact that your psychiatrist put-off your appointment might be an opportunity to switch to a new psychiatrist with new ideas.

 

Maybe if you start a thread on hell in this forum, then people can help convince you that hell does not exist? I am not certain that atheism is correct, but I don't believe in hell so it's not so bad.

[Ranger26]

i really hope you are doing well today. I remember myself in that situation and it definitely wasn't fun. Actually, it was pretty terible.

1) watch some funny movies
2) go outside (if you can)

3) listen to some positive songs
4) try to focus on what's good with this world
5) I am not here to tell you what to believe, but try to see God as a positive being. Just picture, if there is a God, would he punish billions of people in hell? Really? I see Him better than this.

6) read up on the origins of hell and how the idea came to me. it is what led me to question the whole idea of Christianity in the first place.

7) know that life can be good again. You will get through it and we will help you with it! We are all in this together

[Ranger26]

I don't know if that is something you might enjoy, and maybe other's will disagree with me for believing it, but when some fears creep up on me, i often go to  near-death.com and read about people experiencing wonderful NDE, who aren't Christian, and learn that you don't need to be of certain religion to please God. That gives me peace when I interuct with my Muslim and non-religious friends, and I don't have to fear for them and their salvation like i used to.

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research06.html%C2'> is a wonderful link and has helped me a lot in the past.

[Ranger26]

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research06.html

^

[directionless]

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research06.html

 

^

Just wanted to say I've been reading that link and it is very interesting IMO.

[Guest Bambi]

Thank you for the links, it is appreciated I don't think I'm well enough to read them right now. I don't know how I'm feeling the depression seems to going, but rather than getting better I seem to be going through other feelings. My ocd is pretty bad right now and I keep thinking God is disgusted by me, for attempting to "water him down" and try and stay away from all the intense parts of the bible. I feel weak too, like I can't be like all the other people in my church. If they can do it, why can't I? I feel like I'm asking all the same questions. Thanks for listening xx