I'm a christian taking a break and exploring and I'm not 100% sure how

[Testingthewaters]

So I grew up christian and after a long time in it and believing it at various levels I'm taking a step back. One thing thats always bothered me is the views on sexuality. I think consenting people should be able to do what they want. Thing is, ive never really applied that idea to myself. At 26 years old I'm a virgin, Ive only kissed 2 women and that was pretty rare. I was sexual with one but we never had actual intercourse. Ive watched porn and masturbated but always in a reluctant way. I at time would talk to women online sexually and do the whole cyber/phone sex thing with them but it was always very weird because I wasn't fully commiting to it. I almost didn't want it to feel good, it was more about release than enjoyment (with a few exceptions).

Now. I just want to fullly let go. I have a strong sex drive, there have been times in my life where Ive masturbated multiple times in a row cause for whatever reason i thought It would be nice. I want to get to know people (well mostly women) who are ok with openly talking to me about sex. I want talk to them and be completely open about everything I'm feeling or wanting or enjoying. All sexuality has been a hidden thing in my life and now? now I want to just fully be transparent with someone. I want them to be happy that I'm talking with them about it even if its just me awkwardly telling them about some porn clip ive enjoyed and i want them to overall be encouraging about exploring and enjoying myself.  I'm only interested in this type of behavior online though, i'm just straight up not ready for anything in real life with someone yet and I feel way more brave online where no one knows me.

Ive tried finding people of a similar attitude in the past. Its somewhat problematic. I'm a 26 year old man who isn't really kinky at all and has no interest in roleplay, and who can be somewhat shy. Add in that I primarily like to voice chat though skype or discord or something and it becomes even more difficult to find people or communities who are open to the type of openness I'm looking for. I mean there are a ton of thirsty dudes online trying to get something from women and while I want it to be a friendship was well at the end of the day I am actually looking for someone within a sexual context. Of course I get lost in the sea of guys. And I do still get kinda shy about it at times which makes it even more ridicule.

Anyways, What do you guys think about this plan? as ex-christians did you go through a similar phase or have similar desires at some point? What is the best way for me to find what I'm looking for?

[florduh]

Welcome!

 

What matters is not whether you agree with what your denomination has to say in particular about sex or anything else (each flavor has a particular agenda). Is there a factual basis for the belief at all? Is the basis for all Christian sects, the Bible, a reliable source of fact and wisdom? Is there any evidence that Bible God exists or that the currently accepted canon is the actual word of said deity? Does history, archaeology and biology support the claims of the Bible?

[Testingthewaters]

Well at this moment I'm not looking into that side of things. Honestly your post makes me wonder if you even read my post.

[Geezer]

1 hour ago, Testingthewaters said:

Well at this moment I'm not looking into that side of things. Honestly your post makes me wonder if you even read my post.

florduh read your post. I think, like me, he might see your reasons for taking a step back from your faith as having more to do with you not wanting to live the Christian life than anything having to do with any specific theology or the existence of a God.
 

That is the reason some folks leave their faith, but for most of us we’ve left because it just isn’t true. We’re more focused on the science, physics, cosmology, and historical realities that provide proof and evidence that God only exist in the minds of believers.

 

Your posts suggest to me that your reasons have more to do with you not wanting to follow the traditional laws, rules, and commands that are commonly associated with the more conservative versions of Christianity. Switching to a liberal version of Christianity might be more in line with what it appears you’re looking for. 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

28 minutes ago, Geezer said:

 

Your posts suggest to me that your reasons have more to do with you not wanting to follow the traditional laws, rules, and commands that are commonly associated with the more conservative versions of Christianity. Switching to a liberal version of Christianity might be more in line with what it appears you’re looking for. 

 

 

Geezer's thoughts parallel mine.  

 

And there is more I would suggest you think about.  If you openly acted out your fantasies with real people,  would there be any guilt?  Is there any guilt now?  If so, what do you do with it?  If you found a church that approved of your behavior, would that free you from guilt?  If so, you might try a Unitarian Universalist church. There are all kinds of people who go to their services, including cross dressers, etc.

 

Another thought off the top of my head is, are you afraid of a regular relationship?   If so, just keep on masturbating.   That would be the safe thing to do.  No body gets pregnant, or gets an STD.  But if you hook up with people to do mutual masturbation , be careful you don't get beat up by, or robbed by someone who tricks you into a session.  And if you do mutual masturbation, be sure your sperm don't get spilled on a wet vagina.  I know of one pregnancy that reportedly happened that way.  Those little sperm can aparently swim upstream.

 

It seems to me you aren't sure about the Christian religion.  Maybe about any religion??  Most of us here think religions are supersticious myths.  And, are you sure about who you are as a person??   Maybe you need to work on those issues while you are thinking about sex.  What do you want out of life other than sex?

 

If you are looking for a simple answer to your situation, you might need to go elsewhere.  Your situation and what you are asking about has the possibility of getting pretty complicated. 

[TEG]

4 hours ago, Testingthewaters said:

What is the best way for me to find what I'm looking for?

 

Your posts suggest to me that you are not questioning your faith; you are looking for internet sex.  And posting an “online dating profile.”

[TheRedneckProfessor]

I see a lack of intimacy and a desire to control, thinly veiled in a budding addict-personality.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

12 hours ago, TEG said:

Your posts suggest to me that you are not questioning your faith; you are looking for internet sex.  And posting an “online dating profile.”

 

Seconded. You're the (apparently) 2nd Christian in a short while that has come here looking for validation for being an openly sexual Christian. The point of this site is support for those who have been believers and have rejected the faith, and are now looking for others who have done so. Thus the suggestion that you take your questioning further. If you were under the impression we are here to celebrate "sin", you haven't got a clue what we are about. 

 

Many of us were fundamentalist believers, and a liberal approach to belief wasn't part of our world (in fact it was seen simply as being a disobedient brat in danger of judgment). If you want to believe, either believe all of it or reject all of it. In the meantime, we are Ex-Christians and this is a site for Ex-Christians to support one another. 

[TruthSeeker0]

17 hours ago, Testingthewaters said:

So I grew up christian and after a long time in it and believing it at various levels I'm taking a step back. One thing thats always bothered me is the views on sexuality. I think consenting people should be able to do what they want. Thing is, ive never really applied that idea to myself. At 26 years old I'm a virgin, Ive only kissed 2 women and that was pretty rare. I was sexual with one but we never had actual intercourse. Ive watched porn and masturbated but always in a reluctant way. I at time would talk to women online sexually and do the whole cyber/phone sex thing with them but it was always very weird because I wasn't fully commiting to it. I almost didn't want it to feel good, it was more about release than enjoyment (with a few exceptions).

Now. I just want to fullly let go. I have a strong sex drive, there have been times in my life where Ive masturbated multiple times in a row cause for whatever reason i thought It would be nice. I want to get to know people (well mostly women) who are ok with openly talking to me about sex. I want talk to them and be completely open about everything I'm feeling or wanting or enjoying. All sexuality has been a hidden thing in my life and now? now I want to just fully be transparent with someone. I want them to be happy that I'm talking with them about it even if its just me awkwardly telling them about some porn clip ive enjoyed and i want them to overall be encouraging about exploring and enjoying myself.  I'm only interested in this type of behavior online though, i'm just straight up not ready for anything in real life with someone yet and I feel way more brave online where no one knows me.

Ive tried finding people of a similar attitude in the past. Its somewhat problematic. I'm a 26 year old man who isn't really kinky at all and has no interest in roleplay, and who can be somewhat shy. Add in that I primarily like to voice chat though skype or discord or something and it becomes even more difficult to find people or communities who are open to the type of openness I'm looking for. I mean there are a ton of thirsty dudes online trying to get something from women and while I want it to be a friendship was well at the end of the day I am actually looking for someone within a sexual context. Of course I get lost in the sea of guys. And I do still get kinda shy about it at times which makes it even more ridicule.

Anyways, What do you guys think about this plan? as ex-christians did you go through a similar phase or have similar desires at some point? What is the best way for me to find what I'm looking for?

This is a site where we assist ex Christians ie those recovering from Christianity and how that has affected their lives. It isn't a site where we give feedback on someone's sex life, who shows no interest in questioning or leaving their religious beliefs behind. You stated you "are not looking into that side of things."

Find a more appropriate site is my advice. 

 

 

[florduh]

Business idea:   www.christianho.com

 

"Meet other horny believers who only like to identify as part of the dominant religious culture but don't care about the rules. Chat, meet up, talk dirty to other "believers."  Get those rocks off and still be guaranteed a ticket to Heaven. Thirty dollar per month love offering. Money refunded if you end up in Hell."

 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

8 hours ago, Fuego said:

 

If you were under the impression we are here to celebrate "sin", you haven't got a clue what we are about. 

 

 

DANG!  Now you tell me.  That's the reason I came here!  

[older]

8 hours ago, florduh said:

www.christianho.com

I just checked that. Guess what? It's real.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

It just feels like the same person is here under a new name but with the same creepy theme and assumptions. 

[★ Citsonga ★]

23 hours ago, Fuego said:

If you were under the impression we are here to celebrate "sin", you haven't got a clue what we are about. 

 

To be fair, that's the lie that many Christians are fed from the pulpit, so it's inevitable that a lot of them believe it. 

[TABA]

Hi @Testingthewaters.  I may be wasting my time here as far as you are concerned, since you evidently haven’t been back since your last post on Thursday evening.  But I’m going to reply anyway, as it may be helpful to others reading this.

 

You have trouble with ChristIan views of sexuality and you’re surely in good company here: I think we’d pretty much all agree with you that consenting people should be able to do what they want, sexually.  With the caveat that partners should be treated with respect and that cheating on somebody else is not a good thing. 

 

But you’re not prepared to make any other kind of break with Christianity or even be open to questioning the basics of the faith.  That’s where you run into a problem.  Staying with a belief system while ignoring significant parts of it is a recipe for trouble.  You’re likely to end up at some point with guilt or other misgiving about things you’ve done, guilt that keeps you awake at night and likely tarnishes the pleasure of some of your experiences.  If you’re going to reject Christian teaching on sex or any other matter, it should be because you no longer regard Christian teaching as binding on you, when you accept that the teaching springs from centuries-old human rules, not divine revelation, that may or may not make sense to you in 2019.  That’s where we Ex-Christians stand:  I may agree with Christian teaching on some subjects but utterly reject it in other areas.  Just as I agree with one political party on some issues and agree with a different party on others: they’re all somebody’s opinion and none of them is infallible - and I ultimately make up my own mind.  And I may change my mind as time goes by.

 

It’s important for each of us, no matter where we stand on religion, politics or whatever, that we understand what we believe and why we believe it. If you don’t have that understanding your world view is not going to be stable or coherent.  That’s what this community is all about: we encourage questioning all religious dogma, and walking away from it if it doesn’t stand up to scrutiny.  It takes a while, but it’s a worthwhile process, because it makes for a better life where the way you live is in line with what you believe to be true.  You’re much more likely to enjoy guilt-free sex if you build a foundation of belief that supports it.  You’ll find plenty of help and encouragement here if you follow that path, but if you’re not prepared to question Christianity then this community is not the place for you.  

 

 

 

[Myrkhoos]

8Well, this post might go unread but here I go.

 

You say you are taking a step back. Does this mean just pausing the teaching on chastity and sex in general or other things as well? 

 

About the sex issue more broadly. It kinda depends on your worldview in general.  I for one do not think consenting adults should be allowed everything but that is a different discussion. 

 

That is why ppl cannot really answer you. 

 

But just in case you return and are interested in secular points of view, you could try to find a therapist specialised in sex and romantic relationships so you can figure out the roots of your issues and some solutions. I repeat, from a particular secular therapy school standpoint. 

 

I do not live in the USA but moving to a big liberal city like those in California could also help. Ppl there seem to be very open, too open to my taste, about sex.  LA is also the capital  of porn for example. 

 

 

[midniterider]

On 12/26/2019 at 5:09 PM, Testingthewaters said:

So I grew up christian and after a long time in it and believing it at various levels I'm taking a step back. One thing thats always bothered me is the views on sexuality. I think consenting people should be able to do what they want. Thing is, ive never really applied that idea to myself. At 26 years old I'm a virgin, Ive only kissed 2 women and that was pretty rare. I was sexual with one but we never had actual intercourse. Ive watched porn and masturbated but always in a reluctant way. I at time would talk to women online sexually and do the whole cyber/phone sex thing with them but it was always very weird because I wasn't fully commiting to it. I almost didn't want it to feel good, it was more about release than enjoyment (with a few exceptions).

Now. I just want to fullly let go. I have a strong sex drive, there have been times in my life where Ive masturbated multiple times in a row cause for whatever reason i thought It would be nice. I want to get to know people (well mostly women) who are ok with openly talking to me about sex. I want talk to them and be completely open about everything I'm feeling or wanting or enjoying. All sexuality has been a hidden thing in my life and now? now I want to just fully be transparent with someone. I want them to be happy that I'm talking with them about it even if its just me awkwardly telling them about some porn clip ive enjoyed and i want them to overall be encouraging about exploring and enjoying myself.  I'm only interested in this type of behavior online though, i'm just straight up not ready for anything in real life with someone yet and I feel way more brave online where no one knows me.

Ive tried finding people of a similar attitude in the past. Its somewhat problematic. I'm a 26 year old man who isn't really kinky at all and has no interest in roleplay, and who can be somewhat shy. Add in that I primarily like to voice chat though skype or discord or something and it becomes even more difficult to find people or communities who are open to the type of openness I'm looking for. I mean there are a ton of thirsty dudes online trying to get something from women and while I want it to be a friendship was well at the end of the day I am actually looking for someone within a sexual context. Of course I get lost in the sea of guys. And I do still get kinda shy about it at times which makes it even more ridicule.

Anyways, What do you guys think about this plan? as ex-christians did you go through a similar phase or have similar desires at some point? What is the best way for me to find what I'm looking for?

 

I was only a Christian for 10 years (started in my 20s after growing up agnostic) and towards the end of it was becoming aware of the guilt that the morons at my church had helped manufacture for me with respect to sex. I wasn't grappling with "is Christianity real", I was grappling with "Christianity is annoying as hell." 

 

Christians will try to de-legitimize your idea of stepping away from Christianity because you want to sin. If God created men to be horny then said youre not allowed to do anything about it (except get married) then he's an idiot. Just recognize that it isnt God saying this or that, it's a book that freaky weird church people like to quote from and interpret to match  their own preferences. Your picture of God is what people have brought to you. Not what God has brought to you. 

 

 

I think the suggestion to join a liberal church is helpful advice. Thiswill allow another kinder gentler God to begin to flow in your mind and break down some of these draconian mental laws you have been given from stricter churches. 

 

...

 

Your reason to fade away from Christianity is legitimate. It causes guilt. It makes people ashamed of themselves. It causes fear. I felt guilty having sexual thoughts of someone other than my spouse...then I got divorced...fuck, now what?! I cant have any sexual thoughts at all? Bullshit!!!!! I told Jesus I was going to have those thoughts regardless of what he thought. That was the end of my Christianity. Good riddance. 

 

Something I read in a new age book once: If you are feeling guilty about doing something either stop feeling guilty about doing it, or stop doing it. LoL. I think it's sage advice. 

 

It sounds like you grew up in Christianity so it is systemic, it is built in to who you are ... leaving the faith will probably take some time... it was easier for me, only being in it for 10 years. You dont necessarily have to renounce Christianity either, you can just put it in suspended animation ... tell yourself you believe in Jesus, and that Jesus, being a smart fellow allows people to have cybersex and real sex with other people. It's called natural attraction. It's how people meet.

 

 

 

[mwc]

On 12/26/2019 at 5:09 PM, Testingthewaters said:

So I grew up christian and after a long time in it and believing it at various levels I'm taking a step back. One thing thats always bothered me is the views on sexuality. I think consenting people should be able to do what they want. Thing is, ive never really applied that idea to myself. At 26 years old I'm a virgin, Ive only kissed 2 women and that was pretty rare. I was sexual with one but we never had actual intercourse. Ive watched porn and masturbated but always in a reluctant way. I at time would talk to women online sexually and do the whole cyber/phone sex thing with them but it was always very weird because I wasn't fully commiting to it. I almost didn't want it to feel good, it was more about release than enjoyment (with a few exceptions).

Now. I just want to fullly let go. I have a strong sex drive, there have been times in my life where Ive masturbated multiple times in a row cause for whatever reason i thought It would be nice. I want to get to know people (well mostly women) who are ok with openly talking to me about sex. I want talk to them and be completely open about everything I'm feeling or wanting or enjoying. All sexuality has been a hidden thing in my life and now? now I want to just fully be transparent with someone. I want them to be happy that I'm talking with them about it even if its just me awkwardly telling them about some porn clip ive enjoyed and i want them to overall be encouraging about exploring and enjoying myself.  I'm only interested in this type of behavior online though, i'm just straight up not ready for anything in real life with someone yet and I feel way more brave online where no one knows me.

Ive tried finding people of a similar attitude in the past. Its somewhat problematic. I'm a 26 year old man who isn't really kinky at all and has no interest in roleplay, and who can be somewhat shy. Add in that I primarily like to voice chat though skype or discord or something and it becomes even more difficult to find people or communities who are open to the type of openness I'm looking for. I mean there are a ton of thirsty dudes online trying to get something from women and while I want it to be a friendship was well at the end of the day I am actually looking for someone within a sexual context. Of course I get lost in the sea of guys. And I do still get kinda shy about it at times which makes it even more ridicule.

Anyways, What do you guys think about this plan? as ex-christians did you go through a similar phase or have similar desires at some point? What is the best way for me to find what I'm looking for?

     So you want to be a xian who fucks?  Okay.  So go be a xian who fucks.  If you can't find someone who will bang you then go find a hooker.  They're legal in places (head to Nevada and look around).  Problem solved?

 

     None of this has to do with being an ex-xian at all though.  I think you're just trying to absolve yourself of guilt and responsibility by thinking only folks like us do things like what you have in mind.  It's also a good justification for your failure for not having gotten laid up to this point.  You're a good xian and it has stopped you from sealing the deal but, I hate to tell you, lots of nonbelievers can't do it either.  Old habits die hard.  You'll be the same old you with or without god.  Hang out with people with similar interests/hobbies and see if you can make a real connection.  You'll have much better luck with or without your god.  But, if you're just looking to bone, pay to play might be your best option just to punch your v-card and get that out of the way so you can relax until something more real comes along.

 

          mwc

 

[older]

It is worth noting that this guy posted only twice, on Dec. 26, and hasn't been back in two weeks. Perhaps he found what he was looking for.

[midniterider]

On 1/9/2020 at 9:05 PM, older said:

It is worth noting that this guy posted only twice, on Dec. 26, and hasn't been back in two weeks. Perhaps he found what he was looking for.

 

He wasn't deconverting in the official manner by questioning the reality of God. He wanted to quit Jebus so he could have sex. Everyone knows that's not how ya quit! He probably left because he wasn't getting much help here. /s

 

 

[midniterider]

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-sex-may-be-the-greatest-threat-to-christianity-neilcarter-jrmk/

 

[TABA]

2 hours ago, midniterider said:

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-sex-may-be-the-greatest-threat-to-christianity-neilcarter-jrmk/

 

Good article

[older]

Very good article. Should be required reading.

[Joshpantera]

On 12/26/2019 at 8:09 PM, Testingthewaters said:

I have a strong sex drive, there have been times in my life where Ive masturbated multiple times in a row cause for whatever reason i thought It would be nice. I want to get to know people (well mostly women) who are ok with openly talking to me about sex.

 

This seems to be happening lately. 

 

It's EX-CHRISTIAN.net not SEX-CHRISTIAN.net!!!!!!

 

And not SEX-CHRISTIAN.fishnets or anything similar. 

[older]

14 hours ago, Joshpantera said:

It's EX-CHRISTIAN.net not SEX-CHRISTIAN.net!!!!!!

 

Well, the domain name seems available. 

 

Sex-Christian.net. The no-guilt site for horny Christians. First month free with a year's membership. 

Only $9.95 per month, one year paid in advance. Credit cards accepted. Not sold in stores.