De-Convert....but Still Scared.

[Hunter93]

Hello. I have been lurking in these forums since Sunday or Monday. While I would consider myself a de-convert, my mind is still confused and I have fear.

 

I am 19 years old and a college student. My parents are Hindu and my sister seems to be a netural. So, how did I get introduced to Christianity? Well, it was the Fall of 2010. I was a senior in high school. A kid that I had met in one of my classes came to my lunch table and preached to me. I can't say I was 100% converted right away but I did eventually become a Christian. Now, I have never read the full Bible or gone to church. I do not know any Christians in real life. So no one is the cause of this. It was perfect during my senior year. At least, I felt it was.

 

I actually never owned a book copy of the OT. I had to use my iPod for that. But, I stopped reading the OT. Because of everything I heard and because I believed the NT is what I was supposed to follow. Now, I used to believe in the Antichrist, the Great Tribulation, and all those things but as I came to found out, the Bible never mentions THE Antichrist or the "Great Tribulation". I also held the Preterist view on the Second Coming.

 

While I was not a frequent Bible reader, I would still pray/talk to God. I still fully believed God was out there as well as Jesus Christ. I believed at times I could feel God's presence.

 

But, I feel like I developed Axienty Disorder and Depression the last week. Or maybe I had both for sometime and it got worse. Yes, I did see a doctor.

 

As for fear? I feel part of me is feeling gulity and that this is a mistake. I fear that I am making a big mistake and I won't get a chance to fix it. Fear that all of this is true and I commited the unforgivable sin. I fear something very bad will happen. I fear that things will get worse. No, I do not believe my de-converting caused me to have this. It might have but I delevoped the Depression/Axienty Disorder before thinking like that and this added on. However, I have had bad thoughts and thoughts of worry and fear before and it felt like it was taking a toll on me mentally.

 

Then, I discovered this and another Ex-Chrsitian website. I started reading articles on both sites and what you guys were saying on here. It really got me thinking.

 

I was(and am) scared, lost, and confused. I also read two testimonites that angels came and told that Jesus was coming soon. I heard about scientific evidence that Jesus DID rise. Which caused more fear. And more confusion. I plan on posting a thread on this in the Theological section about this and two other things(No, I am not trying to re-convert anyone). All of this is making me think I made a big mistake. I prayed to God several times to please forgive me, lead me on the right path and to restore my fath if I was making a big mistake. I promised I would leave this site if I did. I prayed to Jesus to lead me back to the Father and mentioned the same thing. Maybe I need more patience. Because nothing has happened.

 

And there was one other thing. Two rather. I had two encounter with two different types of bugs on two seperate occasions(obviously, I had more but these two still make me wonder). Both somehow got on me and I shook them off. Now, maybe it's just mere concidience but I didn't see either after I got them off me. I thought that was God trying to tell me something. But maybe it was just mere concidience and I simply didn't just look in the right place. Even as a Christian, I would wonder about that. (I REALLY don't like bugs btw).

 

Now, I am not an atheist. While I don't know if God is really out there anymore, I still believe in the supernatural and that there is an afterlife. I am not ruiling out the possibily but I just don't know. I'm still scared. Lost. Confused.

 

My conversion was my decision. Now, fear is what kept me in. And I am still scared. I can't even focus on my upcoming exam because of all this on top of my other issues. It's awful. It really is.

 

[Bhim]

Hi Hunter, so good to meet you.  Reading your story reminds me a bit of my own.  I've never suffered from any anxiety disorder or depression, but the rest is similar.  I am also a Hindu.  Both my parents are from India; I was born here in the US.  I'll spare you the details since you can read them in my own intro post on the testimonies forum (I'm pretty new here, so it's probably only a couple pages down).  Suffice it to say, I became a Christian when I was the age that you are now, and I left six years later.  I've been out of Christianity for four years no, and I while I regret many things in life (mostly related to my time as a Christian), returning to my family's religion is not among them.

 

Sorry to hear that you're suffering from fear and anxiety.  I can understand that, as I think many people here can.  That is, after all, how Christianity attracts people like us, who didn't grow up in this terrible excuse for a religion.  You've lived your whole life thinking that God only wants you to love him and do your duties.  Then comes Jesus, teaching that you must believe in him, reject everything your parents taught you, and live in a Western European community (i.e the church) in order to avoid a place called hell where you will otherwise burn for all eternity.  Up until this point you didn't even know there was a hell.  So then, Jesus invents a problem and offers himself and his religion as the solution.  Crippling fear leads you to believe in the religion, and that fear keeps you in it.

 

But let me tell you what made me afraid.  For God alone knows how many years, my ancestors have been Hindus and have kept a wonderful tradition of faith in God.  I was afraid that I was breaking these traditions, that I was throwing them away in favor of some new and absurd religion.  On a less philosophical level, I was afraid that ultimately, I wouldn't fit into what is essentially a Western European religion.  Don't get me wrong, no Christian ever avoided me for being Indian.  Evangelical christians don't care where you're from, as long as you convert not only to their belief system but also to their way of life.  So I would never get to participate again in pujas, Diwali, or any of the other things that characterized being Indian.  I was afraid of being an Indian in name only.  So I left and returned to where I belong.

 

I know you're afraid of hell.  But let me tell you that hell is not a real place, and Jesus is no savior at all.  Indians had been worshiping Hindu gods for thousands of years before Jesus was ever born.  Here he comes preaching hell, and we're to cast that all aside in order to obey him?  My friend, step back and ask yourself how this can not be absurd.  When you see Jesus for the fraud that he is, I think any issues about fear of hell will slowly disappear.

 

I hope we get a chance to talk about this some more.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

I don't think you need to fear "scientific evidence" that Jesus rose from the dead. There is no scientific evidence of this. The only "proof" I have heard from apologists is this: The tomb where Jesus was placed is empty. They have yet to prove that a god is responsible. Some friends of followers of his could have paid whoever was guarding his tomb, maybe the guards were corrupt, to move the stone and drag him out to bury him somewhere else. His corpse could have been beamed up into a star ship from galaxies away for all we know.

 

The problem is, the apologists who claim that they have scientific evidence that Jesus rose from the dead are not applying science at all. They start with a conclusion: Jesus rose from the dead because he is god in human form. Then, they find whatever they can to backup that conclusion, for instance: Empty tomb. The empty tomb could be evidence of any other claim. Someone could claim that Jesus was an alien pretending to be a human and he got beamed up into a star ship and the Roman guards who saw it got freaked out and "the tomb is empty" could just as easily be evidence of it.

 

There is nothing wrong with feeling a little afraid and guilty at this point. It is at this point that many who have deconverted from Christianity felt fear and guilt, but you've got to realize that you really have nothing to be afraid of. If there was a god that created the universe and it actually loved you and the other believers, it wouldn't care if you had doubts about whether or not its real. It wouldn't care if you doubted the claims of an ancient bunch of texts written by a bunch of different people, most of whom, were likely corrupt individuals. A god that actually loved you would only care about whether or not you tried your best to live a moral life and did the best you could to treat others fairly. It wouldn't condemn you to some horrible fate because you were not a good slave or because you lost your faith. Only a demon or corrupt politician, using a god that he or she invented to control you through fear, would care about that.

 

I know the feeling of fear and guilt you are experiencing all-to-well. I also am familiar with the feeling of "God's presence". I don't yet know what causes that feeling, but I have a good reason to think that it comes from the brain.

 

If you fear end of times prophecies, there is a thread that you might like to check out. It might help if you have a fear because of that: http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44234-top-ten-reasons-not-to-fear-biblical-end-times-scenarios/

 

Here is a site that helped me out quite a bit, maybe it will help you:

http://losingmyreligion.com/index.htm

[Hunter93]

Losingmyreligion.com was other site that got me thinking. As for the end-time thing, as a Christian I used to believe Revelation was of our future but eventually started to believe it was the past. Plus, like I said, no mention of THE Anti-Christ or the Great Tribulation is in the Bible from what I've learned.

 

But since I literally JUST de-converted today, I kinda still have a mindset. Another thing I fear is demonic possession. Because as a Christian, I have seen a video and while it wasn't on that subject, it did show what looks like to be that. Again, having just de-converted today, I kinda still have that mindset. Plus, a supposed well-documented report of it.

And what I SHOULD have mentioned about those testimonies about the angels I mentioned was I could not find any other source to validate them. I can't post the thread I want post to now but I'll probably will only post those two things. As the final thing is the one Bible quote "godlessness will be in the last days" and combine that with the reports of the rising number of de-coverts+my somewhat still mindset+my fear and axienty....Yeah. I'm sure you get it.

 

Hi Hunter, so good to meet you. Reading your story reminds me a bit of my own. I've never suffered from any anxiety disorder or depression, but the rest is similar. I am also a Hindu. Both my parents are from India; I was born here in the US. I'll spare you the details since you can read them in my own intro post on the testimonies forum (I'm pretty new here, so it's probably only a couple pages down). Suffice it to say, I became a Christian when I was the age that you are now, and I left six years later. I've been out of Christianity for four years no, and I while I regret many things in life (mostly related to my time as a Christian), returning to my family's religion is not among them.

 

Sorry to hear that you're suffering from fear and anxiety. I can understand that, as I think many people here can. That is, after all, how Christianity attracts people like us, who didn't grow up in this terrible excuse for a religion. You've lived your whole life thinking that God only wants you to love him and do your duties. Then comes Jesus, teaching that you must believe in him, reject everything your parents taught you, and live in a Western European community (i.e the church) in order to avoid a place called hell where you will otherwise burn for all eternity. Up until this point you didn't even know there was a hell. So then, Jesus invents a problem and offers himself and his religion as the solution. Crippling fear leads you to believe in the religion, and that fear keeps you in it.

 

But let me tell you what made me afraid. For God alone knows how many years, my ancestors have been Hindus and have kept a wonderful tradition of faith in God. I was afraid that I was breaking these traditions, that I was throwing them away in favor of some new and absurd religion. On a less philosophical level, I was afraid that ultimately, I wouldn't fit into what is essentially a Western European religion. Don't get me wrong, no Christian ever avoided me for being Indian. Evangelical christians don't care where you're from, as long as you convert not only to their belief system but also to their way of life. So I would never get to participate again in pujas, Diwali, or any of the other things that characterized being Indian. I was afraid of being an Indian in name only. So I left and returned to where I belong.

 

I know you're afraid of hell. But let me tell you that hell is not a real place, and Jesus is no savior at all. Indians had been worshiping Hindu gods for thousands of years before Jesus was ever born. Here he comes preaching hell, and we're to cast that all aside in order to obey him? My friend, step back and ask yourself how this can not be absurd. When you see Jesus for the fraud that he is, I think any issues about fear of hell will slowly disappear.

 

I hope we get a chance to talk about this some more.

Really? What part of India did your parents come from?

 

I don't even remember the last time I saw/participated in a puja haha.

 

On a more serious note, even before my de-conversion, I felt that people were scaring people into converting. That made me sad.

[par4dcourse]

On a more serious note, even before my de-conversion, I felt that people were scaring people into converting. That made me sad.

Welcome to the forums, Hunter.

 

Christians exploit fear to control, since they have no verifiable evidence. It's only normal to question yourself, but logic and reason will win.

[Hunter93]

 

On a more serious note, even before my de-conversion, I felt that people were scaring people into converting. That made me sad.

Welcome to the forums, Hunter.

 

Christians exploit fear to control, since they have no verifiable evidence. It's only normal to question yourself, but logic and reason will win.

I know.

 

As a recent de-convert, those testimonies about angels appearing as humans, stories of demonic possession, the "godlessness in the last days" quote from the Bible, etc really just frightens me. It bothers me because I fear that it could still be true. It was very tough for me to make the choice to de-convert in the first place and now to have fear that I made a mistake? Not easy.

 

That's why I joined here. Because I feel many of the people here were sincere and strongly believed in the Bible and everything else at one point and had those same exact fears when de-converting.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

 

 

On a more serious note, even before my de-conversion, I felt that people were scaring people into converting. That made me sad.

Welcome to the forums, Hunter.

 

Christians exploit fear to control, since they have no verifiable evidence. It's only normal to question yourself, but logic and reason will win.

I know.

 

As a recent de-convert, those testimonies about angels appearing as humans, stories of demonic possession, the "godlessness in the last days" quote from the Bible, etc really just frightens me. It bothers me because I fear that it could still be true. It was very tough for me to make the choice to de-convert in the first place and now to have fear that I made a mistake? Not easy.

 

That's why I joined here. Because I feel many of the people here were sincere and strongly believed in the Bible and everything else at one point and had those same exact fears when de-converting.

 

 

I think the majority of the (possibly all of) demonic possessions you see or hear of are diagnosable conditions caused by mental illness that can be treated through therapy and with the help of medications. Also, when you begin to realize what kind of god the god in the Bible is, you really have no reason to think that he would keep you safe from demons. If he existed, it would be far more likely that he was actually a demon that once deceived a bunch of Jews a long time ago into thinking it was a god for giggles. If he actually existed and did protect his followers from demons, then it is actually more likely that the god of the Bible was the big bully of the playground, among demons, so none of the others would go after his followers because you might as well be going after the children of siblings of a gangster. I don't even believe in demons or gods, but it just seems far more likely that the Bible god would be a demon, instead of a god. The only worse alternative than that would be the universe was created by a monster that Joseph Stalin could feel jealous of, but there is no proof this is the case.

[Overcame Faith]

Welcome to ExC, Hunter.

 

Try starting from a premise that Christians do not accept, but for which there is ample evidence. The Bible contains myths and legends. The Jesus as depicted in the New Testament never existed. There was no man/god, no virgin birth, no miracles, no atoning death on the cross or otherwise, no resurrection, no ascension, and no sitting at the right hand of the father. From all of this it follows there will be no return.

 

There are also no demons, no satan, no possession, and no hell.

 

You were fooled by the religion like the rest of us were fooled. Don't feel bad about that. Rather, it is time to move forward toward freedom from the lies.

 

If you have any specific questions, please ask them. Many people are only too happy to help you with them.

[mymistake]

 

 

As for fear? I feel part of me is feeling gulity and that this is a mistake. I fear that I am making a big mistake and I won't get a chance to fix it. Fear that all of this is true and I commited the unforgivable sin. I fear something very bad will happen. I fear that things will get worse. No, I do not believe my de-converting caused me to have this. It might have but I delevoped the Depression/Axienty Disorder before thinking like that and this added on. However, I have had bad thoughts and thoughts of worry and fear before and it felt like it was taking a toll on me mentally.

 

 

Yeah that sounds exactly like Christianity.  It attacks your self-esteem and makes you feel worthless.  It makes you feel guilty and ashamed for everything you are and everything you could possibly do.

 

 

If you decide you want religion I hope you will pick one that doesn't do much harm.

[seeker001]

On the end times, consider the ratio between the predictions of the end times and when it actually happens. How many times has it happened? How many times have people predicted that Jesus will come again? Has it ever happened?

Take a look at this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events

 

You have nothing to be afraid of concerning this.

 

Your fear is normal, and uncertainty is never a good feeling. Doubt does not make you sinful, doubt is a sign of curiosity and you are acknowledging there is something you don't understand. Address this. What is it that doesn't make sense? What are you looking for? Write down your questions and reflect on them.

 

 If there is a loving and forgiving God, He would understand your genuine need for understanding. There are many, many other religions out there. Maybe the Christians have it wrong and there is another religion out there that has it more correct? Or maybe there is some truth in all religions? How can the human mind comprehend such an entity? We are the blind men touching the elephant: http://www.jainworld.com/literature/story25.htm

We all perceive different parts of the same entity, except we may never get an answer of the whole. Maybe there isn't even a sentient creator, and we are the universe acknowledging itself. Religion and philosophy is so much more than just Christianity.

 

The best way to address this is to read from many sources and talk to different people. Don't take what anyone says for granted, find your own answers and never let anyone tell you what you can or can not read.

[Hunter93]

Actually, I should have combined "Fear that this is true/fear that this is a big mistake" in my opening post. It's pretty much the same fear.

 

Anyway, to all of you. It's just really hard to get the fear out of my head. I think my Anxiety might have something to do with it. As for my Depression, I got medication plus I'm going to see a counselor(don't know when) Hopefully, everything goes well.

[Pantophobia]

Fear, anxiety and depression are big parts of life, Hunter, especially for people who are looking for answers, and questioning the ones they find. Another thing to consider is that, at your age, your brain is rapidly maturing right now. Don't underestimate the effects of basic biology as you grow to full adulthood in the next five or so years! You're in the final stages of mental development, including the ability to make far-reaching plans and to see multiple long-term consequences of actions. 

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind

 

As for the whole "Fear that this is true/fear that this is a big mistake" thing, I'll make the suggestion to you that I've made a few times here for something that helped me tremendously: For just one hour (or thirty minutes, or even five minutes) live your life as if this whole "burning in hell" thing is not true. Give yourself permission to do that, and, if it makes you feel safer about it, pray and tell God that that's what you're doing (in case you're afraid of being struck by lightening or hit by a car during that time as punishment). Test out how it feels and how you respond. See what kind of person you become when that specific condition of fear of eternal damnation is changed. Keep testing it: maybe for today, you're only able to try it for ten minutes. But this weekend, try it for an hour. Then the morning. Or for a specific time period during an activity. Just do something or spend time being a person who, just for right now, doesn't believe you are doomed to eternal burning in the pits of hell. 

 

You're a good person, Hunter, and, if you are adhering to the tenants of Christianity, you were created in God's image and were given these cognitive abilities from God Himself, so it is permissible to put them to use. Just give yourself permission to be the human being you want to be without constant fear.

 

We're all here for you, too.

[Hunter93]

Again, thanks to everyone.

 

I'm actually feeling a lot better now. Had some issues in the morning before college but otherwise, I feel ok.

[Deva]

I was(and am) scared, lost, and confused. I also read two testimonites that angels came and told that Jesus was coming soon. I heard about scientific evidence that Jesus DID rise. Which caused more fear. And more confusion. I plan on posting a thread on this in the Theological section about this and two other things(No, I am not trying to re-convert anyone). All of this is making me think I made a big mistake. I prayed to God several times to please forgive me, lead me on the right path and to restore my fath if I was making a big mistake. I promised I would leave this site if I did. I prayed to Jesus to lead me back to the Father and mentioned the same thing. Maybe I need more patience. Because nothing has happened.

 

 

Welcome to Ex-C! Of course you are confused since you are deconverting.I think you will find that it is a process. It may take awhile, but eventually the confusion and fear goes away.  I have been deconverted for about 10 years but believe it or not, I still find myself wanting to go to church sometimes! Or I dream about it.  But I don't believe in the God of Christianity.

 

You can post whatever it is that is giving you a problem and there are many here who will completely debunk it for you and show you in many ways how it is ridiculous. There is a forum here called Science vs. Religion, and you could post the so-called "scientific evidence" for the resurrection there.  If it were strictly a theological speculation and science were not involved, it could go in the Theological section. But what really matters is not what forum you post it in, but that somewhere you write it out so that the members here can help you with it.  Believe me, I have seen every argument Christians can make and not a one of them is unanswerable.

 

Please don't worry about re-converting anyone here - I have never seen an Ex-C persuaded to reconvert over anything posted in these forums. 

 

If you want my opinion, you have done enough praying, now is time for reasoning!  

[Bhim]

Really? What part of India did your parents come from?

 

I don't even remember the last time I saw/participated in a puja haha.

 

On a more serious note, even before my de-conversion, I felt that people were scaring people into converting. That made me sad.

My parents are both from Bangalore.  Both have been here for quite awhile though.  How about you?

 

It's unfortunate to hear you haven't participated in a puja in awhile.  Given all the times I proselytized others back when I was a Christian, I have a general rule in life against preaching my beliefs to anyone.  However, in your case I'd make an exception and say that you really should consider going to a temple, if only for a few minutes, and perhaps sitting for a puja sometime.   Let me explain why I say this.

 

You're scared of the Christian god, Jesus.  It's understandable, because Jesus is a fearsome taskmaster who will send you to hell for not thinking rightly about him.  With Jesus, it's never clear what you need to do to be saved.  Someone in the Bible asked him this, and his response was a vague "believe in the Son of Man" sort of statement.  You can tithe mint, dill, and cumin, but if you neglect the "weightier matters of the law" you go to hell. If you love God and love your neighbor, but don't believe that Jesus is the Son of God, you go to hell.  If you dedicate your life to serving others, but do not do it to the glory of Jesus Christ, you go to hell.  At least the Allah of the Quran prescribes rules you must obey to be saved.  At least the Pharisees of the New Testament said that you could be saved from hell by following the Jewish Law (and really this is a misportrayal, the Pharisees were nothing like what Jesus says of them in the New Testament).  At least the medieval Catholic Church prescribed rituals you could do to be saved.  But Martin Luther's doctrine of salvation by grace through faith requires you to think and feel very specific things, or perish in eternal hell.  I find it almost humorous that Luther saw this doctrine as a release from Catholic ritual requirements for salvation.  He replaced concrete salvific requirements with ethereal ones.  To get Jesus Christ to save you, you need to think and feel very specifically about him, and you can never be sure that you're thinking rightly.  He is like a torturer who holds out the vain hope of release only to enhance the magnitude of the torture.  It's all a trick, because Jesus Christ can't save anyone.

 

After suffering under Jesus, I found the Hindu Gods of my younger days to be a welcome release.  Hindu Gods are nothing like the vicious Jesus, rather they are amicable and sometimes even playful.  They ask for our love and devotion, but do not demand it.  And the only penalty for failure to obey is that they withdraw themselves from us, leaving an open invitation for us to return.  Best of all, there is absolutely no conception of an eternal hell.  There is always hope for anyone to attain Moksha.  Yes, Hindu Gods are capable of displaying power and even killing the wicked, but this has never bothered me because I feel there's no point in believing in a God unless you think he's more powerful than you.  And even here Hindu Gods show great restraint.  You may remember the story of Sri Krishna suffering a thousand insults from Shishupal before decapitating him with his Chakra.

 

The point is this: in Hinduism there's no need to be afraid of God.  The very Christian concept of "reconciliation with God" is repugnant because it implies that God is at enmity with man by default.  It's indeed a scary notion to think that the God who created you has declared himself your enemy.  In Hinduism we needn't believe that God is the enemy of man.  And that is a most comforting thought.

 

I wouldn't recommend Hinduism to any of the Westerners here, seeing as how it's an Eastern religion.  But you come from a Hindu family, so if any of what I've said sounds helpful, you might give it a try.  Or not, if you prefer.  I only present this as something that's helped me since leaving Christianity.  The great thing about not being a Christian anymore is that you don't need to submit to anyone's belief system against your better judgment.

[Bhim]

Oh yes, regarding this supposed scientific evidence for Jesus' resurrection, it's all a lie.  I challenge any Christian to present me with this evidence.

 

Christians make a lot of claims about science and archeology supporting Biblical "truths."  So far the only valid claim they've made is that the New Testament is well-attested by manuscript evidence.  Mind you, this doesn't mean it's true.  It only means it's been copied fairly accurately since the writing of the original manuscripts.  And even here I don't see this as a compelling claim.  Cave paintings were reliably transmitted to us.  So was the Old Testament, and Jews say that the Old Testament is the best evidence that Christianity is false.

 

Everything else they say, whether it be about the age of the earth, evolution, the post-Biblical lives of the apostles, etc., are all lies. I encourage you to speak to people here about this.  Many have researched Christian claims like these, and thoroughly refuted them.

[Hunter93]

My mom came from Mumbai. My dad came from Baroda.

 

Yeah, as I grew older, I fell out of Hindu tradition. It wasn't converting into Christianity though that caused me to cease. Now, I wouldn't mind participating in one again obviously but my parents won't force me.

 

The Old Testament really bothered me even as a Christian hence why I haven't read a large portion of it. Well, that and I don't have a book copy of one either.

[Bhim]

Yeah, as I grew older, I fell out of Hindu tradition. It wasn't converting into Christianity though that caused me to cease. Now, I wouldn't mind participating in one again obviously but my parents won't force me.

Well, most of us do.  And since Hinduism teaches no hell doctrine, most Hindu parents don't usually mind this.  As long as you don't eat meat and marry another Hindu, you're pretty much good to go.

 

My parents never told me to get back into Hinduism either (although I was 25 when I deconverted, so my parents' influence on my life was already pretty minimal).  This is something I did on my own, and like I said it's been very helpful to me.  Maybe I'm wrong, but it's been my experience that Indian culture doesn't lend itself well to straight up atheism.  I don't mean to say it's hostile to atheists.  But when you're growing up in a culture where religion is just a part of daily life, it's more difficult to simply disbelieve in God altogether.  Honestly I'm still not sure what I believe, which is why Hinduism has helped to create a solid framework for me.

[RogueScholar]

Hang in there. Transitioning into college is stressful enough without dealing with major faith related changes. Best regards to you.

[RenaissanceWoman]

You mentioned that you are starting medication for the anxiety/depression. Give that a little time, and as long as you are on the right thing for your body, you will feel better soon. For me, it "turned off the noise" in my head -- the constant chatter and reliving events and obsessive fretting about things over and over that were driving me crazy.

 

After a month on my new prescription, I had to go back to my doctor for a follow-up to make sure it was working correctly for me. I asked my husband if there was anything he had noticed that I should mention to the doctor, since my husband was seeing me from the outside. He said, "Tell him I love him."

 

I relayed the message to my doctor, and he said, "He loves me? He's never even met me!" But he knew what I meant, and we both busted out laughing. He said, "So I guess it's helping." Yes, the sun was shining on me on the inside. That was almost two years ago.

 

(And yes, I sometimes lament that I had to be medicated to survive church. Sad.)

 

Keep in mind that you are free to shop around for a counselor. Find one that resonates with you. You will find one who "gets you", and that will help. In the meantime, continue to pour out your junk to us here -- many of us will "get you" too. You just need to get it out, and typing stuff out can help organize your thoughts and clear the cobwebs. You are doing the right thing!

 

Hunter, I am sorry you are struggling with this. But I am so glad you found this place.

 

Margee told you in another thread that there is someone on here 24 hours a day. Here it is 4:30 am, and I am sending you love and support. I hope that comforts you.

 

Stay connected, Hunter. We really do care about your journey. It may seem a little rocky, but you are on the road to peace.

[Hunter93]

Thank you. It's very mentally draining combined with de-conversion but hopefully, I can stay positive.

 

It's interesting to note that Atheists and other non-Christians seem to know the Bible better than most believers. I never even read the whole Bible either. I wonder how much sooner my de-conversion would have been if I did.

[milesaway]

Thank you. It's very mentally draining combined with de-conversion but hopefully, I can stay positive.

 

It's interesting to note that Atheists and other non-Christians seem to know the Bible better than most believers. I never even read the whole Bible either. I wonder how much sooner my de-conversion would have been if I did.

 

Yeah, we outsiders pick up on things pretty quickly, but it always bugged me to no end. I figure if a xtian requires some atheist or other non xtian to teach them things about their own fucking religion, things they should have known a LONG time ago, then they need to consider what that says about their religion, and ask themselves how worthwhile it really is.

 

I never read the whole buybull either. I think i made it through a page of the new testament, and gave up on it.

[JamesG]

Yeah I agree about Xtians not knowing their bible hell I had to tell my wife the other day that there were unicorn in it and she didn't believe me to I showed her. I think it has to do with the nature of how their religion is structured it doesn't require individual effort all you have to do is follow what your priest,minister,preacher, etc. teaches you and your good to go.

 

Christians are the largest group of atheists they just don't know it yet

[REBOOT]

[alpha centauri]

Hunter, what you're experiencing is completely normal and natural. It's hard (maybe impossible) to make a transition from one belief system to another (or to a lack of belief system) without carrying around some baggage.

 

Things will get better, but just like in many facets of life, there will be peaks and valleys.

 

Religion has some decent attributes (like compassion, charity, community) and some absolutely vile and terrible attributes (fear, an insistence on controlling your thoughts/behavior and obsessive guilt/compulsion).

 

It comes down to this: if there is a God/god/creative force/cosmic consciousness/etc., he/she/it has allowed us to develop the gift of common sense, to evolve intellectually beyond the base instincts of the Stone Age/Bronze Age/dark ages.

 

I cannot comprehend of any type of "superior being" whatsoever that would rule by fear and threats (cloaked in the guise of love and "unconditional" acceptance) whom I would care to serve/worship/think happy thoughts about/devote my life to/give two farts about.

 

If there is godlike essence, it is only through true unconditional love/forgiveness that he/she/it would manifest itself.

 

If God exists, he/she/it would almost certainly be repulsed by many of the Christian/Islamic/Mormon/cultic/tribal ways that he/she/it is portrayed.

 

The only thing about Christianity that might make sense in any way is the doctrine of universal salvation. There is no way a perfect being should hold imperfect creations accountable for mistakes and allowing only one tiny loophole to escape eternal damnation. There may be some parts of the Bible that promote love/goodwill, but there are also parts that promote discrimination, slaughter, slavery and abasement.

 

Obviously, it would be better to annihilate imperfect creatures -- or never to have created them at all -- rather than to subject them to eternal torment.

 

So, if any part of Christianity is true, one must use logic/love to decipher, and throw out the rest as rubbish added by control freaks to scare countless millions into submission by using false threats of eternal suffering and punishment.

 

People are imperfect and flawed, so it stands to reason that their visions of god, whether noble or sinister, are also imperfect and flawed. That includes the authors of the holy books, who claim to speak for the divine, but offer no more proof (and indeed, much less) than that provided by mediocre fiction writers.