Some People Shouldn't Be Allowed To Order Pizza

[Java]

(Foreword: I work at a pretty nice Domino's pizza in a suburban area. I work as both driver and manager.)

 

(Second forward: TIP THE PIZZA GUY PLZ. 15%, at least 2$, if not we can have it toasty and yummy for pickup. Please support me and my quest to afford medication so I don't kill myself/others and can keep up a job.)

 

Here are some actual conversations I or ther people have had in work. Bold are things I/others WANTED to say.

 

"Thank you for calling Domino's, how may I help you?"

Yeah, I wanna pizza.

"Alright sir! Phone number?"

Uhhh... I don't got one.

"...okaaaay..."

 

-

 

Note: Pizza mentioned is from Pizza Hut, and I really don't know what's on it.

"Thank you for calling Domino's, pick up or delivery?"

Can I get a Supreme with stuffed crust?

"... No, sir, we don't sell any Supreme pizzas, or stuffed crust."

Oh... Can I get a pizza with the toppings on a Supreme then?

"Uhm.. sure Sir... what toppings are on it?"

I dunno, why don't you know?

"...Because this is DO-MI-NO-S."

 

-

 

"Thank you for calling Domino's, pickup only, How May I help you?"

PICK-UP ONLY?!?

"Yes sir."

WHY?

Jesus, open a door and see the fucking blizzard, you're lucky we're open..."Because of the weather sir."

FUCK YOU! *click*

 

-

 

Note: We have a phone system where the friendly guy says "If you do not want to hear our specials, press 3."

"Thank you for calling Domino's"

Whuh'choah speyshilz?

(Above is the "omg i'm so gangsta" version. It also comes in Punk-Ass Kid, snotty upper-middle-class-bitch, and Daddy's Little Credit-Card Girl versions, among many others.)

 

-

 

"What would you like, ma'am?"

I'll get that two-fa-tuesday deal.

"..Ma'am there's one small problem."

(indignant) What??

"It's Monday."

.......*click*

 

"Thank you for calling Domino's"

Yeah, you got that five-five-five deal?

"No, ma'am, it ended at the end of the year."

Oh... call you back.

One Minute Later, call from CVS Pharmacy again.

"Thank you for calling Domino's?"

Yeah, do you have the five-five-five deal?

"...Ma'am I just told someone from CVS that it ended. Our specials did not change in the last five minutes."

But I have a coupon for it.

"And there's an expiration date on it, for 12/31/05."

...Will you still honor it?

"No."

 

-

 

"Thank you for calling Domino's?"

Do you take food stamps?

"... no."

(You know, for the ten bucks you buy a pizza you could buy a healthy freezer mix-together that takes less time than us and only a little more effort... I mean, if this is your treat okay, but use cash damnit.)

 

-

 

"Anything else for your order, sir?"

Yeah, I need change for a hundred.

K, it's 11:30, it's a 10$ order, and it's to a shady part of town. OH did I mention Domino's 20$ or less policy? "I'm sorry sir, we can't."

Why not??

"Domino's policy sir."

....*click*

 

-

 

That;s all I can think of right now... Most people are awesome, but sometimes...

 

[Jedah]

Phoenix ?

[pandora]

ROFL

 

That is cracking me up... I haven't exactly ever worked in a pizza joint, but I can understand your humor. Retail anything is just a joy to work. :rolls eyes:

 

Can I hear your version of upper middle class bitch? I hated it when I worked in a pharmacy in the snooty part of town... average people appreciate more. Rich people demand everything for free.

 

Okay, I'll edit that because I know I am gonna get it: some "poor" people demand everything for free too. Let's just say I know that welfare fraud is alive and well. The truly poor people usually appreciate whatever is given (like $0.50 copays here in Indiana). Actually I think it is more like a dollar up to three dollars now. Can you believe some people complain about that for a drug that costs $300?

[Java]

Oh wow.

 

I would kill for 20$ copays.

 

Upper Middle Class Bitch: *stuff up nose* "Yeeeeeas, can you telllll me what your spEEcials are?"

[Amanda]

Java, you sure have a way of expressing it with great humor!

 

 

I'm sure you're not laughing at the time though.

 

 

I was a waitress for many years. I remember a lot of similar instances. It seems everyone thought they were my only table.

 

 

It has made me a lot more considerate to the workers, especially in food oriented places. And I make all my friends be nice to them too.

[Eponymic]

 

 

That;s all I can think of right now... Most people are awesome, but sometimes...

 

 

I feel ya there eh. I delivered for a little while & know how the idiocy can run wild.

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Yeesh, who dialed the phone for these fucktards?

 

[Cerise]

Don't be too hard on us Java-san. I called Pizza Hut up once for a delivery and the lady asked for my address and, swear to god, I drew a complete blank.

 

Then I tried to give her my phone number, and she patiently informed me that my number wa on record and I just needed to give the address for confirmation.

 

The wha?

 

The address.

 

Oh, oh right. Yes, certainly. Uh... <fumbling recount of the address>

 

Um...have a nice night?

 

I could just hear the remains of a choked-off sigh before I hung up.

[godlessgrrl]

Oh man, Java, I soooo totally hear you. I know there's a hell, it's called retail and food services.

 

I worked for a year as a waitress and nearly 3 years as a sales clerk in an art supply store - 1 year in the main store, 2 in a smaller store.

 

Customers in the smaller store looked at the store like a community gathering place. We had 6 employees total, including managers, who were always there to back us up or handle problems if needed. Most of the customers were awesome. Even cranky moments were easily smoothed over. In the 2 years I was there, I counted the total of truly problem customers on one hand. Bliss.

 

The main store, on the other hand, was in the Big City. It was in the same building as corporate, manufacturing, receiving, and the catalog division. Corporate kept managers in meetings and doing pointless bullshit so often that they were never around to help retail sales. In fact they tended to burn out within a couple of months. I saw 4 managers in less than a year there. Not to mention that catalog pulled something lie 75% of the company's total sales, so they got all the perks and all the resources and all the support - and they were right next door, so it was really lame to see. And the customers? Whoa.

 

S!

 

I counted the number of truly pleasant customers on one hand. All the others were either neutral, or else rude, pushy, demanding, insulting, and generally very "me me me me me". Most of my time there was spent being a whipping post for customers who didn't understand how come we didn't make X color (because the pigment hasn't been available for 30 years), or why did corporate make Y decision (fuck if I knew), or why we didn't sell drop cloths (because we're a fucking art supply store, not a fucking HARDWARE store, asshole!), or why we couldn't ship Z to their house from the store so they wouldn't have to drive 20 minutes from their house to pick it up (I drove an hour each way just to get to work).

 

The worst customers ever was the architect who designed Safeco Field, and some rich bitch European lady he brought in. They were impeccably dressed, and as ill-mannered, humorless, and rude as can be. He kept flinging his name around, making sure that we all knew he was a much better, superior, more successful, world-renowned artist than any of us would ever be; and both he and his lady friend kept bringing products up to the cash register and asking us questions about them which they wouldn't let us finish. I don't mind answering questions about art materials at all, the lame bit was that nobody'd get half a sentence out before they'd interrupted with another question. We bounced back and forth between a couple of sales clerks and they treated everybody the same way. Then finally the woman said "Is there anybody here that knows anything?"

 

I just said no at that point. They weren't listening anyway, and just kept cutting in front of other customers in line to badger us with more questions they ignored the answer to as well. What was really fun was when they finally got to the register with some $500 worth of stuff and the woman tried to pay with a credit card from a bank in Europe. Our card readers didn't recognize it and rejected it. So I got the 3rd degree about that. How the fuck should I know how come we didn't take that card? I think I said something like "I'm sorry ma'am, we're very unsophisticated here."

 

I wasn't sorry to see them go at all. Nor would I be sorry never to see them again.

 

Anyway. Heh, didn't mean to dump on ya there. Just this thread - I feel ya. And it brings back lousy memories. Thank Jaaayzus I work for myself now! Because now I can charge fees for "unspecified services" for difficult customers! (Translate: the Putting-up-with-the-Asshole fee.)

 

Anyway hang in there, and don't let the bastards get you down.

[Amethyst]

In MN the other year, when we got several feet of snow dumped on us in a blizzard and it took me over three hours to get home, I got stuck in my apt. building's parking lot because it hadn't been plowed yet. It was a pizza delivery guy who pushed me into the parking spot. I think he was from Dominos.

 

I definitely advocate tipping the pizza guys, especially the ones who go the extra mile. I don't order pizza very often, but when I do, I tip.

[Java]

Some more instances of Stupidity, including driver stories.

 

I go to a house in Randolph after a blizzard last year. There's seriously two feet of snow. No light on the house. No shoveling. I didn't have my cell on me, so I said "fuck it" and drove back to the store, where I walk in to Dennis geting his ear chewed off by the woman. He looks at me and I said "They didn't shovel. AT ALL." Dennis goes and tells lady she can pick up her pizza instead of his driver trudging through two feet of snow. Bitch hangs up.

 

Randolph, after said blizzard and another blizzard. Specifically ask the guy to have light on and asked if he was shoveled. Yeah, he shoveled after the first one it seems - not the second. Three feet of snow around a foot of snow walkway. I decide to risk it. Got to the end where there was an icy patch and he opens the door to me falling on my face. And cares more about pizza than me. And gives me a to-the-cent check. I refuse to deliver there EVER AGAIN.

 

Good story: go to a house in Longmeadow in late fall, one of the apartments for a medium cheese (estimated tip: 0$) Guy opens the door, and I swear I think I just got transported to Miami 'cause he's this 50-year-old tanned guy in an open shirt, shorts, flipflops, sunglasses, and a HUGE gold Star of David on his bare chest. My jaw hit the floor, it was so surreal. Peels off a ten and a five and tells me to keep the 6$ change. I that guy so much.

 

Then there's the lady who's phone number is 781-***-6660. Whenever she calls I'm like "Hey, it's the Devil lady!" and she cracks up. Nice tipper too.

 

Rob delivered pizza to a sex toy party once. They were all hiting on him too. We asked why the hell he didn't call the store and tell us he wasn't coming back for a while.

 

"What can I get you, sir?"

Is your Deep-Dish pizza kosher?

"Uhm... I'm not sure."

Can I get a Hawaiian deep dish?

Doesn't that defeat the purpose, moron?

 

How to magically increase your tips at a dog-lovers house: agree to be damn near mauled by the thing. I love dogs, and I always say to the people who try to restrain them "I'm good with dogs, it's okay!" Slobbered on, jumped on, nose-in-crotch galore, but everytime the cash is handed over it magically seems to increase from what other people get.

 

Was at Cafe Asia one day getting food, and the poor Chinese guy is getting his head chewed on the phone by this screaming woman. She's apparently ordered a pu pu platter and rice and trying to use a coupon to get the rice free, and I can see on the menu in big bold letters: CAN NOT BE USED WITH PU PU PLATTER. When the poor bastard put the phone down I said, "Some peole just can't read, huh?" and he nodded emphatically.

 

Yeah, I want a cheesy bread and a pepperoni pizza for delivery.

"Alright, it comes to ****"

But it says here the cheesy bread is 3.71.

"Yes ma'am, that's without tax."

Oh...

 

I have a coupon to buy a pizza get one free?

"Alright sir."

I want that delivered.

"Ah, I'm sorry sir, those coupons are carry-out only."

It doesn't say it.

"It says 'Some Restrictions May Apply' sir."

That's false advertising. That's illegal.

"...no, sir, it's not."

I want it delivered!

And I want a fucking pony, but I ain't getting that either.

 

"Thank you for calling Domino's! How--"

*nastily*HOLD ON! (to off phone) So what do you all want?

"..."

(call is put on hold while I get the pizzas falling out of the oven)

"Hello again?"

Why'd you put me on hold?!?!

"......"

(It's not even like there's a wait to get ahold of us either - takes ~10 sec to skip the announcements...)

 

"Thank you for calling Domino's, sorry we're closed."

Yeah, I want the five-five-five deal, one with pepperoni, one with sausage, one with extra cheese.

"...That's great to hear sir, but let me repeat myself: 'Thank you for calling Domino's, sorry we're closed.'"

...Does that mean you aren't delivering?

"..."

 

Note: If you do tip, and you have some snow, I'll deal. But that lady was a known stone stiff. And I've pulled over to help my share of "uhm... where the fuck am I please?" directions people. Oh, and after work (we're on a long hill) one day in a blizzard I got soaked to the bone trying to help a guy push his car up it. He ended up parking in our lot and I drove him to his house which was close by, where he offered me a joint the size of my pinky.

[sonofspong]

Hahaha, i can so relate to those stories. I delivered Pizza for Dominos awhile back. (In Phoenix, AZ, of all places)

 

Im gonna sound really racist here, but one thing that bugged the hell out of me was the large mexican population that didn't tip worth shit. It certainly didn't help us drivers, that many of them lived in the poorer section of town, where house/apartment numbers had long eroded away, and street lamps were non existant. Good luck finding some of those adresses at 11 pm, where you can't see worth shit.

 

One time I delivered to this lady's house. None of her family spoke english. (which is disturbingly common in Phoenix) Im standing there for 10 minutes while she has her brood scrounging for dollars and coins between the sofa cushions, and every other nook and cranny. Finally, they produce enough cash, giving me about a 4 cent tip. Not suprisingly i was pissed, but i got over it since its expected.

 

The REAL kicker was, later that day, the same bitch orders AGAIN, and guess whos turn it is? I get to her house, and once again, her brood is doing the exact samething thing, scrounging the sofa cushions for change. I think I got about 6 cents that time. Whoop dee do.

 

 

We had this one guy who ordered regulary, every sunday. He'd get the same thing, about 6 orders of chicken kickers, and 4 twenty oz cokes. He was known as "the creepy toe-nail guy", cuz he had the creepiest fucking toenails id ever seen. Those things haunted my dreams.

 

 

One time late at night, shortly after closing, some guy was banging on the side door (because by then we had closed the front main door). I open it, and hes like:

"why you lock door? i want pizza!!! gimme large pepporoni, with ha...."

I interupt him, and say "dude, were closed now, didn't notice the locked front door"?

He just looks at me and says "I want pizza"

 

 

Probably the most memorable delivery i had was to a local caberet (big surprise) I had never actually been in one (I have other ways to throw away money) Just imagine the sight of this dork in a goofy looking Dominos outfit, holding a large pizza box, walking into room filled with more half naked women than hes ever seen in his life.

[Shadfox]

I think of Java now whenever I order pizza. I always tip

[All Gods Fail]

God, retail! There's nothing worse.

 

I used to work at Kinkos - after a couple of years of working there I started thinking nuclear war wasn't such a bad idea.

[Java]

Sakura: naah, we'd just think you were totally stoned. And that's actually good, because stoners are known to just throw money at the pizza guy. Seriously. Drunks too. I'll just be standing with the pizza and people are like "oh here's part of the money" and someone else until I walk away with like 12$ on a thirty dollar order. Just make sure to smile. Say "Long day, huh?" and they will love you forever.

[Guest Challenger]

I've delivered pizza myself and I can relate to all of this. I have a few stories of my own:

 

(songofspong)Probably the most memorable delivery i had was to a local caberet (big surprise) I had never actually been in one (I have other ways to throw away money) Just imagine the sight of this dork in a goofy looking Dominos outfit, holding a large pizza box, walking into room filled with more half naked women than hes ever seen in his life.

 

I walked into an apartment building with a pizza and encountered a lot of totally naked women. And men. The place was a "clothing optional" joint. And it was the size of a small country.

 

When I got back to the pizza shop did I tell anybody about it? Of course not. Why should I spoil the fun for someone else?

 

(sonofspong) One time I delivered to this lady's house. None of her family spoke english. (which is disturbingly common in Phoenix) Im standing there for 10 minutes while she has her brood scrounging for dollars and coins between the sofa cushions, and every other nook and cranny. Finally, they produce enough cash, giving me about a 4 cent tip. Not suprisingly i was pissed, but i got over it since its expected.

 

Hey, at least you got some kind of a tip. I used to deliver to the dormitories of the local college, and those are definitely no-man zones, which means you go to the desk, and they call your customer to come down. I'd get to one of these dorms, take the pizza to the desk, and wait for the girl to come down. And wait. And wait. And wait. Then she'd come down and ask how much it was (some of the time I took the order on the phone, and I always gave the total amount, so it shouldn't be a surprise). So I'd tell her and then she'd go back upstairs. And again I'd wait. And wait. And wait. Then she'd come down with the exact price for the pizza. Why she didn't just have the money ready in the first place was beyond me.

 

Of course these deliveries weren't a total loss at times. I usually just passed the time I waited by talking to the girl at the desk. I even went out with a few of them

 

(Java)Rob delivered pizza to a sex toy party once. They were all hiting on him too. We asked why the hell he didn't call the store and tell us he wasn't coming back for a while.

 

You have to ask?

 

(Java)Sakura: naah, we'd just think you were totally stoned. And that's actually good, because stoners are known to just throw money at the pizza guy. Seriously. Drunks too.

 

Drunks were always loads of fun. . .NOT!!! There was one guy down the street, and he usually put away a bottle of Jack Daniels every night. This guy was a hard drinker. Some of the time we'd bring the pizza back because he was so polluted he fell asleep right after he placed the order, and never answered the door.

 

One night I went over there, and, naturally, the guy was sitting in a kitchen chair, sound asleep. He lived in a small studio apartment, he'd left the front door wide open and this was NOT the neighborhood to be careless in. Really bad part of town. Even The Terminator would think twice about walking around there alone. I could see him, and also see something he'd had on the stove, sizzling away, smoke rising to the ceiling. Apparently he'd started cooking something, then called us, then fell asleep.

 

So I went in and turned off the burner. Then I said to this guy, "Pizza's here". He lifted his head, swiveled it like a tank turret, and promptly dropped it again. I was ready to just take the pizza back. . .and then I saw the money he had laid out on the kitchen table. So I took the EXACT amount, put down the pizza, put the receipt on it, and wished him a pleasant evening.

 

Hey, nothing's too good for my customers, right?

[Caretaker]

Strangely enough, I found a site a while back that you might check out...

 

 

 

http://www.tipthepizzaguy.com/

 

From a former Pizza Hut CSR/Driver to a current Dominoes Driver

 

 

 

I know.... It's treason

 

[Sokudo Ningyou]

Customer service blows monkey cock. Working in a gas station means you get to deal with a population of illiterate, whiny bastards with cell phones permanently glued to their ears. I've had people call us on Christmas Day (we're open 365 days a year), and after I answer the phone saying we're open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, I'll be asked if we're open and how late.

 

I'm also still gobsmacked at how people, most of whom have been driving for years if not decades, can't figure out how to work a gas pump with three sets of instructions. One in pictures. One in plain English. One that takes you step by step on a computer screen. They'll keep hitting the gas button, then after apparently ignoring everything telling them to lift the %&*^&* lever, they'll come running in and either say the pump's broken, or ask us to turn it on.

 

And the people who drive off without paying....

 

I can say that the pizza guy who delivers to us does usually get a two dollar tip, even when it's a $12 pizza. Though once Pizza Hut was over an hour late; it wasn't the kid's fault, but I told him to call them and ask if they seriously expected me to pay for it. Apparently, they thought it was only worth two dollars off the price. I gave him $5, said he could take what he wanted out of it, and give them whatever he felt like. Bastards.

[I Broke Free]

My partner and I have been attending a gay men's group just about every Friday evening for the last year. The meeting is over at 9:00pm and afterwards the majority of the members would go to the same local restaurant for either dinner or just dessert and coffee. Anywhere between ten and fifteen members make the trip. It is not an expensive restaurant, just an Italian family style place. They even create separate checks for every person! The restaurant closes at 10:30pm and one evening as I was exiting the restroom I saw that our group was still seated. As I was heading back to the table I commented to the waitress that I would see if I could get everyone to speed things up a little. She commented, "Don't you dare!" I learned that evening that our group had been eating there almost every Friday night for over four years. The waitresses with the most seniority were the only ones who got dibs on waiting our tables. Why? We were always the biggest tippers and the most fun people to wait on.

 

Service is a two way street. We always got wonderful fast and friendly service and in exchange we "paid" for it. Our group never took this service for granted either. I learned that if our group was not going to meet that Friday night one of the members always called the restaurant to let them know in advance so that they would not be over staffed.

 

I never worked in the food service industry but I have worked directly with the public for years. I can relate very much to what I have read here. I have been yelled and barked at so many times by upset customers about thing I have no control over. I learned from this experience. Whenever I am dissatisfied with a product or service I stop and think who is responsible. 99 times out of 100 it is NOT the person standing in front of me. I will not take out my frustration on them. The proper thing to do is to calmly take down the information and present it to where it can do some good. Yes, I have received a cold pizza before. I still gave the delivery person my usual 20% tip and then just stuck the pizza in the microwave. Chances are the manager of the pizza shop forced too many deliveries on the driver. If I had an issue with the pizza I would call the manager, I would not cheat a person who was not responsible for the problem.

 

IBF

[pandora]

I don't understand how some people get through life without working a retail job. There are so many people who are rude and ignorant. Most people who have had one become very empathetic to all retail workers from then on. My husband is working his first retail job now part time in addition to his main job. After a week at Kinkos/FedEx, his attitude towards retail workers has completely changed.

 

Seriously, fess up... who has never had a retail job? We all know who you are anyway because you are jerks to us cashiers, pharmacy techs, waitresses, pizza guys/girls, whatever.

[Light_of_Reason]

These are funny. They could likely be added to a site that I frequent for retail related laughs.

 

http://www.customerssuck.com

 

You should read their stories and consider contributing.

[Amethyst]

I worked at the generic sub sandwich place on my college campus for a few months.

 

Totally sympathize for anyone who has to work in the fast food industry.

[Caretaker]

Though once Pizza Hut was over an hour late; it wasn't the kid's fault, but I told him to call them and ask if they seriously expected me to pay for it. Apparently, they thought it was only worth two dollars off the price. I gave him $5, said he could take what he wanted out of it, and give them whatever he felt like. Bastards.

Dayam...... You know, at our Pizza Hut, your order is FREE if it is that late. They gave the phone people and drivers the exercise to make those decisions, at least in our area.

[pandora]

These are funny. They could likely be added to a site that I frequent for retail related laughs.

 

http://www.customerssuck.com

 

You should read their stories and consider contributing.

 

LDW! Ack! I wanted to read it so bad, too.

[Light_of_Reason]

I just realized that the link is dead. It was an incredible site with stories of stupidity and grossness and other such things in abundance to keep a person occupied for hours on end.

 

I'll keep trying it. If it comes back up I'll let you guys know.