I don't think I was a Christian...really!

[surferdude]

Hi all! My name is Casey I live in Southern California and here's my story. My Christianity phase was from 14-18. I'm now 45. I started surfing when I was 14. The surfboard I bought was from a surfshop owned by a Christian. He had bible studies on a weekly bases. For a 14 year old i was extremely nieve and gullible. Looking back I was more like 14 going on 10. I'm not putting myself down. I was just very immature. 

 

Looking back I was looking to belong to a group of people that would love me and accept me. I was bullied in Junior high and high school. I didn't have the best up bringing. My needs of food clothing and shelter was provided. But I was neglected to an extent. Dad divorced my Mom when I was 7. It pretty much destroyed me at the time. My mom had no back bone and didn't protect us kids in the best way. She developed a relationship with now my stepdad who was a complete asshole! He didn't care about us. He was all about my Mom. But we were a package deal. We the kids got the short end of it all.

 

So I started going to Bible Study and then church. Pastors are very persuasive and I sucked it all up as complete truth without the wherewithal to question any of It! I believed what they told me word for word. It was all Calvery Chapel style of teaching which is very fundamentalist.

 

They got me by the fear of Going to hell and being a good person wasn't good enough. Bascially I was manipulated and brainwashed. I felt like I didn't have a choice.

 

When I left it all just before 19 I didn't have clue about the real world. I ended up making a lot of bad choices. Doing a lot of drugs. Looking for love and approval by not being who I truly am. 

 

Through out my adult life I've had religious obsessions of right and wrong that would loop in my mind at times. I don't believe in Christianity or hell. But sometimes fear it anyway. 

 

Looking back I don't feel like I was a Christian because I had no idea of what I was doing. But I've still been damaged by it. I have OCD which makes me feel like that might be the issue more than my past "Beliefs" but it's hard to say. I'm starting therapy next week to try to clear some of this up.

 

Anyway...I'm thankful to this site and you all to be able to open up about it. 

 

Thanks,

Casey 🏄‍♂️

[Geezer]

Welcome, I'm glad you found this site. I suggest you spend some time reading the available material on this site. That will help you validate your decision to reject Christianity. 

[MOHO]

Welcome to Ex-C, @surferdude

 

Xanity, like all cults, loves to focus on the young and the vulnerable. The Good New Club is a rolling cult recruiting mindfuck mobile that should be outlawed.

 

Weather you feel you were a Cristian or not you were impacted by the doctrine and need time to heal. Keep reading and posting here. It helps.

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

 

[florduh]

9 hours ago, surferdude said:

Looking back I don't feel like I was a Christian because I had no idea of what I was doing.

 

That's interesting. Becoming a Christian and getting "saved" are emotional events, not intellectual ones. The power structure of the religion relies on their followers having no idea what they're doing. If you think about what you're doing in the religion, if you're logical or if you seek any proof beyond "our pastor says..." then you will reject the religion. IOW, you were a Christian!!!

 

Glad you got out of the cult. 

[mymistake]

Welcome.  We will be glad to take you even if you were never a Christian.   

 

Good to meet ya.

 

[RealityCheck]

Welcome to Ex-C.

The truth is, many of us were probably never really Christians either.  We were emotionally coaxed into believing or it was forced upon us growing up.  I wonder how many people actually make the choice to follow Jesus with a clear mind? 

[surferdude]

2 hours ago, RealityCheck said:

Welcome to Ex-C.

The truth is, many of us were probably never really Christians either.  We were emotionally coaxed into believing or it was forced upon us growing up.  I wonder how many people actually make the choice to follow Jesus with a clear mind? 

Dude that's what I'm saying! It's about fear and guilt. Wrapped in this so called package of love that is unconditional which is total horse shit! I felt like it was believe or else. It's basically like getting robbed at gunpoint. It's anything but love IMO.

[RealityCheck]

9 hours ago, surferdude said:

Dude that's what I'm saying! It's about fear and guilt. Wrapped in this so called package of love that is unconditional which is total horse shit! I felt like it was believe or else. It's basically like getting robbed at gunpoint. It's anything but love IMO.

 

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

Welcome! Yes, it is definitely and completely manipulation. They deliberately prey on people they identify as vulnerable and neglected in one form or another. I hope the affirmation helps!

[midniterider]

On 3/1/2018 at 1:31 AM, surferdude said:

Hi all! My name is Casey I live in Southern California and here's my story. My Christianity phase was from 14-18. I'm now 45. I started surfing when I was 14. The surfboard I bought was from a surfshop owned by a Christian. He had bible studies on a weekly bases. For a 14 year old i was extremely nieve and gullible. Looking back I was more like 14 going on 10. I'm not putting myself down. I was just very immature. 

 

Looking back I was looking to belong to a group of people that would love me and accept me. I was bullied in Junior high and high school. I didn't have the best up bringing. My needs of food clothing and shelter was provided. But I was neglected to an extent. Dad divorced my Mom when I was 7. It pretty much destroyed me at the time. My mom had no back bone and didn't protect us kids in the best way. She developed a relationship with now my stepdad who was a complete asshole! He didn't care about us. He was all about my Mom. But we were a package deal. We the kids got the short end of it all.

 

So I started going to Bible Study and then church. Pastors are very persuasive and I sucked it all up as complete truth without the wherewithal to question any of It! I believed what they told me word for word. It was all Calvery Chapel style of teaching which is very fundamentalist.

 

They got me by the fear of Going to hell and being a good person wasn't good enough. Bascially I was manipulated and brainwashed. I felt like I didn't have a choice.

 

When I left it all just before 19 I didn't have clue about the real world. I ended up making a lot of bad choices. Doing a lot of drugs. Looking for love and approval by not being who I truly am. 

 

Through out my adult life I've had religious obsessions of right and wrong that would loop in my mind at times. I don't believe in Christianity or hell. But sometimes fear it anyway. 

 

Looking back I don't feel like I was a Christian because I had no idea of what I was doing. But I've still been damaged by it. I have OCD which makes me feel like that might be the issue more than my past "Beliefs" but it's hard to say. I'm starting therapy next week to try to clear some of this up.

 

Anyway...I'm thankful to this site and you all to be able to open up about it. 

 

Thanks,

Casey 🏄‍♂️

 

Welcome, Casey.

 

I'm glad you have identified OCD as a cause of obsessive religious thoughts. Therapy is good to inject new problem solving ideas and ways to think about a problem that you may have never considered.

 

A Christian is someone who worships Jesus. It's not terribly complicated, though if you tell a Christian that you quit, they may try to insist that you would never want to quit if you 'really' were a Christian to begin with. But that's just their brainwashing talking. If you believed what they told you word for word, then you were a Christian. There is no magical difference between someone who believes and someone who does not believe, someone born and raised in it versus someone who believed for 5 years. Christianity is bullshit at its core, a system of emotional/mental manipulation.

 

Explore the website.

 

 

[surferdude]

On 3/1/2018 at 6:43 AM, Geezer said:

Welcome, I'm glad you found this site. I suggest you spend some time reading the available material on this site. That will help you validate your decision to reject Christianity. 

Thank you!Any particular information have you found useful?

[surferdude]

4 hours ago, DestinyTurtle said:

Welcome! Yes, it is definitely and completely manipulation. They deliberately prey on people they identify as vulnerable and neglected in one form or another. I hope the affirmation helps!

That was me to a "T". I was an easy target.  Christianity has done me more harm than my worst bully. 

[surferdude]

4 hours ago, midniterider said:

 

Welcome, Casey.

 

I'm glad you have identified OCD as a cause of obsessive religious thoughts. Therapy is good to inject new problem solving ideas and ways to think about a problem that you may have never considered.

 

A Christian is someone who worships Jesus. It's not terribly complicated, though if you tell a Christian that you quit, they may try to insist that you would never want to quit if you 'really' were a Christian to begin with. But that's just their brainwashing talking. If you believed what they told you word for word, then you were a Christian. There is no magical difference between someone who believes and someone who does not believe, someone born and raised in it versus someone who believed for 5 years. Christianity is bullshit at its core, a system of emotional/mental manipulation.

 

Explore the website.

 

 

You're right. I was a Christian. Looking back its not something I wanted. I wanted to be accepted and love by people. To be apart of a group more than I wanted Christianity. But they sucked me in. Through out my life I've paid the price for it.

 

Any particular information you would suggest?

[Geezer]

21 minutes ago, surferdude said:

Thank you!Any particular information have you found useful?

 

The General Theological Question section would be good. In addition check our Dr. Bart Ehrman's books about the Bible.They are available on Amazon Kindle editions. He also has several YouTube videos. The same goes for Dr.Robert M.Price. There are many other good historical scholars to read too,  but these are two of the best historians and they have a lot of books & YouTube stuff out there. Ehrman believes Jesus was a real person, but he was just a regular human being. Price believes Jesus was just a mythical character in a mythical story. 

 

I've listened to both sides in this debate & I think the evidence is stronger for a mythical Jesus. In other words, I think Price has the better argument in this debate.

[surferdude]

1 hour ago, Geezer said:

 

The General Theological Question section would be good. In addition check our Dr. Bart Ehrman's books about the Bible.They are available on Amazon Kindle editions. He also has several YouTube videos. The same goes for Dr.Robert M.Price. There are many other good historical scholars to read too,  but these are two of the best historians and they have a lot of books & YouTube stuff out there. Ehrman believes Jesus was a real person, but he was just a regular human being. Price believes Jesus was just a mythical character in a mythical story. 

 

I've listened to both sides in this debate & I think the evidence is stronger for a mythical Jesus. In other words, I think Price has the better argument in this debate.

Thanks for the info! I'll check it out.

[RachelSkates]

On 3/2/2018 at 9:44 AM, RealityCheck said:

 

 

 

OMGOSH!!!!! I never thought of it like this! EEECK!

[RealityCheck]

9 hours ago, RachelSkates said:

 

 

OMGOSH!!!!! I never thought of it like this! EEECK!

Well, neither did I until I started contemplating how unnecessary the whole story of salvation is.  But that is for another thread. 

[quinntar]

On 01/03/2018 at 7:31 PM, surferdude said:

Hi all! My name is Casey I live in Southern California and here's my story. My Christianity phase was from 14-18. I'm now 45. I started surfing when I was 14. The surfboard I bought was from a surfshop owned by a Christian. He had bible studies on a weekly bases. For a 14 year old i was extremely nieve and gullible. Looking back I was more like 14 going on 10. I'm not putting myself down. I was just very immature. 

 

Looking back I was looking to belong to a group of people that would love me and accept me. I was bullied in Junior high and high school. I didn't have the best up bringing. My needs of food clothing and shelter was provided. But I was neglected to an extent. Dad divorced my Mom when I was 7. It pretty much destroyed me at the time. My mom had no back bone and didn't protect us kids in the best way. She developed a relationship with now my stepdad who was a complete asshole! He didn't care about us. He was all about my Mom. But we were a package deal. We the kids got the short end of it all.

 

So I started going to Bible Study and then church. Pastors are very persuasive and I sucked it all up as complete truth without the wherewithal to question any of It! I believed what they told me word for word. It was all Calvery Chapel style of teaching which is very fundamentalist.

 

They got me by the fear of Going to hell and being a good person wasn't good enough. Bascially I was manipulated and brainwashed. I felt like I didn't have a choice.

 

When I left it all just before 19 I didn't have clue about the real world. I ended up making a lot of bad choices. Doing a lot of drugs. Looking for love and approval by not being who I truly am. 

 

Through out my adult life I've had religious obsessions of right and wrong that would loop in my mind at times. I don't believe in Christianity or hell. But sometimes fear it anyway. 

 

Looking back I don't feel like I was a Christian because I had no idea of what I was doing. But I've still been damaged by it. I have OCD which makes me feel like that might be the issue more than my past "Beliefs" but it's hard to say. I'm starting therapy next week to try to clear some of this up.

 

Anyway...I'm thankful to this site and you all to be able to open up about it. 

 

Thanks,

Casey 🏄‍♂️

According to Christians none of us were Christians ever, because being a Christian means you're in the family for good.

[superbrady]

Hey surferdude! I really enjoyed reading your deconversion story. I can relate a lot to your Calvary Chapel-like experience as my parents used to drag me to a Calvary Chapel church in the area when I was in middle and high school. It is indeed very fundamentalist and not very kind to anyone who does not agree with their rigid ideas. I remember one time when I was a Christian, the pastor was not very kind to my stepdad who had some (relatively minor) different interpretations of scriptures. For example, my stepdad thinks that the Book of Enoch should be canonical because it is quoted in the Epistle of Jude and the statements Enoch were allegedly consistent with Jewish cosmology and religious beliefs at the time. My stepdad also believes that some numbers within the Bible have divine significance... basically a watered-down version of numerology. My stepdad tried to respectfully explain his findings to the pastor one day and the pastor was very impolite and immature about the whole ordeal to say the very least. He basically tried to make him look like a simpleton in front of a number of other men and it was really uncalled for. I can recall a number of experiences where the pastor was absolutely unprofessional like this to other church members. Another time, we were in a men's reading group that included the pastor. On the last day of our group meetings for the season, we went to a LongHorn Steakhouse to get a meal together. My stepdad brought up that he was raised Catholic and the pastor (very loudly) started slamming Catholics and talking about how horrible they are. In a public place! It was very rude. And my stepdad tried to correct him on some of the incorrect statements he was making about the church and the pastor just ignored him and kept saying shitty things. I agree (for different reasons) that Catholicism (and Christianity as a whole) has its problem and that the Vatican is a pretty despicable organization, but come on! A steakhouse is not the place for that kind of behavior and discussion. People just want to enjoy meals with their family without hearing people attempt to debunk their religious denomination unprovoked.  Like many Christians, my stepdad has some silly beliefs, but he is a very intelligent, educated man and is genuine. He was just trying to share what he felt God was revealing to him to the pastor.

 

He often casually mentioned doctrinal positions he disagreed with from the pulpit that were actually from private, personal conversations he had with members of the congregation. It made many people feel like they were being called out. He also loved to crap all over members behind their back to his inner circle: elders, and what not. Basically anyone who was willing to be a yes-man. It was pathetic. He was an egotistical, pompous ass. I also find the way he managed tithing funds questionable. One day, he walked in with a surgically implanted toupee. He drove a brand new Audi and bought his son (that was my age) a Ford Mustang in his sophomore year. He had a massive house on the lake with a super fancy speedboat and two jet skis. Who knows what other excesses he had that I was not able to see. It was a pretty disgusting waste of money that should have gone to the poor, the sick, and the hungry in my opinion. He is largely why I believe churches should be taxed like businesses today.  

 

Another thing I have to say about Calvary Chapel is that they definitely don't do a good job trying to get you to repent and reconvert to Christianity. A lot of my "friends" shunned me and wouldn't even make eye contact with me. My youth pastor stopped smiling around me. A girl started crying and went up to pray for me up by the stage and I later found out she lied to the pastor and told him that I told her that I now worship Satan. I never did such a thing. It was hurtful to hear all of these things about me and seeing how people my age reacted to my presence in the church. I was ostracized by people I thought loved me and it really showed me some of the cultish behavior they engaged in. It eventually made me incredibly angry. And when my parents finally left the church and went church shopping after they found a number of actions by the pastor to be questionable,  all of their church friends stopped contacting them. The church has a lot of turnover because it harbors a lot of terrible people with terrible beliefs under a terrible pastor.