First Post Here - It Hurts Being Told 'you Never Really Believed Anyway'

[Wittyusername]

Thanks hey, Jeff. I laughed out loud and saw the ridiculousness of it but the mental and logical reprogramming does not always keep pace with emotional reprogramming.

 

My pastor is achingly sincere and I would not peg him as a closet anything.

 

The subtle implication seems to be that I am so steeped in sin and evil thoughts it has made me 'harden my heart' so I can leave Christianity and indulge in sexual immorality.

[Llwellyn]

But part of the sex was good, right?  And part of having a new child is AWESOME!  And so are parts of being a non-Christian.  All of that are results of causes that lay within your church experience, so please see this, too.  I say this to you in love, little sister:  You never really believed anyways.  We, having left, prove that we were never Christians in the first place.  We never had the narrowness of vision that could have permitted us to convert or remain in the first place.  We thought we were Christians, but no matter how many Bible studies we led, no matter how much intimate prayer we transacted with Yahweh, no matter how many morning devotions, we truly were humans all along rather than a grotesquely deformed mutation, robotically chatterring the name Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus....

 

[mymistake]

 

My pastor is achingly sincere and I would not peg him as a closet anything.

 

 

 

I've reached the point where I can't understand that anymore.  Those who are on the inside . . . the ones that take the profit for themselves, and they make the Holy Spirit move through their own theatrics . . . they have to know it is a scam.  They are the ones doing it.  Sure I know they all say they believe.  Yet every month dozens get caught sexually abusing kids and hundreds get caught in some other romantic scandal and thousands get caught (or run off) with financial scandals . . . so they were lying about believing right up to the point where they were caught.  You can't tell me they believe God is watching them embezzle the money or sexually abuse the kids.  They wouldn't do that stuff in front of a video camera because they actually believe video cameras are real.  But they do it all in "front of God" because they know with God there will never be any consequences.  They know.  

[Wittyusername]

We are in a poor neighbourhood and they live a simple life in a small apartment. During the week he does street evangelism one day, door to door another, hospital and sick/ elderly visits a third day and general pastoral the other days. He is not one of the slick ones.

[dichotomy]

Hardening your heart to the rubbish that you've had to endure and listen to in church is probably not a bad thing.

I did have to do that at one point for a while. It's got nothing to do with sin and blocking the holy spirit and all to do with survival and thinking for yourself. You stick to that and you'll be awreet.

 

I find the intelligent, intellectually sound and genuinely sincere christians the most baffling to comprehend. I have a number of friends who are anglican vicars who tick all the above. I find it baffling. They're so normal and so lovely and really great people and then they believe all this *stuff*. Mind you they'd never tell me I'd hardened my heart and gone of backsliding and sinning.

[midniterider]

"I just wanted to share the hurt of being told that my Pastor said of me 'well she must not have believed anyway. She should be one of the most grateful as God forgave her for having a baby when not married."

 

Raise your level of worth above the words of the pastor.

If you type the word pastor use a small p. Cuz that's what he is...a small pee. lol.  

Give yourself permission to be your own authority. 

 

Like Florduh said, this "she never believed anyway" is a defense mechanism to allay fear in the congregation members that they might get infected by your cooties... but more so the pastor's livelihood is dependent on his congregation remaining dumbasses faithful. Trampling you is just part of staying in business for the pastor. You 'could' write a short letter or email to him that says, "Fuck you" or  speak with other church members privately about your special 'revelation' that his ministry is going to fail by 2016 ... but it's probably better to just start enjoying your freedom of thought and emotion now and find happiness without these church people. 

[FlowerDemon]

it's a very judgemental thing to do, to tell someone "oh you weren't ever really a believer anyway." I only heard a Christian say that once, and I was a child. Even as a child I thought it was a fucked up thing to say. Like...you can't just say that to someone; you don't know who they are and what they believed in then and what they believe in now. I think Christians say that in order to ignore the fact that their church failed that person who "fell away." They rationalize it by saying "oh he just didn't believe in the first place." So they don't think it's their fault or that their belief system is not the one infallible perfect religion. They will not accept any of that. They will ignore it and continue to do their church thing and convince themselves they are doing the will of God.

 

It's sad, because even Jesus said to not judge people, but it seems like most Christians do that in one way or another. They'll even passively agressively judge. For example people at my church prayed for my boyfriend because he didn't come to church with me, and I could tell they were praying for him to convert. This is a form of passive agressive judgement. They didn't want to confront me about the "unevenly yoked" issue, so instead they prayed for my boyfriend when I had prayer requests, and a few weeks later they had a sermon about marriage, and the pastor mentioned how it's stupid for 2 people to be together when they don't share that love for Christ. Literally he used the word 'stupid' in his sermon. A part of me felt angry, and then I believed it was the holy spirit convicting me to break up with the love of my life. 

 

But of course, I didn't follow through. I came to my senses and realized it was a ridiculous idea, to leave somebody I love just because they aren't on the same religious page as me. Like what the fuck? Why would the god of the entire universe care about that? Is he really that much of an attention whore, calling all christians to leave their spouses if they don't believe, or to try to convert their partners? I will never leave the love of my life for something I cannot even see with my eyes!

 

Here's what I'm trying to say..a lot of Christians are judgemental in one way or another, especially towards people who leave the church. They will try to guilt trip you or invite you back, it depends on the person but they will never just say "Ok i understand" when you tell them the truth that you're not a believer. They worry about your eternal fate. Do not let these people get to you. They are judging you. You know for a fact that you believed, they don't know you the way you know yourself. They are trying to define you through the lense of Christianity, and they're saying "oh you didn't believe in the first place" so they don't feel at fault for losing you as a church member. 
 

Just say fuck it, forget about them, move on and live your own life

[Mythra]

I remember when I would have been hurt badly if I were told "you never really believed anyway".

 

Now I'd consider it a compliment.  It means in spite of wanting to believe, I still retained enough common sense to eventually see through the ruse.

[HolyGoat]

It has probably been said before, but it can't be said too mant times: you are not alone! I know how it can feel that way, especially if everyone around you still beleives. That is where I am at as well.

 

I just hope we can be of support and encouragement to you!