Inappropriate Funeral Sermon

[knightcore]

I don't want to get too into it because it's personal and involves my second family (roommates family) but I was at a funeral on Tuesday for someone I cared for very much with them. We were all already tense because it was going to be very baptist and involve the church a lot but I was. Just absolutely seething.

You shouldn't use someone's funeral as a platform to talk about hell and how if you don't have your affairs in order that's where you're headed. And you also shouldn't constantly spout evangelist shit. It's a funeral. Everyone is grieving and trying to celebrate the life of someone who touched all of them, if the sermon doesn't relate back to that there is literally no reason for you to give it. Save it for a Sunday.

He also started the second part of his sermon talking about how she disagreed with him on whether or not we get our old bodies back in the resurrection (she thinks we don't) and then proceeded to talk about how he was right. Like that is so disrespectful to me. 

Anyways I'm still fucking livid. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

[LogicalFallacy]

2 hours ago, knightcore said:

I don't want to get too into it because it's personal and involves my second family (roommates family) but I was at a funeral on Tuesday for someone I cared for very much with them. We were all already tense because it was going to be very baptist and involve the church a lot but I was. Just absolutely seething.

You shouldn't use someone's funeral as a platform to talk about hell and how if you don't have your affairs in order that's where you're headed. And you also shouldn't constantly spout evangelist shit. It's a funeral. Everyone is grieving and trying to celebrate the life of someone who touched all of them, if the sermon doesn't relate back to that there is literally no reason for you to give it. Save it for a Sunday.

He also started the second part of his sermon talking about how she disagreed with him on whether or not we get our old bodies back in the resurrection (she thinks we don't) and then proceeded to talk about how he was right. Like that is so disrespectful to me. 

Anyways I'm still fucking livid. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

 

Every funeral I've been to except perhaps my Grandmothers. But heaven was discussed.

[1989]

My Great Aunt's funeral was like this.  A lot.  The sermon was about an hour, with lots of talk about the sinner.  Totally inappropriate and unnecessary.  Conversely, When my neighbor's wife died the preacher talked a lot about her life and dedication to Christ, which was totally fine in my opinion.  It helps that the preacher was her uncle or something (small town living, right?).  It totally depends on the preacher of the event.

 

Ironically, back in the day a fire and brimstone sermon at my Grandfather's funeral totally turned me off of Christianity for years, driving me into a lazy sort of agnosticism (I was kind of an apathist before that anyway, so it wasn't a great loss,  but still).

[mymistake]

That sucks.  Sorry you had to go through that.  I almost had to walk out of my grandmother's funeral because the preaching was so awful.  (Unfortunately knowing my grandmother she probably requested it that way.)  But the thing is I wouldn't know how to have a funeral any other way.  I really want to.  I'm probably going to get stuck organizing the funeral when my parents die and I do not want a religious service at all, especially if I have to pay for it.  But how else can funerals be done?  I've only seen hyper-religious funerals.

[Orbit]

1 hour ago, mymistake said:

That sucks.  Sorry you had to go through that.  I almost had to walk out of my grandmother's funeral because the preaching was so awful.  (Unfortunately knowing my grandmother she probably requested it that way.)  But the thing is I wouldn't know how to have a funeral any other way.  I really want to.  I'm probably going to get stuck organizing the funeral when my parents die and I do not want a religious service at all, especially if I have to pay for it.  But how else can funerals be done?  I've only seen hyper-religious funerals.

 

Actually my churchgoing family had my grandfather's funeral service (Presbyterian Church USA) where it was more a celebration of his life. He was a guitar player, so a couple of his playing buddies and I played his favorite gospel songs as a 3 piece band instead of having a depressing - sounding organist. No brimstone, just talk about everlasting life. Not bad for a church funeral.

[older]

13 hours ago, knightcore said:

....

Has anyone else had an experience like this?

 

Yes. And it sucks. There's not much you can do about it if you're not in charge. At a recent one, at the reception afterward, I had a preacher try to engage me twice in a discussion of why I declined (politely) her offer to attend their church, and I was getting ready to use some strong language when she finally backed off.

[★ Citsonga ★]

On 5/4/2018 at 1:26 AM, knightcore said:

I don't want to get too into it because it's personal and involves my second family (roommates family) but I was at a funeral on Tuesday for someone I cared for very much with them. We were all already tense because it was going to be very baptist and involve the church a lot but I was. Just absolutely seething.

You shouldn't use someone's funeral as a platform to talk about hell and how if you don't have your affairs in order that's where you're headed. And you also shouldn't constantly spout evangelist shit. It's a funeral. Everyone is grieving and trying to celebrate the life of someone who touched all of them, if the sermon doesn't relate back to that there is literally no reason for you to give it. Save it for a Sunday.

He also started the second part of his sermon talking about how she disagreed with him on whether or not we get our old bodies back in the resurrection (she thinks we don't) and then proceeded to talk about how he was right. Like that is so disrespectful to me. 

Anyways I'm still fucking livid. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

 

That royally sucks, but it is quite the norm for funerals at fundamentalist churches. Their religion is all they know, so it's all they know how to talk about. They also figure that since there are probably people at the funeral who don't go to church, it's their responsibility to preach that crap at them. Some even have altar calls. I can't remember if I've ever been at a funeral that actually had an altar call myself (if so, it was when I was still a believer and would not have been offended), but I've definitely been to some that were damn near an altar call. That's the way my paternal grandfather's funeral was, and whenever my grandmother dies, her funeral will probably be at the same church, so it will probably be the same way.

 

 

[Ellinas]

It's standard practice among fundies round here.  In fact, the last funeral I went to was of one of their own number who had specifically requested the funeral take that form.

They seem to think that telling the grieving that they are going to hell will somehow make them well disposed to the sovereign god they think brought the life of the deceased to its' end.  I'm usually torn between anger at the effrontery and pity at the stupidity.

[Guest]

Yup, every funeral I have been to as part of my ex-fundamentalist church was like this. Its just like a church sermon, there is no real difference, and if there are non believing relatives of the deceased present generally it is viewed as an opportunity to tell them they had better repent or suffer hellfire. The next time I'm obligated to go to a funeral there I will ensure that I have my own secular support group along with me. Luckily I can count on some in my family for that. 

[Lucy]

Every funeral I've been to was like that. They see it as an opportunity to preach to people that don't go to church regularly because most people who don't attend church will attend a funeral. At one funeral, the preacher wanted to go on about women wearing pants and make up and how that was ruining the world.

 

The only one I was at that wasn't like that was for a 4 year old girl. He just wanted to inappropriately go on about how lucky she was! You see, everybody else will reach an age where they might doubt the gospel or struggle with sins, but she believed fully and wasn't old enough to do any major sinning so she was guaranteed saved.

[mwc]

     Yep.  Funerals are the best place for preachers to hock their product.  They've got the real life consequences laid out in front of everyone, not something they've got when demoing the product on the weekends, and it's now time for you to choose. Really choose.  I imagine they say they hate it but if I were a salesman I'd love it.  How else can you pass off such a sad moment as a happy one?  That's a crazy amount of spin.

 

          mwc

 

[older]

I'm bracing myself for a particularly tragic one that's coming up. While I didn't know the person, I will probably be expected to be there.

 

Saturday one of my grandsons and six of his friends went for a hike to a popular river that's fed from an upstream dam and small power plant. They were celebrating their upcoming high school graduation. A sudden release of water from the dam washed one of the kids away. This part of the river is a rocky, narrow gorge with almost vertical rock walls and no way to grab anything or have anything to climb on. As of today, Tuesday, his body has not been found. One other kid washed down-river also but got out; a third was pulled out by my grandson. The lost boy's brother was also part of the group. They are all traumatized. They are all also home schooled through the same fundy church group, and the Facebook pages have already been filled with Bible verses about God's will, Heaven, and so on. Talk has been heard about how everyone will some day meet again.

 

Regardless of the nature of the religion, this will be a tough one.

[knightcore]

It's really disheartening to hear this is such a common thing. Thanks Fundies for finding a way to exploit literally everything I suppose! Doing the lord's work by making grieving people even more miserable 

[knightcore]

@older I am so incredibly sorry, that is absolutely heartbreaking. I hope the service isn't terrible, I can't imagine trying to grieve a tragedy like that with fundy overtones everywhere.

[buffettphan]

@older   I'm so sorry.  My oldest grandson is graduating from a fundy school in a couple of weeks and I am sure the same thing would happen if they were faced with a similar tragedy.  I really feel for you and your grandson.  (((HUGS)))

[Guest]

@older That is terrible, those kinds of funerals are tough regardless of religion. The terrible thing is that sometimes these tragedies are used as examples in sermons afterwards, at least they were in my ex fundie church, to either convince people that they need to remain part of the church if they want to see their loved ones, or then they serve as an example of what happens if one dies as a non believer. It is truly horrific, in particular when the loved ones of the deceased non believer are present. 

[older]

They have now found personal items that may have belonged to the missing kid. They're using helicopters, planes and drones as well as ground searchers. The release from the dam increased the flow to 6000 cubic feet per second. 

 

One of the issues is the conflict between feeling for the family and being grateful that our kid was able to escape.

 

Here's a shot of what they're dealing with. There are lots of large boulders downstream, some just visible under the footbridge. In this photo the water is at its more normal level. At the left out of frame there is an unofficial trail that leads down to the water's edge. That's where they were.

 

[Lucy]

@older Was this a controlled release? This seems intensely dangerous if they are just releasing water at unscheduled times with no warning sirens downstream.

 

Adding religion to these things make them more distressing, not less. Because then you're left with wondering why god did this, or didn't prevent it, or why he chose to save some and let one die. Survivor's guilt is really tough even without religious themes being introduced.

[older]

On 5/18/2018 at 8:47 AM, Lucy said:

@older Was this a controlled release? This seems intensely dangerous if they are just releasing water at unscheduled times with no warning sirens downstream.

 

....

 

Yes, a controlled release, probably planned at some point in advance. We're going to write a letter to the newspaper urging the power company to install some sort of warning devices. As I understand it, there is some other place in our state that does have warning sirens, so why not here.

 

They found his body yesterday, seven days after he disappeared. Now they're all saying they know where he is. With Jesus.

[mymistake]

Older that is just awful.  I absolutely hate how Christians have to turn death into a wonderful joyous time.  Long ago I attended funerals as a Christian and it just seemed backwards how I was suppose to force myself to be happy for the relative who died.

[Ellinas]

Older, there is nothing that I can say that can help that situation, nor anything that can express how contemptible is the misuse of a child's death as a vehicle for evangelism and doctrine.  I'm very sorry to hear of this.

[Lucy]

On 5/19/2018 at 6:46 PM, older said:

 

Yes, a controlled release, probably planned at some point in advance. We're going to write a letter to the newspaper urging the power company to install some sort of warning devices. As I understand it, there is some other place in our state that does have warning sirens, so why not here.

 

They found his body yesterday, seven days after he disappeared. Now they're all saying they know where he is. With Jesus.

 

They definitely need to add sirens. I thought they were required. This seems senselessly dangerous when we have the technology to give warning.

 

At least they found the body. Hopefully they will try to get some sirens installed and not just accept it as God's will. The really upbeat funerals are the worst.