Which came first-- the disbelief or the leaving church?

[Orbit]

@wellnamed and I were discussing this in the car today. Which came first for you: leaving the church or "leaving" the xtian beliefs?

[disillusioned]

I left the church long before I stopped believing.

[Orbit]

3 minutes ago, disillusioned said:

I left the church long before I stopped believing.

 

If it's ok to ask, why did you leave the church? Was it the people being hypocrites (we were talking about that too) or just "church is boring" (which is how I was)?

[Tsathoggua9]

I always had major doubts, but I generally just kept them to myself. Continued going to church because I liked to sing, plus for the social aspect. Eventually I decided to just stop attending altogether.

[florduh]

My disbelief finally gelled as I studied Revelation at Moody. I had no interest in pretending after that so I naturally stopped going to church. There were nice people at my church and the pastor was educated and smart and a friend, but the whole thing was predicated on a lie, so bye bye.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

I was plagued with doubts and questions that the bishops of the church couldn't adequately answer. My church that I was assistant pastor at shut down because it was small with mostly older people who had died off. I took the opportunity for a good excuse and stopped going until I could get all the spiritual mess I had going on in my head straightened out. That never happened and I stopped believing a few years later.

 

DB

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

27 minutes ago, florduh said:

My disbelief finally gelled as I studied Revelation at Moody. I had no interest in pretending after that so I naturally stopped going to church. There were nice people at my church and the pastor was educated and smart and a friend, but the whole thing was predicated on a lie, so bye bye.

Moody bible institute huh? I'm impressed. I've known a couple of people that have had issues with the bible after going to college. If you don't mind me asking. What was revealed in your studies that brought the lies to the forefront. Did they actually point out that it was made up or did you come to your own conclusion. I ask this because since my deconversion i've wondered just how many pastors and preachers actually know it's a lie and keep "spreading the gospel" just for a paycheck.

 

DB

[florduh]

6 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

Moody bible institute huh? I'm impressed. I've known a couple of people that have had issues with the bible after going to college. If you don't mind me asking. What was revealed in your studies that brought the lies to the forefront. Did they actually point out that it was made up or did you come to your own conclusion. I ask this because since my deconversion i've wondered just how many pastors and preachers actually know it's a lie and keep "spreading the gospel" just for a paycheck.

 

DB

No, of course they didn't point out that it was made up. The problem was they couldn't answer my questions. That had been an issue for awhile with my pastor, but this was Moody and we were studying arguably the most difficult book of the Bible. They failed to sell me on their interpretations of fantastic stories of what could more likely refer to the writer's current times and immediate developments. From the first book to the last, the Bible presented me, a believer, with questions that could not be answered. I assume that some of those with an eye on professional preaching might realize the scam and just continue to play along.

[mymistake]

I stayed in church long after I stopped believing.  Stayed in church for the sake of my wife but after a couple of years it because almost impossible to not laugh in everyone's face at all the nonsense.  When a church friend would randomly talk about events in their life I was overwhelmed with the urge to burst out laughing at the stupidity of how much they relied on God.  At first I would hold it in until I could walk out into the parking lot to chuckle.  But eventually that wasn't enough.  I finally told my wife I couldn't go anymore because I couldn't avoid disrupting the service.

[disillusioned]

1 hour ago, Orbit said:

 

If it's ok to ask, why did you leave the church? Was it the people being hypocrites (we were talking about that too) or just "church is boring" (which is how I was)?

 

Initially, it was because I started University, and I was working on the weekends. Later, I didn't go back partly because of the hypocrisy and partly because I had lost interest.

[midniterider]

2 hours ago, Orbit said:

@wellnamed and I were discussing this in the car today. Which came first for you: leaving the church or "leaving" the xtian beliefs?

 

Left church first.

[Geezer]

Doubts lead to questions, and that lead to loss of faith,  and that lead to the Church becoming irrelevant. I'm unequally yoked so I still attend a Methodists Church with my wife,  but we haven't attended in 3 weeks now, .....not even for Easter.  

 

I'm smart enough not to ask her why she hasn't shown any interest in Church lately. 

[MOHO]

Doubts lead to questions which lead to Pastor A-hole insulting my intelligence which, in turn, convinced me that there is no explaining the Bible  using logic and reason. This lead me to stop attending services. In addition to this explanation I, like @mymistake, experienced greater and greater difficulty refraining from grimacing and/or laughing out-loud at sermons and comments from folks at church. 

 

Even though I am unequally yoked Mrs. MOHO actually seems somewhat relieved that I don't attend meetings. She must have seen my reactions and was embarrassed. Yesterday at the family Easter din din at our house, when asked to say grace, there was no "how about you?" or "I think it's your son's turn." I simply said

 

"NO!"

 

But that's a different thread...

[Axelle]

In my case it was leaving the church, because my family moved to England from Spain and they didn't speak English so instead of going to church we prayed together at home. 

But to be fair, when they insisted I should look for a church, I found out I didn't want to at all.

Haha they didn't allow me to go to youth groups as a teenager in fear of me developing crushes  (they figured if she doesn't meet up with anyone her age,  no risk! ). So when they insisted I go to a youth group as an adult I was furious. They still insist from time to time. 

[★ Citsonga ★]

I stopped believing before I stopped going to church. I was very active in the church when I started having doubts. I stepped down from teaching Sunday school while I was dealing with doubts, and then stepped down from participating in the worship team, but I kept going to church regularly, hoping that my doubts would be resolved. As time went on, I realized more and more that there weren't valid answers to the problems I was seeing, but after I was pretty confident that it wasn't true, I still continued going to church for a while for my wife's sake. I then started skipping church sporadically and then skipped more and more until I eventually quit going altogether except for when visiting my parents. Once they found out I no longer believe, I quit going to church even then. Now I only step foot in churches for weddings and funerals, except for once checking out an interfaith event that was held at a church. I never go for regular church services anymore.

 

[Eugene39]

The disbelief came first. Then I left church for a couple of months, but went again for little while, simply because it was what the family had been used to. That didn't last long because I was having to go to my "happy place" all the time. Come to think of it, that was 7 years ago! 

[ag_NO_stic]

For me, personally, the disbelief came first and it was pretty gradual. I was involved/really active in a small church where me leaving would have been noticed and they would have come knocking at my door. I was actually very candid with a lot of people at that church about my questions and growing disbelief, but I continued to attend anyway for my family and for the people I loved in the church. I don't think many were surprised when I just stopped going, no one could answer my questions and I had started to watch Dillahunty and read Ehrman which was the kiss of death.

[Reprobate]

I honestly don't know.   I left church (mainly because of the actions of chrstians) long before I admitted unbelief to myself.   I can't pin down when I really stopped believing.   It was sometime during the 90's or maybe the 00's   How I wish I could have stumbled into a few good atheist youtube videos in 1990.  I think it all would have ended right there.   In early 91 I walked away from the hardcore pentecostal church I was in.   In 2000 I finally stopped attending church altogether.

 

Don't get me wrong I know a lot of decent people who were christians during those years as well.  They just weren't the people that you noticed.

[Hedge_Rat]

I left church first. Not exactly sure when I hit the point of no return on my disbelief, but leaving the church definitely came first.

 

I had some bad experiences with a Bible study group, and when I moved away I was leery of joining another church and/or group where the experience might be repeated.

 

It was a little like getting food poisoning.... Let's say someone loves salmon, but then it gives them a really bad case of food poisoning. They probably won't be able to make themselves eat it again for awhile, no matter how much they enjoy it.

 

And that's where the analogy falls apart, because probably the person who got food poisoning will eventually go back to eating salmon if they used to love it, whereas in this case I never went back to church. Away from the groupthink and the criticism I always got for expressing any doubts or disagreement, I felt freer to question and think things through. 

[LogicalFallacy]

On 03/04/2018 at 7:10 AM, Orbit said:

@wellnamed and I were discussing this in the car today. Which came first for you: leaving the church or "leaving" the xtian beliefs?

I stopped believing some 9 months before leaving church. Although on reflection I think I wasn't fully believing for some time.... Maybe 2 to 5 years before actually admittingor realising I didn't believe any of it.

[Guest]

I left the church, or the social circles in it, gradually over a period of years when I grew tired with what I saw as hypocrisy and small mindedness, and totally lost interest in them. I had no close family left in the church I attended, which made a big difference, and I felt like an outsider. Looking back on it, I could say I gradually outgrew it and stopped attending less, but disbelieving definitely came last, and the evidence provided by the authors I read was all the push I needed to exit for good.

[quinntar]

On 03/04/2018 at 5:10 AM, Orbit said:

@wellnamed and I were discussing this in the car today. Which came first for you: leaving the church or "leaving" the xtian beliefs?

The beliefs, I still went to church for year's later. Going to church for that time played a big part in my deprogramming, it was a way I confirmed to myself that their beliefs were based on nothing.

It's strange how the people of this God is supposed to in rich your faith, but it really hangs you out to dry.

 

One of the pastors I met weekly was so sure of his belief's that nothing I objected to hit base, that was also a sign that these type of believer's were close minded. After that I finally broke free and left it all behind, it's been almost a year so far.

[Leah]

Throughout this process my attendance dwindled down. I had started questioning core beliefs that didn’t make sense to me, and little by little I stopped believing until one day there was no god. Then I stopped attending church for good, because it no longer held any purpose or comfort for me and I wasn’t involved in any of the ministry so it was easy enough just to leave. 

[HoustonSeeker]

I am actually still attending church (and involved in its music ministry) even though I no longer really believe. It's an odd place to be. My wife has communicated very clearly that it is unacceptable for me not to go, so I go to placate her. If it were not for that, I probably would have left already.

 

Actually, my continued involvement in the music ministry is an odd thing as well, and one could say it's the other thing that keeps me in church. I used to love playing, and I worked very hard to improve and to earn my place in the ministry. As my faith has waned, so has my passion for the music. I've taken a step back, letting others fill the "lead" roles and seeking out essentially zero additional involvement, but I still get scheduled to play essentially a back-up instrument every other week. It's difficult to do since my heart is no longer in it. But I keep going through the motions for now, because it's so difficult to fully and finally walk away.

[knightcore]

Stopped believing before I quit church. I was still living with my family at the time and was afraid to voice my disbelief, but I finally broke down to my dad and later that week my mom who was upset with me for not talking to her about it. It was very tense at my house until I started to go to college, and whenever I'm home I'm still expected to go to church lest I come across as disrespectful. So about once or twice a year I go.