overcoming guilty

[Simone]

Hi everyone,

 

When I was a christian I was very zealous for evangelism and also in my workplace.

My reputation has been affected and today I am experiecing regrets and guilt

And I do not find any issue in order to heal and let this guilt behind me.

My deconversion is a long process with stages with time to time trying to return

To religion but at least with all the contradictions I go away.again and again.

 

How can I overcome the fact I warned about hell and the guilt of being not respectful

and try to convert people ?

 

Thanks a lot !

 

 

 

 

 

 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Guilt is a very big part of the christian religion.  It is one of the tools christians use to keep people in the church; and it is very powerful.  It is natural to still feel guilt long after leaving the religion; because guilt becomes such a major part of your christian life.  Overcoming the guilt you feel may take time; because it has become ingrained into your way of thinking.  However, going directly to the people we have wronged, apologizing, and asking for the opportunity to make amends often helps out a great deal.

[Hierophant]

Hi Simone,

 

I am with @TheRedneckProfessor , if you are feeling guilty about how you may have spoken to someone, it is never too late to apologize and explain yourself. I went through a period of my life where I had guilt about how I acted in relationships and even though it was years later, I went back and apologized for my behavior. I am not sure if you are still working in the same location, but if so, I am sure your coworkers would appreciate it if you waited for the appropriate time and tactfully stated how you believe you wronged them or made them feel uncomfortable, apologize, and explain where you mind was at the time and where you are now.

 

Even if they do not accept your apology, which I am inclined to think most people would, you will feel a lot better about mending those relationships.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

30 minutes ago, Hierophant said:

Even if they do not accept your apology,

Keep in mind thay your only responsibility here is acknowledging your wrong and apologizing for it.  Should they choose not to accept your apology, then you have done everything you can do and you bear no further responsibility.

[DanForsman]

You know Simone the really important thing is that you figured out you were being tricked and manipulated and were able to get out. Congratulations and good for you! That christian community (cult) you were in used tried and proven mind control methods including guilt and fear to get you out there evangelizing. Getting free of that was no easy task and luckily for everyone you will meet going forward you are no longer recruiting for your cult. That method of recruiting is mostly always ineffective when used on relatively stable personalities meaning the coworkers you witnessed to were probably more anxious to get away from a crazy person than actually harmed by your conversion spiel. If you see someone you know you previously "witnessed" to I'm pretty sure they will be very happy to hear that you have since recognized that you were in a christian cult and are embarrassed that you had become a recruiter for them and that you are now apologetic for attempting to push your beliefs onto them and many others. I'm sorry this whole thing happened to you but you sound like a very kind sensitive person that your coworkers will be fortunate to be able to get to know and spend time with.      

[MOHO]

10 hours ago, Simone said:

How can I overcome the fact I warned about hell and the guilt of being not respectful

and try to convert people ?

Guilt or embarrassment?

 

Hey, we all got sucked into that garbage and did some stuff we regret - so don't' feel alone or stupid or too uncomfortable.

 

The others gave some good advise and I'm sure that when you speak with those you proselytized to and explain that you were under the effects of the indoctrination you will all have a good laugh. I think people generally understand how powerful mind-control techniques can be - especially when they have been refined for years and years.

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

[Simone]

Thank you for your comments guys. 

 

I agree.

 

However I think I have now a bad reputation how people gossip and I know people gossiped behind my back.

Now several firms know I have been in a cult and it could be difficult for me to find a new job. I have been fired

in 2018 but for other reasons (economical reasons). Past boss speak to new boss as they take information

about you when you hire a new job. This is how it happens in my country in Switzerland.

It is a difficult situation and I am afraid that more boss know I have been in a christian cult.

 

[MOHO]

Sounds like you need to fix this at your present company, @Simone, so you'll have a favorable reputation if you find yourself in the job market. Here in the states companies are only supposed to validate employment dates now. This can be gotten around, however. I know because I do this on a regular basis hiring techs and coders for my department. I manage to get to the employee's former direct report (manager) and even some co-workers.

 

If I really feel I will value a perspective employee and there was bad blood with a former company I will confront the applicant and ask them how they feel about the criticism. If they are sorry and understand how their behavior impacted their old company then I'm good. If they bitch and moan and blame blame blame then we're NOT good. 

 

I really feel you can fix this and that your boss will appreciate the effort.

[DanForsman]

Listen Simone, MOHO can be a bit hit or miss with advice sometimes (but always entertaining) however this is MOHO at his best and you can literally take his advice here all the way to the bank. I'm just a retired carpenter but spent many years close enough to management to have a pretty good idea how things operate. In terms of you being from a different country it is my long held belief that while customs can vary wildly from country to country people are essentially people so massive amounts of behavioral insights are nevertheless directly transferable. Throughout my working life I have had an effect on people and I always follow my own instincts so that translated into being noticed more than many employees. Oddly this often led to a roller coaster effect of office opinion thinking I was the greatest thing ever to office opinion thinking I was absolutely the worst employee they had and a half step away from being kicked out the door. I believe I know almost as much as anyone about working my way up from the bottom. In fact probably 25 or more years ago a foreman told me that he didn't know anyone better than me at falling into a bucket of shit and coming out smelling like a rose. 

   Being on the bottom is an awesome position in many ways because for one there is almost no lower that you can sink and also almost certainly opinions have sunk unreasonably low. The biggest thing I learned is to keep my head up and my attitude up while being as kind and courteous as always and just allowing myself the mental space to ride the wave out. No matter how it feels you are almost always as valuable as you (realistically of course) believe you are. Even though everyone is making mental notes all day long on why you are worthless they nevertheless are keeping an eye on you. They want you to give in and become irritable towards you coworkers and discouraged by your shortcomings that are now front and center for all to see. Instead you want to bring out the kind self talk as never before. Focus heavily on what you do well and pat yourself on the back for each and every small success while encouraging yourself to commiserate with supervisors who have gone off the deep end with their low opinion of you and realize they are only people and that you will still need them on your side when things go back to a more normal level. Everyone will be watching you and just as surely as they could end up making you doubt yourself you can make them begin to doubt the extremely low opinion they have formed of you. In time others will make monumental mistakes that will take the focus off you and then just the fact that you are still there starts to make opinions of you rise. Then it will happen sometime as it always does that you are exactly the person that is needed to solve the problem that had been of great concern to your supervisor and possibly (if you're really lucky) was of concern to the entire office and then, bingo, there you go. On top again and more solidly than before! You'll feel like you're on top of the world and trust yourself seemingly forever. Honestly I've done a variation of this many many times over the years and I know it is very possible. Even giving the most sincere apology doesn't automatically give the recipient something to hold over you. Always treat yourself with kindness and praise yourself for doing the right thing even though it was very hard and almost as importantly try to understand how the person receiving your apology might feel and don't expect any certain response from them. If you can hold your self esteem in tact you can absolutely rise back up. Whether supervisors or coworkers we are all only people and no one is more valuable than the other. You can do this Simone. You've got MOHO (and lots of us) in your corner. You haven't made some horrible unforgivable mistake here so just don't ever allow yourself to think anything along those lines and just paddle your own boat and ride this bad time out.       

[◊ Weezer ◊]

WELCOME!   And you might try focusing on doing the best you can at your job task, so you will be regarded as a valuable employee.  And not get too involved in side discussions about non job topics.  And don't be too hard on yourself.

[DanForsman]

Weezer brings up a great point in that when you don't say too much people have a tendency to think that you are thinking along the same lines that they are. This translates into you often coming ahead when you simply stay away from giving unnecessary opinions that will too often alienate at least someone.