Recently if you’ve read my blog, you’d find a testimony about my leaving Christianity relatively recently (within the past month). Though it took over four years, Christianity became fake to me like waking up on a movie stage where there are backdrops, storylines, props and stuntmen.
I look back and ask myself, why did it take so long for you to realize how fake it all was? Honestly, I craved – and still crave – the fellowship the church offered. People who were like my second family, supportive, concerned, compassionate, etc.
Leaving the church is like leaving a drug. You leave, you think you’re done, it’s over. But then as time goes on you get drawn back in, like someone who’s addicted to something having a craving. So where did I go once I left the church?
Even as I was in the church, I held other religious beliefs. Even while attending church, I was Wiccan, Taoist, Buddhist, a Spiritual Satanist, an Agnostic Atheist, someone who was studying and practicing Islam, I studied and practiced (some of) Judaism, I was a Born Again Christian for a while, and last but not least I was an Odinist too.
The other belief systems dropped off like a withering branch. Though I never forgot the core teachings of each religion and learned a lot, the belief in Yahweh, Allah, the Goddess, the Kabbalah (I studied that too) and Jesus Christ just did not stick. But my belief in Odin and the Gods of the ancient Norse civilizations (my ancestors) did stick. Though I don’t believe in the bible or Christianity anymore, I can still say 100% that I believe in Odin and Thor. I won’t get into details on what Odinism is and isn’t for you, I’ll just tell you to go Google it.
Reading through this forum I find many “I left ____ and became an Atheist” threads. What about “I left ____ and became an Odinist”? Well, I’m starting one now.
It’s been five years since I first started having serious doubts about Christianity and then decided then and there (back then) that the goddess was more real and to become Pagan. Then I found Wicca and the long story begins. Honestly I don’t really believe in a goddess figure, I don’t deal with any goddesses in my religious practice – and yes, I am very aware there are goddesses in the Norse pantheon. I am agnostic in regards to goddesses – I accept the possibility that they may exist but since I don’t deal with any and likewise haven’t felt Her presence in a real long time, I don’t believe in any at all.
Recently I professed – between me and the gods. Profession basically means to take an oath. So right now it’s not about not wanting to go back to the church – the “itch” is coming back and it’s getting bad – it’s about breaking my oath to the gods. So I ask myself – would Odin really care you broke your oath? Wouldn’t he rather see you happy in your life, than lonely and leery to break the oath?
So what finally did it in? What finally broke my faith to Christianity? I lost my job. Losing my job was one of the hardest things that’s happened to me in many years. I struggled with depression, loss of motivation, loss of my appetite, and a grief that for a while felt more like someone had died than me just losing my job I held for over 7 years. Then I became angry – people had prayed for me. Heck, I had even prayed for my job back. But I didn’t get any answer. And my job, before they terminated my position, did not call. I still had faith up until the very end – I “prophesied” that I would get my job back within 7-10 days. It did not happen.