Have you ever apologized to people you once tried to convert?

[offtheromanroad]

Hey there,

 

Have you ever apologized to people you once tried to convert, or have you ever tried to explain your former stupidity to nonchristians who already knew you before your deconversion process?

 

I never was a hardcore fundie, but maybe fundie or fundie light. I feel embarrassed over some stuff I believed, and over some stuff I tried to "sell" to people (...virgin birth, really?).

 

I once sent an email to my agnostic/atheist parents and sister laying out my testimony and forcing the Roman Road on them. That email feels so embarrassing that I haven't read it ever since even though it's still in my email account from when I sent it out 17 yrs ago. I never mentioned it to my family again, but still feel embarrassed. But... it'd feel even more embarrassing to bring it up now. To my great relief, I never gave them any Christian hate talk (I was never into the hate some Christians spread).

 

I 've never talked to them about my deconversion, but they obviously know and see that I am not where I used to be faithwise. However, I don't feel like sending them my extimony either 

 

What about you... been there? And if so, did you address stuff like that?

 

 

[offtheromanroad]

Hi Ann,

Thank you for your answer. Yes, I guess they are indeed relieved, especially since the once thought I would end up living in what they thought was a cult, get no education and not work (other than for the "cult").

Hm. I don't think the elephant is that big. At least not big enough to make me talk about trying to convert them. Is that egoistic? Maybe the also don't want to talk about it -- they've never approached me on the topic.

Hey, it's Sunday and we're not in church

 

[offtheromanroad]

2 hours ago, Ann said:

The couch is church for me on Sundays Don't think you are being egoistic... If it's not that big a deal for you to talk about then it just not that important. Have a nice fundy free Sunday.

For me it's my bed and heaps of coffee. I can (literally) hear the church bells ring, but hey... who cares!

 

I wonder whether it's important or not -- once in a while I will remember that f**** email I wrote and want to hide in a hole.

[Bhim]

Funny you mention this @offtheromanroad. Eight years after deconverting, I just issued my first apology last month. I have a Catholic friend from the dorms back in college (mind you, that was fifteen years ago) who I once tried to convert to evangelical Christianity during a late night conversation we had that stayed into the solemn. On many other occasions I also talked to him about Jesus as part of shorter conversations. He actually later converted to Islam, went back to Catholicism, then had to run away to live in a small town to avoid the Muslims who might try and kill him for committing apostasy.

 

Anyway, last month I reached out to him to reconnect, and went to visit him. Part of my motivation was to apologize, which I did the moment we met in person. He actually said he had never been offended in the first place, but I was glad I apologized anyway. This guy is very much into Catholic theology but is also deeply interested in other religions, so we had a great time talking about why I have rejected the Bible altogether and how I departed from the Christian faith, and my return to Hinduism.

 

I think discussions like these are helpful to me in better understanding my own deconversion, and I would encourage others to likewise try talking to people they previously sought to convert.

[MOHO]

Never attempted to convert anyone or preach.

I have always thought of that as kinda egocentric and perhaps self-righteous. 

 

Also, when thinking about what I would say I began to notice the cognitive dissonance settling in.  

 

[Insightful]

Yes!

I have apologized to my sister as well as a good college friend who is Catholic.  I was honestly worried about both of them and it came from the kindest place in me.  But it was wrong.

 

I was sincere enough in my belief to recognize that if everyone without Jesus was goung to hell - and I KNEW the way to prevent this - then I would be the most selfish, unloving person not to tell them.  This line of thought motivated me tremendously toward evangelism.  And also made me so confused about all of my fundy friends that were shy about the gospel - how could you not tell everyone?

 

And I also apologized to 2 people I "church disciplined" which, for those who didn't have that in their church experience (count yourself lucky) is when you report a believer who stays in a repetitive sin pattern to the elders who go after them and ultimately kick them out of church.  The one girl who I was a part of getting kicked out was all the better for it - it forced her out of the cult-like church we were part of.  She was SO gracious when I apologized.

 

Yeah, I was a major d*ck, thinking I was Mr. Righteous.

[Bhim]

3 hours ago, Insightful said:

I was sincere enough in my belief to recognize that if everyone without Jesus was goung to hell - and I KNEW the way to prevent this - then I would be the most selfish, unloving person not to tell them.  This line of thought motivated me tremendously toward evangelism.  And also made me so confused about all of my fundy friends that were shy about the gospel - how could you not tell everyone?

 

Yes, this is an important point worth expounding upon. If you really believe that your loved ones are going to eternal conscious torment in hell upon their death (which is what I wholeheartedly believed), then should you not be on your hands and knees night and day begging them to believe in Jesus? I suppose the only reason I did not resort to this abject humiliation was simple cowardice in the form of fear of social awkwardness. Yes, I believed that my friends, parents, brother, etc. were all going to eternal hell, and I desperately wanted them to believe in Jesus so that they would escape this fate. Like you I was strongly evangelistic. But the fact that a non-zero number of days passed in which I did not exhort my parents to believe in Jesus astounds me. If you really believe in this terrible doctrine, you should be continuously commending the gospel to others without ceasing.

 

Perhaps, at some level, you and I did recognize the absurdity of this abominable belief.