Ms. K Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Zoe, that's EXACTLY what I mean with the whole "Nice Guy" thing. I had more than one "Nice Guy" whine that he couldn't get a "nice girl", that they all wanted to date assholes who would treat them like shit, so he was "settling" for dating me. Umm, I'm not entirely unattractive. I'm just not a swimsuit model, or a supermodel, or whatever model he's looking for. I'm not tall, I'm not thin to the point of near emaciation, I'm not blonde, and I'm not a 44DD. I'm short, I'm curvy, I have auburn hair, and a moderately sized bustline. So, what grates on me? The "Nice Guys" were sometimes getting dangerously close to looking like bridge trolls. Bad skin that they didn't take care of, nasty unwashed hair, or a bad haircut, unkempt nails (and I did used to look at nails, if he can't take care of basic things like trimming his own nails, then what else can't he be bothered to clean, eww), if he smells BAD (think BO), and that sort of thing. Either one or all of those combined....but I'm not good enough for him, no, no, he's entitled to a supermodel. Look, physical attraction is not exactly unimportant. It's actually more important than a lot of us would like to let on. But you know, I can handle "not perfect", I just can't handle, "I haven't had a shower since Labor Day of last year, but I want a supermodel." Eww. That's not nice. It's not. If you're just not attracted to someone, you're just not attracted to them. No big deal, happens all the time, move on. But whining that someone is not attracted to you because you're a "Nice Guy", when refusing to look beyond the fact that you could use a shower, or you need to trim your nails, or wash your hair, or maybe not wear that ratty, disgusting light green and faded Marvin the Martian shirt to take a woman out on a date? You're just being an asshat at that point, IMHO. I don't do asshattery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms. K Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Ain't that the truth, Zoe! I mean, it's just killing these troglodytes that there are smart, educated, self-sufficient women who can *gasp* take care of themselves, and don't NEED a man! Oh well, I'd rather be with a man who expects me to pull my own weight, than a man who thinks I need to be taken care of. I'm not a fucking poodle, who needs to be pampered every minute of the day, and can't live without someone taking CARE of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 I must do my happy dance......Zoe liked the site I posted. I have that book by Gavin DeBecker. I've even reccomended it to folks here and there. That single paragraph changed my dating life. Nice is not an adjective. It is a verb. People are nice for a reason, and with "nice" guys, that reason is not as hidden as they seem to think it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedah Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Back in high school I didnt get much in terms of relationships, but not because I was pretending to be a nice guy - I wasnt really trying to get any. I sort of became a fence sitter to the whole relationship ordeal because back then I saw teenage relationships as silly and pointless. I regret this outlook now ( to some degree ), but thats not the point. One thing I learned by being a fence sitter is that the "Nice guy" complex also has a spin off version to it known as "Nice girls". These are girls who act ( Key word act as opposed to actually are ) nice all the time, dress nice all the time, and wear the most expensive makeup all the time, all the while making sure to only say and do things people around them consider "nice". Of course, these girls arent actually nearly as nice as they act on the outside and pretty much everyone can tell. Then these girls wonder why guys only go after them for sex. Well duh. If you dont show any real personality, the only reason they have to go for you is sex. Then there are the nice guys. The thing I love about "Nice guys" in comparison to "Nice girls" is the amazing Irony. Nice guys want sex, but the girls they go for end up wanting to be friends with them. Nice girls want a guy friend who loves them for them but the guys that go for them are really only doing what they want to get sex. See the pattern ? In the end "Nice guys" and "Nice girls" become attracted to each other but want differant things because neither party is being honest about who they are and/or what they want. Thus is born the "Fake relationship" ( Referred to by Nice girls as "OMG ALL guys are such horny jerks !" and referred to by Nice guys as "Intellectual whoredom" ) which is followed by the "Angsty Live journal". "Nice guys" and "Nice girls" deserve each others mutually dishonest company. They earned it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedah Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Roflcopter I just noticed something hilarious: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/nic...s/genetic.shtml Read the last word in the last one. It wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicoleeann Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 here are two kinds of "nice guys" i have encountered and dislike 1. The old-fashioned nice guy: this one will do all of the opening every door paying for every meal, "taking care" of the girl. While most girls don't mind having some of these things done to them, women nowadays don't want to be treated differently, even if it means giving up a free meal or two. And we don't like it when our fathers our all extra-protective of us when boys come over in the name of "protecting" us. This is teaching us that we are weak. 2. The sitcom nice guy: this is the men you will see in alot of sitcoms where they always get bossed around and treated poorly by their significant others. I hate seeing this on Tv or when my own father acts like this. Come on, you don't have to take that! well thats all for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DucorpsToo Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 The following site is somewhat of a twist to the topic being discussed on this thread and is written from a male's point of view. Quite amusing; however it appears that the author may have been "burned" a few times in his past although he vehemently denies this. Just read each frame in order to get "the big picture". http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html Happy reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Friendly Misanthrope Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 From this page: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/nic...y-dilemma.shtml This is a letter from a "nice guy", the woman's responses are in brackets. Click the above link for the full letter/responses. /el snipo/ And when I refer to "nice guys," I'm referring to guys who basically have their shit together. They're smart, they study a lot and work hard, and they try to be generally nice to everybody. They're friendly, polite, and they like their mothers. [i notice that physical beauty has nothing to do with a NICE GUY, so tell me, if you aren't interested in a less-than-immediately attractive girl, why should any beautiful woman want to be with a troglodyte such as yourself, using your standards?] Well, at least I've graduated from being a clueless, complaining Nice guy™ to be being a guy who understands his lot in life. I am just plain ol' fugly. I know most girls wouldn't want to be with something that looks like me, so I extend them the favor of staying out of their visual field as much as is possible. However, instead of occupying my mind with getting some ass, I have instead found solace in the persuit of knowledge via science and mathematics (PhD or bust!). So until they find the cure for ugly (I'm hoping it'll be sometime in like the next twenty years or so) I have given up even trying, much to the delight and rejoicing of all of the female humans in the world. Who knows, maybe one day I'll find a nerd that is just un-ugly enough for me for to overlook her looks (and she can overlook my looks as well) because of the pleasure our shared company provides. Then we could make little nerdlings together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dhampir Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Ugh. Anyway, the 'Nice Guy' is the guy who finds no problem with, or perhaps has problems with not doing anything and everything that pertains to the female who is the object of his interest. This is not to be confused with the 'Shy Guy' who is simply introverted, or intimidated by women, nor is it to be confused with 'The Asshole Who Acts Nice Just to Get Laid'. Anyone who equates either of the latter with the former is wrong. It has nothing to do with the fact that they want to get into your pants, because every straight man that is capable of being attracted to you wants to get into your pants. That is not why you (You being the ones that have the problem) don't want them. We all want to do you whether or not that is the conscious thought on our minds. Nice guys are shunned because of a percieved lack of effort taken to make the girl want them, this at least has been what I've read and to some extent my experience in retrospect as well as friends and acquaintances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjacksonRIAB Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Right now I'm going through a change of attitude. I'm learning how to interact with women better, and I thought I was a nice guy, but I have my boundaries too. I want to keep working on that. Mostly I was afraid that I wouldn't be treated right and admittedly I have trust issues because I haven't been treated well by the women I respected. I'll get over it. I can't say whether women gravitate towards jerks. Maybe a part of the typical guy wants to compete with the other guy for her attention so he's gonna try to pick him apart and ignore obvious warning signals from her. Maybe he is an asshole, maybe she is -maybe they both are. You don't know that kind of shit unless you're involved in it personally and that's the task -you're on the ouside looking in. You don't know what either of them said before, what the argument was predicated upon, or even the context. You know nothing, except as a hetero guy that you are interested in her, not him. Maybe, just maybe you'll find that you won't yourself so "nice" when you have the same situation glaring at you. At the very best the "nice guy" is being one-sided. No one can say what women want. Cut the bullshit. Be yourself, not some actor, and then you might not waste so much time finding someone who is compatible with you because of what some pretentious rulebook told you. Oh, and stop transferring memes around, Mr/Ms/Mrs Dating guide asshole. We already have too many behavioral protocols - we don't need another one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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