Evelyn Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 My husband and I are childfree by choice, like DuCorps. We figured this out before we got married. A co-worker of my husband is having trouble in his marriage because he wants kids and she doesn't. A second cousin of mine and his wife split over the same issue. Another co-worker, a guy in his 60s, couldn't wrap his brain around us not having kids - "Of course you have kids when you get married!" My biological clock did seem to turn on briefly after we got married. My husband told me that I talked in my sleep, which I rarely do, and he heard me say, "But I don't want children!" It seemed like an idea was being planted in my mind from outside. It was weird. It faded quickly. Neither my husband nor I like kids much. I also looked at my family tree and realized several people suffer(ed) from mental illness, ADD, etc, and I didn't feel like rolling the dice. In regards to another post, autism can happen to anyone. In the past, doctors have blamed the mothers for being too smothering. Other people blame mercury in vaccines. A friend and his wife have an autistic son, now 16 years old. I don't know how they make it through the day. The combination of autism and teenage hormones is making this kid very hard to handle. My heart goes out to all who have autistic children. Typical, unfortunately, is Christian and WOFer tripe about blaming people for not having enough faith when they can't have kids, get sick, have bad things happen to them, etc. They seem to forget that "the rain falls on the just and the unjust" and that other verses ask why the unrighteous seem successful with the righteous have hard times. I've had bad things happen when I was close to gawd and when I wandered away. The explanations I got along the way were - If I was close to gawd, Satan was picking on me; if I was far from gawd, gawd was punishing me. Regardless, we were supposed to wait for the sweet bye-and-bye anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 My husband and I are childfree by choice, like DuCorps. We figured this out before we got married. A co-worker of my husband is having trouble in his marriage because he wants kids and she doesn't. A second cousin of mine and his wife split over the same issue. Another co-worker, a guy in his 60s, couldn't wrap his brain around us not having kids - "Of course you have kids when you get married!" It's a commonly accepted assumption that women have a natural need to have children, care for them, raise them, feed them, and be generally nuturing to them, whereas men are assumed to be more distant from children. However, I've actually seen far more relationships end because the man wants kids and the woman doesn't. A total reversal of what common additudes would assume. I've sometimes wondered if some people get married and have children, simply because they can't think of anything else to do. To them, everybody goes birth-school-marriage-children-retirement, and they just aren't aware of anything else. They go through the motions simply because "that's what's done." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DucorpsToo Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 I've sometimes wondered if some people get married and have children, simply because they can't think of anything else to do. To them, everybody goes birth-school-marriage-children-retirement, and they just aren't aware of anything else. They go through the motions simply because "that's what's done." This issue has been quite throughly discussed in the CF (childfree) discussion board of which I belong. We refer to this as "The Life Script"TM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 We're childfree here too. Spouse has a son who he hasn't seen for 10 years, partly because the mom didn't want him to be in the kid's life, and partly because he didn't end up fighting for his right to be there. 10 years down the line he's left a paper trail, in case the kid ever wants to track him down. Other than that we have my dog, and that's enough for us. Though I will say, during the moments when kids come up, it's always the spouse that wants them and me that doesn't. I figured out long ago that the reason I enjoy kids is because I get to give 'em back at the end of the day. Kids are awesome little people, but I just don't have it in me to be on-call 24/7/365 for 18 years. I'm lucky too, in that I haven't gotten much pressure from anyone to reproduce. My grandmother was the only one disappointed when she found out I didn't want children, but she was very clear that it was because she wanted to be a great-grandmother. And she will be this April, because one of my younger cousins is pregnant. So that worked out anyway. I suspect that if anybody ever really started in I'd probably just get off on telling them about how brazenly selfish I am, and proud of it. And how I'll be enjoying my condo in Maui in my sunset years, drinking mai-tais on the beach, surrounded by a herd of sunbathing wiener dogs, while they're wondering how come the kid they had to fill their own emotional vacuum hasn't spoken to them for 20 years. (Note that I TOTALLY don't think that this is why folks are parents, it's just an attitude I might selectively cop just to piss someone rude off.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evelyn Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 My mother-in-law occasionally brought up the subject of grandchildren in the beginnng and we replied, "Sure, if you'll provide daycare until the kid is old enough for school." That ended the discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Ethel Rakem Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Yeah. I get this now and again, even though I'm only turning 21 here in a few days. My relatives ask my sister (because they won't ever directly ask me about it... that might be akward) if I'm gay. Because, you know, I've never dated and I said I hated men. All of that whopping evidence can only mean that I scronk women. Too bad I hate women, too. Well, let me rephrase that. I'm not interested. I don't want broodlings. I don't particularly feel desperate to be scronking someone and getting all attached and stuff when my life is so tweaked out. Besides, if I need something, I always have me hand. Much simpler, cleaner, and I'm garunteed satisfaction every time. But I'm sure you all wanted to know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Mad Ethel, my brother is asexual. Although, I wouldn't be too surprised if he adopted a kid himself, but then again he's very timid and shy and I kinda doubt he'd make such a big movement himself. Of course, nobody bothers him about it......When men don't get married, they're just "bachelors", and when women don't get married, they're miserable, lonely "old maids". However, I will never forget the time my grandparents and I were eating at this Chinese buffet place, and the topic of my future came up. Pawpaw got up to get another plate, and Granma leaned in real close to say to me, "Good. Never get married, never have children, because you'll be tied down for the rest of your life. It's good you want to stay by yourself. You can do whatever you want." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyFeline Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 However, I will never forget the time my grandparents and I were eating at this Chinese buffet place, and the topic of my future came up. Pawpaw got up to get another plate, and Granma leaned in real close to say to me, "Good. Never get married, never have children, because you'll be tied down for the rest of your life. It's good you want to stay by yourself. You can do whatever you want." Ah, the wisdom of one's elders Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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