Riven Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 I'm once again, all tied up in knots, and have wasted the better part of my Saturday afternoon. In a word: Facebook. I have considered so many times just walking away from it. I'm so upset that I can't just enjoy my news feed stream, which is mostly full of things that really interest me. Of all the friends I have, I'd say 95% or more are believers from my former evangelical life. I've already "unfollowed" almost everyone, due to being so triggered by the awful memes these loving Christian people slap up on their feed. But Facebook also shows you comments people make on OTHER pages, whether you want to know about it or not. I'm not sure if this is just part of my deconversion, but I am still getting SO BLOODY TRIGGERED when I see/read these comments -- which are unavoidable when FB decides I need to see something my friend wrote on a page they follow, which I don't care about. I've tried "telling" FB "see less comments like this" but that friggin' algorithm just doesn't get the hint. I know it's something inside of me that gets hooked in. I'll read something, and then end up researching Bible verses to counteract the insane arguments I see. But then I realize I'm just "proof texting" the person back, and that they are so entrenched in their ways that it won't matter anyway. So, I put away the verses, don't post, and disengage. Except, I don't really. I spend the next several hours ruminating on various scenarios of things I could have said, what they might have said back, etc. I can't let go. The fact that people can pick any Bible verse they want, and use it to justify something they agree with, feels like a thousand gut punches. I don't know why this affects me so much. It's insane. And, I can't seem to stop. I'll be OK for sometimes months, but then inevitably I'll see something, and it will send me spinning. I can't leave Facebook, because I belong to several important private groups for my work. I thought that unfollowing 95% of my friends would solve it (and, honestly, that's just so sad it has to come to that). The truth is, I just want to live in peace. But these days, I can't do that. I just feel really defeated right now. I mean really, really defeated. I am seriously considering counseling. I know I'm the one that LET this ruin my day. I just can't seem to stop getting triggered. Thanks for listening. 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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