Guest newsbite Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 A certain elementary school got a new teacher. This new teacher was an atheist and proud of it. In fact, he was always talking about it, and since the kids were fairly young, he intimidated them. One day he boldly announced, “My mother was an atheist, my father was an atheist and I’m an atheist. How many in this room are atheists?” The kids, being a little scared of him, all raised their hands; all except for one little girl. So then he asked her, “Well, what are you then?” She said, “I’m a Christian. My mother is a Christian, my father is a Christian and I’m a Christian too.” The teacher then sarcastically snarled, “If your mother was a moron and your father was a moron, what would that make you?” She thought for a moment and meekly replied, “I guess that would make me an atheist.” Also, has anyone ever heard the story of the professor's brain? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 No, I never heard that one, but it reeks of Xian elitism, so it certainly passes for one of their anecdotes. To me, I just reverse the instances of "Xian" and "Atheist" and it makes more sense to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest newsbite Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 No, I never heard that one, but it reeks of Xian elitism, so it certainly passes for one of their anecdotes. To me, I just reverse the instances of "Xian" and "Atheist" and it makes more sense to me I got this story from a newspaper, so it must have happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Shiva H. Vishnu Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 No, I never heard that one, but it reeks of Xian elitism, so it certainly passes for one of their anecdotes. To me, I just reverse the instances of "Xian" and "Atheist" and it makes more sense to me I got this story from a newspaper, so it must have happened. You're a squirrelbrain.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 The story would be more accurate like this: A certain elementary school got a new teacher. This new teacher was a Chrsitian and proud of it. In fact, he was always talking about it, and since the kids were fairly young, he intimidated them. One day he boldly announced, “My mother was a Christian, my father was a Christian and I’m a Christian. How many in this room are Christians?” The kids, being a little scared of him, all raised their hands; all except for one little girl. So then he asked her, “Well, what are you then?” She said, “I’m an Atheist. My mother is an Atheist, my father is an Atheist and I’m an Athiest too.” The teacher then sarcastically snarled, “If your mother was a moron and your father was a moron, what would that make you?” She thought for a moment and meekly replied, “I guess that would make me a Christian.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Congratulations News!! You win the award for most lame ass analogy for day award. Please stay tuned for your prize..... <----------Prize Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 No, I never heard that one, but it reeks of Xian elitism, so it certainly passes for one of their anecdotes. To me, I just reverse the instances of "Xian" and "Atheist" and it makes more sense to me I got this story from a newspaper, so it must have happened. Well, newsbite...there's only one thing I can say to THAT bit of "wisdom"... Come back when you've got a brain cell to work with. Sheesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Sounds like another made up story to me. Oh, and if it was in the paper, that doesn't necessarily make it true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bdp Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 newsbite HAS to be a spoof... bdp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narcissist Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Yes, I have heard that christian story before, and it wasn't in a newspaper. Seems like an excuse for christians to commit the sin of pride to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 newsbite, I have yet to see an atheist with this kind of attitude. I have seen more than one christian with this attitude, even when I was one. Freethinkers don't generally wear their personal beliefs like a banner the way christians are encouraged to. This story is a prejudiced joke. Save it for your christian friends who all want to pretend that they are persecuted for their religion, instead of the reality that they are persecuting everyone who lives differently. May your underpants be ravaged by a hamster orgy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Haven't heard that story except on Snopes, newsbite. Have you heard this one? Christian school kicked a teen out for being gay Being able to talk to other gay teens on-line had provided Barnett with support when he was questioning his sexuality. “The site to me meant a great deal, as it had probably saved my life,” he said. “It gave me people who were going through the same thing, and we could talk. I could finally come out of my shell. So I created a free service that would give teens an outlet; stay away from drugs, suicide, alcoholism, etc.” So with the best of intentions Barnett, a talented web designer with his own server, started My-Boi.com. It was an instant success, and in three months, he had more than 1,500 members. The xtians found out about it, ratted him out to his parents (who didn't know he was gay) and expelled him. Yay, Jesus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest newsbite Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 newsbite, I have yet to see an atheist with this kind of attitude. I have seen more than one christian with this attitude, even when I was one. Freethinkers don't generally wear their personal beliefs like a banner the way christians are encouraged to. Madelyn Murray O'Hair Did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 newsbite, I have yet to see an atheist with this kind of attitude. I have seen more than one christian with this attitude, even when I was one. Freethinkers don't generally wear their personal beliefs like a banner the way christians are encouraged to. Madelyn Murray O'Hair Did Well, THAT surely settles it, doesn't it? You believe that ONE person can speak for and represent an entire GROUP of people? That's just absolutely assinine! How would you like it if I equated ALL Christians with the behavior of say, Fred Phelps? In case your dumb ass doesn't know who he is, here is a sampling of his handiwork --- Now, if you want to, we can play this game of painting everyone with the same broad brushed strokes and label ALL Christians evil, hate-filled, narrow-minded fucktards, just because we've seen Phelps' clan at work. Do you REALLY want to play that game? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 newsbite, I have yet to see an atheist with this kind of attitude. I have seen more than one christian with this attitude, even when I was one. Freethinkers don't generally wear their personal beliefs like a banner the way christians are encouraged to. This story is a prejudiced joke. Save it for your christian friends who all want to pretend that they are persecuted for their religion, instead of the reality that they are persecuting everyone who lives differently. May your underpants be ravaged by a hamster orgy. Well said, all of it! Just another cheap attempt by witty Xians to knock down everyone who denies their dead man on a stick. Gotta love that Xian love and compassion, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 How would you like it if I equated ALL Christians with the behavior of say, Fred Phelps? Or how about Jim Jones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Open_Minded Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Haven't heard that story except on Snopes, newsbite. Have you heard this one? Christian school kicked a teen out for being gay Being able to talk to other gay teens on-line had provided Barnett with support when he was questioning his sexuality. “The site to me meant a great deal, as it had probably saved my life,” he said. “It gave me people who were going through the same thing, and we could talk. I could finally come out of my shell. So I created a free service that would give teens an outlet; stay away from drugs, suicide, alcoholism, etc.” So with the best of intentions Barnett, a talented web designer with his own server, started My-Boi.com. It was an instant success, and in three months, he had more than 1,500 members. The xtians found out about it, ratted him out to his parents (who didn't know he was gay) and expelled him. Yay, Jesus! All God's Fail ... the hatefilled Christians don't stop at Christian schools. I live in a pretty liberal area, but our public school has been hit with this dynamic. Back when our eldest was a senior (5 years ago) one of her classmates was openly gay. My daughter [A] and her openly gay friend [R] worked together on a social studies project. The project was to take a social issue and present both sides of the issue - objectively to the class. A and R decided to take the issue of same sex union. My daugher presented for the side against same-sex unions. In the process she wanted to invite a pastor from a conservative church. I told her as long as she was respectful - that I would help her find a pastor. We did (and for the record this pastor was respectful and to my knowledge never did anything to hurt anyone). But word got out about this assignment and that the kids were discussing same sex unions. Also at the same time - A and R's class were planning to do a production of a show written about Matthew Shepard - and the local paper did a story on that. Results of publicity: The play was cancelled - our school system wouldn't stand up to the pressure. Worse yet - some fundie group south of our metropolitan area targetted our school system and showed up in mass to demonstrate with hate filled banners and literature. At the time my youngest was 11/12 years old. I was driving her to school one morning - and saw the demonstrators ahead with a huge yellow banner. Since the streets were busy with kids arriving to school I had to focus on the driving. I asked my daughter to read the banner to me, and out of my sweet little girl's mouth came, "Homosexuality is a sin, not a lifestyle". ARRRRGGGGG That was the first demonstration. The openly gay young man graduated the following spring. Every frikken year that group shows back up at our school to demonstrate because our school system wouldn't kick him out. Every year .... they were just here a few weeks ago. They hand out hate filled literature to children as young as 9-10 years old. But ... they are "good Christians". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 <snip> (lame expression of personal predjudices humor) Newsbite, You are a Christian. You are under the great commission to show the love of Christ to the world. What does this attitude of yours in here like this show us? It shows me, for one, that you are arrogant and that your belief in Christ, in the manner you follow him, makes people rude, condescending, disreptful, and arrogant. At this point, I do not consider you a sincere Christian, and you have nothing to offer others, except to display your immaturity and lack of spiritual knowledge to the entire world, both Christian and non-Christian. Come back once you are capable of showing a spirit of peace and kindness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I'm curious as to why there hasn't been a humble apology and pride swallowing by newsbite after I showed his "story" to be nothing more than a Christian joke. Even if it was a real story, it is clearly inflammatory, and that he chose to post it here speaks to his character as a human being, and his hypocrisy as a Christian. I do not expect an apology. His fruits speak volumes of words greater than his claims to being a follower of Jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrmarlin Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Newsbite, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have shown me yet another fantastic example why Xianity is for the weak, narrow-minded, idiots. You have also shown me, once again, that Xianity only breeds contempt, self-centeredness, self-righteousness, utter disregard for anyone else, complete and blatant hatred, intolerance, ignorance, loathesomeness, dispicable and bigotry abound. You have validated once again my disbelief in Xianity and for that, I am forever thankful... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryten Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Bite, When you tell that "story" to Jesus, do you expect him to laugh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Here's one of my favorite Christian "jokes". The Christian and the Bear One fair spring morning, a devout Christian decided to take a walk through a nearby wood. Upon entering, he began walking along a narrow dirt path through the lush, green forest admiring all of the things that God had created. "Wow", he thought to himself while taking in the beauty that surrounded him. "What majestic trees!” Then, a faint rustling sound came from somewhere close by. The Christian turned to look but could see nothing and continued walking. His eyes followed a small stream that flowed beside the path. “What a lovely little stream!”, he thought and off to the left, the rustling sound grew louder. The Christian walked a bit faster down the path. Looking up, the Christian said out loud, “What a beautiful sky. God is indeed a very wonderful creator!" Suddenly, a huge grizzly bear emerged from the dense shrubbery and upon seeing the man, started to chase him. The Christian ran along the path for all he was worth, but the bear was almost upon him. The Christian looked back over his shoulder and saw that the bear was only a few yards behind him. The man then tripped over a large rock and fell to the ground beside a small wooden sign attached to a post. The bear, having slowed its pace, lumbered up to the Christian and began to sniff his clothing. The man, laying face down, closed his eyes and prayed in desperation "Heavenly Father, I ask you to please save me from this bear!" As the Christian continued to beseech God, the grizzly let out a ferocious roar and ripped four deep gashes across the man’s back. The Christian screamed in agony while the bear continued tearing and ripping him into bloody shreds of warm flesh. The man, while still being mauled, reached out a feeble hand and touched the signpost just before losing consciousness. When the bear had eaten all it could, it lumbered off in the direction from which it came, leaving the Christian's remains to decompose and rot. Inscribed upon the sign were these words: Matthew 21:22 - "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." The End Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 When the bear had eaten all it could, it lumbered off in the direction from which it came, leaving the Christian's remains to decompose and rot. Inscribed upon the sign were these words: Matthew 21:22 - "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." The End If he had truely believed in his heart, the Lord would have answered his prayer. Clearly the bear having eaten him reveals the truth, his faith was not strong enough to earn the Lord's saving grace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 newsbite, I have yet to see an atheist with this kind of attitude. I have seen more than one christian with this attitude, even when I was one. Freethinkers don't generally wear their personal beliefs like a banner the way christians are encouraged to. Madelyn Murray O'Hair Did Well, THAT surely settles it, doesn't it? You believe that ONE person can speak for and represent an entire GROUP of people? That's just absolutely assinine! Quite agreed. Newsbite.....I'll see your ONE..... and raise you Jim Jones Pat Robertson Oral Roberts Jerry Prevo (local jackass) Jim Baaker Fred Phelps Rev Philip 'Flip' Benham Robert Jay Matthews (The Order) Buford O Furrow Jr. George W Bush Michael Evans Kenneth Copeland Randall Terry Paul Weyrich Lou Sheldon Jerry Falwell Billy McCormack Robert Simonds W.A. Criswell George Hawtin .........and these were just the ones I had time to list before work start! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryten Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 The bear prayed for food, and believed. God provides for all his creatures. The Christian's purpose in life apparently was to be dinner for the bear. God's genius plan and all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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