Myrkhoos Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 Hi there, Well, I might say that I am very confused. Very, very confused. Came here to may find some answers, one way or another. Confused that I was literally spiritually abused by a priest some years ago, and the rest of the time in the Church ( Orthodox Christian) has not so far been so full of joy as advertised. I dedicated my will and my decisions, to this guy, I asked a girl to marry me because he said so, thought I should then go to a monastery because he said so, started taking a new name because he said so, did not go for medical support for various chronic psychological issues, thought it was all because I sinned against the Lord and all that. And this guy is well respected in my home town. I wasn't even believed for a while. And, of course, like in many traditions, there is idea that God speaks through the spiritual father, if you have faith, and you should never discus or disagree. I almost fell into grand delusion and psychosis. I kind of did actually. And I met others like him which kind of psychologically messed me up. Very few, I admit, were helpful. And this brings me to the first point of my criticism of this faith and practice. Poorly educated people, struggling with their issues, are put there to lead the people who sometimes, many times, blindly trust them. This mind erasing, self killing, human idolatry cloaked in HOLY OBEDIENCE to me is incredible. The almighty God, ever present and all wise needs human trumpets for others to understand him. I get that I will trust a university professor with great experience in his domain, but he does not say that his knowledge is directly from God, it is because of time and hard work. Obedience has to be the top one thing which makes religion destructive. Or a version of obedience. Because it destroys free thought and the possibility of criticism. Hey, you cannot argue with God, can you now? Whatever you feel or think is of no importance, it is probably demonic or sinful so you better listen to us, because we are God's spokesmen and no matter how foul we may be, he still works through us. The very idea that a God created beings to obey seems morally repugnant to me. It has for some while, but now, I can have the courage to say it clearly. Why create beings with free will if all they can do is obey you? And you call that love? And this idea that God has unconditional love, BUT one the condition you do what he says, otherwise eternal unspeakable torture awaits you. This is the version in the Orthodox Church anyway. And that somehow, I am born evil and need Jesus is again repugnant. Why do you allow for me to be created flawed so you can come and save me? It just seems like some kind of weird game. And me being in so much suffering, praying, confessing, taking communion, and almost nothing happened until I went to a doctor and psychotherapist. And, somehow, I am asked to believe that that is also God's gift. But the very test of spiritual practice kind of failed, as in made me almost a lunatic, and material medicine resolved a bit of that. It is a system where God, the image of God cannot fail. If something good happens, it is God's gift. If something bad happens, it is God's gift, and it also good. But if you say that, these words have no meaning, because good, just, love means everything and anything you want it to meet. And believe me I have tried and still try to make it all fit. I am still asking for an answer. To respond God is unknowable is the opposite of a an answer. The idea that God so loved the world that He gave His Son to die seems, what? You couldn't like just kill Satan from the start and make everything better? How is this sadistic and masochistic event of a God self-inflicting pain on Himself that rational and loving? Human sacrifice is a an act of love? And letting humans for, in the Bible version, stay tormented for 6 000 years before the Incarnation is what, just? And singing hymns about how retched we are and how right he is to be in Hell for our sins....really? Why the wole repenting stuff? If do not grovel before him he does not forgive me? Strange are the ways of the Lord indeed. I am not in the point of saying Christianity is wrong, ( philosophically I am inclined to Pyrrhonian skepticism so definite beliefs would not be my thing), but their claims seems self contradictory. And when asked about, the answer, yes, but St Paul said, Christ is our wisdom, etc,.. The problem with that is there are thousands of religions in the world, some smaller, some bigger. They all have beliefs, methods, and records of experience. If all people held those same convictions there would not be not even ONE christian because no one would convert. I do not know if you felt this, but I really wish it is true. I spent so much time and energy. And it starting to crumble down. The most painful thing is that i prayed for an answer and mostly silence so far.Why/ there are so many why's and so few answers. Like how could the devil choose to sin. How could a perfect being make that choice to rebel? How could sin appear out of nothing? How could Adam be so naive and listen to the devil and not God? If you want to choose what to eat, do you listen to the the spokesman for MacDonalds or a certified nutritionist? I do not know what and how is Truth with capital T, but a lot of what I thought seems to not have been so. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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