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Creative Metaphors For Christianity


Llwellyn
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One way to deal with Christianity is to figure out what it is like -- to create some creative metaphors that would help make sense of Christianity and Christians. I have developed a few of them, please tell me what you think about them, and share your own. Christianity is like a...

 

Word parasite. The words "Divine Wrath" "Atonement," "Jesus," and "Justification by Faith" are simply words that have no referent in the real world. They parasitically clog up a person's analytical and cognitive faculties because they themselves assert that it is needful of the host to keep them. Spreading tracts on park benches is like sneezing in a person's face. :scratch:

 

Chain Letter. Yahweh destroys people who don't believe the letter, and don't pass it on. So, send it to ten of your friends. Although there is no evidence for evil bogey who threatens your welfare, it just might be true, so you're better off following the instructions and pretending to understand and believe. This metaphore, of course is similar to "Word Parasite," and goes along with what people say about the Christian "Meme." The uncanny thing, is that there are passages from Paul's epistles (letters passed amongst the early infected) that are structurally very similar to what you read in a chain letter. :Hmm:

 

Mental Chewing Gum. Some people like to ruminate over words such as "atonement," "Jesus," and "Justification by faith," just like some people like to chew bubble gum. But this doesn't mean that people who don't want to chew gum are wrong. And we see that some people are harmed by the thoughts of divine vengeance when it sticks to their teeth and hair. :vent:

 

Chinese Finger Trap. It may be fun and amusing when you first "Accept Jesus," but after a while, amusement with Jesus turns into anxiety about "hell." It's fun for a while, but then the fun turns into annoyance, then to regret, grief and panic. Littering the landscape with tracts and Bibles is like giving formidable chinese finger traps to little children. :woohoo:

 

OK, so whadya think? Have you heard these before? Like them? Try to give a go at it!

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...like declaring spiritual bankruptcy.

 

Except, by the time you read up to Chapter 11, you realize that you're still on the hook for the whole debt and will have to pay till your last breath with ass-kissing and self-flagellation.

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Psychological Sabotage - See Loren for proper definition.

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Christianity is like a hagfish.
They tie themselves in knots to scrape the slime off of their bodies.
Poetically fitting, no? :scratch:
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It's like taking a hit of acid, except you only get high for 15 minutes then spend the next 2 days in hellish introspection. Repeat until dead.

 

Or it's like a bullet in the head.

 

I can't decide which one is more appropriate. :shrug:

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One way to deal with Christianity is to figure out what it is like -- to create some creative metaphors that would help make sense of Christianity and Christians. I have developed a few of them, please tell me what you think about them, and share your own. Christianity is like a...

 

Word parasite. The words "Divine Wrath" "Atonement," "Jesus," and "Justification by Faith" are simply words that have no referent in the real world. They parasitically clog up a person's analytical and cognitive faculties because they themselves assert that it is needful of the host to keep them. Spreading tracts on park benches is like sneezing in a person's face. :scratch:

 

Chain Letter. Yahweh destroys people who don't believe the letter, and don't pass it on. So, send it to ten of your friends. Although there is no evidence for evil bogey who threatens your welfare, it just might be true, so you're better off following the instructions and pretending to understand and believe. This metaphore, of course is similar to "Word Parasite," and goes along with what people say about the Christian "Meme." The uncanny thing, is that there are passages from Paul's epistles (letters passed amongst the early infected) that are structurally very similar to what you read in a chain letter. :Hmm:

 

Mental Chewing Gum. Some people like to ruminate over words such as "atonement," "Jesus," and "Justification by faith," just like some people like to chew bubble gum. But this doesn't mean that people who don't want to chew gum are wrong. And we see that some people are harmed by the thoughts of divine vengeance when it sticks to their teeth and hair. :vent:

 

Chinese Finger Trap. It may be fun and amusing when you first "Accept Jesus," but after a while, amusement with Jesus turns into anxiety about "hell." It's fun for a while, but then the fun turns into annoyance, then to regret, grief and panic. Littering the landscape with tracts and Bibles is like giving formidable chinese finger traps to little children. :woohoo:

 

OK, so whadya think? Have you heard these before? Like them? Try to give a go at it!

 

 

Its like the fucking carrot dangling in front of the fucking horse. Hard work and effort and seeing nothing in return! or is that fucking faith?

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Christianity is like a pie that your mom made for you, and all morning you've watched it on the window sill, and you've smelled it's peculiar yet delicious scent wafting through the house on the dry autumn wind. The Pie affects your behavior at school that day, you don't hear your teacher's or friend's words because all you can think about is that luscious pie, the molecules of which are even now being scattered on the breeze, perhaps through the neighbors' window, and they are savoring it, close to it, but you are not.

 

So you daydream about what it would be like if you were there with that pie, surrounded by it's miasmic cloud of ecstacy, forever poised at the brink, saliva beads gleaming, of burying your face in it's sticky warm sweetness and inhaling it's gelatinous entrails directly through your nose into your cerebral cortex. You daydream, you ignore the world, and you wait for that bell to ring so you can go dig into that pie.

 

When you arrive at the house you've been drooling for miles, swearing you could smell that pie the minute the bus pulled out of the school parking lot. You regaled your friends with tales of the pie as the bus sputtered along, with you oblivious of your words and your friends and the bus and your mouth, wet with drool, which just goes on and on, incoherently and automatically ,about the pie that awaits you. Maybe you think for a moment, with satisfaction, that the other kids don't have a pie waiting for them, but that thought is quickly mired in a sticky trap of pie-filling, and your brain eats it with gusto in an effort to blot out all but the pie.

 

So you wheel yourself off the busramp and into your house, pushing the books off your lap and' moving like a slick shard of glass through the pink eye of a wounded squirrel, your olfactory takes over and compels you to roll toward the kitchen, where the plastic face of your foster mother with her huge gilded beehive and her many topaz and platinum rings greets you with a grin that cracks her skin and makes it bleed something black.

 

She wheels you into the gaudily decorated dining room, with ghastly yet regal pictures of cadaverous relatives you've never met, each of their eyes smiling with far too much exuberance as your mother's robotic arms hoist you from the wheelchair and into the hard oak chair. You can barely even see now, you are so ravenous, and your salivary glands are so overloaded that your drool is escaping as copious tears, obscuring your view of the slice of pie before you, steaming and sagging into the plate, a rivulet of something red winding it's way toward the rim.

 

You can hardly believe your hazy and sticky eyes! The pie is finally yours! You nearly fall from your seat as you lean forward in the chair without the benefit of legs for balance, but your right arm braces your body on the table as your left hand greedily scoops up the steaming, viscous pie-mass. It burns your hand, but you don't care, for it is THE PIE and you nearly choke as your hand bludgeons the pie into every orifice of your face with the zeal of a rapist.

 

Gagging and blinking pink pie filling from your gluey eyes your push yourself back from the table' clutching your throat, and cough with all your might, dry heaving blood and lung tissue into your hand like you were painting a snowcone with cherry goodness, until, into your hand, you cough up a toe.

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Shiva:

 

That is the singlemost lengthily disgusting comparison I've ever read. It is so belaboured and odious, I henceforth dub it "an artistic merit".

 

^_^

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but your right arm braces your body on the table as your left hand greedily scoops up the steaming, viscous pie-mass.
Would this be the part where the right hand shouldn't know what the left hand is doing? :scratch:
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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Shiva:

 

That is the singlemost lengthily disgusting comparison I've ever read. It is so belaboured and odious, I henceforth dub it "an artistic merit".

 

^_^

 

 

For you, ED, I will paraphrase....

 

Christianity is like being fed a pie, by your mother, made out of your own greasy porcine manflesh. Does that help?

 

but your right arm braces your body on the table as your left hand greedily scoops up the steaming, viscous pie-mass.
Would this be the part where the right hand shouldn't know what the left hand is doing? :scratch:

 

 

I don't wanna know what any limb in that household is doing.

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fucking faith?

 

Oh come on, fucking faith can be fun, if she's a blonde.

 

Chrsitianity is like a happy meal, with a much hyped toy surprise, that you can't get until your dead.

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fucking faith?

 

Oh come on, fucking faith can be fun, if she's a blonde.

 

Chrsitianity is like a happy meal, with a much hyped toy surprise, that you can't get until your dead.

 

 

Your right! Fucking that blond faith will be much more fun than fucking religious faith where you don't even get a good fucking orgasm!

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Not about Christianity itself but a related subject. I was telling a coworker about how some ex-Christians plead that they can no longer stand the religion but can't seem to let go of Christian pop music. I told him it was like saying, "I know I'm out of prison and I'm never going back, I just can't seem to stop getting ass-raped in the shower."

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Christianity is like a box of chocolates. If you put in under the light of logic and reason, it melts, just like chocolate melts when you put it under the sun.

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It's like going on a game show and winning a million dollars. You go to the bank, all excited, to cash the check and they give it to you.......in Monopoly money. :HaHa:

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christianity is like ...putting your hand up to ask if you can go to the toilet ...then being whacked over the head for it....until you piss all over yourself.

 

P.s......

 

chrisitianity is like................ living in the land of the metaphor.

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Christianity is like a festering cancer.

 

It spreads quickly, causes nothing but suffering, and there's no real cure (besides prevention) for it. Yet.

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Christianity is like ebola, it has many subgroups and some of them are lethal. It infects through contact with mindless primates (evangelists) or infected material and replicates itself in your mind endlessly turning it into a big sloppy soup of guilt and worry. Fatality rate is 80%+ and during terminal phase critical thinking progressively desintegrate, spewing nonsense and propaganda from every channel of your body until you finaly expire from total mental failure in your own cesspool of apologetics.

 

However prevention and vaccination can prevent infections and survivors are usually immuned for life to the strain of christianity.

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I liken xtianity to a beautiful flower - a venus fly trap.

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Christianity is like being a puppy on on a string pulled in this direction that direction, your whole life controlled by a master and the ongly thing you think exists is your dog pen and street you shit on.

 

 

Christianity is like cows in a fence they look over the fence wondering what the rest of the worlds like but they don't know they could jump out and find out.

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Christianity( like all the other religions) is like a small bag of sand sized golden nuggets that's been totally owned by a crazed elephant who after centuries has had it's butt plug finally removed and unloaded a torrent of putrifying shit that would dissolve a Mack truck in seconds.

 

Sift through the shit long enough and you will find those precious little nuggets of pure truth.

 

knowmad.

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Christianity is like Baker’s Chocolate

 

It sure looks tempting in the cupboard. :wicked: It has a nice colorful wrapper. :wicked: It looks just like a huge Hershey Bar. :wicked: But take one small bite and you are in for a very disappointing and disgusting surprise! :lmao:

 

You've Been Had!!! :ugh:

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Christianity is...

 

"... a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." --Nietzsche, according to Matt Groening

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