Apathy And Frustration..a Post Holiday Cocktail

[PiracyOfTheHead]

Nothing has been working out lately.

 

No matter how hard I try or how much time I spend at it.

 

Its absolutely ridiculous.....Im at the 'Learned Helplessness' stage again...nothing is working out to be of any lasting value, no big change, it seems so futile.

 

Its become overwhelming......I am not brilliant, I am a pauper, I have nobody in my family of any great worth, they have all left me to hang in the breeze....what...am I going to win the damned Lotto???

 

Sick people, injured people cant work their way to riches from the ground up....It doesnt happen that way.

 

I dont seem to have a fighting chance...this is bullshit....and I am not supposed to blame anybody??? Excuse me...you take away my mind for 11 years, tell me not to go to doctors and physicians and now I am at the bottom of an abyss with no way out, youre sure as fuck to blame...if the Xtians that come on this site want to vindicate their all powerful god so much why dont they repay me all my bloody tithes and offerings...why dont they ban together to show their gods might and charity...its all empty words when you talk about how powerful and how gracious he is in front of a dying man and his dying wife...what a joke.

 

Anyways...this is rather depressing,I dont need to divulge all the private info, lets just say some personal happenings lately have once again knocked all my well laid plans to the ground...and its pissing me off, but the apathy is growing, its starting to all make sense....I barely feel like trying any longer....for what??? I sure hope this feling passes, cuz its pretty powerful and this is the last thing we need right now...but I feel like cashing in the chips, I have to be honest...you can only fight everything so long, its so damned tiring, I need a vacation, you have to receive strength you cant just expend it 24/7, it has to come back somehow, i've been running on fumes for so long, just waiting for a break but it never comes.....maybe apathy is a gift,I will just accept the way things are and the end will come.

 

I dont know....maybe I will feel better in the morning??

 

Thats hasnt happened in years but maybe tomorrow??

 

Who the hell knows

[Spiderwire]

Well!!! Welcome to life! Welcome to the fucking meat grinder. That's probably not what you wanted to hear, but there it is.

 

So... are you gonna quit? If you are, then make it happen. Get it over with. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

 

I'm thinking you're not at that stage. So this begs the question: WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF? Are you going to keep trying or not? If not, see the last statement. Get it over with. Get it done. But if you're willing to keep trying, then try with all of your might. I think you can make it. Hell, maybe that's just me, but isn't it worth it to try? To exhaust every effort in attempting to make it? I gotta say that, yes, it is. Look back on your past. Has everything been wine and roses? If it has, then I can well understand why you're feeling like you are. But if it hasn't... then you know that good days follow bad days. Bad days happen even when you're trying your hardest. So today sucks. I know that feeling!!! I promise you that I do! But there's tomorrow... and it could be damn good. In fact, I can tell you that if you hold out long enough, tomorrow IS good. It doesn't seem like it sometimes, but, I'll be damned if it isn't.

 

Hang in there. Do what you gotta do. Stick with it. Tomorrow is a new day. If you're ready to cash in your chips, then get it done. But if there is the slightest bit of doubt about that and there is the inkling that it might get better... well, then I'd have to say that you need to hang in there. It's worth a shot, isn't it? Of course it is!

 

Don't throw in the towel just yet. You don't know what's around the bend.

 

Best of luck to you.

[PaulQ]

There's something to be said about cashing in your chips and starting over. I've done it once, and am doing it again. The last time, I came out ahead. This time, I expect the same. Of course, I won the last time I cashed them in and started over, so that gives me a little more cushion this time. Nevertheless, I say, take the chance. Why not? You only live once; what's the worst that can happen? Nobody who has made it big got there by not taking chances. I'm not talking about lottery chances; I'm talking about calculated chances. Invest in yourself before you lay it all down on a horse in a horse race.

 

At the end of the day, you have to look within yourself. The answer is in there. You won't find it by praying, nor will you find it on an internet message board such as this. I recommend a long walk. Smoke some tobacco if you feel like it during your walk, or consume a little alcohol. Perhaps both if you feel like it. Sometimes we need a little bit of a chemical kickstart to get our juices flowing. Just don't come to rely on it. Think of it as a jumpstart; you will need to break free once you discover what it is you need to do and run from your own steam. It's easier than you think. You just need to get your head in the right place in your life.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

OHHHHH....People that dont know my situation...IM not going to kill myself....the chips get cashed in when I succumb to the illnesses and pain I already have.

 

 

 

Maybe you will want to edit your posts before I read the whole things...cuz thats not whats goin on here, Im not talking about suicide. Its not necessary.....Ive thought about it before, never been able to bring myself to it, its not gonna happen...

 

so Im not like this weak person, you got it wrong......I dont have to do anything for the chips to get cashed, they will get cashed if things dont turn around.

 

Plus, I dont think you understand apathy, the taunting and the ultimatims dont have much effect on an apathetic person...I know you probably meant well but I honestly stopped reading both the above posts when I realized both people thought I was talking about committing suicide.....

 

I cant believe I am going to have to Repost a rant....it has nothing to do with suicide..it is all about how I want to stop feelign apathetic and get through the frustration that I am feeling....hopefully I wont have to repost...hopefully explaining it right here will do whats necessary.

[Spiderwire]

I'm leaving a marriage of 21 years, dude. I know full well everything there is to know of apathy.

 

You reached out. I merely responded.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

Look back on your past. Has everything been wine and roses? If it has, then I can well understand why you're feeling like you are. But if it hasn't... then you know that good days follow bad days.

 

lol...Spider...you need to spend some time looking through my posts, start with the earliest ones....they will give you a pretty good glimpse into my life

 

wine and roses??

 

MUHUHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Its not a suicide threat.

 

Im not looking for an easy life, Im looking for a life that makes sense and has a little bit of rhyme and reason...... my rant is about how things are getting so confusing and nothing is making sense...and no matter how hard one tries, if they are deep down in a certain amount of problems they cant get out on their own...

 

Thats all the post is;

 

Feeling apathy because nothing is working out.....talking about years here, but the past couple months are upsetting because of the deconversion.

 

Frustration because this isnt dreambook land where all my good intentions float together into a granted wish, I need some breaks for all the hard work and some people in my life to step up, I need help with substance, not just advice and everybody is backing out....not one single person is around anymore because they dont want to make any sacrifices and they feel guilty because they know they are living a pretty damned good life and are all comfortable.

 

I feel some anger at the people in my life who give advice but dont chip in....

 

I think its all that Xtian fundy stuff stuck in their head......faith without works. When somebody needs to buy medicine for their pain, they dont need advice, they need a loan or god forbid, a gift.....im frustrated with my family and some people that called themselves friends who go on and on about how to "manifest" in my life...its just a big fat word for saying "Im not gonna help you, you just dream a little dream and it will all come true....heres how!!!", its a load of crap, just tell me you dont want to or cant help, dont put this fairy tale crap in my lap and make me feel even worse when it doesnt "manifest".....

 

Bottom line, people used to help people, thats how they got out of their mess. They didnt give them bullshit recipes for getting whatever they want out of the universe thereby absolving themselves of any human responsibility and placing all the blame on the person who cant "manifest"....its a cop out.

 

Im just frustrated and I dont see what to do.....I dont know which step to take next and I am trying to vent

[Spiderwire]

Look back on your past. Has everything been wine and roses? If it has, then I can well understand why you're feeling like you are. But if it hasn't... then you know that good days follow bad days.

 

lol...Spider...you need to spend some time looking through my posts, start with the earliest ones....they will give you a pretty good glimpse into my life

 

wine and roses??

 

MUHUHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Well, I guess it didn't take it as such. I only offered encouragement. So, fuck off. If you're going to mock someone who is trying to encourage you, then I give less than a shit. I know nothing of you and you know nothing of me. I was trying to encourage you. If that's laughable to you, then fuck off. Maybe you shouldn't expose yourself if you don't want people to feel with you.

[florduh]

"...but I feel like cashing in the chips, I have to be honest...you can only fight everything so long, its so damned tiring, I need a vacation, you have to receive strength you cant just expend it 24/7, it has to come back somehow, i've been running on fumes for so long, just waiting for a break but it never comes.....maybe apathy is a gift,I will just accept the way things are and the end will come."

 

Maybe this wording misled some of us. Most of us do know the story of you and Churee and are frustrated along with you. Forgive us our misunderstanding from time to time, we do mean well.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

I'm leaving a marriage of 21 years, dude. I know full well everything there is to know of apathy.

 

You reached out. I merely responded.

 

Thats not the only thing I said......I said if you dont know my situation then read a bit about it.

 

You responded, and Im merely explaining to you that your advice doesnt contain the proper info because you dont know what my situation is, I was ranting here where everybody knows whats going on, so I didnt go into little details about everything, almost every single person here knows already.

 

youre getting a divorce??

 

Read my original posts....youll be thankful thats all that is happening to you...me and my lady just lost 3 kids, and shes got cancer for the 4th time

 

I wish those were the only problems...seriously, read the posts or you wont know what youre saying.

[Spiderwire]

You're a prick.

 

A repulsive prick at that. I'm sorry I wasted my time pouring out any emotion and feeling on you at all.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

WTF?? Spiderwire.....I was not laughing at you...I was laughing at me....the wine and roses...I was laughing at me, I wish it had been wine and roses. Laughing at the enormity of my situation.

 

I dont know why you freaked out telling me to fuck off over it.

 

In the previous post you had told me to kill myself and get it over with if thats what was in my mind.

 

Sorry I wasnt singing your praises after that advice, I told you if you really wanted to know, what you could do to undertsnad the situation better, read some of the posts I made explaining the situation.

 

Ive never seen this, somebody distraught and egged into committing suicide and told to fuck off, Ive never seen that.

 

 

 

 

As far as "cashing in the chips" It did come out wrong, it was late in the night and I was really distraught. What I meant was that when I am not getting better physically sometimes I wish they would just be cashed in, instead of the slow process, kinda like somebody saying to god...."Just take me already"

 

Florduh pointed out how I had worded it wrong....and assured me my friends were here with me, feeling for me, that is appreciated.

 

I dont know what happened with our communications...something got mixed up. Im not about to argue about it....I felt bad enough in the first place.

 

Dont you think it was simple misunderstanding???

 

Well I am not holding any grudges or going to be upsetabout this so, for what its worth, I apologize for any misunderstanding.....I do need to remind you, Im not in the best frame of mind, thus the OP....its not a joke or a pity party or anythign like that...Ive had insurmountable obstacles thrown at me constantly and Im going through a rough patch where I dont see a way through and its frightening.

 

I think youre mistaking my post for one of those posts where some kid who has had everything handed to him in life blows everything out of proportion and talks big.....I can assure you thats not me, thats why I was laughing at myself,the wine and roses comment.

 

My goodness..what pissed you off so much about that?

[PiracyOfTheHead]

You're a prick.

 

A repulsive prick at that. I'm sorry I wasted my time pouring out any emotion and feeling on you at all.

 

Whats wrong with you?

 

You poured out condascension and then expletives on me....

 

This is ridiculous.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

"...but I feel like cashing in the chips, I have to be honest...you can only fight everything so long, its so damned tiring, I need a vacation, you have to receive strength you cant just expend it 24/7, it has to come back somehow, i've been running on fumes for so long, just waiting for a break but it never comes.....maybe apathy is a gift,I will just accept the way things are and the end will come."

 

Maybe this wording misled some of us. Most of us do know the story of you and Churee and are frustrated along with you. Forgive us our misunderstanding from time to time, we do mean well.

 

I didnt know it had misled anybody until this other guys post.

 

Thanks Florduh, its good to know youre all out there pulling for us.

 

The past couple days just REALLY sucked, I havent felt so down in a while, it hit me liek a ton of bricks and I felt like everything was so futile, I felt helpless..I still do.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

There's something to be said about cashing in your chips and starting over. I've done it once, and am doing it again. The last time, I came out ahead. This time, I expect the same. Of course, I won the last time I cashed them in and started over, so that gives me a little more cushion this time. Nevertheless, I say, take the chance. Why not? You only live once; what's the worst that can happen? Nobody who has made it big got there by not taking chances. I'm not talking about lottery chances; I'm talking about calculated chances. Invest in yourself before you lay it all down on a horse in a horse race.

 

I am weighing a couple diffeent ideas...yes I will be leaving my comfort zone, gonna take some guts but I am really tying to figure out what my next step is...it can get extremely frustrating when everything falls down and you are sometimes alone in it.

 

I think were talking about some different chips here but I think I get your drift.

 

At the end of the day, you have to look within yourself. The answer is in there. You won't find it by praying, nor will you find it on an internet message board such as this. I recommend a long walk. Smoke some tobacco if you feel like it during your walk, or consume a little alcohol. Perhaps both if you feel like it. Sometimes we need a little bit of a chemical kickstart to get our juices flowing. Just don't come to rely on it. Think of it as a jumpstart; you will need to break free once you discover what it is you need to do and run from your own steam. It's easier than you think. You just need to get your head in the right place in your life.

 

Yeah I know what you mean....sometimes switching up the whole chemical balance for the night can break you loose.

 

I need some sort of vacation, but i have somebodys well being in my charge and I cant just cut and run, thats the hard part I guess....weve talked abot this at homeso its not a secret, I am the kind of person that needs to get out and away top replenish and renew andi havent been able to do that for a long time....so I feel quite stuck in the mud.

 

well, I appreciate the advice, thats 1 vote for taking a leap

[PaulQ]

PiracyOfTheHead, you need to realize that cashing in the chips can mean different things for different people. For some, it means selling everything they have to start over.

 

One thing that keeps me sane is the realization that the universe has nothing for nor against my existence. Another is the understanding that my existence, and in fact the existence of the human race, is of little or no significance to the cosmos. We are only as important as we want to believe. Oh, we watch our Star Trek and like to believe that the human race will accomplish great things, but that's just a work of fiction, not unlike like the bible (though it is better written and more enjoyable).

 

As for death and being dead, it is simply a state of non-existence. We will all be as unconcerned about not existing after we have died as we were before we were born. Of course, we all die at some point in our lives. It's the consequence of living.

 

So, you need to ask yourself, what's the point in dying, if you don't have to? Death will take care of itself and will be the end of each and every one of us, no matter what we choose to do (or not do). So I say, might as well live and go on living, if you have the chance. There's no reason to expect fairness or reason out of it all.

[woodsmoke]

You're a prick.

 

A repulsive prick at that. I'm sorry I wasted my time pouring out any emotion and feeling on you at all.

And another one bites the dust.

 

'Course, you didn't actually manage to land yourself on PotH's iggy list like Asimov, Vigile and myself did (one of my proudest moments here at ExC) -- or if you did, he didn't say anything about it, which seems unlikely given his drama queen nature. Still, it's a start. Try some dead baby jokes, he really likes those.

 

Welcome to the club, park your bike out front. Beer's in the fridge, hookers and blow at 8.

[♦ nivek ♦]

PiracyofTheHead.

 

Let me put you on my "ExC, I don't care where you washed in from, but I would prefer that the tides take you back to sea" list.

 

You've managed to piss me off with your howler monkey-isms, tossing feces electronically at folks who bother to answer your odd disjointed unusual posts.

 

I don't care if you come or go, but is my preference you find a spot on this huge InTARWeBb where folks with the multitudes of problems like yours can toss their bodily waste products through the cages at each other.

 

You've got a serious lack of stability that shines through whenever anyone DARES "speak" to you in less than gentle soothing whispers. When you SHOUT back and raise hell and are replied to in kind, you cry foul..

 

I'm calling a huge cup of "Fuck That Shit". Grab a big ole frosty mug of hot Shut The Fuck Up until you can act like somewhat of an adult.

 

"Encouraging Ex-Christians" does not require the Staff and Management of ExC "glad hand" you.

 

<self fucking edited for some REALLY rough content. Learned from the Old Man, E-8, CPO>

 

 

kevinfuckin'L, FenceRiderForTheBoss(ret)

[PiracyOfTheHead]

PiracyofTheHead.

 

Let me put you on my "ExC, I don't care where you washed in from, but I would prefer that the tides take you back to sea" list.

 

You've managed to piss me off with your howler monkey-isms, tossing feces electronically at folks who bother to answer your odd disjointed unusual posts.

 

I don't care if you come or go, but is my preference you find a spot on this huge InTARWeBb where folks with the multitudes of problems like yours can toss their bodily waste products through the cages at each other.

 

You've got a serious lack of stability that shines through whenever anyone DARES "speak" to you in less than gentle soothing whispers. When you SHOUT back and raise hell and are replied to in kind, you cry foul..

 

I'm calling a huge cup of "Fuck That Shit". Grab a big ole frosty mug of hot Shut The Fuck Up until you can act like somewhat of an adult.

 

"Encouraging Ex-Christians" does not require the Staff and Management of ExC "glad hand" you.

 

<self fucking edited for some REALLY rough content. Learned from the Old Man, E-8, CPO>

 

 

kevinfuckin'L, FenceRiderForTheBoss(ret)

 

 

Nivek, this display...because thats what it is....is a sad testimony to a site where freethought is accepted, where disagreement is encouraged and where its ok to be yourself.

 

If you think its ok to egg somebody on to suicide and then downplay their problems is acceptable and right, then thats your opinion.

 

But when I respond back with a bitter taste in my mouth because I disagree, dont point fingers, because all you are doing is disagreeing with my disagreement. Its hypocrisy at its finest.

 

I have on numerous occasions made apology when i have acted out of place, or offended anyone. I have made peace in many occasions, I have been open and honest with my faults, I dont think I have seen the same from you, and i dont expect it, thats why I stayed away from your area of the ExC site.

 

Despite your numerous Ad-homs and your backanded ad-homs, I WILL be the mature one here.

 

you got pissed (your feelings) and then proceeded to write me off and curse me (throwing feces), you acted like the child, you acted like the immature one, you should have PMed me with some advice or some opinions or whatever, but you chose to publicly flog me and write off my entire deconversion, that was way out of hand, absolutely uncalled for.

 

i confronted you in the shoutbox, you really had nothing to say other than flippant remarks....you dont need to like me Nivek...but try to keep your cool and not do this again, this was beyond anything ive ever seen here..and Ive seen a lot. I have seen many people go out of their way to be jerks to the members here, I do not do that, I simply refuse to back down sometimes and I refuse to kiss ass to the ones who come around and tell me what I should and shouldnt think.

 

It really angers you when you cant get someone to agree with your disagreement on them doesnt it??

 

Im sorry you cant handle a dissenting opinion, Im sorry it makes you flip out and write in huge letters, cursing at me, trying to humiliate me with your words.

 

This whole thread has made me sick......I was in a bad state of mind when i wrote it, really upset....I made that clear,its a rant.

 

You've taken a person at their lowest moment and kicked them while down, I hope you feel big, bad and tough.

 

Quite a few people have been commenting on your behavior around here as well...it doesnt go unnoticed....you have as many issues as I do I think..you mask them well, I am more open about them, but you're not right, something is off, I hope it gets beter, the same as I hope mine get better.

 

I dont wish any ill on you.....I hope we all end up better, happier, more adjusted people...I thought thats what we were here for.

 

i wonder though, have you added or detracted from 'goodness' here....did you set an example of being a leader or did you fall and show some evil true colors, would you like somebody doing to you what you did here?? If you were in dire straights and had nowhere to turn to, and you got this when you cried out???

 

I sure hope you dont answer with your usual flippant attitude, I think this situation deserves a litle better than your usual.

 

then again...maybe upon reflection I will realise you are right, perhaps I should just float out with the tide...apparently Ive brought nothing good here,which is what you state, if that is so then I will do exactly that...pack up and move one, I dont want to be what you claimed I am, if you're correct, then I will go.

 

ich ben ein auschlander

[PiracyOfTheHead]

This is the basic gist of what happened..this is the bulk of what is being responded to..i thin it fairly represents what happened...anyone can look at the entire thread and see all of it som i am not trying to edit out anything or change the way it is.....I believe this is a good linear view of what happened.

 

 

PIRACY: Plus, I dont think you understand apathy, the taunting and the ultimatims dont have much effect on an apathetic person...I know you probably meant well but I honestly stopped reading both the above posts when I realized both people thought I was talking about committing suicide.....

 

SPIDERWIRE: I'm leaving a marriage of 21 years, dude. I know full well everything there is to know of apathy.

 

SPIDERWIRE: You reached out. I merely responded.

 

PIRACY: lol...Spider...you need to spend some time looking through my posts, start with the earliest ones....they will give you a pretty good glimpse into my life

 

wine and roses??

 

MUHUHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Its not a suicide threat.

 

SPIDERWIRE: Well, I guess it didn't take it as such. I only offered encouragement. So, fuck off. If you're going to mock someone who is trying to encourage you, then I give less than a shit. I know nothing of you and you know nothing of me. I was trying to encourage you. If that's laughable to you, then fuck off. Maybe you shouldn't expose yourself if you don't want people to feel with you.

 

 

PIRACY: You responded, and Im merely explaining to you that your advice doesnt contain the proper info because you dont know what my situation is, I was ranting here where everybody knows whats going on, so I didnt go into little details about everything, almost every single person here knows already.

 

youre getting a divorce??

 

Read my original posts....youll be thankful thats all that is happening to you...me and my lady just lost 3 kids, and shes got cancer for the 4th time

 

I wish those were the only problems...seriously, read the posts or you wont know what youre saying.

 

SPIDERWIRE: You're a prick.

 

A repulsive prick at that. I'm sorry I wasted my time pouring out any emotion and feeling on you at all.

 

PIRACY: WTF?? Spiderwire.....I was not laughing at you...I was laughing at me....the wine and roses...I was laughing at me, I wish it had been wine and roses. Laughing at the enormity of my situation.

 

I dont know why you freaked out telling me to fuck off over it.

 

In the previous post you had told me to kill myself and get it over with if thats what was in my mind.

 

............................................... Florduh pointed out how I had worded it wrong....and assured me my friends were here with me, feeling for me, that is appreciated.

 

I dont know what happened with our communications...something got mixed up. Im not about to argue about it....I felt bad enough in the first place.

 

Dont you think it was simple misunderstanding???

 

Well I am not holding any grudges or going to be upsetabout this so, for what its worth, I apologize for any misunderstanding.....I do need to remind you, Im not in the best frame of mind, thus the OP....

 

__________________________________________

 

WOW...what a god damned crime I committed here....A bunch of misunderstanding then my apologies, my attempts at a truce, my attempts at peace...I SEE NONE OF THAT COMING MY WAY.

 

And this is what Nivek freaked out about????????????????????????

[PiracyOfTheHead]

NIVEK's OWN WORDS IN THE SHOUTBOX TO ME WAS THAT HE GOT MAD WHEN I RIPPED INTO SPIDERWIRE...MAY I PLEASE BE SHOWN A QUOTE WHERE I RIPPED INTO SPIDERWIRE

 

I am not the best at communicating..I know that, I dont say things how I mean them often..but NIVEK's COMPLAINT WAS THAT[u] I RIPPED INTO SPIDERWIRE...[/u]

 

I have gone over the thread 3 times I DO NOT SEE THIS ANYWHERE...its in NIVEK's head

[noob]

NIVEK's OWN WORDS IN THE SHOUTBOX TO ME WAS THAT HE GOT MAD WHEN I RIPPED INTO SPIDERWIRE...MAY I PLEASE BE SHOWN A QUOTE WHERE I RIPPED INTO SPIDERWIRE

 

I am not the best at communicating..I know that, I dont say things how I mean them often..but NIVEK's COMPLAINT WAS THAT[u] I RIPPED INTO SPIDERWIRE...[/u]

 

I have gone over the thread 3 times I DO NOT SEE THIS ANYWHERE...its in NIVEK's head

 

 

Piracy, I don’t know where to begin. And quite frankly, I’m not even sure I should try! I cannot read through this post again because I have a huge aversion to conflict and the whole thing stresses me out. However, I did read through it as it was evolving and I just want to give you my take on it, for whatever it’s worth. I hope I don’t offend you or anyone else involved in this thread.

 

I think your expectations of what you can get here are way too high. I have read many of your posts and Churee’s posts, and it is obvious that you guys are dealing with extreme financial, physical, emotional, and spiritual issues. I sincerely believe that you need a face to face support group. I just don’t think you can get your needs met on the internet for several reasons.

 

First, as you have experienced there is just way too much room for misunderstanding. It is too easy to misunderstand a tone or a comment and this can lead to way too much hurt and anger.

 

Next, there are a lot of people here who have difficult situations and who are in great pain. They probably sympathize with you, but they have needs as well so they cannot reach out and give you exactly what you are looking for. Please don’t take offence at this but I noticed right away in this thread that Spiderwire is hurting because his marriage of 21 years is ending. Having been there at one time myself, I know that is a horrible place to be. Yet, when I read your response to him, it came across as… oh, too bad – but be glad that’s your only problem, I have it way worse. While your problems are extreme, please realize that Spiderwire’s situation is probably very painful to him. I can see why he probably felt dismissed by your response.Even beyond this thread, you ask for a lot of support and I think that you often get encouragement and understanding. However, at times I have found myself unable to respond, because I just don’t have anything to offer. I get a sense that you are looking for someone to step up and help pull you and Churee through these awful times. But please understand that many of us are struggling with the loss of our jobs, our homes, and through our deconversion perhaps even our families.

 

I would love to log in one day and read that you and Churee have found some relief from all of the pain. And I wish for good things for you with all of my heart. Is it possible for you to take the good from the site, and accept that there are limits to what you can realistically expect from others?

[pitchu]

Piracy,

 

As a fellow mod to Nivek, I'm alarmed at your response. He rarely posts his big bold red messages, but each time he has, imo, it has been absolutely warranted.

 

Consider this:

 

No member on this site, to my knowledge (and I've been here since 2003), has ever demanded that another member review his previous posts -- everywhere -- in order to be qualified to comment in any particular thread. Yet that's essentially what you did.

 

No member on this site, to my knowledge, has ever made the fact of his numerous apologies a point of pride. Yet that's essentially what you did.

 

If you feel this site is important to you and has helped you, give it the respect and consideration you demand for yourself. This site is not your scratch pad for every and all un-reflected-upon series of words which happen to pop out of your head and onto the screen.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

Yeah...NOOb..I understand...I wasnt hoping for a miracle, just some responses that were encouraing.

 

What you see as me dismissing spiderwires dissolution of a 21 year marriage, was his dismissal of everythign I am going through BASED ON HIS DISSOLUTION.

 

point being, he was ready to dismiss what I was going through because of his divorce...I responded in like manner, please dont dismiss my situation based on your divorce.

 

I think their are some basics, I would rather be divorced than watch my wife die...I would rathr be sepearated from children by distance and time than have them dead.....

 

I wasnt outright dismissing him...he dismissed me with his divorce, I was about to respond that I was extremely sorry for his divorce and that I could understand his anger towards me because he is suffring, then I got the YOU ARE A PRICK message and I felt little love towards the situation.

 

You are right though...this has become a farse, nobody was looking for the problems to be solved over the internet, i and churee work day in and day out with doctors, psychologists, and spiritual people.....this was the place for our outlet, to RANT and get away with it.....Spiderwire obviously came into the situation with his own problems, I have not leveled anything at him, I pointed out in my posts how it was misunderstandings and i wasnt about to hold grudges...then the NIVEK situation occurred....its too much negativity, I am done with it. I will come back one day when everything is peaches and cream and I dont have any needs........no need for support then and everybody will be happy.

 

The fact that we found a place that offered support through the tough times with a group of people in similiar situations was the draw here...I am sure she will continue to comment but it is obvious I have overstayed my welcome....

 

I have been told numerous things in PM, that my posts are great, they are enjoyed, that I am making progress.

 

Then I am told things like what NIVEK has said here and it is obvious that I am not in a free space, where I can rant and reply...no I have to rant according to some unspoken guidelines.....ok, its becoming abundantly clear....I am too far gone for this crowd.

 

A hint though....all I was hoping for fromt he rant....was just a simple "I hear ya"...or a "Hope things work out better" or "Sorry the shit has hit the fan....it sucks for me too...hope we all make it".....I wasnt looking for a miracle.

 

I just wasnt looking for a COMMIT SUICIDE or GET OVER IT response...thats all.

 

I will see everybody around.

 

I hope one day to come back here a whole individual and continue to help the others I have helped through posts and PMs...because i have been a support for a few individuals here, believe it or not I give and not only take. In fact I have gone out of my way to support numerous people and spent many hours and much effort trying to give them tools to beat suicidal tendencies, to overcome depressions and fears...I have put in a lot of work in many arenas here.

And I have also failed. I will not be doing so again....I get the hint.

 

Just do me a favor,

 

Be nice to chur...she deserves no flack from anything I have done.

 

Take it easy everyone.

[Ouroboros]

A hint though....all I was hoping for fromt he rant....was just a simple "I hear ya"...or a "Hope things work out better" or "Sorry the shit has hit the fan....it sucks for me too...hope we all make it".....I wasnt looking for a miracle.

Maybe it's asking for too much? Especially when you consider how easy it is to misunderstand each other, regardless how well spoke we are. Language has that little problem that it can't really capture exactly what we feel or think, so it's natural that people would misunderstand and even take steps and say things out of place, which means, you should have given as much tolerance and leeway as you're asking of everyone else. You can't get unless you also give. People can't show tolerance towards you unless you also show tolerance to them.

 

I just wasnt looking for a COMMIT SUICIDE or GET OVER IT response...thats all.

Right. Your OP was a bit unclear, so people misunderstood. Are they to be blamed for misunderstanding you? Or maybe some fault falls on you to not explain enough? Like my dad used to say: it takes two to make a fight. Blame goes both ways. The person who misunderstood could have spent a little more trying to get it right, and you could have spent more time writing it better.

 

Well, too bad you're leaving, but I do agree with other posters here that you probably won't find the answers and solutions you need for your complicated and terrible situation on this website.

 

Good luck to you Nick, and your wife Churee.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

because of people like pitchu and nivek

 

Pitchu...that was one of the best bullshit posts i have ever seen.

 

You mean to have us believe that not in 5 years have you seen somebody say "If you want to know my story, read my posts"???

 

PLay that tune to the guy that fell off the turnip truck...youre full of it.

 

AND YEAH I brought up some good I have done, after 11 years of being told I was pure evil and nothing I did was good, it was all filthy rags.....yeah I am mentioning it out of some newly found self respect, how dare you shit on it??? youre a crass and arrogant person, ive seen it in EVERY popst i have ever read from you.

 

Thanks for your pointing all that out though, what a spinster....you get high marks for that.

 

Good backing up your boy, Nivek threw a tantrum and you took his side...IM SHOCKED.

 

Of course if Nivek did it, it must be right...except you fail to address his actual statement, that I RIPPED INTO THE MAN...prove it with words...

 

Well you cant, because its bullshit, so instead you find a way to make me look bad, you should use your brains for a higher purpose and be a real MODERATOR, help people out, not put them down...MODERATE not INSTIGATE.

 

I thought you held that title so you could make good things happen here, you obviously used the floor to your own benefit and to back up your buddy...swell job...im sure the guests and new Ex-Cs around here are quite impressed at how you handled a division and all, No mention whatsoever of the wrongs done to me.

 

What a hypocrite, the lot of you that have leveled shit at me, not one of you has pointed any wrongs done to me...so hypocritical.......finally found a platform to use to your advantage....

 

Dont worry about closing the thread or any actions...Im audi 5000

 

Peace to all the cool people.. truy not to step in all the bullshit, it gets pretty deep!!!