Guest Devil's Due Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I tell them the truth. "No thank you, I will not be having any of your Jesus today. I'm a Satanist. Wanna read some of my bible?" If this doesn't work, "Tell Me the Easter Story" is a fun game. It is played thus: "If every word in the bible is infalible and there are no contradictions, then tell me the Story of Easter using every part of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John with no omissions of any details. You may submit it in writing tomorrow if you need extra time." While the Easter stories are similar, the details are quite different regarding such things as who arrived at the tomb, who saw Jesus resurrected first, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSouthernHeretic Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 im not a very serious person. in a discussion/debate, i sometimes will just respond to an illogical, riduculous comment by making an equally, if not, even more retarded comment. i do it just to annoy christians. what i like to say: me: God speaks to me and tells me your beliefs are wrong. the Holy Spirit moves me to show you the light; to free you from this spiritual bondage. follow the writing of Paul no more!! xtian: that is not God speaking to you. that is Satan!! me: no, it is God. now youre going to hell forever. you just commited the unpardonable sin that Jesus spoke of in Matt 12:31!!! the Holy Spirit guides me and you say it is Satan!! blasphemy!!!! so... christians do a lot to annoy us, what do you guys do or say to annoy them? Haven't gotten to practice this one yet, but just *waiting* for someone to talk to me about "God." When they do (and they will, because I live in the Bible Belt), I will immediately say, "which God"? Then they will look at me like I have sprouted an extra head. Then I will launch into my little speech about how strange it for Christians to say they have a "relationship with God," but they don't even call him by his name. Are you talking about Jehovah, or Adonai, or Elohim, or someone altogether different? I will remind them that the word "God," of course, is not a proper name. That Christians have simply hijacked the word for their own exclusive use, like they are doing with so much else these days. "God" is is really just a word we use in English to describe the idea of a deity, a higher power, etc. I will tell them they are doing the same thing as if I, married to my husband and claiming a relationship with him, just called him "Guy," or "Male," or some other generic word (perhaps "Dude"?). Doing that would scream to the world that I was all mixer/no tequila. But that's exactly what you Christians are doing--claiming a relationship with someone you can't even call by their true name, (and further, who they can't even prove *exists*. With a pitying look, I will say, you're just not that into Him, are you. Have you ever thought that maybe He's just not that into you, either? Based on the Old Testament stories, He's awfully mean for all the talk of Him being so loving... and when they start talking about Jesus, I will rip them a new one about how Christians today have utterly failed at discipleship... especially if they are "card-carrying members" of the Christian Right. It's just too funny, when you really think about it! I will have to report back on it after getting a chance to try it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I haven't gotten a chance to do this yet, but I am waiting for the next JW to stop by my neighborhood. Them:" we would like to talk to you about the security offered by our lord jesus christ." Me: "Sure, I'd love to talk to you about that, but first I need to make sure you are a genuine disiple of jesus. I'm sure you understand, can you wait here for just a moment?" "Sure" I would then emerge with my bible and a bottle of bleach or other similar household poison. "Jesus tells me in Mark 16:17 that true xtians will be able to drink any poison and not die. Would any of you mind taking a swig of this so I can determine if you are false teachers or not?" I am DYING to see the look on their faces. I'm one of the few people who will wait around when I see JW canvasing the neighborhood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ped Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 hahaha ive gotta remeber all these. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I haven't gotten a chance to do this yet, but I am waiting for the next JW to stop by my neighborhood. Them:" we would like to talk to you about the security offered by our lord jesus christ." Me: "Sure, I'd love to talk to you about that, but first I need to make sure you are a genuine disiple of jesus. I'm sure you understand, can you wait here for just a moment?" "Sure" I would then emerge with my bible and a bottle of bleach or other similar household poison. "Jesus tells me in Mark 16:17 that true xtians will be able to drink any poison and not die. Would any of you mind taking a swig of this so I can determine if you are false teachers or not?" I am DYING to see the look on their faces. I'm one of the few people who will wait around when I see JW canvasing the neighborhood. that's fucking brilliant - I'm so stealing that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necrosmith Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Hmm..annoy Christians? I usually do something simple like tell them I have homosexual friends or that I detest President Bush and everything he stands for. That usually pisses em off pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHEMtron Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 I haven't gotten a chance to do this yet, but I am waiting for the next JW to stop by my neighborhood. Them:" we would like to talk to you about the security offered by our lord jesus christ." Me: "Sure, I'd love to talk to you about that, but first I need to make sure you are a genuine disiple of jesus. I'm sure you understand, can you wait here for just a moment?" "Sure" I would then emerge with my bible and a bottle of bleach or other similar household poison. "Jesus tells me in Mark 16:17 that true xtians will be able to drink any poison and not die. Would any of you mind taking a swig of this so I can determine if you are false teachers or not?" I am DYING to see the look on their faces. I'm one of the few people who will wait around when I see JW canvasing the neighborhood. doode... that's hilllllarious. im gonna steal that one too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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