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4 Months After The Bomb Was Dropped On My Wife


roadrunner

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Ive been really open with everything about my journey but I rarely emphasize the internal struggle aspect of the situation. Not with belief (of course not) but with problem of how to proceed from here. Ive never been so torn about anything. Having to admit to my family is going to be devastating. Im not so much worried about my immediate family. My sister is mindlessly trying to persuade me on basis of her experiences. My mom is devout but very soft spoken and my dad is an atheist. He fits just about all the criteria we were taught in church but he never drank and he didnt abuse us. Im worried about the in-laws. My christlike character is what my father in-law (who i respect so much) saw in me that made him comfortable when I asked for his daughter's hand in marriage. Hes very religious (he's calmed down a little since he's gotten older) but still very studious in the "word". I dont wish this predicament on anyone. Having to go through it alone is probably the toughest part. Even though I have some friends who are close I dont know that I want to share it with them yet. I certainly dont want to go public (yet). I am constructing a facebook post just in case i get stuck in the house while its burning down and I need to be remembered for something.

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My heart goes out to you and your wife, RR. I know the truth isn't always easy to hear or live. Remember, though, you're still the same person your FIL saw. As time goes on, they'll figure out you're still you. (HUGS)

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I also feel for you, RR.

 

My wife still seems to like having me around, and hasn't shown any signs of any change in our relationship, other than not asking me to pray over meals and such. This has been very surprising to me, in a good way. Yet, I still wonder what's going on in her head. Is she questioning her beliefs? Does she have any curiosity about what led to my loss of faith? Is she reading e-books to try to reaffirm her faith or find how to counter my atheism? Is she just pretending that our relationship hasn't changed, but she's actually really upset about it? Okay, so I'm pretty sure that last one isn't true, since that would be an award-winning performance if that were the case. But I still wonder if she's thinking the things that other former believers' spouses seem to think a lot of the time.

 

I know that my in-laws have barely spoken a word to me since I stopped going to church. I don't know if my wife has told them why I stopped going or if she hasn't. I do know that the limited encounters with them have been awkward, but I don't know if I'm just reading too much into the situations or not. My own family doesn't care if I'm Christian, Hindu, or Pastafarian, so at least I don't have that to worry about. I don't really have any friends in real life that aren't also devout Christians, so I'm probably not going to tell most of them what I now think of Christianity.

 

Yeah, I feel for you, alright.

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Hey, just tell the in laws that you are exactly the same person, nothing has changed except a belief system. If they have serious issues, then so be it. they will either finally accept it or not. Que sera sera.

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After my post, we agreed the other night not to tell her parents. However, we wont keep it from them should they find out or ask. They are pretty invasive and this would just put them further into our business especially with the kids.

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