Do you hate yourself?

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Christianty made me hate myself. As soon as I was able to recognize that, anyway. I was born and raised Protestant, a generic term mostly for distinguishing Catholic and The Jewish tradition that made it easier for the military environment to organize around. My early recollections of the 'church' reflected that rather rigid system as opposed to the fiery type of sermons in Southern Baptists that others here have experienced. My impressions were largely a big blank even though we read the Bible, went regularly to church and even had to suffer through Summer Vacation Bible school for the kids, something I fiercely resented. 

 

In my efforts to be saved I was slowly eroded from my nature and I became quiet and uncompetitive, stifling a lot of who I've become (just look at me in the Lion's Den! I think it's emotional constipation, a concept I recently came across in a scientific article). At times I just got more social instead but ultimately it didn't make me stop hating myself. 

 

I always felt the word 'selfish' very deeply. Was I being selfish? That word terrified me and still affects me to this day. I want to be a giving person but if I hate myself, where is that 'giving' nature really coming from? Is it real intention or do you get something out of it in return? Does it reinforce your abiliity to love yourself or do you end up hating yourself more, or craving that feeling you 'did something right' for the Lord? 

 

One of our members wrote a very beautiful story on this topic. Please look for it as I have lost track. I'm sure there are other stories of this self love, which isn't selfish at all. It's downright encouraging and that's why we are here. 

 

Christianity starts by working on hating yourself. This is a conclusion I've reached for myself. Search your heart and test it out. You don't have to believe me. If it works for you, pass it on. 

 

 

[AnonSan]

3 hours ago, moxieflux66 said:

Christianty made me hate myself. As soon as I was able to recognize that, anyway. I was born and raised Protestant, a generic term mostly for distinguishing Catholic and The Jewish tradition that made it easier for the military environment to organize around. My early recollections of the 'church' reflected that rather rigid system as opposed to the fiery type of sermons in Southern Baptists that others here have experienced. My impressions were largely a big blank even though we read the Bible, went regularly to church and even had to suffer through Summer Vacation Bible school for the kids, something I fiercely resented. 

 

In my efforts to be saved I was slowly eroded from my nature and I became quiet and uncompetitive, stifling a lot of who I've become (just look at me in the Lion's Den! I think it's emotional constipation, a concept I recently came across in a scientific article). At times I just got more social instead but ultimately it didn't make me stop hating myself. 

 

I always felt the word 'selfish' very deeply. Was I being selfish? That word terrified me and still affects me to this day. I want to be a giving person but if I hate myself, where is that 'giving' nature really coming from? Is it real intention or do you get something out of it in return? Does it reinforce your abiliity to love yourself or do you end up hating yourself more, or craving that feeling you 'did something right' for the Lord? 

 

One of our members wrote a very beautiful story on this topic. Please look for it as I have lost track. I'm sure there are other stories of this self love, which isn't selfish at all. It's downright encouraging and that's why we are here. 

 

Christianity starts by working on hating yourself. This is a conclusion I've reached for myself. Search your heart and test it out. You don't have to believe me. If it works for you, pass it on. 

 

 

 

The church taught my teenage self "to deny ourselves to be one with the life-giving Spirit." We were taught that we are fallen and "of the flesh," which was detriment in developing our relationship with God, so we must "deny ourselves to rid of our sins." Unfortunately, I fell for that propaganda and became a shell of a person until I attended state college. I really thought at the time that if I participated in worldly teenage activity (i.e. talking about boys, going out to the movies over church) would not permit me to experience God's love and blessings. Fear mongering at its finest. 

 

When I told my parents of my agnosticism, my dad kept telling me that I was selfish and think that I know everything, in attempt to shame me. Yet, he doesn't even know (me personally) outside of their home where the social environment in my personal circle is completely different. I would sometimes go above and beyond to help patients at my old job and help out my classmates or go out to eat and share. Whenever I help my family, however, I get little appreciation, or my efforts were given credit to God - how invalidating it felt at the time! My parents keep nitpicking and complaining about the most trivial aspects of my life I share online. I had a hard time loving myself whenever my family has shown that they cared about me more if I aligned with their faith and conservative values. So, it was in my best interest and for the sake of my mental health to not be part of my family's group chat.

 

Only be surrounded by those who truly support, cherish, and care about you.  

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Now you're talking girl! Good job! 

51 minutes ago, AnonSan said:

Only be surrounded by those who truly support, cherish, and care about you.  

 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Hey, this leads right into talking about BLISS that was mentioned in your testimony!

 

You are right.  The doctrine of original sin puts a damper on self esteem, enjoying life and "bliss".   

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Just now, Weezer said:

Hey, this leads right into talking about BLISS that was mentioned in your testimony!

 

You are right.  The doctrine of original sin puts a damper on self esteem, enjoying life and "bliss".   

Thank you Weez! 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Can I start a new thread on this? I think it should have its own title. What do you think? Plus, it will give people TWO new things to contribute to! What say you Weezer? 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Plus, Casual and I are scheming to get people to talk. 

[Casualfanboy16]

23 minutes ago, moxieflux66 said:

Plus, Casual and I are scheming to get people to talk. 

Ohoho yes... I love scheming. Wanna join in on the scheming, @Weezer?

[Casualfanboy16]

Anyway, to comment on the actual post... I do struggle a whole lot with trying to love myself. I have a lot of self-hatred to get rid of from my years spent in Christianity. I guess it's worse because my family has been playing a part in fueling it with how all they seem to want to do is get me back on the path. They love me, but that love has been mildly distorted by Christian doctrine and has created this ever-growing wedge between me and the rest of my family. I am not allowed to be authentic here where I live, and that is only made worse by the fact my family is full on homophobic "love the sinner, hate the sin" type of Christian.

 

I pretty much have a "found family" type of deal with people here at Ex-C, especially the members I'm close to. I consider all of you guys like a big family to me. I still struggle a lot with this deep-rooted like hatred of myself and also general pessimistic thoughts, but at least here I can feel a little better. I like hopping onto this site multiple times a day and seeing people I'm familiar with on the Online User List lol. Makes my day a bit better.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

See,  HOW DOES THE BIBLE AND CHRISTIANITY AFFECT YOUR SEBSE OF SELF??  in this same forum.

[Salemite]

I struggle profoundly with self hate and it creeps up in so many ways even though I have worked on this and worked through a lot of the reasons why I feel the way I do. No amount of accomplishments or people telling me I am brilliant and great can really undo what I took away from my childhood. Changing this concept of self is quite difficult as these feelings and views were imprinted on our young minds and is now somewhat part of the software that has to be manually overridden every time.

 

It isn't just that scripture talks of us being unworthy, untrustworthy, and unlovable it is also that our parents were devoted to this book's outlook on humanity, felt the need to give physical punishment in order to correct us and mold us into to more righteous people which mainly teaches fear and that physical domination gets people what they want,  felt compelled to criticize so we wouldn't become proud and become everything God hates which left us with low self esteem and enormous shame,  and had an authoritarian approach to their relationship with us which deteriorated warmth, connection, and collaboration. A lot of criticism according to research can impede children’s neural responses to reward and punishment; resulting in their neural reactivity to gains being blunted, and to losses, being magnified. This is a profound wound that shouldn't be underestimated. It is nearly impossible for a child to view their caretaker as flawed and so a child can only blame themselves for the criticism or harsh treatment they receive. Children who internalize their parents' criticism believe they're bad, flawed, and unworthy of being accepted for who they truly are.  Authoritarian parenting discourages kids from expressing themselves and insists on unquestioning obedience which stunts emotional regulation, openness, and problem solving. This becomes a vicious cycle that leads to a profound sense of worthlessness, an inability to self soothe appropriately, hinders growth of one's own moral compass because morality was dictated rather than discussed,  and dampens a child's potential to be flexible and positive in their thinking concerning the problems they face and solutions that could be had. I try not to be angry about this but can't help feeling like life would be so much easier if I was loved, if I was thought of as important and special, if someone thought the best of me and took the time to be curious about what made me tick and tired to help me become the best version of myself. 

 

Obviously, there are religious parents who don't engage in all of these tactics but many do.  The Bible has a lot of mixed messaging which is why it should be viewed critically. Why would an all good, all powerful, all knowing God not have the best parenting strategies to share with its people in a simple, coherent, and consistent way? This would set Christians apart from the world and everyone would be flocking to its truths if this was the case.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

2 hours ago, Salemite said:

I struggle profoundly with self hate and it creeps up in so many ways even though I have worked on this and worked through a lot of the reasons why I feel the way I do. No amount of accomplishments or people telling me I am brilliant and great can really undo what I took away from my childhood. Changing this concept of self is quite difficult as these feelings and views were imprinted on our young minds and is now somewhat part of the software that has to be manually overridden every time.

 

It isn't just that scripture talks of us being unworthy, untrustworthy, and unlovable it is also that our parents were devoted to this book's outlook on humanity, felt the need to give physical punishment in order to correct us and mold us into to more righteous people which mainly teaches fear and that physical domination gets people what they want,  felt compelled to criticize so we wouldn't become proud and become everything God hates which left us with low self esteem and enormous shame,  and had an authoritarian approach to their relationship with us which deteriorated warmth, connection, and collaboration. A lot of criticism according to research can impede children’s neural responses to reward and punishment; resulting in their neural reactivity to gains being blunted, and to losses, being magnified. This is a profound wound that shouldn't be underestimated. It is nearly impossible for a child to view their caretaker as flawed and so a child can only blame themselves for the criticism or harsh treatment they receive. Children who internalize their parents' criticism believe they're bad, flawed, and unworthy of being accepted for who they truly are.  Authoritarian parenting discourages kids from expressing themselves and insists on unquestioning obedience which stunts emotional regulation, openness, and problem solving. This becomes a vicious cycle that leads to a profound sense of worthlessness, an inability to self soothe appropriately, hinders growth of one's own moral compass because morality was dictated rather than discussed,  and dampens a child's potential to be flexible and positive in their thinking concerning the problems they face and solutions that could be had. I try not to be angry about this but can't help feeling like life would be so much easier if I was loved, if I was thought of as important and special, if someone thought the best of me and took the time to be curious about what made me tick and tired to help me become the best version of myself. 

 

Obviously, there are religious parents who don't engage in all of these tactics but many do.  The Bible has a lot of mixed messaging which is why it should be viewed critically. Why would an all good, all powerful, all knowing God not have the best parenting strategies to share with its people in a simple, coherent, and consistent way? This would set Christians apart from the world and everyone would be flocking to its truths if this was the case.

This is a very important message that many people need to hear.

[older]

Salemite:

Sorry you had to deal with this. Your comments are exceptionally well written.

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

On 1/5/2024 at 1:51 PM, Salemite said:

I try not to be angry about this but can't help feeling like life would be so much easier if I was loved, if I was thought of as important and special, if someone thought the best of me and took the time to be curious about what made me tick and tired to help me become the best version of myself. 

Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Salemite.

 

That insidious brainwashing manifests in deep rooted feelings I don't deserve good things in life. And can't get help when I need it. Or don't even know I need help to begin with. 

 

[AnonSan]

12 hours ago, moxieflux66 said:

Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Salemite.

 

That insidious brainwashing manifests in deep rooted feelings I don't deserve good things in life. And can't get help when I need it. Or don't even know I need help to begin with. 

 

 

To this day, I still hesitate asking for help unless I exhausted all options and resources on my own. Asking help from my family is often anxiety inducing as they often blew things out of proportion to the point of feeling I have inconvenienced them in their church responsibilities. 

[pantheory]

Do you hate yourself?

 

Although I've done a great deal of things I now regret, I also have done things that I can now be proud of. But pretty mush, I've always done my best and treated others with respect, even sometimes their "crazy" belief systems. I was raised that way by my mother, very religious but also a little bit skeptical. But no, I have never hated myself but have called myself and others stupid, mostly jokingly, for making obvious mistakes (both big and small) that could have been avoided based upon more deliberate thinking. No, hatred was never part of my protestant beliefs, twas more like an arrogance  "feeling-sorry-for-them" type of belief.