Just lost my faith- in a dark place

[FitForA_ghost]

Hey guys, I’m glad I found this community. After years of struggling, a few days ago I finally accepted that I’ve lost my Christian faith. I feel completely hopeless and borderline suicidal. I have two amazing little children and I know I cannot force them to live through my suicide, which honestly makes me feel even more hopeless because death isn’t a way out. I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to go on without Jesus. Since I was a child, he was everything to me. I know there are others who have gone through this, and I really need support right now. All my family and my husband are still Christians, and I have told no one for fear of losing my loved ones. Life is hard right now, I’m unemployed, and now I don’t have faith to lean on anymore. Please tell me, how did you get through this if you’ve been where I am? 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

First of all, welcome to our community.  You are among friends here.  Many of us have faced the disillusionment, fear, confusion, and bewilderment of those first few steps away from the christian religion.  We know what you are going through,  for many of us have gone through it before you.

 

Secondly, feel free to rely on us as much as you need.  We are here to help you in any way we possibly can.  This is your community now as much as ours; so rant when you need to rant, cry when you need to cry, and ask when you need to ask.  It's okay.  This is a safe place for your recovery; and we will neither judge nor dismiss your experience.  What you are going through is valid, as are the emotions it produces. 

 

Lastly, on a personal note, I hope you will speak to a professional about your suicidal thoughts.  After all you have been through, you owe it to yourself to get to a place where life is better, more fulfilling, and a place of serenity and contentment.  That will come, in time; but only if you stick around. 

[◊ Krowb ◊]

Welcome @FitForA_ghost,

 

I echo @TheRedneckProfessor's sentiment this is a safe place for you, among like-minded individuals.  First and foremost, you can survive this, secondly, see a professional about those thoughts.

 

Additionally, I'm sure you will find plenty of material written by our members here of people in your situation and working through these difficult thoughts and decisions.  It's not an easy road for most, but we are here as support and a living testament it can be done, but we are no substitute for qualified professional assistance with respect to suicidal ideation.

[TABA]

Hi @FitForA_ghost - welcome to our community!  You’ve come to the right place.  Many have had their lives changed for the better over the years, thanks to the support they’ve received here.  
 

I definitely want to join my friends in urging you to get professional help with any suicidal thoughts.  We are not professionals in the field.  That said, you will definitely receive love and support here!  
 

Another thing I want to stress is this: please do not be in any hurry to share your deconversion with loved ones who are believers.  Especially in the early stages of deconversion, while you are still somewhat traumatized and disoriented, it can do a lot more harm than good.  Please give it some time.  For now, just be glad you have found a welcoming home here, with people who have gone down a similar path and who have overcome the challenges and who now enjoy happier post-christian lives.  
 

1 hour ago, FitForA_ghost said:

I don’t know how to go on without Jesus. Since I was a child, he was everything to me.

You have always gone on without Jesus.  It was you that got you this far, along with loved ones who supported you.  Yes, the belief that there was a Heavenly Father watching over and guiding you surely helped at times.  But it was just that, a belief, a placebo effect in fact.  In time you will find other supports for living a good life, without supernatural beliefs.  We can certainly help with that.  
 

It may seem a bit hopeless right now, but plenty of people have not only survived the loss of their christian faith, they have not just survived but flourished.  It does take some time to reap the benefits, but they do come and you too can have a happy life without this religion.  I do encourage you to stay with us.  Read around, ask questions, pour your heart out.  We are here for you, as others were here for us when we were new to unbelief.  
 

Take a look at our Recommended Books section for a start.  There are a lot of good suggestions there and very likely some that are tailored to where you are right now.  They should all be available in Kindle format so you can read in privacy.  
 

Welcome again to your home after faith!  We are here for you.  
 

Best Wishes

”TABA”

[older]

Hi Fit, and welcome. The advice you've received above is good. Here is something that has helped me at times:

 

Start where you are.

Use what you have.

Do what you can.

— Arthur Ashe

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Welcome Fit!  And believe me, you are fit for more than a ghost.  You are a fit human being!!  You are an honest human being who is smart enough to figure out the truth.  And BRAVE.  It takes fortitude to question the concept of a revengeful god.  And it will carry you through this.

 

I wrestled with disbelief for years.  And hung on due to the whole extended family being believers, and because i was employed by an agency sponsored by the church which required church membership.  And like you I did not want to turn loose of Jesus.  So I didn't turn loose of him.  His teaching of loving neighor as self is valid for a healthy society.  But I did turn loose of believing he was divine and part of a godhead.  I went through years of anxiety, but eventually found a peace that is better than anything I ever had as a christian.  Remember, Jesus said the truth shall set you free, and it will for you!

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Thank you for your presence here. Our members have said it all and I just want to second their thoughts and comments. Healing lives here 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Fit, let us know how you are doing.  Are we being helpful?

[FitForA_ghost]

Hey all, thank you so much for the welcoming words! I’m sorry it took me so long to reply. I’m feeling a little better and have started writing my story of my faith and how I lost it. It has been very therapeutic to actually write down these things that, at one time, I wouldn’t have dared to even think. I will be posting it shortly in the testimonies area if anyone is interested. I come from a pretty out there, cultish background which I think is the cause of a lot of my issues. Thank you everyone once again. It helps so much having anyone to talk to about this stuff. 

[pantheory]

FitForA,

 

Welcome to X-Christian FitForA.  I had a longer posting but don't know what I did with it. Anyway many people here have suffered under the yoke of Christianity. I was one of the lucky ones that never suffered. I just left because of Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, Tower of Babel, Revelation, etc. -- totally contradicted by science. I found all of it very moronic so I left all religions but always have been empathetic.

 

Here you will find many others who have suffered and have terrible stories about religion like you have. Hope you like the people here and their sympathies and decide to stay around for awhile.

 

Cheers, pantheory