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Thrown Under The Bus


roadrunner

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So you know my mom wife sister, father in law and brother and a few friends know I don't believe anymore. Otherwise I'm relatively quiet about nonbelief. About a month ago during a small family cookout my wife said "Can we go ahead and bless the food" and looked at me. I said grace and after everybody left I told her how insulting I thought that was for her to bring me back in their invisible friend game. She claims that she was just hungry and lord knows you can't eat until the food is blessed. So that was strike one. Strike two was during a family gathering where I kept rolling my eyes at her as family made religious comments. She whispers "I'm going to bring IT up" to threaten me. She does this because she is too ignorant of scripture and religion to even respond to anything and some family is better versed in scripture so she wants to Summon the help of someone who has answers. I quit with the jokes and made a mental note of the event. Strike 3 was thanksgiving dinner when her dad showed a Christian movie (still in dvd case) to her and in front of everyone she slides it over to me and says "You need to watch this" so I chuckled and under my breath I wanted to punch her lights out. So about 5minutes later black Friday comes up and she asked me (again in from of everyone) if I plan on doorbusting and black Friday shopping at Lifeway Christian Stores. Someone then asked if I shop at lifeway. I said "no and my wife doesn't either so I don't know why she even said that. I'm surprised she even knows what the store is considering that she's never been. " her rebuttal was something like she did go about a year ago on an occasion but it did put a little bit of egg back on her face. I'm not one to air dirty laundry but I was saddened. We all got a good laugh but I couldn't help but feel a little betrayed. I didn't speak to her for the remainder of the visit and in the car brought up how this is four times that she has done that . Of course there was denial over any of it and that if anything came across that way it was unintentional. Then the tears came and pity party over how difficult it is for her. Blah blah blah. The next morning she apologized (which I took as a an admission of guilt) so we made up and things have been fine since. I'll give further stories later on. Whew!

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Sorry to read about this. It must be very difficult to have a believer as a spouse. She is using emotional manipulation in a pathetic attempt to control you. If her apology was genuine, there won't be more incidents of this type. If there are, I would call her out for being insincere, at the very least.

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That sucks so bad. Are you actually okay with your wife treating you like a recalcitrant two-year-old and manipulating you that way? It'd be really hard for me to contain my fury if my own spouse did that. I don't know what to think about her apology; as Deva's said, you'll know if it's genuine if she stops. But four attempts to strong-arm you in a row speaks to a fairly deeply-entrenched behavioral pattern. Good luck with her. That's just awful to hear about. Hope it gets better.

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First of all, you shouldn't have said grace. You should just come out in the open, make it clear you don't believe, and you won't be coming back around. Secondly, the actions of your wife display a fundamental lack of respect, which is, obviously not really surprising for "Christians". In my own marriage things went quickly for bad to worse, and never got any better. I have beenn divorced for nearly 20 years, and these and similar conflicts have brought a good deal more misery into my life than anyone deserves. It's probably going to be tough. Discussions on this website are a very good way to gain insight and receive commiseration when things goo wrong in your life. It ain't easy bro!

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I agree with MWLarry, you shouldn't feel like you need to keep the peace. SHE and her family are the ones that will make a big whoopity about it all and frankly, that is their own fault and no concern of yours. It is very snarky on your wife's part to purposely pick at you and push buttons then turn around and play the wounded woman after she instigated your hostility.

 

THAT is game playing, and you should make it clear it is not allowed in your relationship. Bringing your relationship difficulties over beliefs to the forefront of any public event is downright cruel and abusive, and she damn well knows it. Next time she cries about how hard it is, remind her how hard it is to trust someone with your love and respect when they throw you under the bus at family events instead of trying to be a family and have a good time. Ask her to dry YOUR tears.

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Sorry to hear that it's going this way, bro. It's obviously very difficult for her, and she did apologize... I've been surprised by the digs that my FIL makes sometimes. They live in a totally different reality.

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Guys and gals you are right that I shouldn't have said grace but since there were other people there from her family that I don't want to let know yet I said it. Also I didn't feel it was the time or place to yell fire in a crowded theatre. I know I know. But I want to let the right people in on me first so they don't have to her it through the grapevine. It was mostly her family and the funny thing was that the grace I said was barely a step above good is great god is good....so when I finished breezing through a mindless sentence or two, they all slowly lifted their heads and looked at me like 'that's it?' you could have heard a pin drop. I really think she was genuine with her apology. I'm not naïve I know my wife she knows that she goofed.

 

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